Had a conversation with an older colleague today over lunch. He is 65, and about to retire by the end of this year. He told us:

“At this age, you’ll realize life actually has got no meaning. Like what’s life? You wake up, go to work get yelled at by your boss and tolerate colleagues, earn enough to pay bills and support your family, and once or twice a year, you go overseas for a short burst of happiness. You come back and then everything is back to normal. Some of you are stressed about buying a house, some want to buy a nice car, some of you are stressed about marriage wondering if you have enough money to bring up your kid, and some of you work so so hard till never eat lunch and then fall sick. You add so much burden and kept adding and adding till you feel heavy every month. And at the end of the day, you realize your entire life was spent chasing something. You add so much burden to yourself that you didn’t get to fully enjoy life. And when you reach 65, it’s too late, your entire life just went by and you have missed it.”

And funny enough, a few of us can already relate to his statements at the age of 25-35. The mundane way of living has become the default standard. The more we earn, the more we feel burdened. We look forward to our salary, only to see it down by half the very next hour after paying for our expenses and bills. We work our butts off, chase for that promotion, getting by with minimal hours of sleep. Weekends / off days are literally for you to sleep at home to prepare for the arduous week ahead. Yes, people always argue that we should “not compare and be thankful” or the redditor’s favorite line “i just don’t compare lol” but saying that is as easy as saying “bro, it’s okay one” to someone after the passing of his loved ones. It’s not the same. Ans especially in Singapore when everything is so fast-paced, and people are always challenging and ousting one another, it can truly wear down someone. Recently heard about an ex-schoolmate who committed suicide because he felt as tho didn’t do his job well as a father and it made me realize how fragile life truly is.

So folks, what’s the meaning of life to you and how do you find meaning in life?

Edit: Seems like this post blew up and made it to WakeupSingapore and with exposure comes varying experiences and insights. Thanks to those who positively contributed to this thread. All I can say is to be civil and do not negate the experiences of others. You might be the lucky enlightened few who found joy in everything but there are always people around you who felt otherwise. And seeing how some people negate such experiences is exactly the reason why some Singaporeans are afraid of speaking up about their struggles. Only when an anonymous platform is presented will the stories start flowing in. That instead of reaching out we continue to trample on them by saying they’re too emotional and weak and “to be more grateful about life lolz”. Look behind the smiles of those closest to you, they might be quietly suffering without you realising. Take a step by asking them how’s their day, you’d be surprised.

Anyway, life is what you make of it; the good and the bad. When you look back at life and when you share stories to your grandchildren next time, I hope your stories will be filled with nothing but smiles and laughter

I need to get this off my chest, I’m having a tough day guys. I’m 30 years old and I’ve got nothing to show for it. I still live with my emotionally toxic family, have no romantic partners, no children, no house, hardly any money, no education. On most days, I don’t think about these things and I just put my head down and move on with my life. I have been suffering from depression for decades and I am receiving help for it. But today was a difficult day.

I ran into one of my friends from secondary school. We spent some time catching up and by the end of it, I wanted to cry. See, I was okay at one point in my life. I was doing well at school and was at the top of many of my classes before depression hit its peak and crushed me completely. Today, my former classmates are doctors, lawyers, IT professionals, teachers, and investment bankers. Some are even married with children. I was from a SAP school, nearly all my schoolmates are successful. Whereas I dropped out of school, have a dead-end job that barely pays, and don’t seem to have much of a future. My highest education level is O levels. I’ve tried going back to school many times but would drop out each time due to the mental health issues that were unfortunately debilitating for me. I’ve not stopped though, I will be doing my A levels in 2023 once I’ve saved enough money to enrol somewhere. Yet it all feels utterly pathetic and it feels like my life has been a massive failure. I will be a 32 year old doing A levels.

Comparison is the thief of joy, one of the first few things I did almost a decade ago was actually deleting all my social media . I lost touch with most of my friends from school and didn’t know how any of them were doing. Every now and then I would receive updates from the few people I was in touch with but I would try to keep my head up and not let it bring me down. I’m happy for all these people, they are good people. It’s not their success that is bringing me down, it’s my own failure, and the magnitude of my failure which becomes so clear once I compare myself to my peers, that’s crushing me. I don’t know how my life ended up here.

