Am I a bad child for not taking care of my parents?

Since young, I’ve never had any affection for my parents. I find it weird that when my dad was working, he can spend his salary on gambling and other extra activities. As a result, I never had a nice childhood. Went to school, they told me I need to get specs as I was short sighted, my parents insist that I was fine. Even the dentist told me to get braces for my crooked teeth, they still insist it was fine. Even I was pulled out from swimming classes because he had to sign the waiver of responsibility from the consent form.

My whole childhood is practically a nightmare. I can play with toys, only because my relatives gave them to me. My parents don’t buy for me anything because my aunties are nice enough to buy for me. I want to read books, but my parents told me they can’t afford it. But they can enjoy their lives. Even when I have fantastic results for PSLE, they told me to go to a good secondary as my sister, going to the likes of RI can be expensive. Even when I wanna go to poly after that, they insist on me to go to JC because uniform is cheaper. Don’t get me started on my own clothes, I practically grew up on just a rotation of few clothings. And my underwear will only be replaced once it’s badly worn and tattered. So, every year, I get a few bursaries, either from the Union, govt and such. Guess what? My father will take them all, and insist that he’s paid for my upbringing. Don’t get me started on upbringing. I eat shit food since young. Now that I’m older, I practically grew up on the cheapest food available. I eat white bread on its own without any spread. My mum cook, but never beef or fish, just scraps of chicken, either made into a soup or fried to be eaten with sweet soy sauce. It totally make sense now why I totally enjoy eating normal food. Eating laksa or mee siam is soooo enjoyable for me now even though it may seems nothing to you guys.

As for discipline, I realised I probably had ADHD or something. I had trouble listening to instruction and I was super hyper active. On hindsight, it was probably because I was mostly cooped up at home. As a kid, I usually go out with my relatives more than my family. My relatives didn’t have any trouble disciplining me though. But at home, I was more of a punching bag. I knew when was their salary date. Because closer to the date, my dad will always be angry and fight with my mom, and somehow, I will trigger either of them, either my dad will whack me with things, or my mum will slap me to appease him. Thinking back, I felt like I was an offering for either of them to ease their anger. If there’s free balloon outside, I will only take the string ones cos it will hurt less later. That hard metal pole to hang clothes, yeah.. It bent, I was stronger than that soft metal. I was surprised that I made it till an adult without any serious injury. Even called the police once, they did nothing to help me.

After JC, my dad told me to work. nahh.. I went back to study. Somehow in anger or something, he sold the house to take most of his money. What a pathetic loser. I was actually homeless, even the school didn’t believe me that I was homeless. Since then, I got married and was out of his life. Eventually, my mother divorced and remarried. I hate her less than my dad but I still blame her for being an enabler to his actions. How dare she let those 20 years of mine be in suffering? Probably as a result of that, my next 20 years are kinda stunted. While others are making families and moving up in their career, I was just happy being free, enjoying the simple things in life. Sure, I got a decent job now, but I wasn’t doing as well as my peers. Most of them are high flyers, I sometimes compare to them and wonder if the difference between us are probably supporting parents.

For my dad, I didn’t keep track of him if he’s alive or not. He could be dead for all I care. That’s how deep my anger is still now. People may say, it’s okay, let go and forgive and forget. He’s your parent afterall. I prayed to God for help as a kid. Heck, I even prayed to Satan for help. Both didn’t even help me at all. That’s probably why I’m not so religious. Most of my friends told me, I shouldn’t do that, and I should take care of them now that they are old. For me, if given a choice, I rather not to be born at all. Probably the same reason why I do not want to have kids. Am I wrong not to take care of them? To those who might be in similar situation as me, how do you cope?

asking for a reality check too.. quitting my job and questioning it everyday

i dont know if i am living life right. yeah i know the typical answer of “there is no right way”, yall know what i mean.

i sent in my notice a while ago. its my first job. i didnt want to consider taking no-paid leave or a sabbatical because i just want a clean slate. im tired of my team management and i dont have the energy or drive to challenge it.

it all started from performance reviews. there were some points which i concede before that i took liberties with and i worked to fix those.

