I feel like I am in a super weird situation. My boyfriend said he wanted to try out dating other people to get some experience and I suggested a possible open relationship to try out. He said he was dating another girl and did not want an open relationship because he was afraid she would not accept that.

I found this weird because in that sense he was choosing her and not me, I confronted him about it and he said he was not looking for a long term relationship but just wanted to try out being with another person. If it did not work out with her he wanted to go back to me in the future again or he saw a possibility try some other girls/ relationships and see if he would be interested in me after that.

For me this is really confusing as he said he really cared for me and that I was perfect to be in a relationship with but he still wanted to try out other relationships and then much later in life when he is ready again to come back to me again.. Is this some kind of relationship shopping? I have never experienced this before and still really love him but I also feel I am being put second and kind of as a reserve?

I don’t know how to feel about this. Is this normal? Is this a thing people do at some point in their relationship as a new and exciting thing? Or is this a way of breaking up and not trying to hurt the other person by giving them some hope? I feel so confused that I don’t know if I should be angry or sad. Is it worth it to be in touch with such a person and hope for them to come back to you at some point? It sounds very silly to me but I don’t know if it’s me having high expectations for a relationship or if this is normal…

Forgot to mention, he also said that we could still do physical things like kissing and hugging but just not calling it a relationship. We are supposed to have a talk on Friday as he still wanted to talk to me in person (we only talked on the phone so far).

just found out I was a “practice relationship”. Oh well. What a day to be alive. Just want to thank everyone for their kind words and for taking the time to read this and reply. I definitely do not want to get back together with this person ever again.

I missed my daughters birth because my wife valued our daughter being born on 2/22/22 over me being present.

For our second child, first girl, my wife was told she needed to have a c-section. The doctor we have only allows a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks.

My wife had the option of picking any day of the week and really wanted our daughter to be born on 2/22/22. I cannot lie that is an absolutely awesome birthday, but that was the only day of the week I could not be available.

A coworker, in advance requested to be off that day, and while I tried negotiating with my boss he said I couldn’t miss work that day.

I pleaded with my wife for weeks but she would not change the date saying ‘her body her choice’. And I agree its her body, but I did not want to miss my daughters birth. I didn’t want to wait hours to be able to be able to hold my daughter. I also wanted to be there for my wife!! but she did not even seem to care.

She just wanted our daughter to have a cool birthday over me present. Its been hurting me to know from weeks in advance that I would miss my daughters birth.

Four hours ago my daughter was officially born and I have yet to hold her. I have so much emotions stirring inside of me at the moment and I have to keep a straight face due to being at work.

Netizens’ comments

• Yeah no offense at all but, I’d walk off that job site without a seconds thought.

• His wife chose a birthdate over her husband. Of course a crappy manager is going to choose the company over an employee, that’s to be expected, but a wife choosing something this trivial over her husband is unforgivable in my opinion.

As soon as she knew that date her husband could not be available, that date should have been off the table.

It was a typical Sunday afternoon. My wife and I were in the middle of a heated argument. She had just asked me for a Chanel bag for her birthday, and I had told her to “go F Spider”

I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, a man earning a fraction of what my wife was making, and she wanted a Chanel bag. I had been struggling to make ends meet, and my wife was asking for a luxury item that I could never afford.

The problem was that my wife was earning double of me.

She had a high-paying job in the corporate world, while I worked in a low-paying job in a factory. Our income disparity made it difficult for us to agree on things like household expenses and vacations.

My wife was always asking for things that I couldn’t afford. She wanted designer clothes, expensive jewelry, and now a Chanel bag. I knew that she deserved these things, but I just couldn’t afford them.

My wife had always been a go-getter, while I was more of a stay-at-home dad. She had been the one to take the lead in our relationship, and she had always been the breadwinner.

I was proud of my wife for her success, but I was also feeling a little insecure. I felt like she was asking too much of me, and that I wasn’t able to provide her with the kind of life she wanted.

My wife had always been a spender, and I was a saver. We were on opposite ends of the spectrum, and it had always been a source of tension between us.

