Am I a bad child for not taking care of my parents?

Since young, I’ve never had any affection for my parents. I find it weird that when my dad was working, he can spend his salary on gambling and other extra activities. As a result, I never had a nice childhood. Went to school, they told me I need to get specs as I was short sighted, my parents insist that I was fine. Even the dentist told me to get braces for my crooked teeth, they still insist it was fine. Even I was pulled out from swimming classes because he had to sign the waiver of responsibility from the consent form.

My whole childhood is practically a nightmare. I can play with toys, only because my relatives gave them to me. My parents don’t buy for me anything because my aunties are nice enough to buy for me. I want to read books, but my parents told me they can’t afford it. But they can enjoy their lives. Even when I have fantastic results for PSLE, they told me to go to a good secondary as my sister, going to the likes of RI can be expensive. Even when I wanna go to poly after that, they insist on me to go to JC because uniform is cheaper. Don’t get me started on my own clothes, I practically grew up on just a rotation of few clothings. And my underwear will only be replaced once it’s badly worn and tattered. So, every year, I get a few bursaries, either from the Union, govt and such. Guess what? My father will take them all, and insist that he’s paid for my upbringing. Don’t get me started on upbringing. I eat shit food since young. Now that I’m older, I practically grew up on the cheapest food available. I eat white bread on its own without any spread. My mum cook, but never beef or fish, just scraps of chicken, either made into a soup or fried to be eaten with sweet soy sauce. It totally make sense now why I totally enjoy eating normal food. Eating laksa or mee siam is soooo enjoyable for me now even though it may seems nothing to you guys.

As for discipline, I realised I probably had ADHD or something. I had trouble listening to instruction and I was super hyper active. On hindsight, it was probably because I was mostly cooped up at home. As a kid, I usually go out with my relatives more than my family. My relatives didn’t have any trouble disciplining me though. But at home, I was more of a punching bag. I knew when was their salary date. Because closer to the date, my dad will always be angry and fight with my mom, and somehow, I will trigger either of them, either my dad will whack me with things, or my mum will slap me to appease him. Thinking back, I felt like I was an offering for either of them to ease their anger. If there’s free balloon outside, I will only take the string ones cos it will hurt less later. That hard metal pole to hang clothes, yeah.. It bent, I was stronger than that soft metal. I was surprised that I made it till an adult without any serious injury. Even called the police once, they did nothing to help me.

After JC, my dad told me to work. nahh.. I went back to study. Somehow in anger or something, he sold the house to take most of his money. What a pathetic loser. I was actually homeless, even the school didn’t believe me that I was homeless. Since then, I got married and was out of his life. Eventually, my mother divorced and remarried. I hate her less than my dad but I still blame her for being an enabler to his actions. How dare she let those 20 years of mine be in suffering? Probably as a result of that, my next 20 years are kinda stunted. While others are making families and moving up in their career, I was just happy being free, enjoying the simple things in life. Sure, I got a decent job now, but I wasn’t doing as well as my peers. Most of them are high flyers, I sometimes compare to them and wonder if the difference between us are probably supporting parents.

For my dad, I didn’t keep track of him if he’s alive or not. He could be dead for all I care. That’s how deep my anger is still now. People may say, it’s okay, let go and forgive and forget. He’s your parent afterall. I prayed to God for help as a kid. Heck, I even prayed to Satan for help. Both didn’t even help me at all. That’s probably why I’m not so religious. Most of my friends told me, I shouldn’t do that, and I should take care of them now that they are old. For me, if given a choice, I rather not to be born at all. Probably the same reason why I do not want to have kids. Am I wrong not to take care of them? To those who might be in similar situation as me, how do you cope?

Hello, I’m a 22F. I had an issue where I was ‘scammed’ by someone last year. I was going through a really rough time and was vulnerable, and this person promised to offer me ‘help’ when I was looking to get out of my situation.

To keep things short I met up with this person when they claim to have a job opening for me. I was wary and did not want to meet at first but the person kept pressuring me to, saying things like ‘I’m just helping’ and ‘why are you so afraid to meet up? It’s just for a talk’

I then sort of seek advice from a friend and he said to give it a try. I ended up meeting with this person in a public setting and we talked for a while. This person asked me a few questions about my life and my situation. I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time as I had only calmed down from a mental breakdown a few hours prior and ended up saying more than I should.

This person spent the next 2-3 hours gaining my trust and said he’d offered me a job. Just before we left he got a ‘call’ from a client and said he needed to urgently borrow 1k sgd because his bank has reached the daily transfer limit. I was unsure but also pressured as he was waiting on me with someone on the line, so in the end I transferred him the money. 5mins later he walked me to the bus stop and I went home.