Then later, they started talking about how i am slow with new tasks and that i need to improve on how i pick up new knowledge.

it is new. wtf. even they admit that i work fast with stuff that i am familiar with. the activites that i am slow at new where guidance is limited to none. There is no one available that can help. Worst, I am learning this alone. At least if I am doing this with someone else, we can bounce ideas off each other. i can try to explain why i am slow here, what deadends i run into which forces me to backtrack but they wont listen because at the end of the day, “metrics”

ffs, i tried to be productive in our reviews. asked about what we can do together to improve things. they said that i need to be more passionate and invested. Either they are talking about OT without talking about OT or they are fucking stupid.

i keep thinking about what to do. im not stressed out to the point where i cant sleep but i am starting to feel a sense of hopelessness about it all. just jaded.

i dont have much responsibilities irl. parents dont rely on me for retirement. i am not in a relationship and i dont have debts.

this is my first job and ive been at it for nearly four years now. i know that there are smarter ways about handling this, “quiet quitting”, “taking no paid leave” but im just so done with it.

parents are supportive regardless of what path i take.

i thought about the pros of leaving.

1. maybe i can try my hand at making games. i have the required skillset
2. i can finally commit to a fitness routine, get ripped ( and maybe a gf /j )
3. learn to drive coz maybe grab delivery is my future
4. go on solo trips. i have never done those before and maybe I’ll get enlightened from one of those.
5. heck, maybe my high blood pressure is due to these issues. ( did extensive checks which returns “essential hypertension” which basically means “no good reason” )

and then i thought about the cons of leaving

1. coward. im merely bent, not broken. i can always just choose to listen in one ear and out the other ear during reviews. just let that ego of being right go.
2. job market is bad. your job is comfortable rn. pay is decent when compared to the average citizen. and you are leaving because you cant take it when someone says you are wrong?
3. the management is new. things might improve for the better. changes can be made. and who likes a guy that only stays when times are good and runs when things get tougher? coward.
4. you can say whatever you want. sabbatical, self-improvement journey but at the end of the day, its still “unemployed”, “no income”, you are basically a NEET ( not in education, employment and training )

i dont know what i am looking for posting this. maybe validation or maybe more point of views that i can consider.

I (23M) am turned off by cuddling my GF (22F).

I (23M) am kind of concerned for my gf’s (22F) health and I’m not sure what to do. To start off, she’s had some eating issues for a while and regularly throws up after meals or avoids eating as much as possible.

This is something we’ve been trying to work through together but it doesn’t seem like there’s been much of an improvement.

She’s so hyper fixated on her weight and food intake and how “bloated” and “fat” she is (even though she’s small in height, not sure what she weights but comfortably fits in a size 00) that she’s always checked out and hardly in the mood to do things, cuddle, or be intimate.

When we do cuddle or hug, it just worries me so much because I can distinctly feel each bone and crevice in her rib cage and my arm fits too well- it’s like a puzzle piece- in the concave space between her lower rib and hipbone.

When I’m rubbing her back all I feel is bone and her spine. When I comment my concern, she says some women’s bodies are just built differently and it really isn’t uncommon or unhealthy to feel a bone every here and there—

I mean maybe I’m just fat but, is it normal to feel your significant other’s bones so prominently while cuddling or being intimate? Boyfriends, do you feel your girlfriend’s ribs when cuddling? How do you feel about it?

If i am correct in my concern, how do I convince her to improve her health? In my eyes, I would love for her to gain some weight, just to be at a healthy place. But she’s even researched weight loss pills? Sometimes I’m at a loss for how to help.

Thanks.

I found this pretty funny and wanted to share it to someone. So yesterday night me and my bf tried to have lose our virginity to each other and it was both of our first times.

We tried and tried but we couldn’t find the hole to stick it in. He tried sticking it in and I tried too but nothing was going in lol.

