BF doesn’t initiate S-

Context

My (36M) boyfriend of 2 years doesn’t initiate s- with me (28F), or rarely does.

He has slept with numerous women while single and told me he had a high s- drive. Since we got together, I noticed fairly early that he wouldn’t initiate s- that much, and usually only when hungover (seems to boost his libido).

He has a history of cheating in previous relationships which he says is due to him being with people that withhold s-. He says he is happy with me and seems committed because I am fairly as high s- drive as him.

For most of the relationship, he probably only initiates about once a month. We have s- about once a week on average but its nearly always me starting. He seems generally satisfied when we do have s-.

We live together and I wfh. We have separate rooms but several days a week I sit with him in bed and we watch stuff/ spend time together. In general he is fairly affectionate and most of the time will respond if I initiate but I generally feel if I didn’t, he wouldn’t.

I noticed that he watched adult films a lot (I saw it was the most watched site on his browser home page). I think he watches it about 3-5 days a week but I’m not certain.

I’ve told him I wouldn’t want to be with someone who watches adult films more than they initiate s- with me and he says its not like that and he doesn’t prefer adult films to s-. He once showed me the adult films he watched at it was surprisingly vanilla so I don’t think I’m missing some secret link.

I have spoken to him about how I feel numerous times. His responses range from saying he does initiate it, to telling me it doesn’t matter as long as we have s-, or blaming me.

Recently he just said he has a lower s- drive than me and I make it worse by talking about s- (he even thinks its weird if I talk about s- after the event like when asking him if he liked it). He also refuses to believe its an issue and won’t listen when I say it makes me feel unwanted when its always me.

I feel he’s choosing adult films over me, he says its not like that and he only watches it if he can’t sleep etc. He also downplays how much he watches it. I caught him using Onlyfans, this was a one off but he knew I wouldn’t be okay with that (I feel its different as its paid and about one person). (I don’t think he is otherwise cheating).

I have asked him to make time for us to have s-, which has said he doesn’t like as he doesn’t like talking about it and wants spontaneity. But I feel this is blaming me, when in reality, if I don’t mention it its the same result.

He says he likes it to happen after we’ve cuddled etc but most of the time he’ll just let me go to bed after we’ve spent time together without initiating.

If I took my clothes off in his room most of the time he wouldn’t look… yet whenever we go on his laptop together the last google searches after often celebrities in their birthday suit etc.

I asked him once if he doesn’t like my body and if he sometimes feels like he wants it but just not for me. He basically said yeh sometimes but not often and it shouldn’t matter as he still finds me attractive.

I have gained a bit of weight since we met but I’m still fairly average.

My take is that if his s- drive is low, why does he need to watch adult films more than he initiates s- with me (I know self love and s- are different thing, but still doesn’t sit well with me).

My gut feeling is that there is an issue with adult films but he doesn’t see it.

I feel he is quite a s-ual person but just not with me.

Made a joke with a colleague at work, now being accused of s- harassment at work

Context

At work, there’s this lady in the office, let’s call her Mary.

Mary and I have always been friendly towards each other, plenty of banter, and we’re similar in that she doesn’t get offended by anything, neither do I.

We’ve made some really goofy and silly jokes before.

Anyway, yesterday I needed to go into the office to drop off some paper work. Mary gets up, and she’s wearing a very low cut top. So I tell her she needs to put those “weapons of mass distraction” away or people will be walking funny because of their ‘cannons’ in position.

She laughs and says I can have a better look later, which kinda made me smile and blush. I should note, Mary is happily married to her husband. This is just office banter.

Unbeknownst to either of us, another girl was walking into the office, heard our conversation and reported it as s- harassment in the workplace.

I got called into the office earlier today to give a statement about it. Told them that it was a joke between Mary and myself and no harm was intended from either party.

Now let’s see what happens.

Here are what netizens think

• Not sure where you’re at, but where I am the laws protect employees that witness the conversation/actions in question.
  
  Intent doesn’t negate the impact of having made your coworker uncomfortable. Even if your manager doesn’t take is seriously, your coworker has options.
  
• In this day and age, it’s best not to comment about anything especially the bodies of your co-worker
  
• It’s really not just about you and Mary if other people are hearing it. This woman who reported you heard you call another woman’s chest “weapons of mass destruction” and now has to think of whether you’ve come up with opinions on the chests of the other women in the office that you just keep to yourself.

Girlfriend’s ‘cat’ smells

Context

My (20m) girlfriend’s (20f) ‘cat’ often smells bad during s-, and it’s been like this for about as long as I’ve known her (around a year).

