This happened today over two incidents. Initially, I thought was just an awkward attempt by a lonely chap and brushed it off as a funny story to tell. The second part that happened barely half an hour later confirmed my thoughts that I was harassed.
I wanted to fulfill a craving for cheap pasta and decided to pop by the *restaurant name redacted* near me for their lunch set, have a chill meal, do some reading while enjoying the free-flow drinks. While returning from the drinks bar, I made eye-contact with one of their staff and just kindly nodded at him. F&B isn’t an easy line of work, doesn’t hurt to be a little friendly to the staff, yeah?
Moments later, he approaches my table, leans in and says, “You have a nice bulge, wanna be friends?” He had to repeat it twice, as I misheard bulge for pouch and was confused, because all I had with me was my sling bag, nothing that could be considered a pouch.
I politely told him no thanks, and felt a bit amused and slightly confused afterwards. It has been a while since a guy had hit on me and I was wondering what kind of vibes I must have been giving off. Dating and making friends isn’t easy either, so I brushed it off as an awkward attempt to befriend someone. I messaged a few friends about what had happened, and maintained a more amused perspective on things. I mean, it’s *restaurant name redacted*, not the most refined establishment, eh?
While I nursed a cup of tea and caught up on the news, he approached me once more and asked if I would like any dessert. I politely told him that I’ll do so later.
Half an hour later, I make my order and decide to head off to the toilet for a piss before the cake arrives. Barely moments after I pull down my shorts at the urinal, guess who appears at the neighbouring urinal?
The same staff who had ‘hit’ on me, now maskless, perhaps in his late 30s or early 40s, seems to also need to pee. He nods and says a friendly ‘Hey’, before immediately following up with this: “What is your length?”
I’m just trying to have a peaceful piss and try to brush him off, saying I don’t know, haven’t measured. I do my best to ignore him, looking at my phone. But throughout the whole piss, he makes no effort to be discreet and leans over to look at my D. The whole piss. This chap didn’t even bother hiding it. I can’t believe my pee did not jam up and I could finish peeing.
This pretty much sealed the fact that I was harassed, but my brain still struggled to process it. I returned, finished my cake while messaging some friends, wondering if I should let the manager know. I wondered if it was because I was wearing a singlet (it was a hot afternoon), because I was too friendly. But it still felt highly inappropriate. I’m not one to complain to managers about food or service, but the staff’s behaviour was dangerous.
Steeling myself, I approached the manager at the register asking if I could speak to him privately. (The register was in full view of the whole *restaurant name redacted* outlet, the staff could be watching throughout.) The manager said sure but remained where he was. Alright, I didn’t want to bother him too much, it was approaching 5pm and the dinner crowd would arrive soon, so I told him about the two separate incidents that had occurred.
The manager’s initial reaction was… poor to say the least. From his facial expression, you could tell he thought it was a light matter, and his first response went along the lines of this: “Aiya, he was just curious. He just wanted to have a look.”
WTF.
It did nothing to calm my nerves and only made me more agitated. Doing my best not to raise my voice, I had to be increasingly assertive and drive in the point to the manager that this was a serious issue. I am 29 and look younger than my age, and was seated alone today. That staff thought it was alright to pull the harassment shit on me. There are schoolkids who frequent *restaurant name redacted*, what if someone much younger than myself was also approached by that staff? Could you think about the safety of your other customers please?
His reaction was still pretty lackluster, I had to insist that he follow up with me, if I could have his number. He still tried to brush it off, saying that some of the staff, they are not quite right in the head, a bit crazy. I did my best to be understanding and polite throughout, because well, it is F&B, not an easy line of work, but…
Afterwards, as I processed my thoughts with a friend, my friend pointed out that throughout the conversation, the manager made no efforts to even apologise for what had happened. I gathered my things, paid for my bill in full to the manager manning the register and left. I had to remind the manager to follow-up with me and only then, did he say yeah, so I’ll need your number.
I wrote down my number and felt it prudent to tell him not to let that staff know my details. The manager very vaguely shared what he would do – inform his area manager, and given it is a Friday, perhaps by Tuesday earliest, he’ll follow up with me.
Leaving the restaurant, I still felt highly unsettled, the manager’s overall response did not stir much confidence in me. I looked up *restaurant name redacted* corporate number and gave them a call. The guy who answered thankfully was much much much more reassuring as I shared what happened. Despite my very agitated tone (still struggling to process what had happened and the manager’s poor reply), the guy who answered immediately appreciated the seriousness of the situation, even expressing some emotional reaction unlike the manager, voicing ‘oh my god’, when I shared what happened in the toilet.
Without prompt, he shared what actions will be taken – he will let the area manager know, check the CCTV (had to let him know that toilets don’t really have CCTVs) and follow up with me as soon as possible. He asked for my contact details immediately and apologised for my experience, expressing that he hoped that I’ll be able to feel better soon.
I was quite thankful for a much more understanding response and apologized for having to trouble him at 5.20pm on a Friday evening.
It has been 5 hours since it all happened, I’m still feeling quite shaken. Several years back, someone important to me got taken advantage as a customer to a service. Even after undergoing therapy, sometimes the feelings of helplessness and despair I felt for my friend still haunts me.
All I wanted today was a chill relaxed Friday afternoon, enjoying tea and cola, do some light reading before heading off for an evening calligraphy class. I had to cancel that to process my thoughts and now I hope I can sleep restfully tonight. I doubt that, maybe a beer might help before bed.
Stay safe everyone.
TL;DR: Got harassed by a male staff at *restaurant name redacted* through two incidents – first a crude remark trying to hit on me, then half an hour later when I was peeing, standing beside me, asking about my length and leaning over throughout to look at my private parts.
Took a while to process before I spoke to the store manager, whose response was almost dismissive. Called the corporate number after and got a much more understanding and assuring response.
Still shaken and trying to process my thoughts 5 hours later from what was less than 10 minutes of harassment by the staff.