Had a conversation with an older colleague today over lunch.

He is 65, and about to retire by the end of this year. He told us:

“At this age, you’ll realize life actually has got no meaning. Like what’s life?

You wake up, go to work get yelled at by your boss and tolerate colleagues, earn enough to pay bills and support your family, and once or twice a year, you go overseas for a short burst of happiness. You come back and then everything is back to normal.

Some of you are stressed about buying a house, some want to buy a nice car, some of you are stressed about marriage wondering if you have enough money to bring up your kid, and some of you work so so hard till never eat lunch and then fall sick.

You add so much burden and kept adding and adding till you feel heavy every month. And at the end of the day, you realize your entire life was spent chasing something. You add so much burden to yourself that you didn’t get to fully enjoy life. And when you reach 65, it’s too late, your entire life just went by and you have missed it.”

And funny enough, a few of us can already relate to his statements at the age of 25-35.

The mundane way of living has become the default standard. The more we earn, the more we feel burdened. We look forward to our salary, only to see it down by half the very next hour after paying for our expenses and bills.

We work our butts off, chase for that promotion, getting by with minimal hours of sleep. Weekends / off days are literally for you to sleep at home to prepare for the arduous week ahead. Yes, people always argue that we should “not compare and be thankful” or “i just don’t compare lol” but saying that is as easy as saying “bro, it’s okay one” to someone after the passing of his loved ones.

It’s not the same. Ans especially in Singapore when everything is so fast-paced, and people are always challenging and ousting one another, it can truly wear down someone. Recently heard about an ex-schoolmate who ended himself because he felt as tho didn’t do his job well as a father and it made me realize how fragile life truly is.

So folks, what’s the meaning of life to you and how do you find meaning in life?

A netizen shared that he is married and that he and his wife are dating another girl together, in a “male-female-female” relationship.

Here is the story:

“How do I open up to my conservative friends and family about our girlfriend in a polyamorous (MFF) relationship?

My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. Six months ago, we both found a girl (I’ll refer to her as C) who melted our hearts. We both went on separate dates with C and eventually she moved in with us.

My wife isn’t mentally prepared to have children yet, but C recently got off contraception after a consensus decision.

We never felt a need to talk about our relationship with others, and many of them think we are just close friends, but we realize it has become somewhat pressing that I inform those around me about our relationship.

When we first started dating, I was able to open up about all of the ups and downs to my best (male) friend. But one day, his fiancee audited his texts and told her that she didn’t approve of him talking to me about polyamory – which I thought was quite petty and insecure – and so I lost that pillar of support.

Many of my close friends are in very committed marriages that motivate their normative views of what makes an acceptable family unit. I tried to steer conversations towards this topic a few times, but no one seems to take it seriously.

The most frustrating response is when you can tell that they think it’s some form of infidelity or fetish.

I also tried to gauge my parents’ opinion on this and asked casually if they were OK if I sought a second wife.

But my mother was vehemently against it with all kinds of non sequitur reasoning, such as “You don’t have enough time to take care of both wives.” (I’m usually the one being taken care of!)

This ended in an argument when I pointed out that it was unfair that they didn’t oppose our Muslim family friends for having second wives.

I already had a hard time years ago when I first introduced my wife as they weren’t expecting her to be Caucasian.

And now that my parents have warmed up to my wife and really dote on her, I feel they’ll be even more outraged if they knew I was about to start a family with C.

My wife and I want C to feel co-equal in our relationship and don’t want her to have an awkward introduction to my friends or family.

It’s quite frustrating that everyone is accepting of the relationship in my wife’s and C’s social circles (my wife is American and C is Dutch), but it is only my Singaporean side that comes across as dogmatic and intolerant.”

Editor’s note: Wow, you have a huge appetite.

As the title states, my wife has gained upwards of 30kgs in the last 3 years. Her entire body type has changed completely, and I’m finding it almost impossible to be attracted to he and of course there is almost no “exercise”.