For years, I believed that things would work out for me. I believed that it’s not my timeline but God’s timeline, I would tell myself that I can’t follow the timeline of the world. There are so much uncertainty in the world, someone could have all the success in the world and die tomorrow. I had this almost delusional optimism that things would be okay, I believed that God had a plan. Today, I find myself in tears, thinking that there is probably no God. There is no plan. I’m alone. By telling myself that it was going to be okay, I was just consoling myself. The reality is that I got left behind in life, my life will never be the same as my peers’. I have to make peace with that. There is also a chance that I may never be okay. I may never recover from my depression either.

CNY every year, it’s the same questions from my relatives. Everyone is disappointed and ashamed of me. My life has been a failure to them. I don’t blame them for seeing it that way. I used to tell myself that it’ll be okay someday. I don’t believe that anymore. I don’t see myself recovering, leaving my family, having a family of my own, successfully get into uni, having a better job. I don’t see any of it happening. Depression might be clouding my view or maybe this is the reality.

I just needed to tell someone this, thank you for reading. Tomorrow will be a better day, but today, I just need to lick my wounds.

I guess this gonna be long. I dated a guy from an online platform last year and I broke up with him recently. Things were okay at first but it was a roller coaster ride throughout after that.

The first couple of dates did not show the red flags until we were officially together. He does not have saving habits and cannot manage his own finance properly. I tried my best to find the methods that best suit him to save but he keep strongly rejecting the ideas and said it does not work on him as he know himself the best.

Soon I also found out he likes to gamble on frequent basis. At that time, it was soccer. But so long you gamble within your means / moderately for a bit entertainment, it is okay right? No, he plays big when he has the feels. There was one soccer match that he had “feels” for it and decided to bet a few thousands. Guess what? He lost all. His pay wasn’t a lot too and he’s in the force.

Later on he went on debts for several reasons, end up with no savings. He had to borrow from his parents to clear his debts. But when he already has debts and yet he still play mj and play quite big? To the extent where he will find strangers to play with. When i found out, i confronted him and he claimed playing mj is form of relaxation, to destress himself from all the problems he had. I initiated break up. Knowing he messed up, he asked for a second chance to prove himself. So I did. He did stop on the soccer bets and mj for a while.

It didn’t last long until we went overseas trip together this year and he gambled at the casino and lost more than sgd 5k. I wasnt with him that time and i get to know after. When i asked if he knew his current situation and why will he still want play so much? Like he didn’t think of the consequences beforehand and losing this amount was seem okay to him? He told me he didnt think of anything else atm and likes the thrills when playing. Same goes to arcade like tz, cpcm, he can spend quite a lot that you cannot imagine in one day.

Again, borrowed money from parents to pay off his loss in gambling plus with his ongoing debts. At that time, knowing he in real deep shit, he cried and said he will change for better for real this time. Giving a benefit of doubt that he will change for the better this time, i stayed to go thru the tough times with him. But then again, how foolish of me to think he will change since leopard cannot change its spots? I was constantly thinking about the future. What if I’m together with him with kids, how am i suppose to take in and live with gambling and other stuffs?

The parents are very nice people and treat me well. The mum knows his pattern very well, told him to tell me not to waste my time with him with his situations like that. I really feel heartache and pity for his parents. I guess no parents want their children to be like that right but sadly they have to deal with it? He’s a freaking working adult.

We also had quarrels on other things as well during this rs due to different communication styles and mindsets. I also found out he is manipulative and being double standards. His thinking is immature and living in his own bubble. Sometimes we happened to quarrel during his work time, he would threaten me that he’s at work or else he will do stupid things. Hence, I will have to give in.

He once told me, he sought for drinking and gambling to release out every time we quarrel. That’s also I know it’s the end for us. He can choose other forms of coping mechanisms eg: exercise but he choose those. Even the partner isn’t me, and he quarrels with his future partner, he will still choose his poisons as his coping mechanisms.

There’s a lot more things also contribute and to consider, hence we decided to break up amicably for good.

After we broke up, I do feel relieved as I think I wasn’t really happy in the rs at all, even there were happy moments. Certain times, I was stressed out because of the rs. Thinking back, I think i was in my lowest point and I was never really happy. My friends can sense I wasn’t happy and stressed out often. Right now, I feel like I’m at a better place, finding peace and giving some self love I have never given myself before. I cared other people that I forget to care for myself.

1 month after we broke up, he found a new girl, should be online platform as well. Well, quite expected as it seemed he did the same to me previously. And probably he scared being lonely and wanting to fill up his emptiness or that’s his coping mechanism. He broke up with his previous ex that time and a few months in found me. Also, He has a quite a number of exes before me.

