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Wednesday, September 28, 2022
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FAMILY DON’T ACCEPT DAUGHTER’S BF CAUSE HE DOES NOT HAVE A DEGREE

Are parents blessing needed for couples to get married?

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I have been with my partner for close to 2 years but he has only met and interacted with my family less than 5 times.

When my sister was dating her bf, now husband, he was around at our house way more times than I can remember, hanging out with my family on numerous occasions, baking together with my mum and sister, staying over to go to church the next day with my family, and my mum also attended an investment seminar only with him.

My mum still refers to my partner as my friend and on one occasion when my partner was standing beside me, my mum looked directly at me and said ”we are having steamboat dinner tonight, invite your friend to join us”. Why couldn’t she ask him when he was standing beside me?

She didn’t even speak to my partner to try to get to know him better during one of the recent family meals we had together.

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Initially, when I first started dating him, she was opposed to the idea of me dating him because he doesn’t have a degree and our future wouldn’t be financially stable, however according to my sister, my mum is now neutral to the idea of me dating him, but during one of her recent talks with me, she asked me to really consider whether I see a future with him because we might not be financially stable. I feel like my relationship with my mum has become more strained after I got together with my partner, maybe because she thinks I am going against her.

My family is also a very conservative religious household, so when I had an ectopic pregnancy early this year, I couldn’t tell them and went through this together with my partner, without the support or comfort from my family.

It was a roller coaster of emotions when I tested positive. My first thought was to keep it but I knew my family would react very negatively to the news (because of the whole pre-marital S) and even though my partner didn’t want to keep it because of financial reasons, he was there with me for a few appointments, then I felt sad and maybe a little relieved when the doctor told us that the pregnancy wasn’t viable because now I wouldn’t be torn between the decision of keeping and having to tell my family. It felt like a decision was made for me.

My partner and I have briefly discussed getting married, and we want to ROM only because we don’t intend to waste money on wedding banquets but I know my mum would be against that idea because my sister had a really extravagant banquet for her wedding (pre covid) and my mum was so excited for it that she even pressured me to buy a dress especially for that occasion and got pissed with me for wearing another dress that she didnt approve of because of the color.

We also don’t intend to have a church wedding like my siblings had for theirs and when I told my sister, she frowned so hard that her eyebrows almost fused together, and my mum might react that way too. I feel like somehow there will a huge probability that my family would react negatively if my partner and I were to get married, but I dont want to end this relationship with my partner because I love him and I can envision a simple frugal future with him.

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It feels like my family will never be ready to accept my partner as part of the family, and I don’t know what to do about it.

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