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Saturday, June 10, 2023


I encouraged my husband to pursue his career overseas for better opportunities which was before COVID. I always believed if a man wants to cheat, he will do so whether he is near or far away from the wife.


Friends warned that my husband might cheat, but I was confident

My husband has good track record (as far as I am aware) and trust was the reason why I even allowed him to work overseas. My friends warned me but I was confident of myself, of him and the foundation of our marriage.

Things were ok and he came back regularly pre COVID and I thought we were managing long distance very well. He brings more money home and comparatively lower expenses (rental and education are expensive if we moved) with us staying in SG and then COVID struck.

Life won’t be so smooth to let you have everything. When you have one thing, you lose something else too. Like one commenter mentioned, minds can wander when you are alone in foreign land, especially COVID days when people feel helpless, isolated and thus fall to temptation.

I agree to a certain extent but I feel that cannot be an excuse because I remained faithful during the days when he was not around and I was a single parent for the past few years.


Then I checked his phone and realised he was cheating

I accidentally found out about my husband’s trails on his Google search and history of webpages he visited.

I was shocked to see what he was searching over weeks and it’s definitely an affair going on. I was in a dilemma to confront or not.

I was totally heartbroken, cried many nights, lost weight and cannot understand why he can do that to me. His betrayal was a big blow to me, a failure of me and my marriage.

Given my character, I cannot let this go without knowing the truth. I got myself prepared with divorce advice from lawyers i.e asset distribution, appropriate grounds for divorce (adultery is very hard to prove so don’t bother), how to have better chance on child custody, work out how much monthly support to get from him for the children to be prepared for the worst.

He apologised and wanted to make amends

Eventually I confronted him (with more evidence) and truth always hurts. My husband admitted he made a mistake and promised to make up for it. I think it’s important that a man has the courage to admit his mistake and he did not blame others for it.


It was a very tough time and I underwent marriage counselling to help myself and to know how to go on. Counselling helped me reflect that the relationship probably weakened over the years when we were apart and COVID exacerbated our problems.

Maybe I neglected his needs both emotionally as I was busy with kids and work, and also physical needs were impossible to fulfill even I want to.

On one hand it was my kids as they are close to the father and I do not want my children to grow up with a broken family; and I still love my husband very much and the other was struggling with my pride, the heartbreak, the loss of trust and I did consider to divorce him just to punish and make him regret his actions.

Know what you want and your priorities are important. Also ask yourself, after knowing the truth, can you forgive and continue the relationship? If you will forgive, is it then necessary to confront?

He is no longer working overseas and we are working towards mending this relationship. He remains a caring father to the children. I am sharing my story with you and others who may be going through the same thing. To share with you that this won’t be an easy path.

On one hand, you are afraid of being betrayed again and on the other hand, you want to give him, the marriage and your children a second chance to make things better. I choose the latter.

It takes two to rebuild: for him to be honest and admit he made the mistake and really make effort to do things that can help mend the relationship and for me to show him that I can still trust him.

To this day, we never mentioned about it ever since then. Once buried, don’t ever dig it out to talk about it again. If it’s one sided effort, it’s only a matter of time that the marriage is over.

If possible, marriage counselling for both may be good before things get out of hand i.e literally having a mistress/family out there.

In any case, get yourself really prepared for the worst i.e to walk out of this marriage before confrontation.


When you are prepared to lose it all, you have a better chance for the outcome you want. I wish you all the best.

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