My wife came out to me two years ago and I’ve just been pretending it never happened

My wife and I have been together for 13 years now. We have three kids, and our marriage has been mostly good. I am still so in love with my wife, and I’ve been very happy in our marriage and with the family we’ve created.

A couple of years ago, my wife told me she’s been confused but now realizes that she’s far more romantically interested in women than men.

This revelation didn’t come out of nowhere, and I’ve been accepting and supportive of my wife’s evolving identity. I’m proud of her, even, for having the courage to redefine herself at this point in her life.

But I’m also deeply devastated by it all. I thought I had the life that I wanted, but now I have doubts about the entirety of our marriage. Was she ever really in love with me? Did she ever really enjoy sleeping with me? And what does the fact that she settled for me say about me and my masculinity? It’s hard for me to conceptualize any of this as something other than the result of my inadequacies as a partner.

My wife redefining herself means that I have to redefine myself, too, and I just don’t feel capable of doing that. I don’t want to separate from her — I can’t even bring myself to sleep in a separate bed.

I still love this woman with all of my heart, and I don’t know how to just turn off my feelings for her and transition our relationship to something platonic. I can’t bear the thought of starting over or of being alone. I cherished my marriage and the stability that it brought to my life, and I’m so terrified of moving forward that I’ve just been avoiding taking any action to change my situation any further. I know my inaction is frustrating her, but I feel incapable of doing anything about it.

I envy those people whose parents don’t need their children to take care of them. But since it has come to this, I hope to seek some advice.

Background story, my father has been self-employed and not very frugal w spending , but at least he is not alcoholic or mistreats the family so I’m grateful for that. He does not have much savings, cpf not much money other than medisave cos compulsory topup. My mom is rather frugal, has met the BRS for cpf so she is doing fine. She will prob ask for some token amt but she is reasonable so I’m not that worried about her. They have separated.

So, my father has been hinting that he is waiting for me to take care of him, which made me feel a bit stressed out.

I will be graduating by next year, so hopefully, I can get a job by then. I’m intending to get a resale flat, work for prob 3 years and try to have a family. I would like to be a SAHM for a few years before returning to the workforce. My partner will be able to cover for our expenses, but he is not getting 10k or those sky-high salary so we still have to be frugal.

My father has treated me alright, and since I will be working I’m not sure what percentage of my salary to give him. Like I need to save up to pay the loan and have some savings of my own to prepare to be a SAHM, so idk what to do.

He will most prob rent out my room after I move out too, so is it ok if I give him like 5-10% of my salary? And even though I can afford to prob give him like $300 a mth (I dont think I will earn alot, prob around 3-4k), that wont be enough if he decides to quit his job and rely on me 100%, I’m unable to support him completely cos I will have a family of my own. He even asked for a room in my new house so I can take care of him, I just pretended not to hear it.

With his current diet and lifestyle, I hope he will stay healthy, but if anything happens to him ofc I will try my best to take care, within my means. But just not now, this is making me so stressed. If I’m not intending to have a family, I really dont mind, but with my future plans this is going to be very difficult. I don’t even think there are enough rooms to accommodate him and my family.

Shld I just forgo my dream of being SAHM and just work so I can afford to give more money to my father??? Cos I’m really against the idea of him moving in with me. This may sound selfish, but I just want to start a new future w my partner, to start a family of my own.

To add on, I’m not the oldest child, but somehow the responsibility fell on me just cos I have a slightly better relationship w my father. Maybe I shld learn from my older siblings and ignore him so I wont need to do anything? But I’m also not that heartless so idk what to do…

I’m alrdy stressing out about finances before grad. Pls give me some advice, scolding also fine, cos I really dk what to do.

A few netizens shared some of the horror stories that they faced as teachers when dealing with unruly and self-entitled parents.

The self-entitled one

My friend is a teacher at an atas kindergarten. Because of covid she now stands outside to take the kids temperature before going in.

There’s this woman that drops off her son in a bmw. But won’t come out and open the car door for him. Neither will she let him open it himself.

Because she wants my friend – the teacher, to do it. My friend refused to, and the woman legit sat in her car for 10 minutes until she couldn’t take it anymore. She came out and scolded my friend and complained to the kindergarten. They told her the teachers are not chauffeurs lol

The no-boundaries one

Was a contract teacher in 2012 in a primary school. I’m so glad I did not go into NIE. Anyway it’s a good thing I didn’t because I couldn’t see myself being a teacher.

One parent called my personal number at night asking whether her son needed to bring the textbook the next day. She didn’t want him to carry a heavy bag. I asked how she got hold of my personal number and please don’t call me at night except for emergencies. She proceeded to tell me as a teacher it’s my job to care for the students and especially so for her son because he’s mildly autistic. He deserves more attention than the other students.

This parent was also one annoying one that requests the school hold monthly meetings with the teachers who taught her son for updates on his progress.

The on-the-dot one

I’m working at a Student Care centre in primary schools now. Some self-entitled parents expect their kid to be punctual on the dot (dismissal 3:30pm means to their hands at 3:30pm)

Some text at 3:27pm where the centre phone will be boomed with messages. So they expect their child to fly down within 3 minutes to the gate.

What they don’t know is, when they send the msg, we forward the msg to the class teacher, then the class teacher will send them down.

