I don’t even know where to start, I feel sick and horrible that I took this long to find out. I found out my brother in law cheated on my sister sometime in the first two years of their marriage and that she’s staying only for her kid and me to have some kind of family and support.

We lost both our parents during her marriage, mom just after her marriage and dad a year later. she has been married for 4 years now with a kid. I was borrowing her laptop when I found a document of what she has written over the years and I feel horrible. I knew she was not happy and I thought it was only a few petty fights but not that he cheated and that she was dealing with the crazy from her in-laws as well.

I didn’t take the loss of our parents well and I got into a messed up relationship that didn’t work out after which I buried myself in schoolwork.

My sister was my only support throughout all this time. She encouraged me and supported me. I am ashamed to say I was dealing with my own garbage issues which pale in comparison to what she was suffering so much on her own.

She has mentioned she just wants to leave and start over but has never spoken to me about it. As much as this scares me, I want to get them away from him and his family as soon as possible. I just graduated and I have a job now. How can I plan to help her leave him? Both financially and legally to leave him?

Here are what netizens think:

• Tell your sister to start calling lawyers. Maybe you can do it so her husband doesn’t find out.she needs legal advice and a plan to leave. She needs a lawyer. You don’t stay for the kid you leave for the kid.

• Well not sure of the exact circumstances. But. If your sister is in this situation and can’t ask for a divorce and leave? 
• Collect evidence and lawyer up.

Obligatory, this didn’t happen today. It happened in 2011.

MANY years ago, I used to work as a model, and I did some sexy stuff. No big deal. I quit that career when I got married and became pregnant. I had my baby, and enough time had gone by, that I wanted to get a part-time job. My only other work experience was bartending, and the modelling.

I decided to apply for a job at a bar, that requires the bartenders to be attractive females, that dress in outfits (corsets, little boy shorts, and heels). Figured this would be good, because I’d make about as much money working 2-3 nights a week, as what I’d make at a regular bar 5-6 nights a week.

They had an online application that requested a photo from the waist up (yes, this is normal for places like that. They call them “auditions”, instead of interviews, in order to get away with this, as well as only hiring certain “types”. Even the wing chain with the orange shorts does the same thing. That’s where I bartended before I started the modelling thing).

I browsed through the photos on my laptop and found the one I wanted to use. A trick I used in order to find a photo to attach quickly, was to rename it “A”, in a certain folder, then delete it after it was sent. So that’s exactly what I did. Attached “A”, and submitted the application.

The website said my submission was successful and showed a preview of the whole thing, including a little icon of the photo I submitted. Instead of just my own eyes staring back at me in that photo, were my 2 oiled up “headlight”.

WTH HAVE I JUST DONE?!?!?!! I looked in the photo folder, and I had forgotten to delete the last photo I had named “A”, which just so happened to be a sexy photo from one of my old photoshoots. The one I meant to send had been saved as “A1”, without me noticing.

I found the direct email address to the manager (who was luckily female), apologized and told her how mortified I was. She responded the next morning saying something like “Oh don’t worry, it happens all the time. Come in anytime this week from 4-6pm for an audition”.

BS it happens all the time!!!!! And there was NO WAY in hell I could show my face there now. Guaranteed it had been shown to everyone that worked there. I decided to hold off on going back to work for the time being. That was definitely the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done to myself in my life.

I’m 31 this year and my gf is 25, we have been dating for about 2 years.

My GF has beautiful hair that seems a lot more low maintenance than most women I know. She doesn’t use all a hundred different hair products, nor does she blow dry it. It honestly doesn’t take her long to style her hair or anything. However, she always insist on using this special towel to dry her hair.

She insists that she can’t use any regular towel for her hair. She gets mad if I use her hair towel as a regular towel too. She says that the towel should only be used for hair. She even bought an extra one of these towels that she keeps in her drawer at my place. She also takes the towel with her when she goes on vacation.

I usually don’t mind it, since the towel doesn’t take up much space, and it better than listening to a hair dryer all the time. But it’s a bit weird because I don’t know anyone else who has a towel just for their hair.

When we were clearing our leave, we decided to go a staycation. Before the trip, I asked my GF to leave her towel at home since we’ll be staying at a hotel. It would seem weird to be a towel to a hotel where there is already plenty of towels.

Since we planned to leave early in the morning, GF spent the night at my place. I noticed that she packed the towel she kept at my place in her suitcase. When she was asleep, I took the towel out. She didn’t notice the towel was gone until after we got to my parent’s house.

I thought it was okay, and my GF didn’t seem mad at all during the whole trip. However, when we got back at my place, my GF got into her car and drove off without saying goodbye. She texted me later saying she’s mad at me because of that stupid towel and she needs some space. I keep calling and texting her, but she won’t respond.