They seems to be on honeymoon period and with that I think the girl have yet to find all these red flags and truth from him.

I’m wishing the new girl good luck and all the best until she found out all the red flags and debts. Unless he hides it very well from her and no intentions to tell her? But I also feel like telling the new girl about his red flags so she won’t get hurt eventually. Should I tell her, or ignore and let it be?

In today’s rapidly evolving digital landscape, the concept of traditional employment is undergoing a transformative shift. With the rise of freelancing, individuals now have unprecedented opportunities to create their own paths, set their own schedules, and achieve financial independence without the constraints of a typical 9-to-5 job.

One such individual who has successfully harnessed the power of freelancing is a self-made entrepreneur who has managed to carve out a thriving career from the comfort of his own home.

Routine

My daily routine as a freelance copywriter: (Working overseas w/ a 16-month old baby)

7am: Play with baby / greet the nanny
10am: Wake up / play with baby / make coffee 10:30am: Morning catch-up / reply to LI comments 11:00am: Journal
11:30am: Meditate
11:45am: Write
1:00pm: Lunch
2:00pm: Write
4:00pm: Hit the gym
5:00pm: Family time
8:30pm: Put baby to sleep
9:00pm: Start work shift (it’s 9:00am EST)
9:30pm: Post on LI / comment / engage / DM
10:00pm: Get on a client call / message team members 11:00pm-lam: Research copywriting projects / pitch ideas
3am: Go soothe crying baby

TOTAL TIME –
MIND: 45 minutes
BODY:1 hour
BUSINESS: 5 hours, 30 minutes
ELATIONSHIPS: 4 hours

Life can feel chaotic at times. But it’s important to make time for what matters.

Here are what netizens think:

• Um the nanny is just creating longevity to her employment by pulling in her employer and getting a baby. Now she’s live in nanny

• Greet the baby / play with nanny

• When does Nanny leave? Or is that what he calls his wife?

• Honestly I kind of like looking into weird schedules it just seems interesting to gain insight into certain peoples lives.

• I don’t know if I’d say no one should be working 40 hours a week. I clock out pretty strictly at 40 (though there are exceptions on certain weeks depending on projects), but I find I do productive things for most if not all of the time I work. Obviously there are days where I wish I could get more done, or meetings where I think “okay, this could have been an email,” but those are pretty rare. I agree that a lot of jobs and industries expect 40 hours, week-in and week-out, when they don’t need to, though. 40 hours a week being just the automatic default is silly.

 I love my boyfriend and we have been together for more than two years now.

But lately, I have been feeling like he is not expressing his love for me enough. I know that I should not be materialistic, but I want him to show me he really loves me by buying me a Rolex.

It’s something that I have always wanted, but I don’t want to come off as too demanding or pushy. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he has to buy me something. So, is there a polite way to tell my boyfriend I want him to buy me a Rolex?

The answer to this question is a bit complicated. On the one hand, I understand that it is important to be polite and not make demands. On the other hand, if I don’t express my desire, I may never get what I want. It’s a difficult position to be in, as I don’t want to come off as too demanding, but I also don’t want to be taken for granted.

Here are what netizens think:

• My first suggestion is to start by letting your boyfriend know how much you appreciate him and all that he does for you. A simple “thank you” or a hug can go a long way in showing him that you care. This can help to open up the conversation and make it easier to bring up the topic of a Rolex. The next step is to explain to him why you want a Rolex. Explain to him that it’s something that you’ve always wanted and how much it would mean to you if he was able to get it for you. This is important, as it will show him that you are not just asking for a gift out of the blue, but that you actually have a reason for wanting something so special.

• I would suggest that you propose a reasonable price for the Rolex. This will show him that you’re not expecting something that is way out of his budget. It will also show that you are willing to be reasonable and compromise.

• No matter what you say or do you will sound like a gold digger.

How do you deal with a situationship? 1.5 years of being ‘together’ and yet the guy you love is still undecided on you.

Even when you give your 200%, you are never good enough. You give him everything without expecting anything in return and yet you are never good enough.

He is out there knowing other girls under the pretence of friendship & gets mad when you express your concern. Somehow your concern is always a manifestation of your paranoia, impatience and anxiety. It’s never valid and you start second-guessing your gut and feelings all the time.

