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Monday, August 8, 2022
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WOMAN INFURIATED THAT FRIEND’S HUSBAND IS INTO ASIAN WOMEN

I (Early 30s) recently be friended with this woman and I really like her (mid 30s). We’re both local singaporeans and sharing a lot of friends and experience in common.

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However her husband (white male, mid 50s) is sending out strange vibes which makes me very uncomfortable. She brings her husband everywhere so it’s inevitable to run into him. I have already turtled away from a couple invitations to hang out with them and I feel guilty to hide my true feelings from her.

Here’s the story. This white dude is almost 20 years older than her, a rich man holding a high position. They have married for 5 years.

The first time they came to my home for dinner, my husband told me he sensed some weird racist vibe from my friend’s husband. I didn’t sense anything that night because I was primarily talking to my friend, but I do remember my friend’s husband talked about getting into troubles at work because he was ME TOOed by a student. Red flag no 1, but I still trusted him at that time.

The other day I dropped by their house and he kept showing me cute Asian stuff, such as anime related things, stuffed animals….I said I’m not into this and he was surprised. And I noticed a book of his, The Power Broker (book about Robert Mosses) and I started to talk about the book, he didn’t engage in the conversation.

My friend told me her husband used to date only Asian girls, including his ex wife. I asked if she cares about it and her response is no, she thinks he’s the perfect man for her, mature and “silly” at the same time, established, caring and intelligent. I kept my mouth shut that day.

The next thing I sensed is that he doesn’t have many friends. The other day a common friend told me she (Asian female, in her 30s again) was asked to be the witness of his will. I was shocked that this friend only sees him probably several times a year and they’re not even that close. Can’t he find someone else?? He has lived almost half a century in this city. Why do you ask your wife’s friend to do such an important thing?

Then I went onto his Instagram to do some stalking and I found 25% of the accounts he follows are Asian females. That‘s the moment that I retrieved my “benefit of the doubts “ for him and started to feel infuriated.

I talked to a friend of mine about this situation and he pointed out that I’m married to a white man as well. Yes, that’s very true.

But I met my husband through work and we share similar interests and taste in music, cinema and art. We run a business together and I have never felt he was attracted to me because I am Asian. My husband and I both dated people from different countries and ethnicities background in the past as it’s very common living in our multi-racial society.

I never had any insecurity about my own relationship. And we’re also in the similar age so we’re navigating life together with similar mature level.

I personally can’t stand with stereotypes and I think it’s harmful for my Asian female community. Am I being too narrow minded? Should I accept my friend’s relationship as love can’t be judged? I’m very perplexed and most importantly, I have no courage to talk to her about my true feelings.

Please give me some advices, thank you!

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