My friends think she’s being overly dramatic, but my GF isn’t that type of person. Now I’m wondering if I messed up.

Here are what netizens think:

• 100% it’s about him not seeing her as an equal. Even if there is no real reason for her to need a special towel besides that she likes it, his behavior is breakup worthy to me. If he’ll do this over a towel that he thinks she doesn’t need, what else will he take away from her?

• there seem to be a lot of posts on here about men undermining women because of their hair routine, especially curly haired women with a different routine. It’s so gross. Different hair has different maintenance needs.

My daughter “Jane” 16y.o has about $2800 in savings. She got the money from saving up the allowance, running errands, and selling homemade jewelry. She treasures her money a lot.

Yesterday, my son Jon (M10) told me that Jane paid her friend to tear up his painting. He loves art and has been working on a painting of a winter landscape. The worst thing is that the painting was supposed to be for Jane (for her Christmas present).

He was so upset, and obviously, I was furious. I demanded an explanation from Jane, and she said “It was supposed to be for a reaction video…” I told her I didn’t care, it was a horrible thing to do. She argued again and again that it was just for fun. Jon said it wasn’t funny and was visibly hurt.

Eventually, Jane gave a half-hearted apology. I told her that she wasn’t sorry, the apology meant nothing. So, as a punishment – I told her I was going to take away all her money until I felt she deserved it again. I would also never give her allowance again.

She looked stunned and started getting hysterical. She said that was her hard-earned money, she worked for it so hard and now I was taking it away. “All for a silly thing!” was what Jane said. She started crying that she was going shopping with her friends next weekend, and now she would have no money. She stormed out tearfully and locked herself in her bedroom.

Jon agreed with what I did, but he said I should give it back to her when she apologises properly. I feel it’s too lenient. He’s already ready to paint another landscape for her if she apologizes.

My husband is totally horrified with my decision and said it was unfair to Jane. He said I should just ground her for a month. He thinks I’m being an A-Hole (and of course so does Jane). So is my punishment too harsh?

Here is what netizens thinks:

• Withholding her allowance until you’re able to pay the damages out of it if she won’t step up and do it herself is entirely reasonable. Seizing money she’s earned without any involvement from you is not.

• Tearing his painting in front of him to capture his reaction is downright mean. But your reaction was out of line. The punishment didn’t suit the crime. Confiscating her money for an unknown amount of time is outright preposterous. She needs it and it’s hers.

• It’s not about the punishment fitting the crime. It’s about the punishment getting through to the child that committed the crime.

I want to apologize for any typos I’m on my phone.

So Im 24 this year and had a birthday today and my whole family went to celebrate. My partner (M28) planned the whole thing and didn’t want to tell me. He wanted it to be a surprise. I have never liked surprises. I think he knows as much. My father also planned some of it, so he wasn’t in the dark about it.

Anyway, so the day starts out by driving to go bowling. Also a surprise but one I was receptive of. I love bowling. We then go to dinner which I was unaware of where we were going to. We get there and I quickly realize that this was a very expensive restaurant and something I wasn’t comfortable with. I hate spending money and people spending money on me.

My father asked what I was going to order. I said nothing. Instant looks for my family, already knowing what’s up. I typically don’t like to eat so this isn’t a shocker. They think I’m almost joking though, so nothing happens. The time to order comes around. I order nothing. My mother asks me if I’d rather leave. Drinks have been placed and everyone else has ordered. I refused since we already placed orders. We stay. I think they believed I would be eating off their plates. I didn’t. The dinner lasted nearly three hours and I didn’t eat a thing. Not even the dessert they brought out for me since it was my birthday. I was invested in not eating. The dinner cost $900 which is far too much for that. I hated it. I hate money being spent like that.

Now, they know I hate spending money on food and money spent on me. Just this July we went out to a pricy place (not nearly as much as that) and I didn’t order anything. We then had a conversation about it and how it makes me uncomfortable spending that much money on food.

The food is far too expensive and if my family chips in to buy me food I just feel gross about it. They know this much about me. They should after 24 years.

My father and husband have expressed how they really wanted to go to this particular restaurant in the past. I said I didn’t find the need to and didn’t care about it that much. That was months ago. They also say how it’s sad that I never want to go places. Ever. I’m an introvert at heart. My husband complains that I never want to do anything with him. So they know I hate leaving the house.

I’m going to have a conversation about it when we get home and explain my feelings. I felt like my birthday was completely ruined. My husband I can tell is upset that I didn’t eat. And I think he’ll place the blame on me. And I don’t want to make my father sad. So it’s a tough situation.

