Am I wrong or is my husband stingy?
Posting this in need of advice on how to live with a potentially stingy husband.
I (30F) grew up in a poor family and worked very hard to make more money so as to live a better life. However, it’s hard to enjoy the fruits of my labour, because my husband(33M)’s family seems to be quite stingy. Actually, he always tells me I’m the one who is wasting money so I’m no longer sure if I’m the one who has the wrong impression, so I would like to gather some opinion from the public.
Please rate him on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of stinginess and provide some analyses and advice on his behavior if possible.
Relevant facts (I swear these are 100% true):
1. He doesn’t switch on the lights when he poops because he “likes it”. When in actual fact he just wants to save electricity.
2. He doesn’t flush after he pees sometimes or insists I don’t flush if he pees right after me. He insists to use the half flush for everything including his poop so sometimes its not flushed properly.
3. He reuses tissue that I throw on the floor or around the house. He stacks them up to reuse them regardless of whether they are clean or dirty.
4. He keeps reusing soap by adding more and more water to soap bottles I had discarded. In fact, he’s still using the one I discarded a month ago.
4. He showers only once in 2 or 3 days. He doesn’t wear shirt or underwear at home to save electricity on washing clothes. He rewears socks and clothes at last 3-5 times before washing them.
5. He keeps badgering me to switch off all our ambience lights. When he’s alone at home, he just switches off all the lights and sits in the dark.
6. Ever since we met during COVID, we have not travelled even one time. And the only locations he’s willing to go to is Thailand or Bali because its cheap. This is despite the fact I’ve repeatedly expressed to him before it’s my dream to travel as I never got to go beyond Asia and rarely travelled when I was younger because my family is poor (I never even got to go on exchange due to this).
7. He keeps analyzing my expenses and question me on every expense, even small stuff like a new fruit knife ($8) or clothes that make me happy. He groans every time I buy anything from Shopee. I don’t even buy any branded goods. One time, I tried to buy a Samsung tablet that I really wanted (~1K) and he argued with me in front of all the staff for 1 hour about how this is overpriced and it’s “not about the money”. it’s “about the value”. He can never be happy buying anything nice, everything is about “value for money” and I can never buy nice food in peace without him badgering me. As a result, I’m always fearful of spending any money to reward myself due to his strong and unhappy response.
8. He insists that we go out only once in a week to “save money”. So we just stay at home all the time. When I want to go out, he says the quota has been met and we cannot go out anymore or repeatedly groans about it.
9. However, he’s ok losing >50K in the recent FTX scandal. I already told him to take out his money once the red flags were there but he did nothing. After he lost that amount, he said he “felt nothing”.
10. He also lost 100K+ in the stock market because he just buys trash and doesn’t do his own research. He “doesn’t like admin” so he doesn’t invest in tried and true ETFs or dollar cost average and just buys into hype.
11. He doesn’t do deals or care about discounts despite claiming to care about “value for money”. He doesn’t try to optimize for cashback deals or anything.
12. We have about 2M in current wealth and 500K in combined income.
13. I grew up with less than 1000 in my bank till I graduated uni and juggled part-time jobs while studying to pay for my school fees. Never got to go on exchange, live in hall, etc. Meanwhile, he always got to travel often and live a normal life growing up. His parents are millionaires with private property. However they also scrimp like crazy and groan about every expense.