I lost my virginity to a prostitute, and don’t regret it to the slightest amount

First off, i guess that many people would think that some guy posting this kind of stuff never even got into a relationship in his life.

Im getting close to 20 years of age now and i’ve been dropping in and out of relationships since i was 16 years old. Sadly, something always went wrong.

So last year 2-3 Months after my last relationship had ended, i decided that for some reason i just can’t click with girls my age.

I can’t really explain for what reason, but that’s just what i feel like at this point.

Not having lost my virginity at 19 years of age socially pressured me so hard that it’s insane. Every other guy roughly that age in the same situation knows exactly what im talking about. Sometimes you get laughed at for things like that. But anyway, thats off topic, i decided to lose my virginity via a transaction.

I booked a girl who was a bit more expensive but known for good service.

At first i was super nervous about it. Also thought that i would ruin my first time if i do it that way. But everything turned out to be good.

After the experience went great all the negative thoughts about doing it in the first place, went away.

I’ve also told the story to some of my friends after a few weeks have passed and they’re fine with it too. To be honest i would’ve expected at least some people to be “mad” about it.

Yea, that’s basically everything. Remember nothing wrong with work like that, these are just humans doing their job. And they deserve respect.

My k-drama-ish life

We met when we were 19. We studied in a now defunct private institution, and she was a foreign student here. And it so happened that while being school mates, we went to the same church, and somehow these similarities brought made us closer and eventually got together.

Upon graduating, I had to serve my NS while she started to try look for a job in Singapore. But back then, it was pretty hard for a foreigner to find a job here as a fresh grad, with a private institution diploma. So bo bian, she had to go back to her country. I think somehow being young, we thought it would be easy to do long distance, since I’m in the army, so we won’t see each other much anyways. So all my pathetic NS leaves were taken to fly over to spend time with her, and she would occasionally fly over to spend time with me. I met her parents when I’m there, and they loved me, even till this day. I mean my parents liked her as well la, but they probably don’t remember who she is now. So you all can guess la, army boy doing long distance with a girl who is not coming back to Singapore…eventually we broke up. And for the next 6 months, we kinda stopped contacting each other.

When I ORD-ed and was looking for a job, I decided to just text her and see how she’s doing. We talked about our relationship and decided that this LDR thing is not going to work for us, because both of us are very needy people. So down the road, we kept in contact, and often visited each other at our home country. We shared everything with each other. What’s happening in our lives, what is our latest obsession, who are we seeing and all. Funnily enough, our benchmark for our respective partners were always each other. And these went on for 10 years.

In these 10 years, she’s broken up with the 4 guys she dated when they asked, it’s him or me. And she chose me. For myself, I was unaware of all that and were living my best life, going out to parties and meeting people, just having fun. While doing all these, I never stopped loving her but I started to take her for granted. From her last 4 relationships, I always thought that, any guy that comes into her life will eventually break up with her because of me. Again, I was wrong. She decided to give this guy a chance because he was there for her. When she was sick, he would bring food to her, take her to the doctor and was just there for her. And this time, she decided not to let him know about my existence. But even so, while dating him, we had plans to go for a holiday together with her sister, whom I am very close with. But due to some health reason, I couldn’t make the trip and had to forfeit my flight and hotel.

One fine day, when I was sitting at my desk at work. I received a call from her saying, “he proposed, and I said yes.” That moment is still so vivid in my mind because I remember we were silent on the phone for maybe a good minute. Like she was waiting for me to say something, and the only thing I said is, “congratulations, I am so happy for you.” At that moment, I hated myself for saying that and just hang up the phone. What happened to “it’s either him or me?” That was my comfort when I knew she was dating someone. I’m not saying it’s her fault or anything, because it is my fault for having that kind of rationale. So obviously I was invited to the wedding. I told her I’ll be there definitely. But then, I started to take up more projects that I can handle closer to her wedding so I can say, I’m stuck with work and I missed my flight kind of bullshit. But the truth is I can’t bear to see the love of my life marry someone else. But of cause in the end, I told her the truth. I told her it is not a wedding I can attend, because attending that wedding would hurt more than anything else.

After she got married, I’ve decided to keep my distance, because she is a married woman now. I stopped my yearly visit but would still host and spend some time with her whenever she is in Singapore.

