The other night, my wife met up for drinks with both a current and ex colleague , who are somewhat close guy friends (call them Andrew and Matthew). I didn’t think much of it as this was nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, she even invited to come by towards the end, but I’ve been busy with work etc. so I declined.

Time goes by and I realize it’s been a few hours… OK, she’s catching up with an old coworker, whatever. Finally she calls and tells me she’s coming home. She comes across as a bit loopy and I eventually suggest maybe she’s a bit drunker than she’s letting on.

she comes in and she’s being pretty unreasonable and rude; I try to make it better but to no avail. Eventually, we’re just lying in bed and she’s clearly texting nonstop (to who, I have no idea, yet). She falls asleep and I get to thinking… why is she so, well, bitchy, to me, and apparently the rest of the world is so interesting? She likes her social media, but it was abnormal to see her fingers fly all over the place versus scrolling and occasionally liking/responding/sharing/whatever.

To preface this, we’ve both agreed that we can both look at each other’s phones whenever. We know each other’s passwords and have each other’s fingerprints stored in the other’s phone. Overall her behaviour that night was pretty odd: staying out later than normal, trying to hide her inebriation, being rude when she gets home, and messaging so much. So now my curiosity is piqued, and I grab her phone. You can probably guess that I don’t like what I find. Two chains of texts in particular:

1) Some guy from an even older job talking about how he wished he had a blacklight when he “jizzed on her back”. The conversation seemed to be full of inside jokes and memes, of which I couldn’t quite follow, but mentioned orgasms and such.

Her old-but-more-recent coworker Andrew, about Matt. She deleted it before I/we could look later, but I know for sure I saw the following. Somewhat paraphrasing but this is definitely close:

a) “I would do nasty things to that man if it weren’t for boundaries”

b) “I shouldn’t have a crush like this, I’m a woman who’s almost 30”

c) “Please don’t tell him I love him”

d) “I hope I looked cute enough for him tonight”

The argument got crazy and she finally admit she has been sleeping around with multiple guys for many years. I recorded the conversation secretly. I don’t wanna get any diseases.

Can anyone advise the prices of divorce in Singapore, I already managed to restores the messages and I have collected enough evidence.

It was just a one night stand, but it happened last night.

We’ve had three months of insane fun, love, and security. That all ended tonight. She called me after I got off and told me what happened. That she couldn’t stop herself. That she wanted to but she couldn’t say stop. The man who did it initiated the sex and she didn’t stop him.

I’ve initiated a three-day no contact period as I told her to do whatever with whomever as I gather my thoughts, and pray. This has happened so many times before, and I’m spent emotionally and I’m just numb. If she comes back, I don’t know what to do. To say.

Should I cut the cord on Friday and end it? Should I do it now? Should I just wait and gather myself and let her come back Friday? Should I start over?

Someone, please help.

Here are what netizens think:

• Cut the cord now. You said this has happened multiple times? It’s over.

• she’s cheating 3 months into the relationship. thats so early it’s ridiculous. if she can’t even be loyal in this short term of a period, she won’t be loyal for the rest of it

• You’ve had three months of getting to know each other and enjoying the new relationship high, basically. What you found out during that time is that while she’s fun to be around, she is neither loyal nor that into you. So now you decide whether that’s the kind of partner you are after. If so, by all means continue, but be fully aware of whom you’re choosing to commit to. Praying and not texting her for three days is obviously not going to change who she is and what she has to offer.

• it’s only been 3 months, staying with someone who cheated on you after 3 months is not worth it and you’re barely 21. her excuses are whole bunch of bs as well. she couldn’t stop herself? really?!??? just dump the girl.

In 2019 my wife got very close with a colleague. I asked her if she had a crush on her 19y.o colleague and she admitted she did. She is like 12 years older than him

She also admitted that at times they flirt and that she liked it. This shocked me and all of this came out right before my birthday vacation we were taking. The entire vacation she was texting this guy (yes, including on my birthday) I wanted to stay out and go to bars but she (wife) wanted to go back to our hotel on my birthday.

This continued all the time. She would go to bars with this guy and go over to his house and not come home all night. I called her screaming one night telling her to come home (immature) and she stayed at her house for another 2 hours after my call. One night, she said she was going to the bar with one of her male friends. I had work early the next morning and at this point, she had sworn to me that she had cut off contact with the colleague.

I went to sleep not thinking anything of it. She comes home super late (whatever) wakes me up so I get up to go pee and I’m watching a different colleagues Instagram story and low and behold – my wife had gone to a party at the house of THAT GUY I think she cheated on me with.

Fairly soon after that, the coworker moved and the problem (supposedly) stopped. A few weeks ago I saw my wife had liked a few of that colleague’s pictures on Instagram recently (despite unfollowing her). She claims it was an accident when sending her posts to someone else making fun of her, and I don’t believe her. Because of this and some other lies, she’s told I’ve made us go to couples counselling recently but I feel like it’s too late.

