My husband’s crossdressing is the bane of my existence

It makes me sick. All of this started right after we got married. And I do mean RIGHT after. On our honeymoon, he wanted to wear the lingerie I had brought for myself. Then, he shaved his beard and his entire body. He started wearing my clothes. He would only use razors, shaving cream, body lotion, etc that smelled super girly. I was not into this at all, but I wanted to be a good wife so I tried to indulge him. I bought him lots of lingerie and pretended I liked it. I did this to avoid a fight. Now he had started watching adult videos. Pretty soon he no longer wanted to sleep with me. It was always the strap-on or some other weird kinky stuff. We were always kinky before but it never involved crossdressing.

He started tucking and even going out in public in bimbo mode. Our intimacy was extremely emotionally exhausting for me but I did it anyway because I didn’t want a fight. I even brought in an old fling of mine to spend a weekend with us. My husband was dressed up the whole time. I feel sick even remembering this experience, but at the time I just did it on autopilot so my husband would be satisfied. Soon after this, he convinced me to buy him a $600 chastity device. This was sort of fun for me at first. But then he decided he wanted to get it resized. He got one that was about 3 sizes too small. It would take him 40+ mins to get it on because he really had to jam himself in there. It was painful to look at. I was afraid this would cause permanent damage and I begged him to stop. He wouldn’t listen. He wanted to shrink his manhood. This made me incredibly angry, but I bottled it up.

His crossdressing just kept escalating from there. We had an agreement that he would not do anything permanent, and that he had only one hall pass per year. The hall pass thing I had agreed to before we got married, because I already knew he also liked guys and I accepted it. There is one thing a man has that I don’t, so I agreed to let him get that elsewhere once per year. For almost the whole first year of marriage, he was a walking kink. I then found emails between him and a hormone replacement clinic. He was asking them about doing a consultation to go on estrogen. That was the straw that broke the camels back. We had a really long discussion about it, and I told him that if he does this I am gone. The next day he went backpacking to find himself. I was creating an exit plan while he was gone, fully expecting him to come home and tell me that this fetish is more important to him than I am. But actually, he came back a changed man. He wanted to be normal again!

That was almost a year ago, and things have been amazing since then. We’ve even adopted the traditional lifestyle, he works and I stay home. I take care of all the cooking and cleaning. We even do domestic discipline. Things have been so wonderful. It’s been almost a year since he stopped with all that. I’ve never been this happy. I found out we’re having a baby! We were over the moon! And then…

He tells me he wants to start cross dressing again. He said he’ll only do it for “Locktober”. I told him then you must mean next year, not this year because I will be newly postpartum by then and I can’t deal with that in such a vulnerable state, nevermind that I also won’t be feeling up for any intimacy either. He considers this, then says he’ll do it in June this year (I’ll be 6 months then). I try to put it out of my mind, since at this time it was only February. But I’m already thinking of places I can go for that whole month of June so that I don’t have to participate in this crap again. This fetish is absolutely repulsive to me and I don’t think that I can slap on a brave face and suffer through it. Maybe I can for a month, I did it for a year! But I’m thinking it would probably just be easier if I am away somewhere while he’s at home doing that.

We’ve been here before. Either I put on an Oscar worthy performance, and enthusiastically participate in whatever depraved kinky crap he wants to do, or he withholds all love and affection from me until I do. I feel like he’s slipping away and I’m losing him again to this disgusting, life ruining fetish. When he stopped cross dressing last year, I told him that I will not go back to home doing this full time. I can’t. His entire life revolved around this kink. He assured me that he was over it, and no longer found it appealing. That it was a phase. I believed him. And now we’re here. What can I do. Grin and bear it I guess? I feel trapped. I felt trapped before, but now I’m pregnant so I’m REALLY trapped.

Ladies, does it matter if your partner is unambitious and doesn’t have goals career-wise?

Since young, I always liked a simple life and doesn’t like to work too hard. I am currently earning about the median salary in sg.

As I don’t have any desire to move up the career ladder, I can predict how much I can earn maximum in the next 20-30 years. It’ll be enough to lead a simple life but defo not enough to get the finer things in life like condo, cars, exotic holidays, nice clothes, nice Renos etc. As for settling down, I believe my salary is enough for a 3-4 room bto but nothing more than that.

I’ve casually dated a few girls and most of them seem to value ambition in a partner. Unsurprisingly, I could see the disappointed looks on their faces when I told them how my future can be like. Some casual chats with my female friends also seem to confirm they prefer guys who are willing to strive and have good prospects.

I’d really love to find a girl who is willing to live a simple life too.

I know that many families did just fine with incomes lower than mine and I even read about that guy who supported 8 kids on $300 a week in the news recently.

Here are what netizens think:

• You can be rich and live a simple life too.There is a difference between Ambitious vs. Diligent vs. Lazy.Most women prefer their men to be diligent. Many professionals out there are not very ambitious but they are certainly very rich because they love what they are doing and are very diligent to excel in the things that they do.

• I had an ex who is like that. He stayed in his company for almost 15years. No increment. Not planning to move either. That’s lazy to me. My husband, change jobs every 2 to 3 years, no intention to climb corporate ladder, reject promotions so he can come home to our 2 toddlers and me. He is extremely simple. Not much friends ever since we have children. He just hangs out with us 24/7. This, is totally different from my ex.

• You can make your choice, but finances will always be a big factor in any relationship. Jackie Chan was like you once, but the Great Bruce Lee scolded him in a very harsh way and the rest is history. Your low ambition will poison your career and HR can see that clearly … which will lead to nasty stuff they love to do to workers. Think about it.