When I told my wife to “go F spider” over the Chanel bag, I was trying to make a point. I wanted her to understand that I couldn’t afford something like that, and that she should be more understanding of my financial situation.

My wife didn’t take my comment lightly. She was furious and accused me of being unsupportive and selfish. She said that I was always trying to control her and that I was putting too much pressure on her.

I realized that I needed to apologize. I had been too blunt and insensitive, and I needed to make amends.

I told my wife that I was sorry and that I hadn’t meant to be so harsh. I explained that I was just trying to express my frustration over our income disparity.

My wife accepted my apology and we agreed to talk about our finances more openly. We decided that we would try to compromise more and that we would work together to find a way to make our relationship more equal.

It’s been a few months since our argument, and our relationship has improved drastically. We still disagree on things like vacations and household expenses, but we’ve been able to find a balance that works for us.

We’ve also been able to find ways to make our income disparity less of an issue. We’ve been saving more and spending less, and we’ve been able to make ends meet without sacrificing our happiness.

My wife still hasn’t gotten her Chanel bag, but I think that’s okay. We’ve come to realize that material items aren’t as important as our relationship, and that’s what matters most.

At the age of 22 in 2020, my mum had depression, which prompted my dad to quit his job to take care of my mum. Since that year, I was silently forced into the only breadwinner of the family. While studying, I took on part-time jobs and internships while studying to save up for allowance, give my parents some money and save to pay for my tuition fees. It has been very tiring but I endured throughout. I did not tell friends about my situation and they thought I was just hardworking. By the end of Year 4, I have 4 internships including a long term part-time job that made my resume stood out. My sincerity and hard work landed me good testimonials written by my Managers from my first 2 internships.

Fast forward to Dec 2021, my last internship was a nightmare to me as my supervisor was very overbearing, I cried a lot silently and bearer her throughout. I cannot quit as it was a graded FYI. Towards the end of the 4th internship, there was finally light at the end of the tunnel. That was at least something I thought! I was thankful to have found a FT job shortly after I graduated from NUS. For the sake of money to provide a better living for my family, I accepted the FT job immediately. The pay was 3.5k (average pay for my degree). Little did I know it is just a beginning my nightmare.

My immediate supervisor micromanaged me a lot, scolded me a lot and didn’t give me face when scolding me in front of other colleagues. My reputation went down. The only good side is my reporting officer is very understanding in his words. Nevertheless he still side my immediate supervisor as she is a top-performer in the company. Throughout 1 year plus, I lost weight and dreaded work but I cannot quit for fear that my family income will hit 0 as the only breadwinner in the family.

Concurrently in Jun 2022, I met my first love through my childhood friend and we got together in Dec 2022. He was someone who I can turn to about family issues and has similar goals and values as me. Whenever I felt so tired from working and carrying family burden, I endure throughout the weekdays and weekends have always been my greatest pleasure to hang out with him. He was just like my best friend and a reliable partner. I treat his parents as if they are my parents. Whenever I have nice food, I would bring it over to their house to share.

Little did I know in Feb 2023, I realise he has been cheating on me all these while and worst of all, his family and that childhood friend who introduced me to him have known about it and had been hiding the issue from me. I have never felt so hurt in my heart. My world came crushing down. He apologised and and I forgave him. Then a few months down the road, I discovered him seeing another girl again. I blocked him and he came to my house to apologise to me. As I was kind-hearted, I choose to forgive him and let it slide. The last straws were:

(1) Caught a random bonquet of flower at his house. He cannot explain what the flowers are for and his mum has to jump in to “cover up” for him. EPIC fail!!

(2) He brought me to a friends’ gathering session and openly checked out other girls. Neither did he introduced me to the rest, I was left transparent there!!!

(3) Lying about his whereabouts, only to find out he was going on dates.

In Jun 2023, I mustered courage to totally cut off from him and walk away. It was never easy, he came back sometimes to check in and I just ignored him.

