Is it normal for parents to expect more from the oldest child?

I am not sure if this is due to favouritism or parents just expect oldest child more than the younger ones.

Here are some of the things that I feel quite uncomfortable actually. Now I am around late 20s, sister also working. Mum will give sister angbao during her birthday, but I don’t receive any of these even when I was younger.

Mum also told sister don’t tell me about this…Other than the birthday angbao, mum will usually ask me to buy expensive things for mum’s birthday (like a new aircon), but she won’t have such request for my younger sister.

There are other circumstances whereby mum asked me to pay for my sister uni tuition fee (21k lol), I didn’t and I ended up be her guarantor for the student loan.

Mum will also make me feel bad/guilty/uncomfortable to reject her request. Not sure if I am thinking too much. I wonder if mum just dislikes me or am I just overthinking?

Netizens’ comments

1. Your mother treats you like ATM. Time to move out
2. Nope. It is call favoritism. I am middle child but I’m the least favorite among my siblings and my mom used to gave my elder sister some nice real gold jewelry and I got nothing. Until I started working I am the one paying the most cause i earn more. :>
3. Eldest child syndrome is a very real thing. My mum is a lot more fair and reasonable than yours, but there is still a huge difference in what she expects of me and what she expects of my younger sibling
4. It’s not normal but have heard stories like this. Please do not be the guarantor for anyone especially if you are coerced into it. Not sure why your mom could not be the guarantor. You are not your sister’s mom. Your mom is.
5. That’s the norm for my mum and me (oldest daughter). For her, it’s acceptable and the right thing for her because that was how her older sisters sacrificed for her and her siblings when they were younger too. Older sisters (my aunts) main role was to help out the family until they are married out of the household. It sucks. And even in my 4th decade – that’s still her expectations of me. I paid younger sibling’s enrichment fees and gave her allowances throughout her tertiary days, paid all household bills since I was 19, and no longer had allowance after 16. 16 was deemed the age oldest child should leave school and work for the household. It’s less of a norm now, in SG at least, but still a norm to elders like my mum (and many of my older aunts). Ps the angpow thing happened not just with my mum, my aunts give my younger sibling angpows but not me too, or they tell her not to tell me that they gave her one or how much they gave.

I f-ed a potato. I got the idea from a radio show and thought that it might feel good. I cut a hole long ways through the middle and used it to beat myself off.

It wasn’t enjoyable at all and I remember the guilt and shame I felt as I snuck a broken, come covered potato to the throw it in the rubbish bin. It smelled weird as well.

I told some friends at school and it became pretty common knowledge, not that I cared. I never really had too much of a problem getting laid in my school years and I think me and that potato taught a lot to each other.

Some of the girls who heard about it found it kind of intriguing. Looking back on it that potato was the only thing I’ve f-ed that didn’t lie to me and betray me.

It was there when I needed it, it didn’t talk and performed its duties admirably (though it was a bit cold, rough, and slimy) and it probably would have fed me if I needed it to. And I discarded it like so much flotsam in a sea of mediocrity.

I’ll pay for this mistake for the rest of my life. Some times at night when I can’t fall asleep I still think about you, noble spud.

I’m sorry I didn’t mash you the way you needed me to, I was young and stupid. Now you’re in a landfill and I’m in a bigger, more putrid landfill they call the world. Maybe on some other life we can, you know.

Netizens’ comments

1. Find a bigger potato
2. I heard that many guys heat up a grapefruit, cut a hole in it, and go to town. I look at a lot of produce differently now.
3. No shame, just would never eat at your house. If you will do that to poor innocent potatoes, then no food is safe.
4. Usually when someone says f potatoes I think they don’t enjoy the texture. Apparently you put a new meaning on this
5. Ah yes the unconditional love a mere simple potato can provide in the heartaches of life is something few words can describe. Good for you man.

On the recent posts of poor prospects of engineers in SG compared to tech, I’m curious to know why is everyone so fixated on only Singapore? Singapore is not the only place in the world where engineering jobs exist.

There are plenty of engineering positions worldwide. It’s only natural with the small Singapore market, there can only be so many good high-paying jobs. If you want good pay as an engineer, go to US, Europe and Australia. If you want more exposure to emerging markets, try South America, Africa or even in the ASEAN region.

If foreign talent have the guts to come to Singapore to work, why don’t more Singaporeans just head overseas for better opportunities? While there is nothing wrong spending your entire work life in Singapore, be prepared to face a glass ceiling without international work experience.

This is speaking from an engineer who has spent 20 years in top US and European semicon firms. After my NUS bachelors, I went for a masters in engineering in Europe followed by an MBA in the US a few years later. I have worked on large scale projects that you can never do in Singapore. I picked up multiple languages in the course of my international roles compared to most Singaporeans who can only speak English professionally.

After requesting a transfer back to SG for family reasons, my international exposure and experience is highly valued so I still draw an internationally-competitive remuneration.

Let me tell you all, the world is so much bigger than Singapore. Don’t be limited to the mindset that Singapore is the only option. If you want to pursue the career you are passionate in but Singapore companies don’t pay what you think you deserve, bite the bullet and head overseas. Higher risk but higher rewards. With an NUS education, the world as your oyster.