I’m not sure if it’s just her natural scent, but the smell is sometimes very strong (I can smell it when my face is a few feet above her ‘cat’) and it turns me off.

I often can’t push myself to give her mouth action because of it, and positions where my head is above her neither region can be unpleasant (e.g. entering the ‘cat’ from the back).

I’ve been with one other girl, and her ‘cat’ smelled incredible to me, so it’s not like I just have some aversion to ‘cats’.

I’ve tried to gently mention this to her, and that she should maybe go to a doctor, but she’s never been to a gynecologist and she’s super scared of going.

Is this probably bacterial vaginosis, or could she just have a bad scent?

Any suggestions on how I can nicely push her to getting it checked out by a professional?

Here are what netizens think

• It’s important to approach this situation with sensitivity and understanding. You might consider having a gentle and open conversation with your girlfriend about your concerns, emphasizing that you care about her well-being and want her to feel comfortable.
  
  You could suggest that she visit a healthcare professional, not only to address the odor but also to establish a routine of regular checkups for overall reproductive health. It’s important to remind her that visiting a gynecologist is a normal part of maintaining one’s health, and there’s nothing to be scared of.
  
  If she’s still reluctant to visit a doctor, you could offer to accompany her for support or help her find a doctor she feels comfortable with. Remember, it’s crucial to be patient and understanding throughout the conversation, as this is a sensitive topic. Good luck!
  
• I am a man who likes men so take this with a grain of salt, I’ve had at least a dozen women in my lifetime state emphatically that a ‘cat’ shouldn’t smell nasty and that some women don’t know they have issues down there.
  
  But they aren’t supposed to stink. I do know that. She has something bacterial going on down there.

For the past few years I’ve been wiping my D with toilet paper when I pee and now I refuse to use urinals because of it.

Context

It all began because myself and a group of colleagues from work all caught the same public transport and would get into some graphic but funny conversations on the journey home.

I don’t remember how but the topic of peeing at the urinal came up and one guy in the group said to a woman “no matter how much you shake, there’s always a couple of drops that end up in your underwear”.

Quite honestly I had never really given it much thought before then nor discussed it with another guy, but that sentence stuck with me that night and I realised he was right and also how unhygienic it was.

So I wondered “why don’t guys wipe after we pee like women do?” And so I started doing exactly that at home. It felt odd at first but I stuck with it and now I’ve made it my routine to tear two sheets of toilet paper off and place it on on top of toilet before peeing, pee, shake and then grab the toilet paper and wipe the remaining drops until dry and flush.

And honestly I feel so much cleaner and sanitary for doing so to the point where I do it no matter where I’m at, even in public I will refuse to use urinals and use the stalls just so I can use the toilet paper to wipe myself.

Now whenever I see someone at the urinal I always think of those last few drops and wonder how they cope with it.

I’ve been pretending to be dumb at work since I got hired.

Honestly, there is no point to wayang because if you wayang too much, people come to you to solve their work problems.

Context

I used to manage a cafe for years. There were people we would hire and they would be good at their job, but I wouldn’t rely on them for major things.

When I quit there I thought “why can’t I just be a little dumber and work with less integrity.” And so I did exactly that.

I’ve been slightly late almost every day, I keep “forgetting” things that are happening in the week. I ask how to do the same simple things over and over.

Nobody asks me to do any extra stuff, and I believe that’s because they think I am dumb.

It’s been fantastic.

I love it. At the cafe I used to work, I always got “we’re so happy to have you on our team! You’re a great asset!” And never got a bonus or a substantial raise.

At my new job, I’m making more than ever, and I am doing 25% of the work I used to do.

Pretend to be dumb folks, it’s great.

Here are what netizens think

• This is so wrong and yet so very right!
  
• I agree. On my job all these ‘managers’ and ppl who think they are important working 60h a week, sleeping with their work- phone and laptop… being on stand-by all the time while i work at 30% of their effort, couldnt care less and make barely less.
  
• Something goes wrong.. “Who’s responsible for this?”
  
  Also, I like to look annoyed or like I’m working out a problem in my head. People tend to leave you alone when you “look busy.”
  
• My “focused face” is just me with my eyebrows down, so I look sort of mad. Usually people don’t approach me if I have that look

Marital Woes

My wife had two affairs with different men behind my back.

Context

Long story made short, early in our marriage my wife had two affairs while I was serving the army as a regular (Honestly I made a mistake to marry when I know I won’t be around most of the time).