Am I wrong for refusing to eat a meal that would have cost over 1k if I had ordered food?

What netizens think:

• It isnt your money, how it is spent is not your concern. Causing unnecessary drama by sitting there refusing to eat is just nonsense.

• Sharing a meal as a family is as old as families. She could’ve ordered something light and picked at it. Spending $1,000 for a family celebration – no big deal. Spending $1,000 to be slapped in the face – a waste.

• She basically had a tantrum like a child.

Is it alright for me to skip the holidays with my parents because they are against my marriage?

To be more specific, I’m talking Christmas, Chinese New Years’ Eve/Day. I’m 23 and in September, I married a girl I met in March while on school holiday. We just hit it off and we stayed in touch, which led to lots of calls, face timing, texting, a few meet-ups halfway between each other. We decided that we were ” The One” for each other.

I took the marriage idea to my parents, she took it to hers, we went 0/4 with parents. We ended up eloping. Everyone was very upset and, we tried once again to help everyone see what we saw, tried to explain our feelings, but, we couldn’t get through to them.

I tried to treat things like ” Yup, I got married, its done, its in the books” with my parents. I tried discussing other topics with them but they always brought it back to her, and how they’re against her and against our marriage.

They fully expected me home for those holidays and were shocked when I told them I wasn’t coming home for any of it. They feel like I’m being bull-headed and avoiding the conversation. I feel like I tried the conversation, but, got nowhere.

Here are what netizens think:

• I got married at 20 and it has lasted 49 years so far. Sometimes you get lucky very young. More concerning is that they only knew each other for six months, but even that is not an automatic deal-breaker.

• Yes exactly. Boomer here who married at nineteen. Husband was 22 and a programmer. I worked after I got my degree but we saved my salary and lived on his. We were married for thirty happy years until he got sick and died. We were the last generation who expected to do better than our parents.

• I got married at 19 and the marriage lasted 8 months. The relationship was 3 years total, all told. I’ve been divorced for almost 10yrs and only just thinking about the possibility of a second marriage one day.

My 16-year-old daughter has recently gone vegan, due to her wanting to help out the earth more, and I’ve been extremely supportive. I promised to make her vegan meals alongside with my non-vegan meals. She was happy about that.

I’m a single dad, and I do all the cooking, cleaning, etc, and I get really tuckered out by the end of the day. Recently, work has been keeping me late with a bunch of new projects & documents, and by the time I get home, it’s almost around the time you’d eat supper, and I’m about ready to sleep. And on top of having to make MY meal, I have to make a whole seperate meal just for my daughter.

However, I would push through even if I was tired. After about 2 weeks of it, though I decided my daughter’s vegan diet was most likely a phase, as I’ve seen multiple people go through this vegan/vegetarian thing. I decided it was not worth breaking my back over, when it would be so much easier to just make one meal for us both.

I immediately let her know, and I told her my reasoning, and that in a few months, she’d probably not even remember the time when she had wanted to go vegan, and I just honestly couldn’t keep putting myself through extra labor. She called me a bad father straight away, and told me I was ignorant to her feelings and her diet was not my choice. I understand that, but I don’t feel her “diet” should make me have more work to do.

I finally told her I was not going to change my mind, and she could either eat the meal I made, or she could go buy her food herself. She continued to call me a huge AH.

So whats wrong? What should I do.

Here are what netizens think:

• You went from doing 100% of the work to stopping altogether with little notice. Try her making her own meals, or making some of the family meals vegan, or some kind of compromise. Telling her it’s just a phase and she’ll forget all about it in a few months was really condescending. She might have forgotten about being vegan–but she’ll never forget you being a jerk to her like that.

• What is it with people thinking that anyone under the age of 18 has no long-term memory? I can remember my childhood – including the legitimate phases I went through. Whether or not this is a phase, a 16yo is not going to have her memory erased by the Men In Black in a month’s time.

• this is something a lot of people fail to realize. we all go through a ton of phases through our life. just because they eventually end doesn’t mean they’re completely erased and mean nothing. when you think about it, there are so many things in life that don’t stick with us forever. high school is a phase that will eventually end. should we have just not cared about it? pets don’t live forever, and their existence in your home is a phase of your life, so should you just not care and never get a pet to begin with?

A few months ago, my wife and I found out she was pregnant. Around a month later, we found out my mother was terribly ill and in the hospital, in KL. We decided to take the aeroplane to KL while the borders were still open.