Funny how he doesn’t want you but at the same time, he doesn’t want to let you go. Despite all the red flags with his loyalty and commitment, you can’t let go too because you sincerely hopes he will change one day. Do you stay when he doesn’t call or check in on you? Do you stay when meeting you has become a chore? Do you stay when you’re non existent to the people around him?

Do you stay when you’re never his priority? I guess I know the answers to my own questions but letting go is tough when I’m shrouded and blinded by my love for him.

Question now is: How much longer can I wait until the heart runs out of love?

Respond from someone with similar encounters

I find myself in a similar situation-SHIT, where I love him deeply and willing to contribute everything I can, but I don’t receive genuine affection in return.

I was aware of the red flags, which were even worse than yours because I knew he had a LT girlfriend while he was with me. I wasn’t certain if they were still together, as the girlfriend knew he was being unfaithful (although he was unaware that I knew all of this).

Despite these red flags, he insisted that he was single and not ready for a committed relationship, this he just want to remains as it is.

Despite knowing he was a manipulative person who enjoyed playing with girls, I still held onto the hope that if I continued to show him my sincere love, he would eventually reciprocate. However, I was wrong, We cannot change someone’s feelings, and we cannot change who they are. We can’t force love.

I’ve always tried hard to break free from this toxic cycle, but I find myself falling into the trap again and again whenever he returns or just some nice words from him. Yet, I was still consistently treated poorly right after we meet, and our encounters are always brief (obviously i was just being used, I know)

I’m still struggling to find a way to leave and move on. I have no one to confide in because my friends and family would simply think I’m foolish. It feels as though nobody truly understands me.

I sincerely hope that you have already moved on from your situation. I wish I could meet you in person so that we could support each other in escaping this terrible situation.

All the best to you.

Very annoyed with a friend in my group.

She’s one of the followers in the group as she doesn’t like to state an opinion until we speak and she doesn’t voice out a choice until we speak out too.

I know she likes to blend in but its starting to annoy me because she consistently copies how I dress, up till what I carry and use, the last straw was that she also copy my hairstyle!

I’ve been following a blogshop recently and got a few outfits. She followed my ig so she must have seen the tags on my posts. Not long I see her wearing the same outfits as me, including the same colors. People joked that we look like sisters. But I don’t find it funny at all. Whatever happened to individuality?

I cut bangs recently and she followed suit. I cut short to shoulder length because it’s been so hot lately and she did the same too! She even copy the kind of shoes I wear. I switched to mules and she also did the same. It’s so annoying!

I use real Chanels and Gucci.and what nots. I get this is hard to copy but she got similar quilted bags without logos that look like imitation. I worry people will think that I also carry fake bags. I dread the day we ever got caught wearing the exact same combination. I don’t want to look like a fool together with her!

I stopped sharing where I got my things but she still manages to find a similar version of what I’ve got. Argh….

Mutual friends tell me to just ignore it and take it as a compliment. It’s like telling me I should be glad even though I feel violated, robbed, harassed. How does this justify what she’s doing? I feel so annoyed! Why can’t she find her own style?!

Here are what netizens think:

• I ask you this. Will you be annoyed if someone on the street wears the same as you? The fact that she copies you is a reflection of her inadequacy. This process that you’re going through is self inflicted, and only you can stop it. Even if you manage to get her to stop, when the next person starts doing the same, it’s another round of mental anguish and negativity for you. Let go. Don’t take it personally. Don’t even think this is flattery. Just ignore. If people quip that you look like sisters, just dissociate from that statement and maybe say you feel sorry for the copycat. And move on. Don’t let it destroy your peace. And this is one instance where you have control.

• keep it going, if you have at least 20 people like that, you might be able to start a cult.. grow your worshipper and later on collect money

• As a friend.. give her some suggestions and directions what what suits her better. She probably find herself sharing the same fashion sense as you. Like you said.. “Doesn’t like to state an opinion until we speak, likes to blend in”. Lastly, don’t need to confront her. She probably doesn’t know she offended you.

• Put “Hey X, this is the link for you to purchase the EXACT items I have! Don’t need paiseh ah! I am glad you love my style and that I am your muse! Xoxo” everytime you post online.

Ghosted…or not? Should I wait?

So my crush recently went on a 3 years overseas uni to California for further studies. Since before the trip he has been uncontactable. And has not been replying to my texts. I was wondering if I should just move on or wait since it’s a pretty long time and while I do have time to wait, it’s the silence that is slowly killing me inside. Thoughts?

