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Monday, February 17, 2025
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GUY IN NS DATES GIRL WHO IS 3 YEARS OLDER, SAYS “LOVE LANGUAGE IS DIFFERENT”

i broke up with my girlfriend because of our differences in love languages. Am i wrong?

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For context, she is 3 years older than me , working a job that has time flexibility whereas Im serving the nation, but headed towards university this coming intake.

We do love each other still, I do love her, i really do. But we always argue on how often I am spending time with her. I am pretty busy: with my own bills i need to pay, and I am someone who enjoys personal time, serving the country wtv,. To her, spending time = i love you, (quality time lover) but for me as long as she reassures me and makes me feel secure = i love you. (Words of affirmation). We have argued multiple times on how often i should be seeing her on a weekly basis, we tried to compromise 3 times and after everything it still doesnt work out, its like im not even enough for her. On some days she can tell me things like “you know, i feel very distant from you, i dont feel love from you at all” . – thats when i feel helpless, I already hardly spend time alone, something i value alot, and if she’s busy im spending time with my friends. Maybe its a skill issue on balancing things but she does stay quite far (east)and i stay west. Which overtime became wuite taxing to find her, furthermore she doesnt drive so it would be easier for me to go down to find her. And usually we hang out till late where public transport is not an option at all, and it would be easier and cheaper for me to go down to her.

I eventually broke up with her while i still love her. My reason was being that we don’t perceive love the way we want it to be, i could be reassuring her and giving her words of affirmation but its not as well received as she just wants to spend time, something i don’t have at this point in my life. And furthermore, we discussed on me entering university. She said that no matter how much I reassure her, she will still feel insecure and I did discuss on potential problems and solutions as well, but we cant seem to come up with solutions. Long story short, the way she feels love is different from how I show her love. Dont get me wrong, i still love her and really want to be with her, but I strongly feel like she deserves someone who can give her what she NEED. We just cant seem to be on the same page on this. Hence I broke up with her as I felt like we are in different phases in our lives and I cant give her what she needs, and love language isnt something that can be changed like that, it is a personality nonetheless.

I feel like Im doing the right thing by letting her go, and I didnt cut her off immediately, I am still talking to her and try to rationalise why I broke up with her , she still don’t seem to get why… and im trying to help her, or at least i think i am. I don’t want to cut her off because i do still care and love her, and I want her to take this break up easier, if that makes sense, where i can just be her support if needed . Which is why im conflicted, am i helping her or killing her. I did mention to her that im doing this not to give her false hope, and im just there for support in the time being. I dont know how to handle this. I have never broken up with someone i still do love. What should i do? Am i doing the right thing? Im lost, help.

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