I was low key disappointed because when our mutual friends (from other clique) knew about the breakup, they sided him. They obviously did not know about his cheating affair and chose to side him. I felt that there was no point for myself to fight for my say since they don’t believe me.

Currently in Nov 2023 (25 years old, female), I decided to take my power back. Having minimal friends doesn’t matter, what matters is that I have my own back. What keeps me going is still my obligation to provide for my family. I am still learning, but I would never give up. I have been attending counselling session to cope with my feelings and situation. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.

Thanks for listening.

Advice needed!!

I have known this girl since secondary 1 and had gotten closer to her after secondary 4 when a three person friend group was formed (2 guys 1 girl). It has been 6 years since the friend group was formed and we are very close to one another where we will often meet at least once a week.

However, recently, I started having romantic feelings towards her and this is where it gets troublesome. I am not sure whether I should pursue her/let her know how I feels or I should just keep my feelings to myself.

I feels that she will never and has never looked at me romantically because we have been friends for such a long time. Also, she always tends to look at good looking guys and have like a kinda high expectation on the guys she will like to date but I am definitely not that ideal guy. I really feel that I do not have the chance but do still want to let her know how I feel about her or at least have her give me a chance to pursue her.

BUT! What if after I shared my feelings to her… will we still able to be very close friends like before? Will the friend group break? I cant afford to have this friend group to disperse as they are very important individuals in my life.

What should I do?

Here are what netizens think:

• I reckon you are like what? 22? so young. Let uncle teach you a life lesson you will nv learn in school. You want something, u need to sacrifice something. You want good grades, you need to burn midnight oil. You want to be rich, you need to work 18hrs a day for at least 10yrs. So if you want this girl, you need to risk the friendship and the group dispensing. If you want something bad enough, nothing can stop you. But if you are worrying about everything, all I can say is you don’t want it bad enough

• You ask her out for a meal, movie or both. Just you two. If she says no, you know liao. If she says yes but during the hang-out, it is kinda awkward or the convo doesnt flow, you know liao. If everything is good and she wants to hang out again, you know liao. If everything is good but she doesnt wanna hang our again, you know liao.

• If you already know, then it is problably true. And if you ‘know’ she already has high expectations, esp in e looks dept, den u can forget abt her ‘lowering’ her expectations for u. I mean, u urself wudnt lower ur expectations and find a ‘lesser’ girl than e one u found (her) too right? There are always subtle hints a girl gives if she’s interested in letting you court her. Ie: If u drunk text her n she responds positively, you guys go in a grp and she always sits with you, meet up tgt everytime, share food n drinks, go everywhere tgt – like if u guys go to a supermarket, bathroom, shopping, if the other guys turns left and u turn right, and she always follows you, usually chats with you, shares her problems, engages in small talks. Skinship at the start is impt too, is she willing to let u say, ruffle her hair, rub e back of her head, light jabs at each other, when u both sit or stand beside each other, n ur upper arms/shoulder touches each other and she doesnt back off, den u have chan liao.
• Women are mostly sensitive to all these, and they know what they are doing. They can also sense if a guy likes them, and if until now she doesn’t give u any of those hints, den u sua la. Find another tree.
  
• Sometimes, fren better than no more fren. Not every girl, after you confess, still remain frens wif u. Some do, some don’t. Take e risk, or don’t. “)

When I was 11, I live with two sisters and my grandpa. My mother just gave us zero F and kinda moved elsewhere with her ex and she kind of abandoned us.

It was around 3AM , and I got up to get some water. Just for picture, one of my living room walls was almost completely taken by the window, which let some lights to get in(Typical HDB). When I was going back to my room, I went through the living room and saw someone very tall and very thin, as my grandpa, standing in front of the window. The thing is: it had no features. It was like a silhouette cut from the background, just black. I ran to my room in a panic. We live on the 11th floor and the window was not a corridor window, we have a corner unit.

A week later, when I got up in the morning, I found my grandpa laying on the bathroom floor. He had a stroke. The doctors said he had it around 3 a.m. Exactly a week after I saw the shadow. My grandpa never woke up. He died about two weeks later.

