A brief background – Im a senior manager and preparing to take over from one of the directors and take on their role.

Three months ago, I accepted the resignation of one of my staff members (29m), wished them well and prepared their exit interviews with HR. I had been having problems with him for a 6 months period. I’d given him a pay rise (2% increase to his salary), however, he had claimed this was not enough and he was looking to at least go up by 10%.

I had previously told him to put together a case that showcased why he was entitled to more pay. I would review it and make a decision. It’s worth noting that I do this with all my staff and we discuss formally pay-related queries and this exercise allows me to see this from my staff’s point of view.

Instead of doing as I asked, the staff member began posting reviews about the company and why we are bad to work for, including how we do not value colleagues and will not pay them for additional work (which is not true for my team).

As the colleague had raised other issues with HR, which he also commented on the reviews, we knew where this had come from. As this was supposed to be an anonymous review, we couldn’t bring this up with him.

As he hadn’t got a further pay rise on the back of his conversations with me, he decided it would be in his best interest to do minimal work, resulting in me taking on some of his workloads along with another member of my staff, this was so the profitability of the business didn’t drop.

Now to the AH issues

The day after I accepted the resignation of my staff member, I got a message on Facebook from his GF, telling me how much of an AH I was as I’d ruined their chances of buying a house as I’d accepted his resignation.

I clarified that I hadn’t fired him, he had resigned of his own will.

It turns out, he had handed in his resignation, thinking I would have offered him more money to stay. He didn’t have another job to go into.

He too, called me an AH, reported me to HR for not offering him extra money to keep him on. Of course, HR did nothing of this. He worked his notice and left the company on his leave date.

Yesterday, I got a message, asking if I would give him his job back. I explained why I wouldn’t give him his job back and told him we were not currently recruiting for my team and made a comment that there were always jobs in the call centre he could apply for.

He called me an AH, told me I had ruined his life and he couldn’t get another job.

I really don’t see myself as the AH here, I’m attempting to ensure the company I work for isn’t damaged, and the childish behaviour of “I’ll hand in my notice so I get a payrise” really doesn’t sit well with me. I’d rather my staff feel like they have earned what they get and feel like they’re growing, not just getting handouts.

My brother is in the middle of a very angry divorce.

He’s living at our parent’s house right now because he can’t afford a place on his own. The divorce is completely his fault. He blew money on stocks and bitcoin and other expensive stuff and took out loans and lines of credit in secret. He didn’t tell his wife and went so far as to show her false statements.

It didn’t work as well as it he thought because she figured it out and is divorcing him. But their house has been taken away by the bank and their savings were wiped. Noth of them applied for bankruptcy because my brother got them into massive debt on stocks and other wild out of control spending and finances.

His wife lost her job because bankruptcy is a negative in her industry. She’s living with her parents too and both of them are relying on legal aid and parents to help pay the legal fees for the divorce.

Normally I strive to ignore my brother but lately, he’s been saying it’s not his fault because the stock market is rigged and his wife should have paid more attention (he actively hid from her). The last time he said I said the entire divorce is his fault and he should apologize for destroying his wife’s life. He wasn’t pleased about it and the next time I saw him he spent the whole time trying to pick a fight with me.

He’s tried to get our parents involved too all because of how upset he is for me not agreeing with him.

Here is what netizens think:

 I believe this is financial infidelity and it’s 100% his fault. If he’d been sharing his financial decisions with her and they both decided to do it and then landed flat on their faces, that’s different. But he made this choices and now he’s trying to blame her for his mistakes.

I’m a day trader and invest in things here and there after my research. That’s not way to make money in crypto or any other market (the way your brother did)

The problem with a rule like that is that, in the very likely event he continues to poor-mouth his ex, the parents have to either go back on their word or throw away the perfectly calibrated support they’ve designed for their foolhardy but hopefully redeemable son.

I own a company, and my wife has a senior executive-level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. We elected to have a C Section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it.

My wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. However, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( I already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son’s formative moments because she knew that he’d only be a baby for so long.

When the time came when she should have gone back to the office, I didn’t have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. After giving birth, she joined a mom-specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. She also volunteered for underprivileged kids.

After a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. Unbeknownst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. Around that time, another employee at the company, ” Mary”, had gone on maternity leave.

Around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. My wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. However, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn’t hurt. I agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties on February 1st.

Mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. Yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. The manager in question brought this up with me, and I told him to deny Mary her request. The reason is that while my wife’s duties could be taken up by others, Mary’s team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. One person leaving is tough on the rest.

When I went to personally tell Mary this, she looked very upset. She angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. I apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line.

When I told my sister about this encounter, she said I was being a jerk for giving my wife special treatment.

Do you guys think Im wrong for denying Mary’s request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks?

I (36-year-old single female) get asked this question a lot and since it comes from co-workers, extended family, friends of friends and now Chinese New year is coming then responding rudely by saying “non of your darn business sweety” still didn’t seem to work (not anymore lol).

I try to keep good relationships with those around me for a number of reasons, but this question just makes me angry. especially since the reason why I’m single is pretty traumatic and so is very personal. they feel sorry for me I can see it because they’d list all my good traits then say it’s a shame that no man is willing to ‘win’ it. WTF?

Unfortunately, I get caught off guard a lot by people (especially women) asking this question but since I can’t control the fact that they ask (I really wish they’d just leave me the heck alone) I decided to use this method that I came up with very recently.

For example, if a woman asks why I’m still single I’d just tell her “because I still haven’t met your husband/boyfriend yet. while acting somewhat naughty in the moment. so far it seemed to shut them up. it’s kind of passive-aggressive, yes. but I just feel some sort of power doing it.

Well, a few weeks ago, my sister introduced me to her boyfriend’s sister and once she sits down she asks “how old are you? I tell her and she gasps and goes on to ask why are you still single?” I look at her and say “it’s because I still haven’t met your boyfriend yet” (she has a boyfriend yay her) in the slu*ttiest tone I could muster while also pulling “the duck face” pose.

She looks at me in utter shock then puts her coffee down while my sister stares at me like WT?!?!. 

The conversation gets awkward and minutes later she gets up saying she wasn’t feeling well and leaves quietly. my sister shouts up at me asking why on earth would I say something like that and I start arguing with her about how this woman was a snoop.

She told me to get over myself and “act my age” and stop being childish which she assumed is the reason why I’m single and will always be “cause no man wants to be with such a nutjob”. her boyfriend said I upset his sister and is expecting apologies from me because of what I said to her.

Here are what netizens think:

• That’s exactly how life works. Don’t ask personal questions. It’s not anybodys business why she’s single. Her business is hers and she can answer repetitive and prying questions any way she wants. Just because it makes someone feel uncomfortable doesn’t matter. It’s the same thing when people start asking “why haven’t you had kids yet?”. None of anyone’s business period. Don’t ask any questions if you’re not prepared for any answer.

• It’s a totally inappropriate question to be asking someone you just met/don’t know well. I (39m) used to get asked that same question, and I answered it similarly
• Are you dating? When are you going to get married? Why haven’t you been promoted yet? Well that’s no kind of home to raise a child in! Why aren’t you pregnant yet? What, you’re only having one child?