I’ve been “seeing” him for almost three years.

I’m now six months pregnant and he’s married – so he’s been cheating on his wife with me for three years.

I know he won’t leave her but the baby will be here soon. He knows he has to tell her because you can’t secretly co-parent a child but he’s scared.

I want it out in the open so I can have that plan in place sooner rather than later.

How wrong would I be to tell her myself?

Here are what netizens think:

Welcome to single parenthood!

Honestly unless you want to be a poor sole parent, people should only be having kids in a committed long term relationship.. untimely this is her choice.. there were options here but now they are long gone.. her body, her choice, her decision to become a sole parent.. keep it or adopt it out are the only two left now.. how can someone with a whole other family not be throwing up red flag after red flag and you not notice it is beyond me..

It’s a growing trend in modern society sadly and it’s only going to get worse until we start taking responsibility for our actions and stop enabling hedonism. I think it’s a direct result of promiscuity, unresolved mental health, hook-up culture

Men have been having mistress’s for 1000’s of years. It’s the reason children born out of wedlock didn’t have any inheritance rights – the men could shag left, right and centre and didn’t have to take care of any babies created.

I guess a part of me feels just slightly sorry for you, that you have that low self esteem. I’ve been where you are. Mine lasted..3 months. 3 months. I knew what I was doing was so very wrong, and I did the right thing and ended it, then got myself into therapy.

I recently found out I was pregnant.

Only two weeks later, I got a job offer, which I accepted. I didn’t say anything about my pregnancy as it’s so early. I’ve also heard of employers discriminating against pregnant workers by not hiring them, and I wanted to avoid that.

Last week, I told some relatives about the new job and the pregnancy. One of them asked me if I told the boss about being pregnant. When I said no, he got disapproving and said I shouldn’t have lied about it.

I didn’t say anything, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong. My goal is to protect myself and the baby’s wellbeing, and having a job with maternity leave and a guarantee of work when I return will help me.

Here are what netizens think?

• Yup. I’ve lost out on many a position because I’m well-versed in what questions are legally allowed in interviews and don’t hesitate to ask why they’re asking about my personal life.

I ended an interview because the interviewer tried to engage in “small talk” and started asking things like “do you have kids?”. Like… seriously dude?!?

• I feel bad for people who can’t afford to mess up interviews like this and just answer.

• I got through many interviews in the past with saying “i’m infertile” – shuts them down real fast.

• Many years ago I was being interviewed for a bank teller job. The lady actually asked me if I planned on having more children! She also wanted to know who watched my kids while I was at work!

• I had an employer demand to know why I didn’t tell them in the interview I had a child. Male dominated team. In my professional life I was sure never to display pics of kids bc it will cost you in promotions (unlike the dudes). Hubs was a part time lecturer so fine with childcare.

Does anyone else in SG feel that it’s impossible to talk to their parent/s about their problems?

I mean, the ideal situation (which you hear about and see in fiction) is that the child can go to their parent/s and talk to them about their problems right? Like trouble at school or medical issues, things like that?

In my experience, I find its impossible to do that because my mother will immediately start shouting about how i am causing her problems, i am very troublesome, why i cant be like other children who aced their exams, i am talking nonsense, i have been corrupted by ang mohs, etc…

I have noticed that a recurring theme is if i talk to her about something, and she feels it is inconveniencing her, she will start shouting. She doesnt seem to care if i am suffering. E.G. I tried telling her that i get eye strain and headaches from the newly installed ceiling lights, and she just did not care and just kept shouting that i was causing trouble for her.

Then she complains that i do not tell her anything and keep everything to myself, and when i point out what happens when i DO tell her things, she starts trying to guilt trip me by saying that she put so much effort into taking care of me, how can i say something like that, etc.

She also claims its normal for her to do that and starts talking about how she was beaten as a child by her mother and how other kids were beaten by their parents…

Netizens’ comments

Haha oh please.

I’m in my 30s and caught some stupid flu or dkwhat inflammation (went to doc, paid 30bucks for some old angmoh to tell me “oei don’t freak out la chill, here’s some meds” – 60bucks in total when I could have spent half the money only, had I just DIY to ownself buy meds)

My boomer mother: why we going holiday then u sick

wtf this is exactly why I don’t even dare to show I’m sick in the slightest or acknowledge the possible reality of it, much less let it show to people around me. Like u know sometimes can’t hide one, if your nose is blocked/runny or your voice is raspy, it will ownself show even if u dw to let it slip.

Even as an adult today, I feel that my parents care for me not out of love, but to minimise inconveniences to them – although they’ll never ever ever ever admit it.

How do people find energy to do stuff after work?

I know of quite a few people having packed schedules after work, like going to fitness classes, dating, gym,intensive sports, side hustles, driving grab etc.

