Tbh I am not / wasn’t trying to justify my decision. Just wanna share my experience and view. To set the scene, I date to marry, so I have to be practical.
Many dug into my money-centric mindset, as if y’all don’t depend on money to sustain your lifestyle. Commenters said I shouldn’t link income to personality. I think it’s an unrealistic view because each individual is one package. Where he is not good in one thing, I’d expect more in other things.
From my perspective, I’m making a high 6-figure per annum, so I don’t necessarily need a rich bf. However, my income alone is not considered a lot either. My ex made a low 5-figure, which means by dating him (and if marrying him) I was compromising on my timeline to financial freedom. I’m just talking statistics, to a lot of people who make low income, this may not cross their minds as a cost.
I expected my ex to realize his shortcomings and be sensitive about it. He could try to save without making it look too obvious that he wasn’t willing to spend on dates. I already made it easy for him by maintaining a 50/50, but honestly I was paying more for him cumulatively by a 4-figure amount in the span of 1 year. Still his complaints and manipulations came once every few weeks. One time, he had to spend $15 to buy me some Panadol for my mens. 2hrs later he woke me up from my rest and put my phone in front of my face so that the moment I opened my eyes, my phone got unlocked. He used my phone to order food delivery (which was his way to forcefully claimed back the $15). My next reaction was “if you don’t want to spend on anyone ever then don’t have a gf la”. Not like the amount of money was big too me, I was just so sick of his cheapskate ways.
Many said being poor doesn’t necessarily lead to uneducated behaviors. Ditto. I made the same point in my previous post. In fact, I came from a poor family in Thailand and made my way here through uni scholarship. I know what netizens mean but I also can say I’ve seen more poor people than you. Most are like my ex: not necessarily bad intention, just lack of awareness.
Many said he may get better over time. So let me provide some more facts. I’m in my late 20s making my income. He’s in his late 30s making his income 10th of mine. He’s getting old and too comfortable to change. That’s the reality for most people at his age. I’m not talking about students or fresh grads here (obviously if you make little as student or fresh grad, you’re not considered poor yet).
I’m unwilling to try again with another poor guy, not because I think all poor people are the same, but because I also have emotions and I don’t want to get hurt again (esp while I have other better options).
Some said I came to my current bf for money and he’ll dump me for a richer one. Let me again provide you some facts. Both he and I have dated sons/daughters of multi-millionaires before, and we didn’t put too much weight on that fact when we ended the relationships with our exes. Money is not everything to us (in fact it’s minor as we are both making decently). It’s just a means / filter criteria to get to comfort level before proceeding further. My bf impressed me with his personality (smart and mature). He’s very young, so I definitely admire him for his early success and hard work.
In my previous post, I praised him for picking up the bills, that’s because I compared him to my ex who didn’t think it was the basic. Anyone can accept otherwise if you please, it’s your life. But fairly speaking, since everything comes at a cost and woman is expected a lot of in other areas, it’s a man’s role to provide, unless the man can accept a not-well-maintained woman and assume more than 50% share of housework/cooking and raising kids. It’s more hardship for women to pop kids and get to a particular level of financial success compared to a man. If a man can’t accept this, for real he shouldn’t involve a partner!