Hi, I’ve had this one on my mind for a while, and I just need advice on what to do, but I do feel like an a-hole for what I’m doing behind my mom’s back.
I will move to my bf’s place for good…
My mom (34) and I (16 at the time) had an argument. My dad had thought I was hiding something from them, because I wasn’t showing him my phone immediately. i was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three months at the time. I didn’t want my parents to find out because my boyfriend is half Thai, half white. My parents do not want me dating someone who is not chinese.
My mom had a history of bad experiences with white guys and she told me she did not want me to dating a white man because she didn’t want the same thing to happen to me. My dad on the other hand is very racist against everyone.
On to the argument, my dad had went to the bathroom, and my mom was left interrogating me asking what I was hiding. I told her I had a boyfriend because she threatened to take everything away from me if I didn’t tell her. She seemed relieved, and asked his name. I told her his name and her immediate question was “is he a foreigner?” And I nodded. She immediately told me to break up with him and that “I shouldn’t be doing that.” I told my mom I would break up with him, but I never did.
I do feel guilty for lying to my mom, but I’m very in love with my boyfriend. We’re both young (17) but he’s been by my side more than my parents have.
We constantly face time, text, play games etc. Whenever we get into an argument he never yells at me and we communicate correctly. It’s us vs the problem, as we describe it. My dad has made inappropriate comments towards me, and I would tell my mom and she blew it off and said “he sees you in me, don’t pay attention to it he doesn’t mean it” I think I do resent my parents because of that. There’s more like not taking my mental health seriously, constantly treating me like a child, and sexualization from my dad. I resent them for all of that and I feel guilty because they are my parents.
My boyfriend treats me very well. Has been there for me, never has called me out of name, and does everything he can to make me happy. I do not want to break up with him, but I feel like I’m the asshole for going behind my moms back and resenting her. I know what she’s been through, but I do love him with all my heart and feel like I should be allowed to love who I love. Regardless of how my parents feel. Am I the asshole?
Tragedy struck Pasir Ris West Plaza earlier this evening as a 61-year-old man went on a rampage and slashed 3 people at the mall, leaving at least four people injured, including the suspected assailant himself, according to The Straits Times and Lianhe Zaobao.
The incident, which unfolded at approximately 4 pm on Wednesday (20 Dec), sent shockwaves through the community.
Chronology of the Incident
Eyewitnesses reported a chaotic scene outside the Royal Regent provision shop, where the victims bore visible injuries.
Witnesses recounted the presence of over 30 police officers, some armed with rifles, indicating the severity of the situation.
The victims, allegedly attacked by a man in his 60s wielding a kitchen knife, suffered varying degrees of injuries.
The victims, a 53-year-old man, a 53-year-old woman and another 55-year-old woman were injured in the slashing and subsequently conveyed to the hospital conscious.
According to ST, a witness said that the two female victims were sisters who fought off the attacker despite being injured, and the assailant eventually collapsed outside the shop.
The assailant was also injured in the slashing and didn’t try to escape the scene after the attack, and he was sent to the hospital semi-conscious before subsequently being arrested for voluntarily causing grievous hurt with a dangerous weapon
Eyewitness Accounts
Residents and passersby were shocked by the sudden outburst of violence. Goods were found scattered on the ground, and blood stains marked a trail over five meters.
An eyewitness told Zaobao that one of the victims was so badly injured that their eyeball almost fell out, while another victim had her back slashed.
A few of the shops nearby had to be cordoned off as witnesses noted heavy police presence at the scene. Police officer(s) could be seen speaking to a few witnesses at the scene.
A netizen on Facebook, Patrick Tan, posted a video of the aftermath of the incident, saying that the assailant allegedly went into one of the shops and slashed two staff members, with one of them losing an eye and another lying on the ground.
According to Channel NewsAsia, who quoted the police, the Singapore Police Force said that according to their preliminary investigations, the assailant knew the victims and was apparently not on “friendly terms” with them.