I feel like a complete jerk, and I never want to tell someone how their bodies should look. I still love her, don’t have any intentions of cheating on her, etc. But as hard as I have been trying to embrace and be attracted to her physically as she is now, I can’t seem to do it, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I keep a healthy calorie count, and am also the one who tends to do most of the cooking. I always try to make health-conscious meals and snacks for her to have. She eats them and seems to enjoy them, but will also always buy or have chocolate, chips, ice cream, etc. that she seems to be eating consistently between and after almost every meal.

I also suggest we work out together when we have time. She’ll sometimes reluctantly agree, but then is very quick to cancel or find a reason not to when the time comes.

She has been experiencing some small indicators of her health declining since the weight gain (back pain, shortness of breath when walking, etc.) that she will always make a point to say obviously has to do with something else. Bringing up the possibility that it could be related to weight is a recipe for an intense argument, and I don’t take that route anymore.

Every once in a while, she’ll say she wants to lose weight, and I say that I will support her in whatever way she would be comfortable with. But every time, after either a week or two, the effort is dropped either because of a holiday, some friend event or birthday party, etc. And then it goes right back to the same way it was.

I’m trying to read as many articles as I can for how I can reframe my mind to change what I can find physically attractive. I try to let go as hard as I can to what my initial physical attraction to her was. But I can’t, and I just find myself increasingly depressed and frustrated.

I’m kind of at the end of my rope here. I would be more than happy to go to a therapist for myself, or maybe a couples councilor if that would be helpful. Though I fear that even bringing it up in a counseling session would start a huge fight.

I simply feel defeated and a bit lost at this point. Any insights into similar circumstances, recommendations for how to approach this, etc. would be so, so appreciated.

Thank you!

So I’ve known this girl in Ho Chi Minh City. I even went to Vietnam and travelled the country with her and now marriage has come up.

So we got married and eventually, I had to help her apply for a Long-term visitor pass to let her stay in Singapore.

But here is the problem, she is telling me that she works in Singapore but she has next to zero qualifications and she has a language barrier.

So I paid for her to go for some English courses but she failed terribly and gave up.

When I married her I already told her that I am not rich and will have trouble feeding her if she decides to be a housewife.

But here comes the bigger problem, I can spend less and make sure I can give her the essentials like food, home and a phone but she wanted more.

Just 3 months into the marriage, she said she wanted to go back to Vietnam to find work to feed her family.

Of course, I did not want that to happen and I took up a 2nd part-time job as a Grab driver to basically to earn more and let her feed her whole kampong in Vietnam.

However, after a few months. This is getting very tiring. Day time I work office, evening time I work Grab, and other Grab drivers will agree that one bad Grab customer can really spoil the whole day. I am even driving Grab on weekends.

She is still not having any intention to upgrade herself and wants me to feed her and her whole damn kampong while she is on the bed all day watching Youtube or something.

I am at a loss and thinking about what to do.

My friends told me about the annulment of marriage but I don’t what to do. Time is ticking as there is like a “1-year rule” for the annulment of marriages.

My wife (28F) and I (30M) have been married for several years, and our life is generally awesome and blissful. We are each other’s first bf/gf, are also each other’s best friend.

This means that we really just speak about anything and everything, and we haven’t really argued about anything since knowing each other. We are relatively successful at our careers so far, making enough money and also leaving a lot of time to spend with each other as well.

There’s just one problem. Our S life is very boring, by all standards, as you will read about soon.

This becomes even worse because I am pretty open to and seek new experiences in all aspects of life, such as food, entertainment and even at work. Actually, my wife is normally quite open as well, and we manage to experience many new things together, but in terms of S, she becomes dreadfully conservative.

One example is, when we got married, it took her about 6 months to be mentally ready for intimacy. This is already quite weird, because we dated for quite long (around 5 years), but apparently that dating process and getting officially married wasn’t enough for her. But this is still not a problem to me.

One big concern to me is that we only ever have S in one particular position. Yes, the exact same thing, from start to end, every single time, for several years since we started getting intimate. It is really getting boring, and in my mind, it is really becoming a chore.

I still love her very much and think that she is physically attractive, but the repetitiveness is affecting me. Think of it as eating the same delicious food every day, it will still eventually become harder to eat and less tasty. Or, let’s say, even if there was a peeping tom with a hidden camera in our bedroom, I doubt he would be still interested in watching us, haha.

