Hi guys, please help an insecure girl out

Is it normal for a guy to go for days without texting their partner and not celebrating valentine’s day nor anniversaries (not even mentioning it through text)?

For context, I’ve been with my partner for a year and this is my first relationship. Being a total noob, I tried my best to show my appreciation for him with either notes or small gifts but I’m met with kinda lukewarm responses.

The fact that we have to keep our relationship low-profile due to circumstances doesn’t really help my insecurity too.

I’ve tried telling him that I need more reassurance and security but I don’t think this is something that he will/can change for me.

However, when we do go out, I feel so happy and secure. I’ve tried reasoning it out by myself, thinking about how maybe he’s just busy, not a romantic person or just has bad memory…but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

It’s scary to think about the future when the initial feelings fizzle out too. What can I do to solve this problem?

Thanks for listening to my semi-rant too

This is going to be a bit on the long side, so I apologize ahead of time. Im 42, my mother is 64 has always been manipulative, and mentally abusive toward me. This unfortunately extended to my daughter/

About 12 years ago, she yet again found herself fairly much homeless (after she got cheated by some guy). My husband and I took her in and had her stay with us. My daughter (known as A) was 3 or 4 at the time. The ground rules for her were, this is our house and we will raise our daughter as we see fit.

My husband and I are atheists. My mother is a Christian. We told her we’d support her in going to the church of her choosing and even help her find one where she felt at home. However, we told her that she could not take our daughter to church or teach her that Christianity was the only way. We wanted to introduce our daughter to religion as this is what some people believe and this is what her dad and I believe. We wanted her to make up her own mind about this.

The rules were followed fairly well for the most part for a little bit. Until we went to get our taxes done one afternoon. We came back to a very upset kid. I took her for a drive to Mcdonald’s and asked what happened. A said that my mother had told her that we were going to go to hell because we don’t believe in god and that if she didn’t pray now that God would let her go to hell too. She then proceeded to teach my daughter to pray.

This is where I drew the line. I could take my mother trying to manipulate me all the live long day. I could take her abuse and it didn’t matter because she’s my mother and that’s just what I did for my whole life. When she did this to an impressionable child, my baby, that is where I drew the line.

I promptly kicked her out of my house and told her I would never talk to her again.

Just recently, I heard through my brother (who I have also not spoken to because he took her side and said I was the unfillial) messaged me through Facebook and said she wasn’t doing well and was expected to not make it for much longer. She apparently has congestive heart failure or something. Then last night I got a message from her on Facebook.

This is her redacted message:

I still truly love & miss you and A! Please, please, please allow me in your lives again? I realize how much I must have hurt you, can you find it in your heart to forgive me before I die? My new phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. Will you be as kind to call me?? I truly want you guys in my life!!!

I want to ignore but my brother and mothers side of the family is telling me I am an A-hole.

What should I do?

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, his son was 3 when I met him. He’s grown up around me, and he now lives with us full-time because his mother mistreats him.

Last night: I’m a 35 year old, overweight woman. I wear high-waisted long bike shorts and sports bras to bed, and it was our two year old’s bedtime when I was getting out of the shower.

Since I usually head to bed after the baby goes down, I came out in my sleepwear to pick the baby up and put him to bed.

My stepson and husband were chilling and my stepson, 13, asked if I was gonna do yoga. I’m literally more covered than if I wear a swimsuit, but my husband said this morning that I need to cover up around our son if he’s making comments.

I kind of bristled at the idea for a couple of reasons, one: I’m his stepmom, but I can’t wear the same clothes around him that I wear around the other kids and my husband in the house?

Two: it feels a bit like victim blaming when women are always told to cover up their bodies to “reduce distraction/temptation” for young men.

I do understand where he’s coming from. Our kid is 13 and hormonal, but I feel like if you make it inappropriate then that’s the real issue.

I don’t know, I’m probably overthinking this.

Netizen’s comments

The way you describe your outfit, it’s hardly inappropriate. The comment from your stepson wasn’t inappropriate either. I’d say your husband needs to get his mind out of the gutter.

I dumped my girlfriend because of her friends, not because of anything she did.

I’ve been with my gf for just over a year and overall she’s a nice person but her friend’s are absolutely cancerous.

The main ringleader has a kid and muscled her long term boyfriend into an “open relationship”. She parties severals times a week and bangs other dudes whilst the pathetic wormy doormat of a boyfriend looks after their 2 year old. The other one routinely cheats on her fiance and even slept with one of my bros in a bathroom stall the first time my friends and my girlfriend’s friends hung out.

They’ve pushed her into starting an onlyfans and all sorts of other grotesque shit, but my girlfriend justifiably tells them to kick rocks because she’s in a relationship. This only results in them throwing “controlling boyfriend” accusations my way. My girlfriends last two boyfriends were complete deadbeats, one of whom was a recovering addict, so this is the only “normal” relationship she’s been in for the past 5 years.

I knew it was only be a matter of time before she caved. You can’t be around serial cheaters and dirtbags without dabbling with it yourself at some point. And I can’t exactly tell her to cut off her childhood friends without some sort of resentment festering, so I did us both a favour and ended the relationship. She freaked out but I just told her I was in a “dark place” and couldn’t be in a relationship. I didn’t have it in me to tell her it was because her friends are actual human toilets.