Police investigations into the incident are currently underway.
I (31M) took my terminally ill friend’s virginity before she passed
Today is her one year anniversary since she passed and I can’t stop thinking about her. She was my friend for 6 years.
Her cancer came back aggressively, she told us she doesn’t want to go through chemo again so she planned to enjoy the time she had left.
Before that she was also kind of a homebody who was only close to a small group of friends which was us.
One night when we were all drinking she admitted to me she was still a virgin but she doesn’t want to lose it to just any stranger. At least somebody she trusts before she goes.
That person was me. She didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to, she asked but was willing to drop it and pretend it never happened if I decided no.
We decided to make it extra special. Got a nice hotel room, got those fake candles all over the room to make it more “romantic.”
Was the first time I ever slept with someone I loved but wasn’t in love with if that makes sense. It was still a very intense experience.
Not in a bad way. There was still lots of emotions. Even though she seemed so happy she got to lose her virginity to someone she trusts part of me wonders if I did take advantage. If I was wrong for saying yes.
It’s just hard because I miss her so much. But I’m still glad at least I got to give her something before she left.
Anyone miss your NUS student days cos you had a much more active s– life back then?
I really do. Back then, I hooked up with 3 different girls in the same orientation camp and joined overseas community service trips with f buddies, even getting to experience the thrill of doing it in public places and risking getting caught.
But ever since I grad and started work, things took a turn. Sometimes I just feel so tired and jaded from work and other life issues. I guess I lost the spark and enthusiasm I once had when picking up girls, and I come across as boring and worn out. Or it could be that the carefree school environment makes it easier for such casual flings to happen. I’m not sure. All I know is that girls are way less responsive to me than before.
I went from being able to hook up with a different young hot chick every month to going for half a year without scoring except for a rather old lady I met at a club who didn’t excite me half as much. It makes me feel depressed and miserable. I really for the good old days when I got so much action that it feels almost unreal.
What should I do? Do I work very hard and try to get really rich, to be able to live the same life again? Or should I go back to school as a freshman once more? I really enjoy hooking up with many girls, and I’d do anything to have that again.
My friends are calling me an ignorant person for refusing to go to a friend’s birthday party after they cancelled our plans
This is a pretty conflicting situation and I don’t know what to think. I have been friends for years with that person but they do have a habit of canceling plans and often giving fake excuses.
Well it was their birthday this week so I offered to take them out for lunch. Everything was going very well, they seemed excited for it and I was too. I try not to be pessimstic but with their history of canceling stuff, it can be hard to not think about the chances of them canceling last minute.
Unfortunately, I was correct, the night before (pretty late at night too) they sent me a message saying how they really don’t feel good and that we will have to cancel the lunch plans. I try to be understanding even though it hurts me, but what really ruined it all for me is that they posted stories and pictures of partying with friends. It sent me through a pretty massive existential crisis after all this time of dealing with this behaviour, and I essentially cried all night.
They are the king of putting people on aeroplane
This is where I might be wrong though, the next morning I still checked on them to make sure that they were okay (old habits, even though I probably shouldn’t have). They said that they were still feeling really bad but that we should still see each other for dinner later that day.
I really didn’t feel like it so I told them that I’d think about it. I did consider going to not make the situation worse, and to not ruin their birthday, but I ended up saying that I really wasn’t in a good place to celebrate today, but that we could reschedule.
That’s what makes me think I did something wrong, as I essentially did the same thing that they constantly do to me instead of being honest. I hurt their feelings a lot by canceling and I feel very very guilty for that, but at the same time I’m really fed up with this entire situation.
For context im 24 and my partner is 31, we also live with a roommate who is 26. I have been with him for 3+ years and the roommate has lived with us for about a year.
So semi-recently I realized that I was being forced to do every single chore as well as keep up with finances, run both the roommate and him to their separate jobs every day, make sure rent is paid on time, etc.