Sometimes, the class teacher is preoccupied with something, imagine taking a class. If they wan their child to come on the dot, then message early lah pls.

Some parents also cannot wait, 3minutes pass the dismissal timing shouting at us, “why i message already still not OUT YET!!!!!!!”

Omg parents can come late but expect us to get the kid ready on time

In a world where people like to show off, people often spend more than they can afford in buying luxury items just because it is expensive and helps boost their ego.

But deep down they are just shallow people and manipulated by marketing and advertisements.

A man recently shared how his girlfriend demanded a wedding ring from him based on the price of the ring and not based on design or other reasons.

Here is what he said:

My girlfriend insists that her future wedding ring should cost at least 1 month of my salary (3k and above). I personally don’t think it’s worth to spend so much on a diamond ring. Would love to hear your opinions.

Hmm i’ve not thought about it that way, cutting the marriage budget for the ring. I have tried telling her how the money can be put to better use but she still wants 1 month salary worth.

Here are what netizens think:

• on one hand you would want the ring to last a long time, on the other hand, no i don’t think setting a minimum price for how much your wedding ring should cost should be a hill to die on

• We got cheapo rings back then. This year we are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and she has been my pillar of strength when the going gets tough.

• Get married when you’re unemployed so your monthly salary at that time is $0. 5head

• I think it’s definitely reasonable to suggest lab grown diamonds. There is no practical difference (besides the price) for the most part and most people won’t be able to tell them apart. Using value as a reason for your worth is nonsensical to me, you should already know your worth from day to day interactions with your partner. And, there are better things you can do with that money to feel your ‘worth’. And wanting a natural diamond ring essentially only benefits the corporations that have been marketing it for years, i think it’s nice to have a conversation diving deeper into it

At present, more and more young Malaysians choose to work hard in Singapore, thinking that they can earn more here. Is this really the case?

Recently, a female netizen asked on a social account, “Can Singapore really make a lot of money in a short period of time? Is it too late for me to go at the age of 29?” The news immediately aroused heated discussions among netizens.

3 Times More

She said, “I feel that it is very slow to make money in Malaysia. Many friends have gone to the other side. They can earn RM9350-RM15580 a month. I am so envious…”

“Although every time they come back, they say that the work there is very tiring, but they came back after a few years of work and bought a house, a car, and various luxuries… Now I also want to go to Singapore to work. I am 29 years old, is it too late? ?”

After the post was published, many netizens commented, and their opinions can be divided into positive and negative.

Positive netizens said:

“Working in Singapore is an important way out for young Malaysians. Although the pressure is relatively high, they can indeed make a lot of money in a short period of time.”

“Although the pressure is relatively high, it can make you better. 29 is not too late. I only came after graduation. As long as you work hard, you will be rewarded!”

Netizens with negative views said:

“Singapore is not as good as you think. When you come, you will know that every day is very hard and living expenses are high. If you don’t have technical skills, let alone making money to buy a house, life is a problem!”

“Singapore’s work is so stressful and overwhelming, I repeat the same life every day.”

Some netizens said in surprise, “How does one with a 3-5k salary buy cars and luxury goods?”

What suits you is the best

Of course, some netizens hold a neutral attitude towards this, saying that no matter where they are, as long as they work hard, they can achieve their goals.

At the same time, someone warned the netizen, “Don’t let your thoughts be controlled by others, it’s best to find what suits you!”

I grew up in a pretty big family as well, there are 5 of us, and my family was living at bare minimum too. I got along well with my siblings, there was lots of laughter and funny moments. But we couldn’t afford some of the opportunities that we wanted. I rmb the insensible primary sch me asking my parents to let me go for piano or ballet lessons after seeing my friends performing, but was told that we cannot afford. Even for my sports CCA, I had to pull out cos of the fees incurred, and switched to a club that won’t incur fees.

Moving to sec school, I couldn’t join my friends to eat outside school cos fast food was considered expensive. My friends would go for occasional movie trips, but I did not join any cos it was expensive, plus as the eldest, I have to go home to take care of my younger siblings. I had difficulty integrating into my circle of friends since I can’t hang out.

I started doing part-time after JC and all the way through uni, in order to fund my own expenses in school. I was asked to forgo a major of my choice and opt for a more lucrative one as I am expected to help out with family finances when I start working.  In order to juggle work and studies, I couldn’t actively participate in CCAs. While others form friendships and networks in uni, I was pretty much isolated.

Having started work for a couple of years, my savings have been limited since I took over the allowance and expenses for my youngest sibling in poly, plus some other bills. My boyfriend and I has been dragging our BTO plans in order for me to build my savings.

I love my family and I know my parents tried their best to care of us. I feel very very bad for thinking this way, but I always thought about the missed opportunities and social life due to financial constraints. While I grew up with useful house-chores and babysitting skills, I would hope to have picked up some other skills ie sports, music during my childhood. I mean, who will want to spend their childhood doing chores and babysitting.

I’ll probably get bashed for this. People would say I should be contented and there are people out there who are worse off. Yes definitely, I don’t deny. I’m not saying that the children in the report will feel the same way as me; they might grow up feeling that their childhood was perfect for them. But I feel that there should be a balance between wanting alot of children for a merrier family vs being able to afford a childhood that your children want. After all, childhood is very short-lived and we won’t get to live through it again.

Just a rant.