It didn’t help at all that we were both virgins and that I have never pleasured myself before therefore even I didn’t know where the damn hole was (also the fact that he has a gurthy D) .

At one point I tried finding it with my fingers but could only stick in the tip of my finger (literally physically couldn’t make it go more in) .

Then he went down on me and it worked with his tongue. He thought that he had found it but womp womp it wouldn’t go in.

After 3 condom changes we gave up and started cuddling and we’re deciding to try again another time just found it funny that that’s how my first attempt went Lmaooo.

Netizens’ comments

1. Don’t try to stick it in the belly button, that’s not where it goes.
2. You’ll figure it out eventually. Enjoy the process.
3. Next time try taking the underwear off
4. You should ‘explore’ what you’re like down there. Just feel and look. Knowing your own body will make it a lot easier. And lube is great, I used it for the first month or so, it’ll spare you from any pain you may feel. And it’ll be messy and clumsy but that’s totally normal!
5. Duuude I remember the first time I tried to find the entrance to the cave of wonders. Absolutely flabbergasted, significantly lower than I thought it would be. And women wonder why we can’t find it.
6. Have you thought about bringing a compass and a map?
7. Try sticking it into the nostrils.
8. Try entering with his foot first.

so I’ve been having some digestive issues that I’ve been keeping on the down-low from my better half because I’ve been pretty hopeful that the laxatives would work gradually and soon I’ll be pooping again.

I cooked dinner and it was a super-rich garlic Chili pasta, and salad and then a few hours later we get a bit frisky. My boyfriend goes down on me and is going to town. Over the last hour, my stomach had definitely been moving but I hadn’t felt the urge to go to the toilet. Anyway…as he’s going to town I realise I now need to go to the toilet and can feel the urge becoming unbearable. I try to get up to run to the loo and he stops me thinking it’s part of us playing together, pushes me back down on the bed and puts his face between my legs as I unleash the loudest longest hottest fart ever. and the smell is like death.

I blurt out: “I need the toilet.”

And RUN to the bathroom and proceed to get rid of 6 days of constipation in 1 session. Because I had so much to get rid of, it gave me a good excuse to not have to look my boyfriend in the eye for a good while. I couldn’t be accused of hiding in the bathroom. But as I was running away he replied: “I know.”

As he coughed and gaged on the smell.

Here are what netizens think:

• True love would be getting old, going broke and homeless, losing your teeth and hair and ability to screw and continence and ability to walk, and still being happy together

• At least u never lao sai in his face, I can only imagine while his eating u and the a gush of choco milkshake flies into his mouth

• I had an ex who would fart in her sleep. Her farts were like thunder claps that woke me up on occasion. I was surprised she didn’t set the sprinklers off. She had no idea she did this and would proudly exclaim that I’d never heard her fart. Little did she know.

Just broke up with my fiance whom I share a joint account with. Am I the Ahole for asking for 100% of the money in our joint account because I think he should compensate me for my time wasted on him?

I have been dating my fiance for 3 years and we have been working for 2 years since graduating. He proposed to me last december and since then, I have been asking him to plan for our wedding, which I would prefer to be held as soon as possible because I am tired of working and want to be a housewife.

He told me he would prefer to have the wedding next year because he needs some time to plan the wedding but I want it to be held preferably by end of this year. Since he has agreed to stay at my parents’ house after marriage then there shouldn’t be any issues at all.

I just cannot understand why he wants to wait until next year to have the wedding because actually I was asking for a very simple wedding. I only wanted to invite our friends and relatives to a dinner at a mid-tier hotel like Pan Pacific and to get very affordable wedding bands like Cartier. He certainly can afford them because he has $30k in his personal savings account and he earns $5k a month.