Lunar 7th month ghost story time?

When I was around 11/12 years old, I went for chalet with my extended family.

I shared a room with my grandma + cousin (same age as me). On a queen/ king size bed, I remember sleeping on extreme left while my cousin in middle and grandma on extreme right. We were asleep in middle of night when suddenly I was awake by my grandma shouting.

Me and cousin woke up and ask her what happened, and she just said : “oh I was dreaming, you all go back sleep”. We thought nothing of it and went back sleep.

After we went back home, I got high fever. And coincidentally, my grandma called and asked of I am feeling ok. I told her I got high fever and she asked to speak with my mum. Only later my mum revealed to me that night in chalet, she saw a ‘lady’ sitting on the edge of bed beside me and was looking at me.

Had a chill when my mum told me that and then realized why my grandma shouted that night (she was either scare or trying to chase the thing away-didnt get a chance to ask her)

Netizens’ comments

1. It was a few years ago during the 7th month. It was around 2-3 am and I was at home when I suddenly felt thirsty, so I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. On my way to the kitchen, I heard 3 distinctive knocks on my front door. I froze in my tracks and stared at the door for a good minute, contemplating whether or not to look through the peephole. Part of me wanted to, but the part with more common sense told me to just ignore it, which I did. Who knew what I might’ve seen.
   Granted, it could’ve been my neighbours but I did not hear their main gate or the lift door opening. I mean theoretically someone could’ve climbed up the stairs and knocked on my door, but it dosen’t make much sense if you think about it. Could’ve been a drunk person but I doubt it as I live on the highest floor; don’t think a drunkard would climb more than 3 flights of stairs before collapsing.
2. The kumantong that woke me up for Guard Duty.
   So a couple years back, when I was still serving NS, I had to stay back in camp during the weekends for Guard Duty.
   Before we delve deeper, here’s a little backstory: I had a buddy who shares the same bunk with me.
   He has 5 kumantongs with him, and he brought them all into camp, placing them inside his cupboard.
   A kumantong is essentially a baby ghost, a divine child spirit which is believed to bring luck and fortune to the owner if properly revered.
   My buddy’s parents wouldn’t allow him to keep pets, so he got himself some kumantongs instead.
   Now back to the story, it was about 10am and I was alone inside my bunk, the entire company had booked out for the weekends.
   I was bored out of my mind inside my bunk, so I went to the staircase to smoke (please don’t charge me) cigarette after cigarette while playing games on my phone.
   I still had a lot of time before falling in, and so I went back to my bunk to rest my head.
   I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling fan above me, watching the fan blades spin round and round while daydreaming.
   I heard someone calling out for me from one of the beds, and I turned around to look at my buddy’s bed, thinking that someone was there.
   There was no one.
   Irregardless, I paid no heed to the voice and went back to staring at the ceiling fan, before slowly drifting away and falling asleep.
   I was very “semangat” during my days in the army, so I was sleeping in my Smart 4 (the army uniform with the sleeves folded up for a more presentable appearance) and boots, so that when I wake up, I can just fall in straight away without changing, thus spending more time sleeping.
   Now, I was supposed to fall in for Guard Duty sometime around 3pm.
   I was woken up by slaps on my legs; I felt someone hitting my legs and nudging me, and I thought one of the other Guard Duty personnel had come into my bunk to wake me up to fall in.
   So groggily, I said: “ugh, go away lah I want sleep cb!”
   Then again, I felt slaps on my legs, this time the slaps were harder.
   Angrily, I jolted awake and sat up, looking at my watch, it was about 2.55pm.
   Instinctively without looking up, I said “wah bro thanks for waking me up, almost overslept sia knn…”
   I looked up and around the bunk,
   There was no one.
3. Obligatory NS post:
   About 10 years ago during the height of the demonic burning and pollution, we were winding down for the day and one section of the camp was closed off and chained up for the night. Some idiot forgot to turn off a light and I was tasked to go back to settle it.
   I’m not superstitious so I turned it off with no problems. While walking back I distinctly heard the piak piak of slippers in the building behind me. Someone was walking there. I turn around, shine my lights, no one. Right as I turn around and continue walking, the piak piak piak resumed.
   Someone was definitely wearing slippers and piak piaking around. Decided it’s not my business, chained the gate and I just walked back.
   Never happened again on the rest of my nights there.
4. i always wonder why chinese never see malay ghost like pontianak and malay never see chinese ghost like zombie, ghost appear differently according to race?
5. Last Sunday my younger sister who lives next door with my youngest sister sent me a whatsapp. “Did you hear youngest sister sneeze and say “bless you”?” I was like “Uh no? Why?””She heard someone say that after she sneezed..”
   It didn’t occur to me then, but just now they made some barley water and ask me go drink. While chatting in the living room, the ladle fell off the counter and onto the floor. Thing is my sister always put it right at the center between the two fire stove so it couldn’t have rolled over.

Image source: Albert Ivan Damanik and Project Manhattan via Wikipedia Commons