please, don’t say I’m bragging, I’m genuinely just tired.
I need to get this off my chest because it’s getting incredibly exhausting. Since I was young, I’ve always known my brain works differently. Not to toot my own horn, but I was blessed with both superior IQ and EQ. I can see through people’s BS in two seconds, predict exactly how a social situation will play out, and grasp complex concepts instantly.
But you know what the worst part is? Living in Singapore, social conformity is everything. If I were to operate at 100% of my actual logic and intellect every day, I would be completely isolated. I would have zero friends.
So, what do I do? I mask. Every single day, I deliberately lower my baseline just to fit into my social circles. When I hang out with my friends at the hawker center or cafe, I go through the motions of having completely useless, mundane conversations. I talk about the weather, standard office politics, or superficial gossip just to have people to hang out with.
The funniest (and saddest) part is the ego-feeding. I constantly find myself asking them questions I already know the absolute answers to. I’ll act slightly confused about a topic just so they can “explain” it to me, nodding along and saying, “Wah, seriously ah? I didn’t know that, you so smart.” I do it purely to feed their ego and make them feel secure around me, because people get incredibly defensive when they realize you’re ten steps ahead of them.
Sometimes, I look at myself from a third-person perspective and I honestly feel like a sentient AI. I’m just running an algorithm called “How to act like a normal human being” so I don’t alienate everyone around me. It’s all simulated empathy and calculated responses.
It gets so lonely. I’m surrounded by people, yet completely alone in my own head. Am I the only one doing this? Are there any other high-IQ/EQ people in SG who feel like they are just acting in a play every day? How do you cope?