I came home from work early (my hours are pretty unpredictable) and found female sneakers outside my home that weren’t mine.

At that point, I sort of already knew what I’d be walking into. My husband has recently become very fit and has been consistently going to the gym, during which he made a female friend who he even brought home for dinner last week.

She’s beautiful and thin and everything I am not, which instantly made me feel horrible. So, I talked to him about it. He encouraged me to build my confidence and reassured me he loved me and would always be loyal to me.

I walked into the laundry room from the garage and sort of tiptoed around the house before going upstairs.

They were in our bed, the midst of “doing it”. With a framed picture from our wedding above the nightstand next to it.

I silently left the room and got back in my car with tears streaming down my face and drove to get food and just sat in my car crying since.

Its now almost 6am (walked in on them at 7pm) and I’ve returned to work. He called me asking why I wasn’t home and I told him my shift is extended but in reality, I’m laying in one of the on-call rooms bawling my eyes out as I type this.

I feel so worthless and ugly and stupid. I don’t even know how to proceed. On one hand I want to divorce him and never see him again, but on the other hand, I’m an ugly woman….its not like I can do better. I feel so gross and the self-loathing is getting too much right now. Advice please.

Girlfriends brother is weirdly close to her

She always talked about how he gives her the best massages, rubs her temples, everytime he hears her have a facetime with me he comes into the room and completely excludes me from the conversation for over an hour sometimes.

she has him rate all of her outfits, he buys her very revealing expensive dresses, he knew we planned on moving in together and he only suggested that they do the same after she told him.

he tells her how she’s going to go on month long trips out of country with him even when she says she’s not interested.

Idk if I’m just thinking I’m in the twilight zone, or if this is just normal lol.

Straight up feel like a complete 3rd wheel whenever we are all together, have never met anyone that treats their siblings like this.

probably overthinking it, but God damn does it ever weird me tf out.

Netizens’ comments

• Some siblings form trauma bonds due to traumatic experience they had to go through together , which makes them closer to each other. I wonder if this is their situation. There might be a root cause to their closeness, I would dig deeper. If you find nothing, then you should start worrying

• It kind of sounds like they are close and he is protective of her in a weird way. I’d find a way to talk to her about it in a way that doesn’t get her defensive

Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday, and I’ve never felt more alone.

I will receive no birthday wishes, unless I announce on social media that it’s my birthday. I have no friends, let alone anyone that is willing to actually plan something for me.

I will spend the day in bed, watching whatever I can to take my mind off the day, and will overindulge in pizza when I’m already way overweight.

No guy will ever want to eat me.

Life sucks and then one day you die.

Netizens’ comments

• happy birthday. let this year be the one you realize you are the best company you can have and fuck everyone else.

and make sure you get yourself a cake. birthday cakes matter.

• My birthday in December was spent alone, I had gone no contact with my father who tormented me in my youth, days prior, I did the same to my mother 15 years prior. My girlfriend passed from a brain tumor that same month. I sat in my room, alone, did nothing. I recieved no presents, and questioned why I was even alive. We all have our low points, just do whatever makes you happy for your day, make plans, don’t wait for others to make them. Buy a cake, your favourite kind. Watch some movies, ones you’ve seen dozens of times and still make you happy.

Happy birthday stranger.

Oh ya, do not worry about over indulging on your birthday, that’s the day you’re allowed to without guilt.

I really had to think a long while before I could form my question because everything feels complicated. Before I go on, I must have a disclaimer that my mother is not a terrible mother, I have never felt like I wasn’t protected under her wings or that I couldn’t turn to her if I was having troubles in my life. She made many sacrifices to put the family ahead and I am grateful for that.

Now to the story, my mother is pretty opiniated about a lot of things and unfortunately most of the time I disagree with her due to personal reasons. It ranges from things like not using a microwave oven, putting your phone far away from your head when you sleep, not walking about with wet hair after shower to things that are considered ‘pantang’ or taboo like getting a tattoo, going home late at night (even though I freaking had to work till late and cab is expensive) and all the traditions that some of us are probably familiar with.

I would count it as a blessing that she does not stay with me as she’s based in Malaysia so after living with her rules for about 20 years I’ve shifted here and started to slowly do things that I like.

Thus, if I happen to go against her restrictions, she takes it personally because she thinks I did it solely to piss her off. Which is not true, it just so happens that she puts so many restrictions in life that its impossible to not hit something at some point or another.

There are many many examples over the years that usually ended up in us having an argument and her giving me the radio silence for a few months before talking to me again. Initially, I just let it slide even if I don’t concede to it, cause she’s entitled to her own opinion and I think we can still have a r/s with our differences. But she always grabs onto the issue and refuse to let go till she says her piece (I am arrogant, I think I know everything, why can’t I just listen for once) and even going to the extent of making me promise I “won’t do this again”.

After some time I’ve had enough, after I got married and got my own place, I started digging my foot down on certain things. She was furious that I got my first tattoo but it was my plan to eventually get a bigger one so when I did, I sent her a text to inform her that I like it and I hope she can respect that I can make my own decision. We were already on uneasy grounds because few months prior to me moving out, she threw a huge fuss about finding an auspicious date etc but it was during the freaking pandemic, my S/O and I were really looking forward to having our own space after months of delay on our house. I honestly couldn’t care less when I move in and I fail to see why we need to inconvenience our lives even more so in the current situation. So we moved in and that was the starting of this whole shaking ground we’re on. I had to tell her that no I might have own beliefs and it might not reflect the same as hers.

That did not go down well. I got off the phone feeling hurt cause she made it sound like I am a disappointment for her that I turned out like that.

But as you know after reading that chunk of text above, she called me one fine day and suddenly everything was fine again. Like I said, I love her and when she asked if she could crash in my place if she comes down to SG (I think I was going to be away that time) and offered to compensate me, I refused and told her to come and stay without worrying.

A few days later I remembered that I do not have a kettle at home and that I lack a flask to store hot water. The reason being that I use a hot water dispenser (it is my favourite appliance in the kitchen). Problem is, she was abhorrent against using that because according to her it causes health issue. She added a request that I stopped using it. Something in me snapped and I flat out told her no, I will not stop using it, I love that thing because it’s so convenient and if she has an issue she can bring her own kettle and flask.

You can probably guess what’s her reply. In short she basically said she won’t need to come and stay at my place anymore and I’m free to do whatever I want.

I know she didn’t mean it and she’s pissed at me again but I am so done with this hot and cold cycle. I am genuinely not trying to find an argument with her but I don’t know how else to deal with this. It is not like in western culture where you can just cut off contact, it’s just not acceptable in my family to do it even though everyone knew how difficult she can be.

Is this something many of you experience and are rebelling against? How can I tell her once and for all that if she’s going to throw another tantrum at me, this is the last time it will happen?