I on the other hand is just damn tired and just want to go home, chill in my chair and netflix. Even on days without OT, I dont feel like going out and doing extra stuff after work.

How do people find energy to do so many things after work? Dont they need rest and recovery?

Netizens’ comments

1. i need to know my schedule in advance – dinner with friends, hang outs etc. for this reason, i cannot do last minute impromptu invites. need the time to mentally and physically prep to look alive.
2. Habits. Used to never gym after work, now I find myself restless if I don’t.
3. A mix of habit and motivation.
   I used to hate running and exercising (esp after work). Put on some weight at home, didn’t feel good about myself going out. Then I tried running once, twice, thrice, and started seeing results. Now, I HAVE to run because the habit is formed and it’s a part of my life. I feel guilty if I skip on running for no good reason.
   Same for dating I guess – was feeling very sick and tired of dating but eventually the loneliness catches up and… forced to get up, dress up and make the effort
4. Just kidding. I hate my job. I don’t let my job suck my life so I can do whatever I want after work.
5. Just pure willpower, honestly.
   I don’t want to revolve my life around work and then regret wasting my life when I’m older. So I force myself to do other stuff after work even if it can be tiring.
   It helps if whatever activitiy you’re doing is something that you really love and have a passion for.
6. You can rest on the weekend or accumulate the sleep/rest/recover debt. You got to do what you go to do.
   If you want to keep fit or lose weight, you will move your ass to the fitness class, gym, do sports.
   If you wanna find a partner or paktor, you will go dating
   If you need money for whatever reasons, you will side hustle, drive grab, part time work whatever.

I tendered my resignation from work and my company wants to get rid of me ASAP

So I recently sent a letter of resignation to my company. As I’m going through a rough patch in my personal life and I needed a break to sort myself out.

A little background, I’m one of those employees that stick out through thick and thin for every company I work for, and I always strive to put my 130% into it.

I also have the passion to wanna help my company and pitch a lot of ideas and ways we can improve on operations and quality what not. I initiate and take lead when needed.

So my company has been having a hugeee turnover rate. (Actually people leave more than they enter tbh) But I stick around always because I’m a dumb people pleaser. The thing about me is I was often praised for being the most impressive employee (No brag, I’m just a people pleaser workaholic)

So when I tendered, the first thing I got when I came to work the next day was HR tryna settle my resignation ASAP, and forcing me to take all my leaves (I have a lot like I said, workaholic and no life).

I also had an incoming highkey reservist call up, so obviously I have to serve additional days for my notice period to cover for the days I’m on reservist duty.

But no, they decided to void my make-up days, pay me in full, and also force me to use up all my leave, rendering my entire notice period without a job.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I was immediately booted out of the company server so I have no access to company data.

This I found so appalling and honestly kinda hurt me a little bit. I wasn’t a bad underperforming cbf saboteur type employee. I never moonlighted. Neither would I say I’m average, I was the over performer and the highly passionate one.

The fact that the company is severely understaffed and everyone that left before me struggled to even use up their leaves. Why in hell would they want to get rid of me so swiftly?

I did so much, gave more than my all only to get treated like this when I leave? I’m upset, as anybody would when they’ve given their all. I wish I knew why I deserved to be treated like this.

I (30M) and considering asking my GF (28F) to marry me but our bedroom activities is holding me back

Tl;dr: I have been dating my gf for 7 years. Our relationship is good except for what we do in bed. I’m happy otherwise though. Can a marriage survive this?

We’ve been together 7 years and living together for 5. I’m in love with her, she’s great, my best friend, and all that.

But we are super dry in bed though. We have been together for 7 years and she’s initiated with me twice. She wants to get physical though but I have to always be the one to start. She never turns me down if I initiate and complains if we haven’t done it in a bit. But she’ll never initiate.

When we do sleep together, it’s always the same. Just a somewhat painful hj to try to get me in the mood. Then missionary while she uses a toy until she finishes. Then I finish.

I’ve told her I would like for her to initiate with me, try different positions, and she says she’ll do it, but it never happens. I’ve asked if she ever wants to do anything different and she doesn’t.

I’ve been finding lately that I only get physical with her just to keep her from complaining, and I actually have more fun touching myself than letting her touch me.

The thing is…other than this I’m happy. I’m planning on asking her to marry me next month so I guess I’m thinking more long term now. Can a marriage work if I’m unfulfilled in bed?

I should add this isn’t a new issue. This is how it has always been for us.

