Mom & dad both have cancer, any advice on how to get through this?
I’m 24F. Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer in June last year. All treatment options have been exhausted and he is on a clinical trial now.
However his kidneys are not functioning well and he is in the hospital now getting treatment for it, we don’t know if he can get back to the trial but for now the cancer has been spreading too vastly.
All signs point to a terminal end this time – lots of time spent sleeping and being delirious & confused. After a whole year of chemo & surgeries and seeking many different opinions, I thought I had already came to terms with his terminal end but my mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer a few days ago.
We don’t know the staging yet, still pending results from scans but I can’t believe I’m going through this again – the emotional aspects, the shuttling to and fro hospitals and going through the whole process again.
I graduated last year in June and I’m struggling so much with still performing well or at least decently in my job and handling everything that is going on in my family.
It’s crazy I can’t believe this is my life now. I see friends enjoying their life so much and here I am just barely surviving. Is there anyone out there who has been through something like this, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What do I do now? Any advice – do I quit my contract role job now (dad has not been working since his diagnosis and mom will stop working in July).
We are also in the process of downgrading our flat – buying selling and all the works. Therapy is not an option cost and time wise.
It’s hard to confide in friends because as great as they are, it’s tough listening to “he will get better, he just needs to have a fighting spirit”. I’m reaching out here in hopes that there are people who has gone through the same thing.
Netizens’ comments
- My dad passed from cancer a week before I got married.
There isn’t really a day I don’t think about him.
It is what it is, the leaves grow strong in spring, bake in summer, brown in autumn, and lie on the ground in winter.
Life comes and goes, so does joy, and too the sadness. But we carry on.
Take a step back to balance your life around the emptiness that follows grief and the darkness that comes from loss. Give yourself the strength to be there for your mom when that time comes. Be strong for her so that she has the fortitude to endure her own battle.
Communicate your difficulties to your employer for space to maneuver. I took half a year of no pay leave when my dad got really weak, he passed 5 months into it and I spent the last month in hospital with him, then burying him and getting ready for my wedding.
You’ll pull through it. We all do. Take comfort in the fact that no matter what happens your parents would always want to see you happy.
Look forward for the goodness that will come in time. Look forward to the love that life can offer you. Enjoy the moments when you’re in bloom. - Oh dear. I am so sorry to hear this. I have friends whose parents got cancer in recent times, and I have to tell you it’s going to be a rough ride.
It sounds like you are worried about finances so it’s best to get it out of the way. If you have siblings, please also get them involved. It’s best to have a heart to heart talk w your parents about finances so that you are clear on how much cash you have on hand. That way, I think your dad will also be at ease w his passing. You can also decide on the type of treatment for your mother – whether private or not. You can also feel better if you decide to quit or if you end up losing your job.
Next, end of life for your dad. Please do some reading up and have a good talk w your dad. It is important to have a good closure.
Medical for your mum. I know at least 2 with breast cancer and usually survival rate is high. As you know, time is of the essence. That is tied in with finances. Please try to reduce her stress at this time.
Your own job. I know a person who started work and he didn’t say his goodbyes to his mother cos he couldn’t find the boss to get approval for urgent leave. he regrets it to this day. We may think that is silly – but he thought he has some time and he wanted to be responsible. But really no. The boss won’t remember. Jobs wont remember you. I think you will feel better after figuring out the finances. I hate to say this, but finances will improve once you inherit some money from your dad. So do keep that in mind that time won’t return. Also, your mum will likely be in a brutal mental state too. And will need your time and love during this period.
I am sharing this as I have seen lots of medical issue affecting my friends. I wish you all the best.