I want to talk about rating people. We all rate people we choose. We rate them in terms of wealth, personality (we can vibe and is a good person) and appearance.
I had a friend who had a crush on handsome and smart guy. The problem was that my friend was not pretty. However, she had a good personality, good sense of humour and was a kind person (does volunteering on weekends). Now, when she told our friend group, she had an immense backlash and everyone criticised that she is nowhere close to his level. Our friend group started to give ratings and she was rated 5 while the guy was rated a 9. This was a pure rating on appearance alone.
Her crush being popular cycled through a bunch of girls who were quite pretty, a minimum of 8 solely based on appearance. However, I heard that there were clashes with the girls and finally, he found the girl that he clicked well with who was rated 9 on appearance as well as a 8 on personality. We knew this girl.
Sorry, this isn’t a story about my friend getting her crush. This is real life and not a k-drama.
Since my friend was only 5, most of the guys who accepted her were also around 4-6 in terms of appearance. She cycled through them until she married guy who was 6 in terms of appearance and a 7 in terms of personality.
My other friend who was around a 7 in terms of appearance got a guy who was a 5 in terms of appearance but was a 8 in terms of wealth and a 6 in terms of personality.
As much as I want to deny the idea of rating people and attaching numbers to a person solely based on the mentioned aspects, the reality is grimmer than that. I am sure people are going to come out and say that personality is more important than looks or wealth or any extrinsic values. The truth cannot be further than that.
Let me explain.
If you are a 8 in terms of appearance, you will have a lot of guys showing interest in you. You probably will pick the best and you might not lower your standard so you probably pick a minimum of maybe 6 in terms of appearance and maybe makes up for it in terms of personality or wealth. You probably won’t bother with anyone below that because you have enough options. You will cycle through your options until you maximise a high combined number for appearance, wealth and personality.
If you are a girl with an appearance of say 5. You will not get much options and similarly, you will cycle through your options to maximise your chances.
The irony is that the girl who an appearance rating of 8 but personality score of 6 might get a guy who has an appearance rating of 8 and personality rating of 8. However, the girl with an appearance rating of 5 and personality rating of 9 will never get a chance at the same guy.
The only exception to this is if the guy interacts with the girl LONG ENOUGH and sees beyond the physical aspect. Most of whatever I said so far mainly ties with basic interactions (like meeting at an event) or dating apps where you might not know much about the person but you have to decide whether to pursue them or not.
Basically, I am saying that the first filter is appearance/wealth and if you don’t meet that rating for the guy or girl you like, you won’t even be in their option list. Personality comes as an afterthought and ironically, takes more time for the person to appreciate. As mentioned, unless the person spends enough time with you to appreciate your personality, you will never be in their option list if you are poor (as a guy) or are ugly (both genders). In essence, pretty girls land with rich or/and handsome guys and vice-versa.
Am I wrong? I am basing this from what I see happening around me. I wish I was wrong.