We kept in touch for a while and he said he’ll drop in a cheque for me. I informed him to update me when he does and he did the following day. But he said he ended up writing an extra 1k for me and asked for me to transfer it back. At this point I was very suspicious, and told me I’ll give it to him later.

On the evening of the same day he started asking me for the extra 1k, saying he had an urgent order he needs to pay for. My trust at this point was very low as my gut was telling me something was off. This then turned out to be true because when I kept refusing, he started to become very aggressive, pressuring me to go on call with him (which I did) and started cursing me out. Saying stuff about how he’s helped me with a job but I couldn’t even bother to give him his money back. I kept saying that if he was as good a businessman as he claimed himself to be, then he should have his own money to pay. Not having to take money from a fresh graduate like myself. He later ended the call saying that he’ll wait until the cheque comes in and get his money back. But of course the money never did come in.

I also did give him another $500 because he claim to have a studio apartment for rent but I’ve never been to the place because he kept insisting he was doing a sale for someone else (stupid, I know. But I was desperate and it was within my budget). So in total this piece of garbage of a human being took 1.5k from me.

He then lied to me for 2 weeks saying he sent another cheque or to give it a week for it to come in. I called the bank to confirm and customer service informed me that it only takes 3 days. On the Friday of the 2nd week I went to make a police report because at that point he had stopped responding to me. All of this took place on Oct 2021.

Fast forward to now, I had a call with the IO in charge of my case, and was told that this is considered a ‘Breach of Agreement’ and not actually a crime. The lady on the phone told me that there was nothing they could do other than keep an eye on this person should a similar case come up or enough prompting has happened for them to actually start an investigation. She also told me if I wish to see anything come out of this I will need to go to a small civil court and take matters into my own hands.

My concern is just how should I go about this? Is this going to cost me a lot of money? I don’t have a lot of savings myself, and I think this issue requires a lawyer. I would like some legal advice on this if anyone has knowledge on it.

As for some wondering why I’m not seeking advice with my family on this, its because of them that I was even having this issue in the first place. So as of now only my close friends know of this problem.

Netizens’ comments

• Can’t really offer legal advice per se, but I’m going to assume you don’t have the scammer’s personal information? Like a copy of his NRIC for example. It will be tough to pursue a case without the person’s name.

I’ve reported a scam once, police said they can’t do anything without personal information.

• I don’t think OP’s situation (loan gone wrong) would fall within the jurisdiction of small claims tribunal though 🙁

Says here https://www.judiciary.gov.sg/civil/cases-eligible-small-claim that the case must fall in one of the following categories:
• A contract for the sale of goods.
• A contract for the provision of services.
• A tenancy agreement for residential premises not exceeding 2 years.
• Damage to any property not arising from or in connection with the use of a motor vehicle, or caused by a neighbour.
• A dispute against a supplier for an unfair practice under the Consumer Protection (Fair Trading) Act.
• Refund of motor vehicle deposits under the Consumer Protection (Fair Trading) (Motor Vehicle Dealer Deposits) Regulations.

Hi, would need some advise on how to deal with noisy neighbours…

At first, the unit living directly above us (they are PRs, not trying to mean anything here but for context purpose) makes pounding sound every morning at about 6am onwards and it can last about an hour. This disturbed our sleep and we tried to went up to talk to them about it, but they turned their backs at us and did not to talk to us. So we filed a complaint to hdb.

Then they stopped the noise for a few weeks and do it again. This time, they added more noises like dragging of chair from one end of the room to another and stomping loudly around the room. Probably they are unhappy that we complained about them.

We endured for a few weeks but it seems like the noise is getting louder so we wrote back to hdb again. But it seems like of no use because each time we write the complaint, they will stop for a while then come back again with more noises.

This is very frustrating as we want to solve the issue but the other party is unwilling to open up… please help.

Netizens’ comments

• Make friends with the unit above them and ask for their help to make noise at unreasonable hours. See how they feel.

• Like good old days, just knock back the ceiling with a pole.

• The only way is for you guys to move out. Honestly, first hand experience here. My family moved out eventually because the noisy neighbors won’t stop.

You can call the police, go for mediation at court, and get help from town council or hdb or your MP etc. Your neighbours will quiet down for a week or so. And then they will start again. Because to them, they are making noise in their own house, it’s their right. The authorities unfortunately cannot do anything to help you. They will seek your neighbour’s understanding to lower their volume. But if your neighbours don’t wanna listen and follow, the authorities cannot do anything. They cannot possibly stand at your neighbour’s house 24/7. So really, trust me, nothing can be done if your neighbours don’t care at all.

