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Saturday, June 10, 2023


Mom (64F) was diagnosed with cancer, LDR gf (28F) angry I (32M) am spending so much time with family


My gf (28F) and I (32M) have been together for about 2.5 years, we took a trip to see each other recently. Shortly after our trip my mom (64F) was diagnosed with cancer.

Last week things took a turn and my mom ended up in the hospital, I was exhausted physically and emotionally trying to support her and balance work at the same time. I did speak to my GF the night she was admitted and told her what was going on, she was supportive at that time.

She just got out of the hospital, this weekend my siblings and I moved her into my sister’s spare bedroom. I called my GF on Saturday morning but she was upset saying she would have preferred to speak later in the day.

Of course this was not possible as I was expecting to be moving things and then helping my mom get setup and comfortable. I promised her we could talk at length on Sunday. I passed out around 8pm, feeling exhausted and just hurting over the situation in general. It’s tough to see how quickly my mom’s health has declined.


I woke up to a text from my GF saying she was very sad we could not talk in the evening. I wrote her back right away and said I was sorry I had so much going on but would love to talk also. I told her my plans for the day and said I would be free later as we had discussed. I also asked how she was feeling as she had recently come down with a cold.

I got no response. 7 hours later she texted saying it sucked I didn’t call and she thought we would talk today. I responded right away and told her I thought she must have been busy and that I was free to chat, and gave her a call. She texted back she was busy and would call in 30.

When she called, she was immediately upset that I “did not text her more.” This really confused me as she did not respond to what I said? I expressed that I felt this did not make sense, she became angry and started yelling saying that obviously I am less affected by our lack of conversation lately.

I told her this was not true and really wanted to catch up, and asked her to do so with me. She accused me of minimizing her feelings. Said she wanted to hear me apologize for not communicating.

I told her I was really hurting and could use her support, but she told me she was too hurt by what I had done to be there for me. It made my head spin.


How was I to know she wanted me to text more while she said nothing? What sense does that make? How could she be this upset about that?

I talked to her for two hours. Near the end I wanted to cry, I had spent all day feeling awful about my family and whole life being turned upside down. She continued to refuse to talk to me about that when I would try and ask.

Eventually I told her that I would need to take a break from speaking with her if I would need to fight her and this situation in my life, she told me she was certain I didn’t care about her feelings and hung up on me.

I don’t know what to do. Obviously I am in a rough state right now but I am failing to see how I deserved to be treated this way for not continuing to text her after she saw it and chose not to answer? Certainly she is allowed to feel like it sucks I have been communicating less but isn’t that somewhat understandable given the circumstance?

How do I communicate that this is unhealthy and I feel uncared for? I don’t understand why she was so upset when I was ready to talk and trying to give her the thing she was asking for.

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