I’m not even asking for much because I know there are way more expensive places to hold a banquet and way more high-end jewellery brands to get wedding bands from. But he thinks that the wedding bands and hotels I chose are too extravagant even though I have offered to help him pay 20% of all expenses. Because of all these issues, we quarrelled a lot and eventually I decided to break up with him because I realise he’s a very selfish person who doesn’t even care about what I want at all. Even the engagement ring he got for me was a small 0.9 carat which cost only $9k although I have specifically told him that I wanted a 1.5 carat.

Now that we have broken up, we are in the midst of discussing how to split our joint account money and he said he will give me half of the money inside, which is only $10k. His excuse for giving me only half of the money is that he was the only one contributing to the joint account. He did contributed to 100% of the joint account but I was the one who encouraged him to save up. Whenever he wanted to buy useless things like Nintendo Switch, I stopped him from buying them. Without me, he wouldn’t even have savings at all. Moreover, I wasted 3 years of my life on him so I think I deserve more than $10k. Honestly, even if he gives me all the money, which is merely $20k, I still don’t think it’s enough to compensate for the 3 years. But he seems reluctant to give me 100% of the money and kept giving me all sorts of lame excuses. Should I continue to ask for $20k or should I just settle for $10k? I’m so tired of fighting over this.

I work the night shift, sleep from 1pm to 9pm, and managers want me to do unpaid zoom training from 4-5pm on my day off.

I want to be firm and say no, but I’m also concerned about them viewing me negatively. I’m a supervisor and I’ve already missed the first 3 unpaid trainings

(because they never gave me any heads up whatsoever and I was always sleeping when they took place while the other supervisors were awake and able to make it while they were actually on the clock).

So I’m the only one who hasn’t been going to these.

This time they actually did give me a heads up, but I feel like this is unfair for them to ask me to do this, not to mention illegal, i think.

But like I said I’m also concerned about my upward mobility potential, so I feel like if I were to refuse this time, after already missing the first 3 unpaid trainings while I was sleeping, they would hold that against me somehow.

So I’m just not sure what’s in my best interest and I was wondering if you guys had any advice on how I should look at this or what I should say to them. Thanks in advance.

Netizens’ comments

1. Why don’t they just record the Zoom meeting and share the recording with you, so you can watch it in your normal work hours.
2. Make sure they are aware that will affect your safety at work because it’s in the middle of your sleep cycle.
   Also, unpaid? Just ignore it. If HR steps in, repeat the above sentence, and let them know you don’t do any work for free, and training counts as work.
3. Just tell them like it is, expecting you to get up at 4pm for a zoom meeting would be like expecting them to wake up for a 3 AM zoom meeting. Tell them to record the meeting and send it to you, or deal with their scheduled meeting being unwatchable because of your schedule.

I (F) am married for 1 year (simple rom), but for the past one year we have been staying apart as we have just received the bto keys earlier this year and settling renovation stuffs.

I am feeling very alone in this marriage and I don’t know how to go on as it feels like there’s almost no love , no affection, no care and concern and no appreciation from him.

He’s a workaholic and his priority is work , I noticed that whenever his colleagues text him while I’m with him he replies immediately, while for me , the wife, I often have to wait for days for his reply.

He finds that it is not an issue going MIA for a week and if I don’t text him he doesn’t text me. I feel that there’s a serious communication issue here or rather an almost one sided communication on my side with almost no communication on his side.

I started being unhappy and disappointed with our communication during the house keys collection. At that time, even though it is his choice to retain the 20k cpf, it wasn’t communicated by him prior despite all my prior communication with him on housing installments were based on if we wipe out each of our cpf.

As I didn’t have any intention to retain cpf prior , at the moment it feels to me he don’t care about me to share prior why/ how it may be useful to retain some amount.

I feel disappointed when at the moment I thought I should retain some amount too after hearing that he’s retaining, he pointed out that loan amount / cash amount for me will increase if I retain, when it already increased when he retains. (He has a higher pay than me but we are paying for housing loan 50/50.)

I think it was supposedly not a big issue because whatever cpf u put in will be returned back when we sell the house, but at that point he found it unfair to be paying more cpf than me. For this issue we have talked and he explained that as he was busy with work at that time so he wasnt thinking properly at that point.

