It’s going to be a long story that I need to get off from my chest and pardon me from all my grammar in case there are any grammar police in the comments section.

I have been with my gf for 4 years since 2019 and there were many ups and downs between us. But today she decided to break up with me because of everything that happened and also because of her parents. Some back story – she has depression and I have been by her side in early 2019 and decided to get together with her because I really care for her. And there was once she attempted by overdosing and I went with her to the hospital and stayed overnight with her. Her parents didn’t even came to visit her immediately and they only came the following morning with policeman and I was arrested and detained for 48 hours because her parents told the police that I was the cause of her to suicide.

It took me 1 year to get her parents to really understand me and I have to endure things like can only sit at the balcony because I am forbidden to go into their living room, I cant use their toilet and have to run to the nearest toilet outside to use before running back to her house balcony. Everything was ok but in 2020 when my gf shared her dreams over dinner table with her mum and elder sister, she got shot down by saying she becoming an accountant will never be rich as an interior designer and that almost made her want to attempt again but it took me a while to calm her down while maintaining my cool in front of her parents.

Side track her sister is an interior designer and she is always borrowing money from my gf which pisses me off because when my gf doesn’t have enough to lend her, the sister would tell her mum and she will get scolded badly for being useless. Her sister is also married to an Ang Moh banker and stays in a bungalow, have 3 dogs and a helper and 1 son and the irony is she always have to borrow money. Another irony is her sister could stay overnight with her then bf and not give a shit about her mum and her sister could easily get away with not paying her university school fees and not get scolded by her parents, but I have to made sure I was a good guy before my gf could stay over at my house.

I hate her sister because she keeps telling my gf to find Ang Moh or find sugar daddy so she can have money, saying i am useless and not earning as much as her husband. And her mum keeps telling my gf to find someone around her age like her classmates and all, i am only slightly older than my gf who have graduated and in the workforce. All this overwhelming thoughts went into her mind and depressive state which one day in 2022 she decided to take a break from our relationship and dated someone else but she was not happy because the guy abused her, forcing her to do things against her will. Her mum did not want to help her break up, so I stepped in and told off the guy and her mum, and this incident cause her mum and dad to have bad impression of me. We have to hide our relationship moving forward and it appears to be very taxing for her and just today she said it to me and said her parents will never be accepting us and growing older, she feel that she wants to have her parents validation and blessings as compared to 4 years ago when she just wanted to heck care them. I don’t get it, her parents don’t even give her allowance, don’t even pay for her medical bills when she see doctor and psychologists, don’t even give her money and ask her to keep buying things from Shopee or buying food home, don’t even care about her and only scold her for being useless when she can’t lend her sister money, to date she have already lend her sister 3k.

Even if she gets awards from school, the parents don’t even bat an eyelid. Yet today she says she don’t see a future in the relationship and wants to break up. I really don’t know what to do now, as much as I hate her parents and want to bring her out from that shit hole, suddenly she drop me a bomb saying that.

Is it a red flag if you gf doesnt seem to be interested in spending time with your family but expects you to spend time with their family? Family is a big thing to both of us.

I’ve been spending alot of time with her family driving them out, joining them for birthday celebrations, dinner etc. My family doesn’t do much of these events but whenever I ask her to join us she would always say “I let you know again maybe I wanna spend time with my family ” when in fact she has been spending a lot of time with them on weekdays (she doesn’t go out much) and Sundays.

I feel like she’s being so selfish.

Here are what netizens think:

• Just level up to her. Don’t force her to come. But instead you force yrself not to be involved with her family activities too much . If she make a scene you said I have family too. Rub it in.

• Yes it is indeed a red flag. Observe other aspects of her behavior and see whether it is consistent. Then decide if you should continue with the relationship.

• I won’t call it a red flag. Did you even tell her that you think she’s selfish for spending all her free time with her family and none for yours? Sometimes people need to be blatantly told in the face to know what’s on your mind. Its only a red flag if she wants everything that evolves the relationship to be her way or the high way. Find a middle ground for this as this will dictate the future of your relationship should you ever marry her.

