Should I have a child for him/her to have an absent father
I had a genetic hormonal disorder and was under treatment for 2 years. Finally, the doctor gave me the nod to go off the meds and I could start to think about having kids.
My husband and I never really talked about it but we are under assumption that we both didn’t want kids, especially with my hormonal disorder. But there has been constant pressure from our families (he is the only son of his family). His mum has the same hormonal disorder as me (oh, the chances right?) and it’s almost quite certain that my future child would have the same disease, which will make him/her susceptible to depression, anxiety, weight changes etc. In addition, my husband is colour blind. None of these are actually life-threatening and can be managed with modern medicine.
I think the greatest hurdle that prevents me from wanting a child is that my husband is very much married to his work. He only has a diploma but works as an admin in a SME which hires him under 2 company names but gives him one pay. He loves the responsibilities and trust the bosses give unto him and gives his life to the job, which includes picking up calls in the middle of the night and going to his boss house to fix their WIFI on a weekend. On the other hand, I have a Masters and a rather chill job.
We have a cat and I thought it could be a “test” for him to see if he could be able to take care of another living being. Despite having a chill job, taking care of the cat alone completely tires me because I am the only one taking care of OUR cat. He doesn’t ignore the cat, I can see that he loves him but because of his job and long hours, he doesn’t have time to brush, clear up after the cat etc, daily. Every night he comes home, he’s just tired and wanna rest/ do his own stuff (play games). And when the cat is sick and has suddenly emergencies, I have to take leave to bring the cat to the vet ALONE. (Mind you, my cat is quite heavy!) His job is too busy and he can’t afford to take leave. During weekends, he plays with the cat sometimes but mainly still wants to play games. He really treasures his “me time” and is not very involved in housework nor the general upkeep of the house.
I grew up in a family where my mum is the superwoman and my Dad is always around but not actively involved in our upbringing. I am quite sure he’s gonna be like my Dad if we ever have a child. I don’t want my child to feel like he/she is in a “single” family nor I want to lose my “me time” while my husband gets to enjoy his. It would be so tiring bringing up the child alone and I certainly don’t wanna end up like my mum. I want my child to feel the love from both of his/her parents.
I am not a girl who has dreams of having my own kids nor do I have a life mission of having a child. If I have a kid, I wanna give him/her the best. If not, I can definitely do without. Should I just forget about having a child (be satisfied with being a single pawrent) or should I just get pregnant first and see how he reacts/ changes to being a father?