My boyfriend and I are 32 years old, we have been together for 3 years and we do not go on dates anymore. I’ve told him I would like to be taken out or plan date nights together and he said

“We are three years in, that is the honeymoon phase. You just wanna be taken out on expensive dates and I can’t do that.”

This is normal. He twists my words and makes me look like I’m asking for certain things I’m not. I’ve explained that date nights can be as simple as staying in and cooking together or playing board games.

I feel it’s important to put aside at least an hour of your time once a week to put away your phone and turn off the TVs and just be with your partner and enjoying their company. He absolutely refuses to do anything with me. He tells me that other people don’t do that and makes me feel like what I’m asking for isn’t normal. When the rare occasion occurs that we go out he is on his phone the whole time and disengaged. I’ve suggested going to see a movie that recently came out and he originally said he wanted to go but then proceeded to give me the run around when he picked me up to go and we ended up not going.

Valentines day is coming up and he has not said a word about it and I’ve decided to hold off on saying anything. A man should know a woman would appreciate being taken out or gifted flowers and I want to see what effort he makes.

I’m tired of planning all these dates that fall through so I’m leaving it to him. Any advice?

Here are what netizen thinks:

• Why are you „dating“ someone who doesn‘t even want to spend time with you?

• A lot of people in their early 20s who started dating in their teens feel this sense of obligation to stay in a relationship they may not be happy in anymore due to the comfort and familiarity of being in a relationship in big developmental years (18 going into 20s). I’m assuming that’s what this situation is, and she doesn’t want to rock the boat for her 3 year relationship, even if the alternative is less desirable.

• If you ask long married couples what the secret is to a happy life together, one thing that always comes up is “never stop dating your spouse.”. I don’t think this guy is turning out to be long term material for you.

• My parents are in their 70’s. They cook together, try new things like figuring out the electric cooker I gave them fpr CNY and sending me pictures of what they made. They go out together for a drink or coffee

It’s been 3 months of the union. We dated for 1 year 3 months, and engaged and married within 3 months. 8.5 year age gap.

I am 21. My spouse has turned into a completely different person, screaming at me every day, even causing our puppy to be terrified and cry. We haven’t had sleep together in 2-3 weeks because of his treatment toward me and he said “Maybe if you gave me some at night I would stop yelling at you”.

He says hurtful things and then when I bring it up even minutes later he says “I never said anything like that” or saying I “must be stupid” for thinking he would say that (when he did) or “you completely misinterpreted” It is textbook gaslighting and he says “gaslighting is not real” I never experienced this with him before marriage and I’m wondering why this is happening now.

There is so much more to say but ill keep it short. The screaming is the kind you can hear from the next block. A few days ago I went out of our home to get away from the screaming and he followed me (I had our pup) and he screamed 1 meter away “can you hear me now? ” over and over while the dog cried. He said “this is how I have to speak for you to hear me” I have told him for 3 months that I do not condone yelling, as I don’t do it myself unless triggered which is rare. (ex: he yells 1-3 times a day, I yell maybe once per week after being pushed to my limit by his yelling)

He also plays video games all night after he gets home from work (he just started working when we got married, he works 40-50hrs/week) and expects me to do everything around the house, which is fine and

I don’t mind doing it all. But when it isn’t to his liking, he makes sure to tell me what I am doing wrong. And that’s where it gets annoying. He also complains when I ask him to do small tasks like take trash out or help with dishes or fix a light and complains that “He is my slave” Narc vibes?

My significant other and I have been together for four years. We have two children together. I felt like it was mostly good. We had one major issue where she lied to me and broke my trust. She’s a child of emotional and psychologically manipulating, and most likely the child of a narcissistic parent. She went to therapy, and I thought she was really trying to better herself. However, now I’m not so sure that’s the case.

When we first got together, it seemed like she was trying too hard to be something she wasn’t, something more like me. There was lots of mirroring and changing various things to be more like myself. I’ve been vegan for a while now. It’s a personal choice. I’m not trying to convert anyone. She became vegan very quickly. I told her she didn’t have to change her diet to match mine, but she said she wanted to.

I’ve always tried to be financially fair in my relationships. I’ve always made more than my significant others, and I don’t want them to be broke by splitting bills 50/50. So I set up a shared account, and we deposit a matching percentage (50%-60%) of our checks that will cover the bills. That way they still have a big chunk of their check left, and they’re not broke.

When our first child was born, she used them to pay her income tax. She used the extra cash for some trips we had planned, which then got cancelled (covid) and refunded. She claimed them the year after again. I brought it up not too long ago that she should’ve just put the money in the shared account. She said she just put in her savings, so nothing would happen to it. I didn’t think anything of it until recently.

We’ve both been on parental leave for a couple of months to welcome our new child into the world. Unfortunately, neither of us got our paid leave until after we went back to work. I had to pay for most of the bills out of my personal account. So I told her to put all the money (should be at least 10k) she received from claiming our kid into the shared account. Then we can put it all into shared savings when we get our salaries in when we go back to work.

She didn’t have it. She said she spent it on “groceries, bills, and xmas presents,” when we didn’t get our paid leave. That couldn’t be possible. So I asked to see her statements. I was not prepared for what I saw. She spent all of it. What did she spend it on? She ordered from every food delivery service in existence while she was at work. Most of the orders were from restaurants that were within 5 minutes walking distance. This is money that was supposed to go to our family’s future. I was livid.

Then it occurred to me that I never saw any of these orders on our shared food service account. Why? She made separate accounts so that I wouldn’t see them. She didn’t want me to know that she was ordering meat on occasion.

After she broke my trust the first time, it took a lot to forgive her. Now, I just feel like a fool. I’m just so angry and heartbroken. She’s been deceptive/manipulative for our entire relationship. I’m nauseous all the time. I’m lucky if I eat more than 1,000 calories in a day. I can’t sleep. I feel so lost.

She’s a loving mother, and I feel like she really tries to be a good partner in a lot of ways. However, I don’t think I can get passed this, and I don’t know if I want to or even should.