I tried having a conversation with both of them a month or so back, that even if I was stay at home I simply cannot manage EVERYTHING. (I am not stay at home I have a full time job) I told them that I shouldn’t have to ask them to do the dishes every once in a while, or take the trash out if they notice its full. They both then said “well ask us for help” I tried to do that and I was told that they were tired or that they would get to it later. (Spoiler they don’t do it)
The house in such dissarry and trashed, the toilet hasn’t been cleaned, dishes haven’t been done, their laundry is piling up, trash hasn’t been taken out and the floors are disgusting. I wanted to see how long it would take for them to clean 1 singular thing and neither of them can be assed to do it.
Even after all of that im still getting told “oh by the way the trash needs taken out. The dishes need done, you should clean the cat box, (not my cat btw), my laundry needs done,etc” and those are only the cleaning chores, I still shop for the house, take care of Financials and have everyone’s schedules on my phone so I can wake them both up in the morning so they get to their jobs on time.
Here are what netizens think:
Ask us for help sounds like they are doing you a favor rather than just keeping up with doing their share.
Oh God get out! Find a new place to live. Find an actual adult to room with if you need to. Your partner is thirty-one, you shouldn’t have to mother him or spend your time forcing him to do things all normal adults do.
This is called weaponized incompetence and you need to leave now. It won’t get better.
For context I’m an early 30’s male, in a relationship for 7 years with an early 30’s female, and we have two small children. A few years ago, I was in terrible credit card debt, which my partner cleared me of with $17k of her savings. We never set a serious repayment schedule or plan, as we were together and knew we’d stay together, with her savings likely going towards a deposit for a house at some point.
Fast forward to a few years later, I bring home around $3800 a month, she brings home around $1200 nett from her online business. I work 40 hours a week and do roughly 8 – 12 hours a week in a second job. She does not work, looks after our son during the day, and takes/collects our slightly older daughter from school.
Our financial situation has been poor until recently when I really took control and got us out of a real rut. My financial planning and taking on a second job have allowed me to pay off $600 of her credit card debt, a defaulted $300 debt of mine, I comfortably paid off a small holiday we were worried over, I’ve paid $130 for her to have her hair done in the last week, I’ve bought her new shoes she wanted and basically she has free reign with our money. My recently acquired sense with money has meant that we don’t go without at all, even when having to pay out around $300 to get our car fixed, paying for days out with the kids or budgeting for stuff like increased bills and transport expenses.
Whenever I suggest saving for something that I want (a guitar of around $900) I am met with an attitude that essentially says “no way”.
I flat out asked her what it would take for me to be able to buy something like that without her being annoyed and her answer was “I really don’t know.”
Am I the arsehole for wanting to spend some of the money I earn on me? I’m out working extra hours to ensure we don’t go without, and as a result we are thriving rather than surviving. I definitely feel like she sees more right to spending our money, even though I’m out earning it.
I understand that I’m technically $17k in the hole, but considering our financial situation has completely reversed and now I’m the saviour of our bank balance and not her, I feel like I’m doing a lot of work (missing out with my children because of it) and the only benefit to me is that we’re not struggling every month.
I know that saving etc. can take time – I’m not trying to take away from anything we have to treat myself, I’m willing to save even if it takes months and months. Do I need to fully pay off that $17k before I have a say?
Like the popular hokkien dialect song “If I have a million” that my older folks sings more often than rather, these two lucky Toto punters have instantly joined the millionaire club, something which many can only dream and be envious of.
So what exactly is Toto?
Origins of Toto
Toto is the first legalised lottery in Singapore, started by the only legal bookmaker in the country, Singapore Pools.
Toto was started as the government of Singapore wanted to clamp down on illegal gambling activities which was widespread in the 1960s.
It was first introduced in 1968 and got its name “TOTO” from the words “Totalisator” and “Lotto” according to information found in the Singapore Pools website.
How to play
To play Toto, a punter will have to choose at least six numbers between 1 to 49, and place a minimum bet of S$1 which is inclusive of GST.