Subsequently , I was mainly the one settling house stuffs, coordinating for all the contractors, payment and furnishings as we do not have an ID.

I felt that my resentment has built up a bit during the process as sometimes even though he knows that the contractors will be there early to fix things/ deliveryman will be there early to deliver things it feels like he assumes that I will be there early to open the door/ sign off documents/ receive the stocks while he sleeps in at his parents house on the weekend and only come over later.

Some days feels like I am facing the issues alone. I noticed that there’s a general lack of proactiveness towards the house unlike his attitude towards his job which he will always go above and beyond and which he excels at.

I feel that he always states he is busy/tired but fails to realise that I am busy/tired too, always having to wait for him and there’s a general lack of appreciation from him and I feel like being taken for granted.

I told him that as much as we need to hustle when we are younger we must not forget to spend time together and love each other and being present and showing affection is important to me.

However, there’s often a lack of response to my messages and I feel like I am ignored very often. I do not benefit from him earning more at all, he doesn’t really spend on me and in general doesn’t spend at all unless it’s essential stuffs.

I earn my own money and things that are mine I bought for myself eg. my study table, mirror , dressing table etc. Instead , him being busy takes time away from the relationship.

It feels like he doesn’t look forward to getting the house settled and house reno wouldn’t have been settled at this point if not for my proactiveness, though he states he don’t understand what’s the rush.

Now that the house Reno is settled, I started moving my things by myself over every weekend but he haven’t been moving much of his stuffs yet (though he has much lesser stuffs than me).

I am thinking communication issues will start getting better once we start staying together but it feels like he is not looking forward to stay with me which is unlike what I feel a couple should be.

What is a marriage when I am alone most of the time. I do share with him my cousins meetup & friends & colleagues meetup and my daily lives but he doesn’t share snippets of his daily lives with me while we are living apart.

I don’t know who he’s meeting and don’t know what he’s doing and to me it just feels a bit distant to not know what’s going on in my spouse’s life. He doesn’t even reply to my messages much and almost never text or call me.

I feel that even normal friends / colleagues would reply messages within 1 day or so but it’s again been 4 days since he’s MIA.

All I wanted was for him to understand what I was feeling but I feel that the saddest part is when I tried explaining to him how I felt he just thought I’m trying to start an argument, because he states ‘ I don’t understand wth is the issue’.

The issue is there’s a lack of/ no communication and how can a relationship/ a marriage continue like this ?

Supervisor turned up at my house while on sick leave.

Was in a car crash at the end of June and have a herniated disc as a result. I’ve been on hospital leave ever since and recuperating at home as I pretty much can’t move.

I’ve kept regular contact with my supervisor and manager, I had just spoke to my manager last Friday and emailed him to cover my absence from my doctor.

Today my supervisor turns up unannounced knocking on my door and wakes my Baby, my wife just got her to sleep. He was here to hand deliver a letter about work.

I was on the toilet luckily so I missed him.

Just really pissed me off to have my personal space invaded when he could have just sent and email! Feels like he’s trying to intimidate me.

I’ve got a new job lined up for when my sick pay ends so f that guy.

Just to add a bit more information,

I initially had a month off after the accident. I went back in for a week, but the nature of my job meant I was just making my back worse.

Also my supervisor likes to throw his weight around. I know for a fact this was an intimidation tactic.

Netizens’ comments

1. I would email HR, along the lines of asking them if they knew supervisor did this. I’m willing to bet they don’t know.
2. He was checking to make sure you weren’t doing cartwheels whilst trying to lift a Mini Cooper above your head. Glad you were pooping.
3. How does a supervisor, or anyone for that matter even have the time to show up at an employees residence?!
4. Maybe a little, but his true purpose was to check if you’re really injured/sick. He wanted to catch you doing something physical that your doctor’s note said you shouldn’t be doing so that he can claim you’re using your sick leave improperly.