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Sunday, July 14, 2024


My father cares only about money and it’s affecting relationships


I don’t understand why my father cares only about money.

Both my brother and I give allowance to our parents and we take care of all bills and insurance. I can quite confidently say that my parents just need to spend on their food and whatever entertainment they want.

We initially wanted to give both parents $450 each but my father says he has savings and CPF, this that so he will just take $200 instead and my mum should get $450. Ok, fine. but we still gave him $300 and mum $450. It’s automatically giro to their bank accounts so we don’t need to go through all the trouble.

My mum is those kind who never check and sometimes wonder why she got extra cash and then suddenly remember it’s payday. while my dad keeps all receipts and try tallying every month.


Recently, mum have been spending more because she joins her friends in holiday tours (one for countdown and one for the coming CNY) the tours are not expensive but my father starts complaining and hinting us that maybe the money division should be swapped. He kept saying he can handle money better.

Both brother and I doesn’t agree with father. Coz my father is kind of a miser who doesn’t want to spend on things/holidays (unless it’s a family trip) but we honestly don’t like to go on tour with him. he doesn’t know or want to enjoy himself but punch on his calculator all the time. When we go with him, we always need to convince him why we wanted to try a famous restaurant or buy a certain souvenir. He is also always about “worth the (ticket) money” so he rather pack a day full (from 7am-9pm kind) even if he himself is really tired. And it gets quite sian to be honest.

For us, We think since we do have some ability to let our parents enjoy themselves, why not? We did mention to father that we can spilt the allowance equally ($400 each) or if he needs more, we can try to work things out. But he seems more interested in preventing my mum for getting and spending her allowance which we obviously is not going agree with.

My mum have been a housewife almost all her life since she is 20. She had my brother when she is 22 and doesn’t get to enjoy her youth. And my father is such a miser, she doesn’t get to spend without his consent. We don’t get to go to zoos or any place which requires tickets. It’s till we’re older that he started being more generous and it’s just a trip to Malaysia once a year. mum got a part time job when we’re in our teens, the money goes into their joint account as requested by my father. She does have the card of the joint account but every spending will be scrutinized by my father. It’s only until now she gets more financial freedom to enjoy herself.

We did talk to our father and tried encouraging him to pickup hobbies/go on tours or join classes/interest groups too but he just doesn’t want. His only hobby is some RC karaoke once a week and it will probably stop because the price is going to raise by $2.


Recently my parents starts to quarrel over money a lot more. father will use “no earning power” to “guilt trip” mum and it hurts her because she feels like he is not appreciative of all the efforts and contributions she did for the family. But my father likes to use money as a judge and will comment about his friends children earning more than us, driving bigger cars etc. But what’s the point? It’s not like we’re going to sleep on the streets or go hungry.

Can’t he just learn to enjoy the remaining of his life or at least let others enjoy theirs?

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