I want to throw in the towel because I know she cheated on me in my gut. I feel like an idiot for trusting her. I know it would break my heart if we split up, but I can’t get over it. It’s like every time she tries to criticize me all I can think is “so what, you cheated on me.”

Fast forward to 2022, I should have divorce with her back then, cause she did it again. Once a cheater forever a cheater.

My husband asked me why I lock the car door when I’m sitting in the car.

My first instinct was to respond with ‘you wouldn’t understand.’ Instead I tried to explain to him that as a woman, we are taught to always lock the door behind us.

My husband has a problem with locking doors. It’s been a constant issue. He forgets to lock the front door, the car door, windows, etc.

It has contributed a huge part to my anxiety. Luckily I made him buy an electronic door lock that automatically locks our front door and I just shoulder the extra work to double check if the porch door is locked.

I’ve given up on the car. If someone breaks in then maybe he’ll learn or maybe not, but either way I’ve decided to preemptively and radically accept it, if that were to ever happen. Let’s hope not.

In the end, I explained to him that he was never taught to be wary or cautious because he was a boy. I told him that a big part of my anxiety is caused by his lack of caution.

That it’s the reason why I constantly used to ask him if the doors and windows were locked, even though it annoyed him. To him it was me overreacting, but to me it was just common sense.

He’s a wonderful partner and has been taking great strides to be more receptive. Hopefully now he’ll understand why I feel safer with the door locked.

Netizens’ comments

• I thought it was common sense to lock your car door regardless of gender.

One time I had a prostitute try to get into my car.

I live about 15min from my parents. One sister lives 15 minutes from both of us and my other sister lives with my parents. My aunt lives with my parents, too.

Siblings went to university here and we’ve all stayed very close. We’d have dinner at least once a week. We’d drop kids off to each other regularly.

A few years ago, my mom was diagnosed with CLL. Long story short, she’s immunocompromised and her lungs are the most vulnerable part of her. CLL and age puts her in the “if you get Covid you’ll die” camp.

So when Covid came around, we agreed to quarantine.

My wife and I can’t avoid other people in our jobs. We’re effectively not in any “bubble”. Our kids are in school and at school. My sister and her husband work from home and the kids aren’t school age yet. My other sister works from home at my parents’ and my aunt doesn’t work. Both my parents work from home.

In other words, they can all be a bubble. My wife and our kids cannot.

It’s been like this since last March. Even after everyone got vaxxed, they cancelled having us come on Christmas because my mom got spooked due to Omicron. I get it. She’s playing the odds with her life.

None of the logic is bad. None of the logic makes me feel any better. I’ve gone from seeing them 100 times a year to maybe a FaceTime call every 1-3 weeks.

I’m so sad. I’m just so sad.

They’re all missing my kids growing up. My kids don’t get the benefit of being around these great people.

Work is starting to feel pointless. I have pretty bad anxiety. I’m on meds and seeing a psychologist (didn’t match with a few counselors). It’s not helping and the fact that it’s not helping makes me feel even more like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m not mad at anti-vaxxers, exactly, because being mad at the world feels like a waste of effort. So my anger has no target. I’d never let myself direct at people who aren’t deserving so it just fizzles out. It just turns into sadness and despair.

I think the toughest part is that I have no one to share this with and I have to hide it. I don’t want my kids to see dad being mopey. My wife just sees the logic and I get that. My therapist sees the logic and tells me thanks me for sharing my feelings. I don’t have anyone to really share this with.

I don’t have anything else to say. I’m sad and don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m in the dark and I don’t see a way out. That’s it.

something happened this morning and i have no one to talk to about this.

my uncle barged into my bedroom with my mother in the house who knew full well that i was changing in my room. they already make a huge deal about locking doors (especially my uncle and grandma who live next door and just bang on the door relentlessly till i open it).

anyways, my uncle barged in, stood there gawking at me for five good seconds then left without a sorry. i felt extremely violated and got mad and called my mom irresponsible which my uncle heard while leaving.

when i came back home from school, they were all up on me calling me a bad girl (cuz i called my mom irresponsible) and saying how i don’t have manners and am totally spoiled now and basically forcing me to apologize.

what infuriates me most is that no one acknowledges that i feel violated and what my uncle did was wrong. even my mom is trying to cover this up saying things like “she’s still a child”, “she doesn’t understand” (i am 18).

i feel really bad that no one is confronting my uncle and instead pining it all on me for being disrespectful. my family is acting like victim silencers and it makes me feel awful that they’re trying to make me apologize.

Netizen’s comments

If your door opens in to the room, you can get a wedge shaped piece of wood or something like that to put under the door while you’re inside to keep it shut. If anyone tries to barge in on you, ‘oopsies, the door got stuck’. Good luck, keep looking forward to the day when you can leave and never go back ever again.