• If your values don’t align, then nicely break it off and find someone else whose values align with yours.

• It’s normal lol. Ur family is urs. Her family is hers and urs. U can find new gf and it end up the same 99% of the time.

Hi, I’m looking for some advice.

I’m going on my first staycation with my new girlfriend this weekend. We’ve been together for about 2 months and this is the first time we will be intimate. All throughout my life, I’ve worn highly padded shoes. I’m in between 160-170cm, but I’ve been doing this so long that I know how to make my height look like a large 180cm. I know my girlfriend likes it because she’s complimented me a couple of times. This weekend, however, I’m afraid that my girlfriend will be disappointed when our shoes finally come off. I really like this girl and don’t want to upset or lose her. What should I do?

Here are what netizens think:

• How did u make urself 10cm taller? Please teach me senpai.

• “I’m afraid that my girlfriend will be disappointed when our shoes finally come off”,Now that’s the first time I’m hearing that.

• Build up ur bank account to impress her. I’m 173 cm tall in actual. But when girls see my bank account, they view me up like a 174 cm.

• Nice spoof and twist. Instead of the usual concern about willy length, you chose height. Lol. Your between 160-170cm and with the highly padded shoes that makes your look like a large 180cm. You wearing HEELS? I think you should just tiptoe throughout the staycation.

• I’m curious how does the padded shoes looks like. Can make 170cm become 180cm? Or make 160cm to 180cm?? Wow I’m dying in anything higher than 7cm heels.

• Next time dont lie about yourself. Now u put urself into this situation. Just come clean with her, maybe she understands ur honesty after ur lie.gd luck

• Don’t worry about your height. Going for staycation, your height no longer the most important one. You got 20cm “little brother” can ady

• No point worrying about something which may not be a concern. You GF could be between 140-150cm wearing a 20cm padded heels. Whatever it is, you will still be enjoying the 20cm gap. Happy couple.

SA. Need to ask everyone’s opinion here. Also long story but please do read.

So a guy (Let’s call him Matt) and his gf (Let’s call her Jenn) lives together. They’ve been doing good together, until one day, they argue about going to a night club. Let’s just say Matt doesn’t want Jenn to go to a night club cause he’s worried about her safety.

But Jenn insist, saying she’ll be just fine. Matt still wouldn’t allow it. So they argued a lot. Jenn however, always find a way to go to the club. Either by lying about her location, made excuses, or simply just wait for Matt to fall asleep early. Everytime Matt found out, he’ll get mad cause he’s so worried about her. Jenn however, continued to do this like more than 10 times, and got caught by Matt at least 7 times.

Matt is very forgiving, but even he has a limit. The only thing he doesn’t want Jenn to do is to go to a night club. That’s it. Nothing else. But Jenn didn’t care. Matt told her, that if she goes there again, one more time, the relationship is over. Jenn, thinking it’s just another chance, simply just go out anyways. She doesn’t care anymore.

Unfortunately for that night, after hours in the night club, she got R and SA by a guy there. She called Matt, crying, told him everything that happened. Matt immediately drove and picked her up, went to the hospital and police station immediately to make reports and gather all those evidence. Took hours,

but thankfully, the evidence gathered are clear, and the police said for now, they can go home while they go make an arrest on the suspect. It was very late night at that point.

Matt, however, drove Jenn back to her parents’ house. Jenn feeling confused and asked why. Matt said that he’s sorry about everything that happened to her and it’s not her fault, however, he’s a man of his word. He said that he did warned her that if she goes to the club one more time, the relationship is over. Regardless of what happens, even if she’s safe and nothing bad happen, the relationship is still over. Matt did say that if she needed help about the case, he’ll help. But that doesn’t mean he and Jenn are together.

He already packed every Jenn’s belongings from his house the moment she walked out to go to the club. All of it is in the car, and he carried it for her to her parents’. Jenn, crying and begging, asking him not to leave her and said she won’t do it again. Matt however, said that he has his limit too. And he said why does it need for this horrible thing to happen then only she’ll listen. Before he leaves, he told her again, that he’s sorry about what happened, and that if she needed any help with the case, he’ll help. But that’s it.