Fast forward a few years later, Covid happened. Travels stopped. She couldn’t come to Singapore. And this is the longest period we didn’t see each other in person at all. Good thing is we kinda stopped talking and only messaged each other when something huge happened. Like a death in the family, or happy birthdays that sort of things. I thought that I have let go of this whole thing.

Last year when travel resumed. Her sister made a trip to Singapore for work and we met. The first thing she said to me when we met is to ask me, why didn’t I make that trip with them? I was quite surprised as I thought that we wanted to go holiday, but I was sick, I couldnt go, end of story, as simple as that. And over drinks, she told me that her sister was unsure about this guy. She dated him, accepted his proposal out of expectations. People expect her to be married at that age and not waiting for some guy whom have not even made the slightest move of trying to make this work. And the whole trip was so she could see me, spend time with me and decide if I am really the one. Old feelings started to surface. Regrets and sadness came over me when I realized that.

That night when I got home, I immediately asked her if that’s true. And we had a long talk. She told me she was unhappy In her marriage. She’s only holding on to it because they have a kid. And we both made our feelings clear. She was my soulmate and I was hers. After so many years, we’ve never stopped loving each other. One took the whole thing for granted, and the other was too stubborn to make the first move, and just like this, we’ve missed each other for more than 10 years.

This year, 6 months have passed. She’s been to Singapore 3 times. Out of the 3 times, 2 was for work and only the most recent trip were for leisure. I managed to squeeze time out for her Everytime she’s here, and the very last trip, we left things at a very ambiguous situation. I know things with her husband is not going well. But I couldn’t do anything because I don’t want to be that guy. But knowing her, she don’t want to be the bad person, and she was low key hoping that I would make the move so I’ll be the bad person. Everytime we talk about what exactly are we doing, her answer will be, no matter what the future will be, you’re the person I want to grow old with.

We are both in our mid-thirties now. And I couldn’t possibly be sitting around waiting for things to end up badly with her husband, that is just not right. But then somewhere in my heart, I am still looking forward to a life with her.

Not seeking any advice or what, but I just wanna rant.

Girl I’m seeing likes married men

I’ve been seeing this girl for the past 6 months. I think she’s a nice person and we have good chemistry and I am very attracted to her. I want to take things slow because I am very interested in her. I come from a broken family so I also want to make sure we are compatible before getting serious.

We are not teenagers anymore so I understand that she’s been in relationships before me. She did not talk much about her past but recently she revealed 2 of her previous bfs were actually married men.

I was kind of taken aback by this information. I try to be objective and asked her how did she get into it and how did it end. Long story short, I didn’t like her answers.

In summary she was interested in them while knowing they are married. She also made the first move. The relationships ended because the affairs were exposed. She was dumped.

I sensed a hint of triumph when she was describing the relationships.

I grew up watching my father cheating and abandoning us. So I am rather triggered to hear her reveal that she had been the other woman. Not once but twice. A part of me is telling me this is not going to work. Another part of me is telling me I should give her a chance.

She say she will not do such things again because it was mental torture and she has grown out of it. She wants to have an open and honest relationship from now on.

Should I continue to see her? Do people really change? I don’t want to invest and get hurt later on. Before knowing this I actually think she could be the one. Now I feel lost.

Are scammers smarter than us?

A new trade of iniquity has flourished in this world of uncertainty and caprice. Millions, including some hard earned savings, are covertly siphoned from our bank accounts behind our backs, or even overtly drained away under our helpless stare. It is a partial bargain, by which we pay exorbitantly for the dazzling deals, gaudy goodies, sweet promises, caring caresses, and gracious help, all fall off swiftly from the fraudsters’ lips. Who will not yield to their charming words that mesmerise our credulous minds and captivate our tender hearts?

Does their easy success lie in, whether are they really that sophisticated and ingenious, or are we just simply too plain and stupid? It is neither. On a closer look, all their artful schemes and seemingly inexhaustible stratagems will reveal the strength of a deep understanding of human natures and a superior knowledge and skill in technology. In the case of the robber who demands for our possessions to be handed over immediately, he is a total stranger to us. Unlike him, these refined swindlers, only act after having slowly and patiently won our trust and gained our confidence as our friendship grows over time. Surely, a long line with little baits and a long wait will catch a big fish.