Every Monday and Thursday at 6:30pm, the draw will take place.
The draw sometimes takes place at 9:30pm, when the Toto draw is a special draw or a cascade draw.
6 winning numbers plus an additional 1 will be drawn, and will form the winning set of numbers.
If the numbers that you have chosen matches three of the drawn Toto numbers, you win a prize.
Bets can be placed either at any of the Singapore Pools outlets, via its phone betting service or even via its online platform.
Toto bet types & amounts
There are many ways where you can play around and select the numbers for your Toto entries.
Currently, these are the few bet types.
Ordinary
– You select 6 numbers bewteen 1 to 49, and every 6 numbers that you have chosen will form an Ordinary entry, and each entry costs S$1.
System Entry
– You may select up to 12 numbers in this bet type, and the more numbers you choose, the more ordinary entries you will buy and therefore the total bet amount becomes higher.
– For every additional Toto number that you choose above 6, the name of the bet type will change for example if you choose 7 numbers, it will be called ‘System 7’ and if you choose 10 numbers it will be called ‘System 10’.
3. System Roll
– You have to choose five numbers of your choice and one rolling number. – The rolling number would be represented by the character ‘R’ and it will represent the remaining 44 numbers which you did not choose. – This would give you 44 different entries, and your bet amount will be $44.
4. Quick Pick
– You can choose this option if you do not have a set of Toto numbers in mind. – The system will automatically generate a set of Toto numbers for you. – You can choose to Quick Pick any amount of ordinary entries up to System 12.
Lucky Toto punters usually wins the jackpot from buying quick pick.
5. iToto
– Under iToto, you are allowed to buy more than one unit of a Quick Pick system 12 entry. – It is basically a Quick Pick system 12 entry divided into 28 units. – Each unit costs $33, (Normal system 12 bet amount / 28). – All 28 units of an existing iToto bet must be sold before a new iToto bet is generated upon demand. – By buying more than one unit, you will be purchasing multiple units of the same set of numbers. – The prize money will be rounded up to the nearest 10 cents.
Here is the difference between a normal Toto System 12 entry and an iToto system 12 entry as illustrated by Singapore Pools
6. Group Toto
– This allows you to share your Toto bet with a group of people yet have the same bet printed on multiple tickets up to 10. – The cost and price of the ticket will be divided by the number of tickets printed. – A minimum of $7 is required for each ticket. – The prize amount will also be rounded up to the nearest 10 cents.
– Group Toto can only be placed at the outlets itself, and the punter will have to use a bet slip to mark the numbers, check the Group Toto box on the slip and let the counter staff know how many tickets to print.
Here is the difference between a normal Toto bet and a Group Toto bet.
Physical Toto Ticket
Whenever bets for Toto are placed over the counter, a betting slip will be printed out showing the selected Toto numbers as well as the wager amounts.
An example of a ticket would be:
The ticket seen above is labelled into 5 numbers by Singapore Pools, and they each constitute a different part of a typical toto wager.
They are:
Bet Type
Self Pick Selection
Quick Pick Selection
Total bet amount
Draw date and number
The ticket represents your proof of purchase of Toto, and it is advisable to check it before leaving the counter that your bet entries are correct.
Once you leave the counter, you will not be able to make any changes and will have to spend more money to buy another Toto ticket to fix the errors if any.
Payouts for winning Toto
You must be wondering what constitutes a Toto win and what is the amount that you will win if you manage to match your set of numbers to the set of Toto numbers that is drawn.
Well, if you manage to match at least three of your chosen numbers to the drawn Toto numbers, you will win a prize.
The prize amount that you win varies, depending on the amount of numbers that you are able to match.
54% of the sales proceeds are added to the prize pool in every Toto draw and the prize pool is for distributing prizes which may be won for each draw.
Here is the breakdown of the amount that you will win if you match at least three numbers. The prize category is divided into ‘Groups’.