So, the question is, is Matt wrong for doing what he did in the end?

The dating scene has gotten progressively worse with the increasing connectedness of the world as a whole (ironic, I know!), where the average female is now able to gain access to a far larger pool of potential romantic partners.

Why settle for a diploma graduate when you are receiving attention from degree holders?

Why would you agree to go on a date using public transport, when you can get driven around by a car owner instead?

Why date a 1.7m tall average-build man, when you can look up to a 1.85m tall muscular handsome man?

That’s the thing, it is ridiculous to not fish around and monkey-branch for better job opportunities, much like a potential offer from Janestreet/Blackrock and Google/Meta will always make you snub an offer even from Govtech. The same holds true for dating options, since a younger impressionable lady will quite literally be inundated with suitors.

By no means am I calling for some social reform, or that women should lower their dating expectations and agree to go out with any Tom, Dick or Harry. I, along with my closest peers, believe, and are all working on ourselves, so that we may become better individuals, developing holistically.

But I can see my own privilege/opportunities/background. Education, finances, health, appearances, family, occupation wise, we are all above-average and stand a reasonable chance in terms of securing a healthy relationship.

I am willing and able to improve, because I can.

Not everyone is willing to, or even able to.

I can see primary school batch mates jailed for crimes.

I can see secondary school batch mates bouncing around from one dead-end job to another.

I can see JC batch mates grappling with body image problems.

I can see army batch mates struggle with communicating.

I can see university batch mates mired in financial issues.

I can see internship batch mates develop health complications.

I can see my graduating class trapped in terrible jobs with low pay.

I can see colleagues manipulated in terrible familial relationships.

Notice how after you come to the end of the list, you naturally just think ‘I only want someone normal who made it through all of that. It is not too much to ask of, is it?’

This is considering that confounders such as car/house ownership, savings, investments, hobbies, etc are not even included.

As time goes on, the majority of men will have already been given up by the majority of women.

And at some point, these men will give up.

It is not unreasonable to want to date the best possible man.

I really have no idea how to solve this, since personally, I would probably struggle with settling down when there is almost always better candidates in your inbox.

It’s just unfortunate that the end result is huge amounts of unmatched individuals, both men and women. A large proportion of attached women will also feel like they settled for a backup option that is nowhere near their main choice, while a large proportion of attached men will feel trapped with an unsatisfiable partner.

I don’t think the politicians have a way to sort this out either.

It’s funny, especially with the current affairs playing out like that. HAHA

I have a confession to make, something that I have felt ashamed of for the longest time and I hope that sharing it will help me in some way..

In my early teen days, I was groomed and assaulted by my teacher. When the incident happened, all I knew was I felt terrorized in his presence. It wasn’t until I was a few years older that I fully understood what he did to me. He would often bring me into a dark room under the pretense of speaking to me about my academics during lunch hours. To intimidate the heck of me so that I wouldn’t dare to talk to anyone about it. Another occasion was during one of my exams, he deliberately tried to caress my chest (back then, tiny punchy chest) by reaching his hand through my chest and then pointing to the paper on the mistakes I made using his role as the supervising examiner. He would also insist on offering free private tuition, and when I declined, he would threaten me with my failing grades, that he would speak to my parent, etc. During the coaching session, he would pull my seat next to him and rest his hand next to my butt and press against it on the chair. There were many other events that have caused me so much trauma.

I have never spoken to anyone about this, as it is a dark, traumatizing, and painful childhood for me. But looking back, I’ve realised how this has affected my current state of mind, that I find it challenging to have intimacy moment with the opposite gender and there are many trust issues that I need to overcome myself. Writing this, I could still recall the entire incident vividly with fear.. and realise that even with many years that have passed, I’m still profoundly affected and in pain. What should I do? How do I get past this…..

Editor notes: If he is still alive,confront him, you can still make a police report. Is never too late to seek justice.