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Sunday, February 25, 2024


My girlfriend used to be an escort


A couple nights ago, my girlfriend came to me tearful and told me she used to be an escort. My mind blanked and I feel like it’s still blank right now. I would absolutely never have guessed this in a million years. Our 4 year anniversary is in 3 months time and she doesn’t know this, but I was actually planning on proposing. I don’t know what to do now. She’s an amazing woman – kind, loving, creative and very positive about everything. Previously I had absolutely no doubts this was the girl I wanted to marry and create a future with but now my thoughts are spiralling.

I’ve talked to her a little since and apparently when she was out in town she spotted someone who, either was, or, looked exactly like one of her former clients and that caused her to have a mini panic attack and I guess made her feel guilty about not telling me. That’s why she came home and told me. When I heard this it made me feel a bit weird, because it seems like the only reason she told me is because she felt like something could come out or I could learn it some other way (not that this would be likely at all).

I’d almost rather have never known she used to get paid for sleeping with other men because I could have gone about my life clueless and probably still had a wonderful life with her. Now I know she used to be an escort I don’t know what to think. I get that everyone now is hyper progressive with SW and all of this. I get it – one of my friends at uni used to be a sugar baby of sorts so I understand it’s probably more common than people think. But for me, this is kind of a dealbreaker in a relationship. If I had known she was an escort from day 1 I probably would have never chased a relationship with her, but now we’re almost in year 4 and I was thinking about marriage I feel cheated almost. I understand that she’s the same girl today that she was yesterday, the day before, the day before that and so on, but it’s also as if she’s an entirely different person now.

I asked her how long she did it for and she told me it was for 1 year during university and that her flatmate got her into it. She said she had 18 clients in total across the year but I don’t know what to believe. I have no clue if this is a realistic number or not because I have no clue about any of this stuff and so I have to take what she says at face value. Normally I’d never not believe her, but right now I can’t help but think she’s trying to do damage control and minimise the truth. The thing is, if she wasn’t an escort and slept with 18 guys in one year I probably wouldn’t really care. Bodycounts to me aren’t really a big deal. It’s the fact they were CLIENTS and she received money from.


Last night all I could think of in bed as we were lying together was how I could try and rationalise this in my head to make myself ok with it. The thing is, I really struggled. If she was destitute and struggling to pay rent or pay for living costs then maybe I could validate it a little bit. But the thing is, her parents are both professionals and earn quite highly – she went to a private school and had her university fully paid for including living costs and spending money. Even now when we both have jobs she is getting a monthly sum of like $500 from her dad ‘just because’. I can’t even think of another reason why you’d want to get into escorting unless you were struggling with money. I know she was on some depression meds when we first got together so I’m guessing she wasn’t in the best mental state during that time in university when she escorted.

I still love this girl immensely and I don’t think my love hasn’t changed since she told me but my mind is chaotic and a part of me feels incredibly distressed. I’ve not shown any real physical affection to her since she told me and I’m almost struggling to talk to her or look her in the eye when we’re at home. Part of me thinks I should break up with her over this and part of me thinks I can get past this. What’s upsetting me a little is that I feel like she’s almost desperate to make things up to me and is worried I’ll leave her. I don’t like seeing her like this. Yesterday she took the day off work and when I came home she had baked a batch of brownies, muffins and made my favourite meal that night. She tried to be affectionate but I kind of shut that down as I don’t think I’m even capable of being intimate right now.

This is quite a messy post and probably a bit unorganised. I’ve probably left stuff out that might be relevant but I don’t feel like rereading what’s been written right now. I guess this is partly me getting it off my chest and also hoping that maybe someone somewhere out there might have gone through something similar and so has some advice for me.

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