Is anyone annoyed at the “male strong, female weak” mindset from so many Singaporeans?

First up, I acknowledge women face countless hurdles in life (male gaze, harder to get promoted etc)

I am here to rant about the “male strong, female weak” mindset. Recently, my poor wife got scalded when she dropped a bowl of hot soup at herself at the hawker center (We both went to buy different food).

When she was setting the tray down, her hand somehow slipped and she send the entire bowl splashing over her body. She’s fine now but her leg is scarred

My grandma and my Dad blamed me for the mishap, saying I shouldn’t let my wife carry the bowl of soup, saying stuff like “A man never lets his wife carry heavy stuff” etc

I told off my elders. I reminded them that my wife isn’t weak and I hate their old fashioned concept of “a man don’t let women carry heavy stuff”. My mindset is that I help whoever needs help, and I let women carry their own stuff if I judge that they can do it themselves

I am still angry though. My wife is okay emotionally (she doesn’t blame me) but I can tell how hurt she is by the scars, and my elders reminding me over and over that it’s my fault really isn’t helping!

Earlier this year I discovered my wife of 8 years having an emotional affair with a friend and coworker.

They’d been flirting, texting in secret late at night, sending suggestive photos, saying “I love you,” sharing physical affection at work, and on one occasion they kissed at a bar while I thought she was with girlfriends.

When I finally confronted my wife, her response was to apologize and swear to cut the inappropriate behavior out of their friendship.

But she seems to expect to keep the friendship. As I’ve said, it’s been months. We’ve had many arguments about this. I know she is continuing to talk to him against my wishes, even though she swears it is now all innocent.

I am, I think understandably, uncomfortable with welcoming this person–who I’ve never met–to keep spending time around my wife.

My concern is not about what led to this situation, whether we should stay together or get divorced, or whether or not what happened qualifies as “real cheating.” We’ve hashed those things out.

So, under what circumstances or conditions would you tolerate this relationship?

If I don’t want this person to associate with her, and assuming my wife and I both want to save the marriage, is there a compromise that can be struck, or should I stick to my guns?

Netizens’ comments

She’s prioritising her relationship with him over your relationship. She doesn’t seem very invested in saving your marriage at all. I wouldn’t tolerate this and would be phoning the divorce lawyer. She’s still cheating.

Just wondering for all the SG couples out there who had either side of parents disapproving of the relationship because of race/nationality/background issues and are still together, stronger than ever, raising a family despite the disapproval, how did you manage it? Counseling? Communication? What do you do when either you or your partner starts having doubts/is stressed out from this? How do I make this work out?

[Context: I live with my parents and depend on them for pretty much everything, at least for a few more years]

I know the comments section will be quick to say “its your life, your happiness” but I really care about my parents and I want them to be able to approve of the relationship, but I’m really at a loss about how to change their minds if they’re already so predjudiced/have super fixated ideals on things like race/background which are intangible things that can’t be changed. I feel so helpless.

a lot of people are saying that my r/s with my parents is toxic and i should move out asap. 1. My relationship with my parents has never been toxic until now. They way they reacted to this relationship is toxic, but apart from that they have been supportive of what I do. Also 2. Rent in SG is expensive. So in a practical sense I do want to live with my parents for as long as possible to save money, but I do indeed feel like a hypocrite and a snake if I just use them for free food and lodging while I go out behind their backs to meet my S/O.

Netizen’s comments

Let me try and simplfy this in a way that’s easy to understand.

You like cats. Your parents like dogs. You desperately want your parents to approve you getting a cat. How do you change their minds?

You can try very hard, and yes, some people do succeed, but that’s probably because the parents don’t really have that strong of a preference. But if your parents ONLY like dogs, and you die die want to get a cat, then there’s really no way around it.

A cat is a cat and a dog is a dog. You can’t try and change the cat into a dog, and you can’t expect someone that loves dog to change and like cats.

So either get a dog to please your parents, or get a cat to please yourself. Not saying one is right or wrong. Really is up to the individual.

my boyfriend tells me that i look good without makeup and it’s starting to really get on my nerves

i know i look good without makeup. i sometimes go makeup-free and i feel just as pretty when i wear makeup.

but i have acne and i only do that when i dont have bulging bumps all over my face. he knows im insecure about that so i think he says this as a way to help, but he says this every single time he sees me with makeup.

he likes to put his hand on my face and wipe it off and i freak out because he’s putting germs on my face and also making my cystic acne show.

i really dont know how to make him stop without being rude. ive told him that i dont like when he does this, but i know he thinks he’s helping so he does it again.

any advice on what to say to him?

Netizens’ comments

This is a “doing bad by trying to be good” thing.

Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel, just don’t do it in a way that might make him feel attacked for his past behavior, as I have an inkling he just doesn’t understand entirely.

Makeup to a man is often shown or advertised as “she’s trying to be beautiful”

It took me quite a few years myself to begin to see it as an accessory, rather than whatever else I saw it as, for lack of a better word.

He appreciates your natural beauty, he just doesn’t know you’re trying to accessorize or compliment that with some makeup.