A netizen is asking for help about his father who is alienating himself from his family, with a myriad of different antics.

Here is the story:

“Basically, the situation is that my father has managed to, through his behavior and actions (toxic, emotional blackmail, manipulative, etc), manage to alienate himself from the whole family.

In fact, I suspect he has a borderline personality disorder.

My mother is now doing her best to avoid seeing and interacting with him at all by coming back from work as late as possible and is planning on divorce.

Not trying to be unfilial or anything, but I too am planning to move out after I get a job and have some income, because of the mental turmoil he keeps subjecting me to.

No friends

Seriously, because I’m the only child and he has no friends, he confides everything in me, even random crap like how my mother doesn’t want to be physically intimate with him (which doesn’t sound like something a son should even care about), and always coercing me to unlock my mother’s phone so that he can read through her messages to see if she is cheating.

And he always presents severe signs of stress and desperation which causes me a lot of stress at home too.

Therefore, as much as I don’t want to leave him alone, I believe I have no choice because I should prioritize my mental health. all I hope for is for him to be able to lead a dignified life when he eventually lives alone.

Currently, my plan is to help him to change to a job where he can be more active and make new friends (e.g. something like a social worker? although I doubt it will work cos he’s a very cynical and unsympathetic person).

This can help improve his physical health and also give him a social net so that he doesn’t have to turn to me for everything. but the problem with this approach is that he’s uneducated (which limits the jobs he can apply to) and he is extremely reluctant to change.

Old folks’ home not an option

So now basically I have no other ideas about what to do with him. I’m not so keen on sending him to the old folks’ home cos he can currently still be independent and old folks’ home will burn my wallet quite badly.

Is there any use in sending him for mental therapy? I feel like there may not be a point since there’s a good chance he might not be receptive or he may simply just pass away before his problems are fixed.

My father has honestly led a rather tough life, how do I prevent my father from living his final years full of bitterness and vengeance after we “abandon” him?”