Here are what netizens think:

• Wait for what? You yourself also know gone liao right. Don’t kum gong k? It is a horrible feeling to wait on someone.

• our crush for him has crushed your brains

• If he’s uncontactable to YOU, that means he’s not into you. Move on.

• If you are someone he treasure ,you don’t even need to text him and then wait, A guy who show interest in you will never leave you out of sight,trust your intuition, slowly but surely you can move forward without having to wait..let others come into your life and if he return oneday then it is your call.

• If a man really likes you, he will be too scared that during this period, you will date another person. He will just keep appearing in texts, emails, comments in social media, just make sure you know he is still around.

• Probably prowling for an American girl to date. Also there are plenty of international students too to fulfill his Korean Brazilian or arabian fantasies.

He truly has ghosted you. Human beings love to BS ourselves and being in denial rather than face the painful truth. Move on.

• Its just a crush feeling on your part.nothing concrete. He didnt declare anything else to you or professed his feelings. Move on rather than being getting your heart crushed later ..

Hi there! I’m a 23yo female this year and I have recently started working after graduation in a pretty well paying job.

Things are looking up for me and I also have a hunch that my boyfriend is going to propose soon because he has been probing me alot about ring preferences alot in the recent months. T

BH he doesn’t really have any red flags and has alot of green flags: he’s kind, caring, family-oriented and gentlemanly. S is also very good and it helps that we both have high libido. Career-wise he is also doing very well too. I genuinely do see a future with him and want to start a family with him.

HOWEVER theres just 1 thing… He is 10 years older than me and we’ve been dating for about 10 years as well. And if you did the math… Well yeah, I think you’d get it.

It kinda was child grooming?

I’ll admit we starting having S really early on into the relationship (less than a year) and we have been active throughout. We also haven’t been using any protection but in his defence, it was a mutual decision.

Honestly I’m torn after doing some self-reflection.On one hand, i really love him and want to have a family. On the other I find it hard to come to peace with the past. I find it kinda messed up.

I’m afraid that others will know about the past and whether it will affect my ability to be a good mother to my children. I would say yes in a heart beat if he asked me for marriage a few months ago but now I’m not sure. Please advice this troubled girl!

Here are what netizens think:

• We drive looking forwards, not in the rear view mirror. If you can’t put the past behind, you simply aren’t ready at this stage. Give yourself and him more time.

• Marry him if you’re ok with the knowledge your soon-to-be husband is a child offender/pedocause that’s what he is. If he says he isnt, tell him to ask the police if what he did is ok.

• Dated for 10 yrs and u r 23. A 23 yr old in love with you as a 13 yr old. This is weird

I’m leaving my terminally ill wife

My wife and I had 6 incredible years together before she was diagnosed with young onset dementia 3 years ago. She is only 44.

She is unrecognisable from the wonderful, vivacious, kind woman I married. That woman was the kind of person that lights up a room. I feel like I no longer know the person I’m married to.

Her dementia means her behaviour is radically different now and usually unpleasant. She goes through ‘sundowning’ and becomes incredibly aggressive and hateful. Or hysterically tearful.

Her mood swings are continuous and unpredictable. I have help from family and friends but it still doesn’t make it bearable. She hardly knows me at best and hates me at worst.

I’ve decided to leave. Not divorce, I need to be there legally to support her medical decisions, but leave the relationship. Pay for a carer to support her where I can’t and eventually move her into a facility when that isn’t enough.

I know I’m evil for leaving but I can’t do this. I can’t stand that she no longer loves me, barely even likes me. None of it’s her fault, none of it is even her, but I just can’t do it. I’m so sorry B

Netizens’ comments

1. Heartbreaking. I’ve worked with early onset dementia patients before but never as young as 44, that’s the most tragic thing I’ve ever heard
   I’m deeply sorry, I know it’s impossible to have a relationship in those conditions
2. If you are still going to stay involved to make sure she is taken care of, then you are not leaving her. You are just acknowledging that the relationship is now a different one.
   Sounds like you are doing the right thing.
3. I have told my SO that if I reach the point where I dont know him, to please put me in a facility and never ever visit me or feel guilty about it. To me that’s what love allows. Best wishes.
4. This isn’t leaving, this is more like being widowed. You’ve reached a stage of acceptance in your grief. This is you acknowledging that her illness has gone beyond your capacity to care for and that it is no longer in yours or her best interest for you to be her primary carer. There’s nothing evil but knowing your limits.