If you are adamant to continue living there, your only way is to call police every time they decide to make a lot of noise in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning. Get the police to go knock their door every other day. But honestly this will end up being too tedious for you and you will ultimately just be like… let’s just sell this place and move elsewhere.

My wife (35f) revealed to me (34m) during a playful debate that she told her best friend (34f) my manhood size. It’s been bothering me for a few different reasons.

1: When I was in my early 20s and casually dating, I worked at a restaurant with one of the girls I was seeing.

After we stopped seeing each other, she went on to tell a bunch of girls working there that I had a big manhood.

A few days later, I have a bunch of girls who were previously uninterested in me, now hitting on me.

This bothers me because it’s objectifying. I couldn’t articulate in my 20s why it bothered me, but now that I’m 30+ and understand the situation better, I realized why it irked me.

I have thoughts like, “if these women are only interested in my little brother, why wouldn’t they just leave me for the next bigger one?” So I never took any of them seriously.

2: My wife told her best friend, who we see often. And she’s married. And she’s flirtatious with me. I brought it up with my wife that she flirts with me, and my wife brushes it off, “that’s just how she is, that’s just her personality”.

Another time I tried to be more firm and said that, no, I really do think she wants to bang me and that my wife has blinders on because they’re best friends since middle school.

They are ‘ride or dies’. I also would hate for my wife to lose her only best friend over some dumb thing she said that I’m possibly blowing out of proportion.

I thought my wife was different, but when she told me she revealed my size to her friend, it just reminded me of the restaurant girls all over again.

I hate that a lot of weight on my value as a man is based on how big an organ is.

I know, it sounds like something out of one of those really bad netflix movies but it’s unfortunately for me true.

I was over at a friend’s house for most of the day yesterday, and I wasn’t supposed to be coming home until later in the evening.

Mid afternoon, we decided to go and just drive around, then wanted to go to shopping. I didn’t bring my money with me (I keep my savings in cash in this little jar so I don’t spend it so impulsively). We decided to go by my house to grab some cash on the way to the mall. When we got there, my friend waited in the car because I was only going to be a couple of minutes.

When I walked into my house though, my parents were on the couch. I don’t want to be too overly graphic about what was going on, but my mom was on my dad’s lap teasing him, and it was very clear that they were about to have intercourse.

They both froze when they saw me, totally expected because they didn’t plan on being interrupted at all. I was frozen too, then after a couple of seconds I realized my mom was literally wearing one of MY FAVOURITE DRESSES. Like I wear it all the time. Not even like it’s really revealing or anything, just a normal dress. We were all looking at each other in shock for a few seconds before my Mom just said “I’m so sorry”

I ran back out of the house, and was crying by the time I made it to my friend’s car. I started explaining to her what I had just seen and she was calming me down but then my mother came out of the house after me literally still wearing my dress. I told my friend to drive away before she got to the car and we went back to her house.

We didn’t give her parents any details about what happened, just that I had some family drama. I’ve been friends with her since way back, so they told me I can sleep at their house for a couple of days until I figure things out.

I barely slept last night at all, every time I close my eyes it’s like I see it in my head. My Mom’s called me a bunch of times, but I only texted her back to let her know where I am, and told her I need time before I’m ready to talk to them. She replied again apologizing, and wants me to come home today to talk to them. I don’t think I can do that yet, even typing this out I’ve started shaking with nerves about it.

What do I do now? I’ve never felt unsafe in my house before at all, but I also don’t know if I’m comfortable being around my parents now that I know that they’re literally pretending she’s me. I’m so grossed out, and I think I want to burn every piece of clothing I’ve ever owned.

Last week, I was made an Assistant Manager in my profession after spending 9+ years with this company. Over the 9 years, I stayed on while many turned in their letters. I took over more work when there were no replacements. When the promotion eventually came, many sent their well wishes and congratulations, but little do they know that I only received a meagre $150 increment with this promotion.

Feeling absurd and angry at myself for staying loyal when many who have moved on and are already way ahead in terms of pay scale.

Here are what others think:

• Actually all the work you have been doing for them in the past 9 years is AM job scope. Due to lack of people, they just decided to promote you to AM to keep you around, and anyhow entertain you by throwing you the extra $150 increment.Should know better about the company during your 9 golden years there whether they are the cheapskate ones or can really pay. Most importantly, $$$ > job titles these days. (if just compare the two)

• That’s why when my company want to promote me to assistant manager. I told them I’m not ready knowingly the additional workload and stress that come with it. And the increment is also nothing to shout about. I’m happy to remain as a senior.