Five hours before the flight, my wife found out she had a miscarriage. She was rushed to the hospital, but I was now stuck between staying with her and visiting my terribly sick mother. My wife begged me to stay, but I could not since the plane tickets were expensive and there was no guarantee my mother would be alive when she felt better.

When I told her, she started sobbing and refused to talk to me. I felt bad the entire flight. When I arrived and hot picked up by my sister, she asked me where my wife was and I told her the truth, which she started yelling at me, telling me that I’m a A-hole and she’s a fool for being with someone like me.

My brothers think I did the right thing. I’ve received millions of angry messages from my in-laws. My mother died two days after I arrived.

A day after the funeral, I went back home. My wife refuses to talk to me, even though I’ve tried to apologize and explained that I just lost my mother. So, am I the jerk?

Here are what netizen think:

This is the situation you can’t win. Your wife is rightfully angry you weren’t there, and the pain of losing the baby has put blinkers on her for the time being. She won’t be able to see anything but her own loss at the moment. On the flip side, I couldn’t get to see my Dad before he died (borders) and let me tell you, that’s not something you get over. I expect your family wouldn’t have let you hear the end of it if you’d missed those last days with your mom. I am so, so sorry for your losses. Both of them. I hope you can all move forward to a place where you can heal together.

This is the typical “we both drop in the sea who you going to save”

My husband left my home earlier today to go watch the football game with some friends. He left his Apple Watch at my house, and I very stupidly went through it.

On his watch, I saw him ask a coworker to come to visit him at like 12 AM when I left, and then asking her if she got home safe at times such as 3 AM, 6 AM. I’m not stupid, I know they weren’t just watching movies. She sent a text that said, “I had so much fun last night”.

We have been together for 7 years and know each other since we were in school. I’m almost 6 months pregnant and I don’t know what to do. I texted him pictures of the messages when I found out around 8 PM and it’s now 2 AM and I can’t sleep because I have not gotten a response.

I know he had to see the message as he was active on Whatsapp, showing that he’s online.

It hurts to know I was cheated on. However, it’s so embarrassing that I am not important enough to dump his friends and come have a conversation and I am just getting ignored. I’m not sure what to do. I feel as if my baby deserves a two-parent household.

I just do not want to be the only person putting forth effort.

Here are what netizens think:

• He’s probably panicking that you found out and is crowdsourcing the ridiculous story he’s going to tell you so you don’t dump him. If you have family, go stay with them. You’re growing a child right now, you don’t need his.

• I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Thank you for trusting your intuition and not making excuses for his behavior.

• This is the hard part. I promise you, the best thing you can do for your mental health is to stop dwelling on that “why”. The answers will range from unhelpful to actively self-destructive, and you’ll get every flavor of that as you move forward.

“Jane” and I have been together about 2 years and we are in our late 20s. She’s in the process of getting her diploma and She works at a hospital in the meantime.

I work in finance and have a pretty steady job that I like. We’ve lived together the past year and split things 50/50, along with having our own separate accounts. During Covid, Jane lost a bunch of shifts and was having a hard time paying for school along with the bills.

Her laptop broke and she couldn’t do school without it. She asked for help and I told her I didn’t like loaning money out, but I knew she needed these things. So I stepped up and paid for a new laptop, a few bill.

She knew this was a loan and she would need to pay it back. I’m very fiscally organized and have little funds set up for things (vacation fund, going-out fund, golfing fund etc). I decided to use my golf fund for this but explained to Jane that I planned on getting new clubs this year and needed to be paid back by the start of golf season.

To establish a timeline, I paid for her things in august and was expecting to be paid by February as that was when golf season starts around here.

It wasn’t an absurd amount of money, less than $1,500.

Well she’s hardly paid anything back. At first she made a couple “payments”. But this would just be her giving me $15 in cash and saying “use this towards my debt”. I started an excel sheet to track anything she gave me so I knew how much she still owed.

She found this to be offensive saying it was like I was “babysitting” her. I said that it wasn’t to be rude but just to track it so there wasn’t any arguments about it. I’ve sat her down multiple times to say that I needed to see some bigger more consistent payments being made because I needed to custom order my clubs and that takes months. And that I couldn’t order my clubs until I knew I had enough in my fund to pay for them.

She kept saying that she understood and that she would make the payments. She made a few larger payments but is still a grand short. What really ticks me off is Jane still goes out to eat all the time, goes shopping, buys things for our house.

But whenever I mention the debt she changes the subject saying “she’s working on it”. I finally snapped last weekend and told Jane I’m putting her on a payment plan. That I would break down the rest of her debt into weekly payments and would request the amount every week till I’m paid back.

And that I would have to use another fund to pay for the clubs as I can’t wait any longer to order them.

Am I wrong?