This isn’t the first girl I’ve broken up with because their friends.

I’m skinny and boyfriend watches SUPER CURVY “videos” of other women (24F, 22M)

Let me start by saying I’m naturally very slim and I struggle to put on weight. My bra size is an A cup, and my bottom half is nothing special either.

I never gave it much thought, until my first boyfriend broke up with me. He cheated on me, and when I asked him why, he proceeded to tell me (and I quote) “Your body doesn’t turn me on. By the time you’re 21, your shape will fill out and be perfect.”

Well, I’ve passed 21 now, and I still look the same as when I was 16. Over the years, I’ve heard similar insulting comments many times over by men, and hearing “you’re not hot” in all its wonderful forms has really driven my confidence into the dirt. But enough with my sob story.

I found a wonderful partner, and I’ve been dating him for nearly a year. I was afraid to get naked with him, but eventually with his reassurance, I felt less insecure. Recently though, we don’t “do it” as often, it has gotten significantly less frequent and when we do he takes longer to finish.

Around this time, I also noticed he was taking extremely long trips to the bathroom while we were in the middle of hanging out together. Out of concern, I asked if everything was okay, and he told me he’s been constipated (how lovely)… I took that at face value for a while.

After weeks of this, I got curious and listened by the bathroom door while he was in there and heard moaning on his phone. I’m not against playing with yourself, but I found it insulting that when we were literally in the middle of watching a movie and eating dinner together, he left to go do that.

That brings us to today… I was sitting at our desk opening some bills and he told me I can pay them on his phone, which isn’t unusual for us since he has the apps to do it. Usually, he has no tabs open but THIS TIME as you can probably guess, there was a big old “video” staring me in the face.

The woman in it had a MAMMOTH chest and ass. The polar opposite of my physique.

I had this sick feeling in my stomach, and impulsively pressed the history button. You know that feeling when you know it’s bad, but you can’t stop?

I scrolled and scrolled. And there is was displayed. Day after day, week and week of videos and ALL of the women (literally every single one) had the same body type. Cartoonishly proportioned ultra voluptuous curves.

Clearly he has a type.

I haven’t mentioned the bathroom or the phone situation to him. I’ve put on a smile and tried to pull myself together but it stings a lot.

I would have felt a bit better if the women were varied: you know some thin, some curvy, some in between. But he actively searches for that body type every time.

I’m back to feeling rejected, not good enough, and ultimately not sexy.

I’m tempted to let him be free and find someone who really gets his motors running, since that’s what he’s apparently lusting for, but we otherwise have a great connection and loving towards each other so I’m torn.

I’m in need of some advice on how to proceed. It may sound silly but I’m really heartbroken about this discovery given my past. Male and female perspectives appreciated.

I have a guy friend who never have a gf before. A few months ago he told me he got a gf that he met through dating app. They chatted for a while in the app than they meet. On the 1st date, he hold her hand. She did not resist and so she become his gf.

A few days ago, i saw him post in facebook that he is single again. So i msg to ask him

Me: what happened?

He: she just ghosted me.

Me: why. Did she find a new bf?

He: i don’t know. She just stop replying my messages

Me: maybe you try to call her?

He: don’t need. Its very obvious already.

Me: did you have sex with her when you are together.

He: no she is a very traditional girl.

Me: how about hj or bj.

He: no too. Just hold hands

Me: why not you try to touch her

He: no. She can report me for molest. No sex till marry.

Me: no sex is not really in a relationship. Its more like friends.

He: yes.

Me: she tell you she is a tradition girl who will not have sex till marry?

He: no. That is what i feel base on my understanding of her.

Me: no lah. She has never liked you. When you hold her hand, she never resist because she don’t lose anything by letting you hold her hand. As long as she never have sex with you, she is your gf in name only. In reality, she just regard you as friend and she continue to try to find a bf. Once she found a bf, she stop contacting you.

Me: for you, hold hands = she is your gf. Don’t have sex = she is a tradition girl who will only have sex after marry.

Me: for her, hold hands = friends, can continue to go out with other guys and look for bf. For her, having sex than is = she is your gf

He: ya lah. Guess i am destined to be single. Maybe i will buy a dog to accompany me.

Me: forget about the dog too. For you, buying a dog = you are the owner and he will accompany you forever.

Me: for the dog, it is not accompanying you. It hates you but it force himself to stay with you because it is just waiting for you to give him his daily food to eat.

He tiam tiam never reply.

What you think about him?

For context I’m 26M, single and have only ever had one serious relationship. Ended amicably, reason being LDR

This started during CNY, where the relatives all reciprocated my Happy Chinese New Year with ‘I hope you meet a nice girl this year’s.

This was the first year where my marital status came up as a subject, and I finally realized that being closer to 30 rather than 20, I’d have to field this question in years to come.

I’ve also come to realize that I have kind of lost the ability to develop feelings for people. To preface, I don’t go around meeting people with the sole intention to date.

Friends have tried to set me up, but i would either say no (for fear of disappointing their friend) or it would be very cordial.

I just don’t feel the excitement and curiosity of meeting and getting to know someone new.

I was just wondering if any comrade has gone through the same phase. And what got you back into the dating scene

Ps, please don’t suggest dating apps, I feel bad for ghosting the people I do match with. Sorry for the rant