Just for additional facts, maybe just coincidences: it was August 17, 2003. It was my sister’s birthday. And exact nine years later I had my son.

Here are what netizens think:

• That’s both creepy and sad at the same time. I’m sorry for you and your family for losing someone like that. The date thing is really spooky though

• I dreamed of my grandpas death 2 weeks beforehand, everything happened exactly like in the dream. I am forever thankful for that, because this incident shaped my entire life into something very meaningful. When he died, I didn’t cry, it was as if I already processed everything. People are sad or shocked when I tell this story but I think it’s the most beautiful thing ever because it means there is more than we know. My grandpa also knew when he would die. Some weeks before his death, my grandma asked him what he wants for his birthday, beer of whisky.  He said he wants both because he will be buried on his birthday. Grandma laughed and shrugged it off. He in fact got buried on his birthday, and of course, Grandma respected his wish and our family celebrated his life with Beer and whiskey.

• Sounds like you saw his spirit! Or something like it since time doesn’t really exist after you cross over, at least not how the human mind comprehends time. I really believe that important dates in families are so significant that is so interesting that your son was born on that same exact day out of 365 others. My grandmother died on my first birthday.

Every few weeks this topic comes up and I don’t see people being very academic/scientific about it. Here’s a clue, read; instead of vehemently trying to change or argue against the opinions of an associate professor whose specialty is actually computer science—not neuroscience or psychology.

Yes, the existence of raw basic intelligence is not a settled science. There are many theories and many experiments. And then you have all sorts of confounders that make it difficult to ascertain whether intelligence is so intrinsic to a person that things like motivation plays little to no part in its determination. Then you have the challenge of measuring intrinsic motivation, i.e how interested is someone in learning any particular thing. So sure, if it makes you feel better, the jury is actually out on intelligence. All people have are anecdotal evidence. The theory that people seem to have a problem with is the hardware + software theory. I’m guessing people don’t like it because it is simplistic and it sounds like something you overhear in the hawker centre. The point I want to argue today is, in practice, it doesn’t matter.

The main question we should be asking is: does it really matter that much what the reason is for not doing well? A lazy person can only push himself so far at being hard-working but it is not his natural state and therefore it is not sustainable. Same goes for being unmotivated. Whether or not you have “horsepower” is immaterial. If you don’t have the physical horsepower nor the temperamental horsepower, you will fail regardless. People need to be more cognizant of the fact that you don’t have to force yourself to do something you’re not good at or you don’t like. If you’re not good at physics, for whatever reason, who actually is forcing you to do physics? Does it matter if the reason you’re not good at physics is because you have poor logical-mathematical intelligence or if you’re just naturally very lazy? You can’t really fix the latter either.

My field is physics and I have a doctorate from Berkeley. We’re lucky because people don’t really pick physics unless they are passionate about it since there is not a lot of income premium here. So what you don’t have is a whole bunch of undergraduates who are forcing themselves to do well in something they wouldn’t have done if not for the money. Interest/motivation goes a long way. If you’re not smart enough to be a world-class programmer, pointing it out to you is not a form of gatekeeping. You could be very smart in some other thing but you’re wasting your talent in CS. If your only reason for wanting to be a software engineer is the pay, you’re not looking at the problem strategically. In the long run, you can make a lot more money doing something you’re good at and like doing.

By the way, being very smart is not the way to make a lot of money. I am a post-doc and I make peanuts. I have an uncle in Malaysia who distributes chemical cleaning products and he makes well over $1M a year in profit. It is actually counterproductive to be very technically gifted if you want to be rich. These people tend to focus too much on the work and not enough on the business. Yes, engineers and scientist have built wonderful technology that benefit all of humanity. But the people getting rich are not them. It’s probably some rich VC guy with a mansion in the Hamptons with an art history degree. There also a massive luck factor. So, honestly, intelligence is just one of those things that is fun to brag about but doesn’t translate to very much in personal material utility.