I (37M, SG) have been dating this girl from Malaysia for almost three years. Everything was steady, or so I thought. We’ve done the long distance, the Causeway jams, the whole works. I’ve spent more time at the JB and Tuas checkpoints than in my own living room just to see her. Finally, I thought it was time. I saved up, bought a solid ring, and planned a proper proposal. Nothing too over-the-top, just a nice dinner and a heartfelt moment.
The moment I asked, she didn’t even cry or act surprised. She just looked at me with this “sian” face and said she cannot accept because our “culture and tradition are worlds apart.”
EXCUSE ME? We both speak the same languages, we eat the same food (even if they claim theirs is better), and we have the same festivals. What “worlds apart” is she talking about?
Then she starts her lecture. Apparently, my “Singaporean mindset” is too “materialistic” and “rushed.” She says she wants a life where we “follow her kampong ways.” Basically, she wants me to consider moving there or, at the very least, spend every single weekend and public holiday back in her hometown, following every single traditional custom her family dictates. She wants the slow life, but with my SG salary.
The best part? She says I’m the one who is “unwilling to adapt.” I accepted her for who she is! I never looked down on where she came from. I was ready to provide a good life here, BTO, stable career, everything settled. But no, because I don’t want to live that “kampong life” and follow every specific traditional “pantang” (superstition) her grandmother mentions, we are suddenly incompatible?
It’s like she wants the Singaporean security but with a 1960s lifestyle. When I tried to argue that we need to be practical, especially if we want kids, she turned it around and said I have “no soul” and I only care about KPIs and efficiency. KNN, efficiency is what puts food on the table!
In the end, she didn’t just reject the proposal—she used it as a reason to break up. Claimed that if we can’t agree on “values,” there’s no point. I’m just standing there with a ring in my hand feeling like a total clown. Three years down the drain because I’m “too Singaporean.”
Is it me? Or is this just a massive excuse to run away? I feel like I’ve been scammed of my time and effort. I’m 37 already, not some 21-year-old boy. I don’t have time for these “culture gap” dramas. If you want a kampong guy, go find one. Don’t date an SG guy for years and then act shocked that he acts like… an SG guy.
Whatever, man. At least I saved myself from a lifetime of being told my “traditions” aren’t traditional enough. Stay safe out there, boys. The Causeway isn’t the only thing that’ll cause you a headache.