Different bet types also have different prize amounts. This is a little bit more complicated and Singapore Pools have came up with a table to explain the Toto winning payouts for the different Toto bet types.
If there are more than one lucky winner between Group 1 and Group 4, the prize money for the Toto group would be divided by the number of Toto winners in that individual group.
For Group 5 to Group 7, the prize money is fixed.
If there are no winners on that particular Toto draw between Group 1 to 4, the prize money would be snowballed and accumulated into the next draw within the Group itself.
The prize amount for Group 1 will only snowball till the fourth draw, while the prize amount for Groups 2 to 4 will be snowballed till there is a winner.
There is a cascading draw after every three consecutive draws without a winner in Group 1.
The Toto jackpot prize money will not snowball beyond the fourth consecutive draw and if there is no Group 1 winner after the fourth consecutive draw, the prize money which is a total of 38% of the fourth draw plus the amounts snowballed from the previous three draws will be paid to the next prize group with a winner and shared equally amongst the winning Toto entries.
To help better understand the concept of cascading, Singapore Pools have came up with an illustration here.
Odds of winning the Toto Jackpot
The chances of winning the Toto Jackpot (Group 1) is as low as almost 1 in 14 million, which means that it is actually easier to get struck by lightning (1 in 500,000) and easier to get shot by a gun in Singapore (1 in 1,000,000), even if it seems almost impossible to be shot by a gun here.
Singapore Pools have created this table to show the odds of winning the different Toto prize groups.
Toto statistics and draw history
On the Singapore Pools website, there are many tools that are provided to help Toto punters make an informed decision before placing their bets.
To start off, there is a Toto winning prize calculator for punters to calculate how much are their winnings in the even where the numbers that they bought matches 3 or more for the draw itself.
You can also check the hit rate history of the Toto numbers to see which numbers are drawn most frequently to increase your chances of winning the jackpot.
For the more superstitious punters, there is also information provided on which outlets generates the highest amount of Group 1 and Group 2 winning tickets.
There is also a page where the top 20 jackpot prizes and their winning shares are shown, to allow to people to see and dream that maybe one day their statistics will be there.
Disclaimer from Singapore Pools: Every number has an equal chance to be drawn, regardless of where the ticket was bought. Statistics are provided only for informative purposes.
Special draws and cascade draws
Every year, there will be a few special Toto draws and cascading draws.
Special Toto draws happen usually when there is a festive season or a commemorative event, such as the yearly Hong Bao draw to celebrate the Chinese Lunar New Year.
The Toto jackpot prize money are usually higher during such draws. In the latest Toto Hong Bao draw which took place on 26 February 2021, the Group 1 prize was a whopping S$9.6 million, and the Toto jackpot was shared by a total of 5 lucky winners.
The most recent Toto cascade draw during the time of writing saw the Group 1 jackpot prize reach almost S$10 million, and the prize money was shared by two lucky winners.
Top three luckiest Toto outlets
While the drawn numbers are randomly selected and generated, there seems to be outlets that have generated more winning tickets as compared to other Singapore Pools outlets.
This has led to flocks of people specially heading down to place their bets at these outlets, in the hopes of creating a ‘higher’ chances to strike the top jackpot prize.
The outlets that are named here have consistently been providing winning Toto tickets, and they are named not in any order as the draws are still happening twice weekly, which will result in the outlets taking over each other’s position in the number of times where Group 1 winning tickets are generated.
The information provided here about outlets who have the most number of jackpot prize winners is accurate as of 14 Oct 2014.
NTUC Fairprice Serangoon Central Hypermarket
12 Group 1 winners, 46 Group 2 winners and 58 Group 3 winners.
2. Delisia Agency Pte Ltd
12 Group 1 winners, 60 Group 2 winners and 72 Group 3 winners.
3. Tong Aik Huat
11 Group 1 winners, 76 Group 2 winners and 87 Group 3 winners.
Changes throughout the years
Toto first started in a ‘5 out of 49 format’ in 1968, where five numbers out of 49 will make up the winning set of numbers.