The thing is, I have, for a long period of time, constantly tried to suggest new things to try. But she is rather resistant, and just rejects them most of the time. In the occasions when she is willing to give it a try, she usually stops me almost immediately, saying that it feels weird or she doesn’t like it.

And of course, I don’t pressure her whenever she rejects me or dislikes something. In case I get bashed in the comments, I must preface this with a disclaimer that we are both very vanilla with pitifully little experience, so these “new things” that I have suggested are really just simple tutorial-level stuff I googled off the internet. The extent of this, is that it can even include small changes to the brand/type of lubricant or condoms. In other words, we are “noobs”, and I have suggested very healthy and simple things to spice up our S life, but in vain.

However, this is only the first part of the problem.

Recently, my wife has been hinting that we are not having S often enough.

To preface this, just a brief description of how things work between us: I am always the one asking for it, and she either says “okay” or “not today”. So, she basically hinted that I have not been asking for it enough, and seems concerned about it. Frankly, I have just been responding by saying that “I don’t know. But probably due to work stress and also the reduction of testosterone as we age”, which is only partially true. On a side note, I am not sure why she is concerned about the frequency, but is not taking the initiative to ask for S – but this is a different problem.

Anyway, I have actually been purposely slowing down the frequency quite considerably, because I felt that spacing out the sessions helped me mentally, and also made each session more exciting for me. In fact, I was starting to get some performance issues at our previous frequency, mainly because it felt like a chore. But I am afraid that saying this outright would hurt her feelings. And I don’t want to use this as a reason (or threat) to get her try new things, as it is really just my own issue.

As I don’t have close friends or siblings to confide these things with or ask advice from, I have to resort to posting it anonymously. I know that going to a S therapist is a potential solution, but I already know what my wife’s response to that will be.

Plus, posting here, I actually just want to know if this is really a problem? Is this actually normal for couples, who are a few years in? Is there anyone that has resolved a similar problem? Any tips on what I should do next?

I feel like I am in a super weird situation. My boyfriend said he wanted to try out dating other people to get some experience and I suggested a possible open relationship to try out. He said he was dating another girl and did not want an open relationship because he was afraid she would not accept that.

I found this weird because in that sense he was choosing her and not me, I confronted him about it and he said he was not looking for a long term relationship but just wanted to try out being with another person. If it did not work out with her he wanted to go back to me in the future again or he saw a possibility try some other girls/ relationships and see if he would be interested in me after that.

For me this is really confusing as he said he really cared for me and that I was perfect to be in a relationship with but he still wanted to try out other relationships and then much later in life when he is ready again to come back to me again.. Is this some kind of relationship shopping? I have never experienced this before and still really love him but I also feel I am being put second and kind of as a reserve?

I don’t know how to feel about this. Is this normal? Is this a thing people do at some point in their relationship as a new and exciting thing? Or is this a way of breaking up and not trying to hurt the other person by giving them some hope? I feel so confused that I don’t know if I should be angry or sad. Is it worth it to be in touch with such a person and hope for them to come back to you at some point? It sounds very silly to me but I don’t know if it’s me having high expectations for a relationship or if this is normal…

Forgot to mention, he also said that we could still do physical things like kissing and hugging but just not calling it a relationship. We are supposed to have a talk on Friday as he still wanted to talk to me in person (we only talked on the phone so far).

just found out I was a “practice relationship”. Oh well. What a day to be alive. Just want to thank everyone for their kind words and for taking the time to read this and reply. I definitely do not want to get back together with this person ever again.

I’m currently serving SOL in *camp name redacted* camp, and I stay in none other than the infamous level 6 bunk, alone

Was about 6pm, was studying my own things in camp, mind u it was a rather sunny day, sun hadn’t set yet.

All the usual stuff you’d hear about cupboards banging, breathing down yr neck, feeling like you’re being watched,

what shocked me the most was that one moment I was doing my own studies, then the next moment I was outside the bunk lying on the bunk floor, having just hit my head on one of those metal box things, as well as red marks on my arm

Sitting here rn at the medical centre; DO told me to go to guardhouse but it isn’t a long term solution, I’m in my smart 4 and I have nothing with me except my wallet and my phone and a powerbank, and the guards don’t have spare manpower so there’s no way I’m going up to get my stuff

it’s day 2 of my sol, I have 12 more to go, 6 nights of sleeping alone, anyone have any advice? is this enough reason to get an ooc? I’m not stepping foot in there even if my whole platoon is with me.