• You got promoted, time to throw letters. You can put in your resume you’re a AM now. It weights higher

• I worked for a the same for around 9 years. First few years was great as increment was reasonably good but bonus was normal. After the 3rd or 4th year, we all stopped receiving increment and bonus as boss said company not making money. I don’t know why but I kept staying. 2 years before I resigned, I got “promoted” to assistant manager without even knowing until HR told me but no increment, just a change of title on name card and HR issued a letter for my acknowledgmentNot trying to compare, just sharing

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I (27M) lost my virginity at a massage parlor this past weekend. I went back to the same place yesterday and screwed with another woman

I knew about massage parlors for quite some time now and constantly had this feeling of just getting it over with and losing my virginity.

I knew about this specific place for about a year now and knew that they offered full service there. I went there on Sunday morning, right as they opened figuring that it would not be busy and I could get in and out of there quickly.

My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was probably the most nervous that I ever was, but I just went for it and went inside.

There was an older lady at the front desk and she took me to the back where I waited for about 5 minutes.

A beautiful woman in her 40s came in and took me to another room where she washed me and wiped me down. We came back to the room and she massaged me for about 20 minutes before asking me what I wanted to do. We agreed to a price for everything and got to it right away.

We did the act for about 20 minutes and she finished off the session by massaging my head. It was pretty awkward when we were both getting dressed and just having some small talk. She told me to come back and see her again.

Going back was all I could think about the past days and I went back yesterday evening after work. It was a bit more busy than it was on Sunday and I ended up getting a different girl. The experience was the same except I did’t get a shower and was cut short on time by about 15 minutes.

A netizen shared how she took a loan of about $5k to pay an “agent” of hers to bring her to Singapore to work as a KTV hostess.

Here is her story

“I am currently living in Ho Chi Minh, and I came to Singapore a few years ago for a short “work” trip to make some money before heading home.

I took a loan of about $5k and paid the agent, and the money included accommodations and etc for my time in Singapore.

After I reached Singapore, I had to start working to quickly raise the sum of money to repay the loan, as well as to pay for my living expenses.

The rest of the money, I saved up to bring back to Vietnam, for a better life.

At first i was very stressed because all I had at the back of my mind was the loan and wanting to pay off the loan as quickly as possible, so that the rest of the money that I took back was mine.

Working at a KTV is very tough, because I have to let the men touch me and I have to drink A LOT of alcohol each night.

But the only thing on my mind was money, and the money was very good.

On a good night, I can take back about $1k, if I provide extra services to the men, on top of the tips that they give us at the end of the KTV session.

I stayed in Singapore for about 2 months, and made a total of $40k, and after minusing the initial loan that I took to come to Singapore and all my other debts, I managed to bring back about $30k.

The money is too good to refuse, and I will be back soon.”

I (24F) out of practically nowhere, started feeling very down about my A cups. It’s gotten to the point where it’s almost all I think about, and I constantly look at pictures of other women with big chests and watch men online worship them. I know it’s not healthy but I feel a need to punish myself for my body “failing me”.

In other regards, my life is good. I only weigh 52kg, I have a decent face, but naturally brown curly hair, which I also feel insecure about because of my experiences being passed up for other girls. I have a decent job , my own apartment, 35K saved up, and a boyfriend who says I’m perfect to him. (Even though in the beginning he had an emotional affair with a girl)

But I still feel a loathing for myself. I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved by ANYONE, even friends or family, because I have a small chest. I am struggling with motivation to finish my degree, because I feel like there’s no point in putting effort into my life anymore if I don’t have big chests. I have contemplated ending it all and there are some days I just lay in bed all day with no motivation to eat, clean, or do anything because I feel like life is not worth living. I know this isn’t normal but I can’t shake the feelings off.

I also have been obsessively eating healthy and exercising twice a day because I feel like being skinny is all I have going for me. I feel guilty whenever I eat something indulgent or junky.

My boyfriend knows I’m struggling with this and he feels bad, but I never believe anything he says. I feel so disconnected from him sometimes even though I do love him. He comes onto me and touches and kisses my chest a lot, but it hasn’t healed my pain. I have even told him he should date other women so he doesn’t feel deprived of big chests but he refuses and says “f that, I only want you.”

But I always think about that girl he fell in love with the first few months we were dating, and how much prettier she was than me. My first boyfriend 7 years ago also left me for another girl. I feel like these experiences have permanently humbled me and I’ll always feel inferior to women with bigger chests.

I know this is a long stupid pity party, but I just don’t know how to overcome this. I’ve deleted Instagram and I try to stay off social media, but I still come across pictures of these women and compare myself to them. I’m struggling to find the confidence to continue with my life with my body.

Also, I don’t feel this way about other women with small chests, I actually find them very beautiful and worthy of love, just not myself.