It subsequently changed to ‘6 out of 42’ in 1988, and the top prize then had a minimum sum of S$300,000 guaranteed.
However in year 1997, Toto rules were changed again. This time, the Toto numbers changed to ‘6 out of 45’ with the top prize raised to a sum of S$500,000 guaranteed.
The latest change to what the format is today came in October 2014, when it was decided that six winning numbers and one additional number out of 49 will be drawn twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays.
The jackpot sum was also increased to begin at at least S$1,000,000.
Responsible Gaming
As much as Toto may be a great way to realise your dreams of being a millionaire without working for it, it is also important that we gamble responsibly.
It is okay to indulge in a little bit of gaming, provided that you do not use your money for daily necessities to gamble instead of getting what you need to get and it is spare money that you can afford to lose.
Many punters including those that gamble on Toto tend to have the mindset that they are investing small money to get bigger returns.
Afterall, the saying “not everyday is a sunday” goes.
One must remember that the odds for gambling are always stack against the punter, and the bookmaker always wins.
There is a Chinese saying which loosely translates to “Gamble 10 times, lose 9 times.”
My wife and I started saving for our kids early but we didn’t anticipate university overseas was going to get so expensive.
By the time our kids were going to university we had 106k saved. My son was going to university first but we told both our kids that they would get 53k each and they could go to university with that money or they could withdraw it after 21 but that was all the money they had and we weren’t contributing more.
It would cover almost all the tuition at the university but if they wanted to go to a more expensive school that was on them and they had to cover it. My daughter went to a private university and lived at home. She finished with a degree in business with almost no debt.
Our son decided to go to a more expensive school overseas and paid the rent with the tuition there being over $27k a year. We tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn’t listen and we gave up and told him he would have to pay his own path.
So after 2 years, he had used up his money and even worse he wanted to switch majors which meant another year in school. He asked us for money but we told him he had gotten all his money out of his education fund and he was angry and didn’t want to take out loans so he started working.
We told him he could move back during the pandemic to save money but he lost his job and picked up another one relatively quickly but it didn’t pay as much and he started buying so much stuff off Amazon I’m sure he wasn’t saving anything. He recently got a better job but it still doesn’t pay what he needs to go back to university and he started spending it on video games and clothing. 4 years later he still hadn’t saved any money and his sister is now making six figures and it’s making him feel bad.
He started smoking and not working, playing video games all day and I think the company caught on and laid him off. Whatever he is doing is not enough to save for university and asked us again for money for university.
We told him again all the money we were contributing was in the education fund and he chose to go to an expensive school. He complained he didn’t understand what that meant at 18 and it was our fault for letting him. We didn’t let him we tried to talk him down but he wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t force him to go to the cheaper school. I told him he should just take out loans to study at the cheaper school but he says I should be paying for his school and isn’t budging.
We had a lot of fights with him and us over this tuition thing and he thinks we have treated him unfairly by not giving him more money. He also stays up late partying and comes home at midnight and refuses to do chores.
We didn’t have any choice but he give him 3 months notice to move back to SG and he moved out last week to be with friends.
He yelled at me when we weren’t ever going to his wedding or seeing his kids and my wife wants to just pay for his schooling so he doesn’t end up a loser.
I broke my Dad’s super expensive guitar and then blamed my brothers
I’ve got a big family (5 brothers 2 sisters and me…the guitar murderer) and we are all pretty musical. We had a family band growing up and would play and perform all over.
One day somebody left my Dad’s precious guitar on the couch and l I jumped over the back of the couch to sit down and cracked the neck.
I looked around quick and realized no one was there so I bolted. Dad came home saw his guitar and lost it.
My Dad always favored my brothers and I knew he wouldn’t be as mad at them as he would at me if I broke it so I said they were rough-housing all day in the living room.
He basically did nothing as I’d anticipated. I still feel bad. Not for lying to my Dad but for breaking that beautiful guitar.
