Husband (32M) constantly threatens divorce over body after babies (32F)
I’m (32f)and have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. My husband (32m) and I got pregnant back to back and I gained baby weight with both pregnancies. The first pregnancy I gained 22kg and then lost 18kg before getting pregnant again (planned) and the second pregnancy I gained 27 kg. I’m currently in the process of losing this baby weight now.
I’m not proud about gaining this pregnancy weight and really struggled during both pregnancies and post pregnancies with my body image. I have struggled losing the weight quickly this second time around but I’m staying consistent and losing it slowly. I still have 9kg left to lose, and then would like to lose more weight to feel more comfortable and fit in my own body.
My husband is constantly tearing me down and telling me I’m not good enough, or some version of that. I know I don’t have the ideal body right now, I’m trying to get there. I’m also caring for the needs of a 1 year old and 2 year old full time. It’s hard. I just wish I had someone in my corner cheering me on.
He is often telling me I shouldn’t weigh the weight I am at, and anytime he feels upset by anything in our relationship, he will bring up my weight and the fact he sees other women bounce back just fine, and tells me “it’s simple, just don’t eat.” He has threatened me with divorce multiple times over my weight, over the clothes I wear (I often wear black or navy workout clothes because I feel comfortable in that right now) and he wrote me a list of what I should and shouldn’t wear, and dark colors is a no no to him. He also told me I shouldn’t purchase workout clothes in the size I am at because I am wasting money (he told me I am stealing money from my kids by purchasing workout clothes for myself), and often refers me to a family member of mine who is overweight and asks me if I want my life to end up like hers (she is divorced). we’re not great as we used to be in bed, which he also complains about and talks about how I don’t ever try to touch him. But the problem is, he’ll berate me in the morning, and then complain about it that same night. It’s hard to get there for me after he called me fat. Like, ok I don’t feel attractice, and clearly you don’t feel that way either.
I’m terrified of divorce and giving him some custody of our kids. He doesn’t take care of them mentally or physically, but he does financially.
I don’t want someone being cruel in their response, this is my life and I don’t know what to do. I feel belittled and picked on daily. I used to be so confident, I had a successful career, I was good looking, and overall proud of myself, and now I feel like a shell of myself of who I once was. Would love some advice.