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Thursday, July 25, 2024


I [31M] want to divorce my wife [37F] but she has no job or money and can’t afford rent without me… How do I leave?


I’ll keep this short: been married for 4 years, I’ve wanted to leave for the past 3 years but have stayed with her out of guilt.

She recently got fired and she has about $20k in credit card debt. I have an average job, no debt but also no savings.

I have tried so hard to pay off her credit card but any money I give her either gets spent on food, alcohol, luxuries or interest. None of it actually goes towards paying off the principle. I’m so mad because I told her not to get any credit cards in the first place… I knew this would happen!

We’ve had many conversations about divorce and every time she promises to change her drinking and spending habits – then a few weeks later she’s back to her old self.


I really want to divorce her, but I feel too guilty leaving her out on the street with nothing. She needs me to survive.

How do I actually leave her?

Edit: I’m kind of tired of giving her more chances… All it does is delay the inevitable.

I already know how this scenario will play out: we’ll go to a professional counselor and they’ll suggest ways to improve. She’ll agree to everything. She’ll stick to it for a week or so, then gradually fall back into her old habits…

Meanwhile I’m spending money on this counselor and missing out on the opportunity to work overtime shifts – both of which are exacerbating our debt.


This just means more pain, more debt, and more years of our life wasted. Why can’t I just be 100% sure I want a divorce and just do it?

The good thing is we have no major assets under our names. We don’t own a house or car. We don’t have kids.

We’re currently on a rent contract which is due to expire in 2 months – I was hoping to find her a new place to live on her own before our current rent contract expires and we’re forced to sign another.

I’m honestly happy to pay off half her $20k credit card debt even if I’m not legally responsible for it – I just feel guilty for abandoning her. And I still care for her.

But I know I need to leave her because I’ll never be happy with her.

Netizen’s comments

I think you need to discuss this with a qualified therapist but there’s a level if manipulation here. First stop giving her money if you know she’ll waste it. Second explain to her she has to get a job. Check your credit. Have her sit with a financial counselor. Tell her she has to get therapy. If you want to pay anything for her then pay it directly to the company.

Put some type of deadline on this even if it’s internal. But I do think you need professional guidance here. Not only to stop enabling her but to help her help herself

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