She had an affair with the next door neighbor and it went on for almost a year. I found out about it, and years later she came clean about the full extent.

She also had an affair with one of her childhood friends and had a kid but chose to abort it.

During this time I lost both parents and got hurt fairly bad. She was never there. We opted to stick it out. We have four children and have been married 16 years.

We can be having a perfectly fine time and my brain will go “remember this?” “Here are the details”. It sends me spiraling.

My wife is flirty and I have a lot of issues when she is being flirty with other men, even if it is completely innocent.

Do I think she will cheat again? No. But I don’t know how to move past that hurt. Its been so long and it still hits me.

I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to move past it and she doesn’t deserve that.

What in the world is wrong with me?

I think I may have deep rooted daddy issues. Not in a kinky way though, far from it.

Context

I feel like I am very fond of my coworker who is about 30 years older than I am. He is patient and funny and honestly I feel proud when he says I work well.

It is like, man, I wish he were my dad. Same with my boyfriends dad. I am fond of him too. I also view him as my own dad.

Now…it is not that my own dad is out of the picture. Honestly, most of the time he is nice to me. However, he has been an awful person to my mother at times, and during the last years of my childhood, I have always been in between them fighting. It was pretty physical and toxic and sometimes traumatising.

I also miss my dad though. He seems to have changed a lot and does not really try to interact with me and my mother as much anymore.

Though I do miss moments like when we used to game together when I was little, or when I used to just watch him play. Also used to hang out with me and my mother watching movies.

Nowadays he is more cold towards everyone and everything and I occasionally feel still sad/anxious/upset about some things he has done. Or still does..

But yeah thats it. Sometimes I feel weird about this, but I just admire gentle men who are reasonable and calm.

And I swear that I have not gotten a partner who is like daddy age before.

My friend had always been passionate about watches, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that he decided to take his passion to the next level. He invested his entire life savings into the Rolex market and bought over 30 pieces of the course of a few years.

At first, I was a bit sceptical. It seemed like such a risky decision to put so much money into something that wasn’t a guaranteed investment. But my friend was determined and he did his research. He knew that certain Rolex models were becoming increasingly rare and that the demand was only going to increase.

It wasn’t long before his gamble paid off. Rolex began to become increasingly difficult to purchase from retailers, as the demand for their watches far outweighed the supply. It seemed as though my friend’s investment was about to pay off big time.

Sure enough, my friend ended up making a 66% return on each of the pieces he purchased. It was incredible. He was able to sell the watches for a much higher price than he paid for them, as the demand for Rolex had begun to skyrocket.

The importance of timing.

My friend’s investment gave me a newfound appreciation for the power of investing. I had always thought that investing was something that only the wealthy could do, but my friend proved me wrong. With a bit of knowledge and a lot of research, anyone can make a smart investment.

He was able to capitalize on a moment when Rolex was out of stock and could not be easily gotten from retailers. If he had made his investment a few years earlier or a few years later, he would not have seen the same return.

As someone who has been in the financial industry for the past 20 years, I can tell you first-hand that student credit cards are a huge mistake. I understand that they have their advantages and they can be a great tool for students to start building their credit score. However, I think that these cards are going to teach these young punks a big lesson in the long run.

It’s not free money

The first lesson that these students are going to learn is that credit cards are not free money. Too often I’ve seen students get a credit card thinking that they can just spend it and not worry about the consequences. This is a dangerous mindset to have and it can lead to serious financial trouble down the line. Credit cards are important tools, but they should be used responsibly and carefully.

Another lesson that these students are going to learn is that interest rates can be incredibly high. Many student credit cards have high-interest rates and if the students are not careful they can quickly find themselves in over their heads with debt. This is why it’s so important for students to understand exactly what they are getting into before they get a credit card.

My friend was a victim

My friend got a student credit card and ended up in debt When my friend first got their student credit card, they were so excited. They thought it was the ultimate symbol of freedom and independence. Little did they know, they were setting themselves up for a world of financial pain.

The first thing my friend did was go out and buy a few things they wanted— some new clothes, a few gadgets, and a few nights out with friends. My friend thought about how great it felt to buy whatever they wanted without having to worry about money.

But then the bills started to roll in. My friend soon realized that the debt was piling up faster than they could pay it off. My friend had to resort to making minimum payments each month to make sure the credit card company didn’t start charging them late fees.

At first, my friend thought the debt wouldn’t be so bad. They figured they’d be able to pay it off eventually. But then, my friend started getting offers for more credit cards. Before they knew it, they were carrying multiple student credit cards with balances that kept growing.