Netizens’ comments

Damn, why do they still make people sleep at Level 6 if it is that infamous for paranormal activity?

I’ve seen multiple stories shared by people with their own experiences about *camp name redacted* Camp. Would not want to set foot in there, definitely.

I’m a girl and I never get called pretty by guys nor my own friends. I don’t even think I’ve ever been called pretty by my mom, or at least it was so long ago that I can’t remember it.

The only time people say I was pretty or cute is when looking at pictures of me when i was little(5-8yo).

The only compliment I ever get about my looks is about my hair (I have very curly hair which is kinda uncommon in my family).

And that even is only by adults/elders (mostly in my family), most people my age and my friends actually make fun of it and say i look like a clown or like I’m wearing a cheap wig.

I know it’s all jokes but it’s practically the only thing about me I kinda like.

I’ve only ever had one person have a crush on me and that was in 1st grade. And I’m just not attractive in any way I don’t look good nor have a skinny waist and it has just really been messing with my self esteem and worth recently.

Netizen’s comments

Stop it. Stop it now. Youve been conditioned to believe that. I understand because Ive been there. Dont be me, dont wait until youre 34 after traumatizing relationships to see that you are beautiful and that you are more than worthy.

Dont ever let others opinions GUIDE you. How you feel about you will resonate in the world and youll attract ppl who aee the beauty and light in you

I just turned 27 days ago and I feel like I have no friends and have never had a boyfriend. I take care of myself and never have a problem finding a date, but the guys turn out to be pretty crappy and end up ghosting me or ending thing with me before anything gets serious.

I also have no genuine friends. I’m a nurse practitioner and I have kinda put friends on the back burner for the past couple yrs due to being in school for so long.

My only friends now are 2 girls from school but they are both engaged now.

One of them hasn’t really talked to me and for my birthday all she wrote was “happy birthday. hope it’s a good one”. I just said “thank you” in response.

Then my other friend forgot my birthday and made up some excuse that she had it in her calendar a day late however she forgot my bday last yr too.

I’m in both of these girls wedding sans just spent over $1000 on the first girl’s bachelorette party (it was out of town) and $200 on the other girls bridesmaid dress.

I ended up having lunch with the 2nd girl yesterday and she didn’t even bring me anything for my bday and barely asked how it was (I had to be the one to mention it).

I just feel like I have no genuine friends and I do t even want to be in these girls weddings anymore. I feel like I’m just a body that they need for the photos at this point.

My closest friends are honestly my coworkers but I’m about to switch clinic locations (I’ll be an hr away) so I won’t be able to see them as much. I just feel lost with my relationships.

I’m religious and have been thinking about joining a church to meet people. I refuse to do dating apps again because those just hurt my feelings and I would get so attached to the guy only for him to ghost me or end things a couple weeks into dating.

Any advice?

A netizen shared how she hits her boyfriend as a form of “play”, which the guy then got angry at her because he found it annoying and they got into an argument.

She then took to Facebook to ask if all guys are really this “sensitive”.

Here is the story:

“Asking girls, do you hit your boyfriends? And guys, do you like being hit? Of course i’m not talking about actual physical abuse, i mean just playing around.

So i hit and pinch my boyfriend quite a lot. It’s just for fun, but recently he asked me if i can stop it. It actually became quite a big argument.

Can dish out but can’t take it

i said that as a guy he should be able to take it and i’m not hurting him anyway. He just said it annoys him sometimes as i do it very often, and i wouldn’t accept it if he did it to me.

I said of course not as i’m a girl, and i thought most guys like these kind of playing from their girlfriend anyway.

Asks if guys are this sensitive

It went back and forth and after that i think he just gave up and said ok do whatever you want. I don’t think i did anything wrong as he’s a guy and i’m not intending to hurt him.

Pls no big discussion about equality in the comments, i’m just wondering if all guys are really this sensitive.”

Editor’s note: You clearly have issues.

Images source: Unsplash