Netizens’ comments

1. DO NOT MARRY INTO A DEAD BEDROOM. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!
2. The only person that truly knows whether you will be happy long term is you. Can you have a good life in a dry marriage? Sure. It isn’t the end all, be all. But neither is love. You guys have kids or add more stress (different jobs, more expenses) and the it will get even drier and less frequent. Maybe you should see if she will do therapy with you before you pop the question.
3. You don’t get married to fix a relationship. It’s not the answer. Either work this out prior or move on. You can never get this time back. What if you get married, you realize it didn’t work anything out, you have a kid or two, then you’re dealing with that long term. And how fair is that to the kids? To yourself?

Non-contractual agreement to increase salary after probation, boss now completely ignoring me.

For starters, I have 2 jobs so have the luxury of being able to do whatever I want in this situation.

I started a new job earlier this year. It was a big career jump for me so I didn’t have the on-the-job experience they were looking for, but I did have certifications as well as the right attitude to learning and was hired, they said they were looking to fill the position for 6 months prior and just waiting for the right person.

When they offered me the job, they offered it at xx salary with a 15% uplift after successfully passing my 6 month probation and proving that I can do the job despite my lack of experience.

My probation was passed earlier than 6 months so I was doing something right. 7 months in, the uplift hasn’t been mentioned so I drop my manager (now my manager’s manager) an email and remind them and ask if they’re happy to proceed with the uplift.

No reply.

A week later I send a gentle reminder, specifically asking if the lack of reply is the answer to my question. No reply again.

So now these guys can screw themselves. I was overworked anyway, and hate everything the company stands for so I’ve already started applying for other jobs.

I have a longer than normal notice period which is annoying. I’m thinking of giving them the same courtesy and giving my notice then ignoring them when they try to ask why I’m not working it.

What would you do?

Netizens’ comments

1. After sending the notice, switching from “overworked” to “bare minimum” would be the main priority.
2. Maybe a bad company, but either way you go, recommend a live discussion first face to face.
3. Why are you even still serving a notice? Just f-ing quit straight away. Go into the office, raid the pantry then get out of there for good.

Is anyone else struggling to save money?

I’ve been stressed out as hell these past couple years as I’ve seen inflation eat into my ability to save, and looking at all the crap that’s happening around the world is just making things worse.

I used to save between 25 and 30% of my take home every month pre covid and now I barely save the 10-12% or so.

It sucks living basically paycheck to paycheck. I don’t get paid for another 11 days and I’m already dry. I’m sitting here thinking about how the hell im going to afford it if something comes up within the next week and a half…

What the hell is this world coming to? Are all of us millennials and Gen Z people just doomed to get f-ed over by the higher costs of living

Netizens’ comments

1. Honestly, I’ve got nothing super encouraging to say. Just that I feel the exact same way. I thought something was wrong with me for not being able to save much. I put maybe $50-75 in my bank account every 2 weeks for each paycheck. I’m trying to pay off debt and it’s nearly impossible because I’m trying to save too.
   I hope things get better for us soon. Living paycheck to paycheck is so rough rn.
2. You are not alone. I don’t even have a savings account. Ugh. It’s tough.
3. Wish I had advice worth sharing for everyone in this same situation… just want you to know you’re not alone!
   We’re in our 30s with 2 kids. The cost of literally everything has gone so high that we couldn’t afford to fix our home. Our savings account has a total of $0.03.
   I know what you mean about what you’re gonna do if something comes up before pay day. Living paycheck to paycheck really sucks. Keep your head up, friend!

To guys, what would u do when ur peeing and a female janitor comes in?

Happened to me several times alr. I was in a middle of peeing with the kkj out, and this middle-aged auntie janitor, indifferently, would just barge in and start cleaning around.

Not trying to be a social justice warrior here, but if the role was reversed (male janitor and a girl is still using the toilet), this wouldnt be okay?

im sure 99% of the janitor aunties have no intentions and just doing their job. But some male urinals are just so open n exposed which makes it really uncomfortable

Netizens’ comments

1. how does a male janitorbarge in and start cleaning around while a woman was in the middle of peeing with her kkj out
2. Pee with confidence. She has (probably) see more than you have.
3. Aunty: wah lao this guy pp so smol I can’t see anything… *moves on to do her job
4. she’s just doing her job. she probably doesn’t even give a shit where you’re standing or what you’re doing. she just wants to finish mopping and go for her break.
5. Pee in cubicle if you so gu niang
6. i nervously said, in mandarin, ‘err aunty we are guys here’ and she just replied ‘aiyah i how old orredy, everything i see before liao’.
7. Happened to me a few times. I’d rather it not happen but what can ya do? I just finish up, wash my hands and leave
   If they are already cleaning when I get there, I just use the cubicle
   I guess it is hard for them to wait to clean the men’s bathroom as compared to the women’s one. With the women’s bathroom, they can come in and clean the whole bathroom while it is still active, since everyone’s modestly within the stalls.