On the contrary, the extended time needed for them to make a greater discovery of us may turn the scale in our favour. It is seldom indeed that, their intentions and motives of deceit will not press on our mind if we are a little more attentive and observant. Sometimes, the intervention of an untoward event may also afford us the opportunity to confirm our suspicions with positive convictions and to escape before they strike. Sadly, there are some unfortunate ones who hold such implicit belief in the scammer’s feigned kindness and generosity that they still refuse to accept the ‘truth’ upon detection. Perhaps, they need more time to wake up from the binding spell and reclaim their sense of reason. Other quick-witted victims will make a loud hue and cry, in both private and public scenes, once their losses are determined and their ties with the miscreants are mercilessly cut off. We all know that the investigation and funds recovery will be a long, slow, tiresome and unpromising journey. It is even made worse when the money has left the country.

A burnt child dreads the fire and he will not suffer again only if he remembers the painful experience. To jog our poor memory, the press has constantly exposed the enormity of the crime and weakened their influence through the “expensive lessons” paid by others. On the other hand, the Police and other authorities blare out their warnings and dish out anti-scamming measures, hoping to check the progress of deceits, and, if possible, to get it checkmated. As for our most important role, we need to keep our mental alarms working well 24/7, so that we will not be easily swept off by any too good to be true deal.

Whether this illicit trade perpetuates or perishes, we shall then fix its fate and date.

I have 4 siblings in total, and we’re all doing comfortably financially. My parents are also pretty comfortable. My mom doesn’t work and my dad is still working although he can retire. He doesn’t want to as he said he gets bored.

What I can’t stand about my parents is… they just don’t want to pay for things they want to buy. They have money, but they want us to pay for them. We already give them about $2.5k of allowance every month in total.

On top of that, if they want anything.. for example, renovate their home (for no practical reason, more of aesthetics) they want us to pay for it. We have paid for what they want a few times (renovate kitchen, renovate toilet)… but now it becomes a habit. Everytime they want something, they want us to pay for it. They wanted to install new ceiling fans recently and also asked us to pay for it. My mom recently found out that i hired a part time helper for my home, then she started hinting to me that she also wants a part time helper for her home and she wants me to pay for it. With the VTL opening, they mentioned they want to go to europe holiday (est 10k per person) and they also asked us if we can pay for it.

It’s not like my parents cannot afford these things that they want, they CAN afford it.. But they want us to pay for it. I don’t understand why? My dad even said to me, “to you all $500 is nothing since your salary so high. To me $500 is a lot.” But wtf, i am only earning slightly higher than my dad (10% more).. and although we are comfortable, all of us have kids and we still have to save up for our own kids. Plus, even though my older siblings earn double than me, it is unfair for them to keep paying for whatever my parents want just because they want it.

Talking to them is difficult, they will probably just say that we are being stingy with our money and don’t want to spend on them. Sigh. Any advice?

Netizens’ comments

• Then tell them their money dont use then keep for what? Also cannot bring into coffin when they die? Dont give in to them. Once or twice is fine, but if they cannot draw the line and call you all stingy, you draft out the expenses and tell them you have a family to support and retire too.

• When they decided to have 5 kids, my guess is that your parents already planned to have all of you serve as their “CPF Life”. 

Were they also as equally generous to all of you when you were a kid? If so, just treat this as “repayment” for that previous generosity.

• You know why people loves money? Because they get to call the shots.

If your parents insists on the kids paying full, then the kids get to call the shots…Want walls to be white? No….you want to get it black.

Want bright lights, No…Make it dim…You pay for it, you decide how it will look.

Not happy? Then get them to contribute.

I don’t believe in giving people things for free (yes even parents). They need to have skin in the game in order to appreciate and don’t take things for granted.

That’s what I will do

Need advice on fiancee

Need some advise please!

Have been in a rs with my fiancee for the past 7 years.

We are intending to get married next year but somehow felt like we drifted in the last couple of months after she changed job.

She has been busy on most nights and will be out with her colleagues till late (up to 3am). When we are together, she is always tired or on her handphone.

Have tried sounding her off and preparing little surprises but to no avail.

The inevitable came when chanced upon her phone and realised that she has an affair with her colleague who is married with kids.

This has been going on for months and they did unimaginable stuff which totally broke me.

Decided to confront her two weeks ago and she apologised and promised to salvage our rs. Point is she is still in cordial contact with the guy as they are colleagues and she fears backlash.

So confused now and uneasy. What should I do?

Thanks in advance.

Here are what netizens think:

• Stop it. Ask yourself what’s your worth. Right now the married dude is better than you in her eyes. Are you going to live with this for the rest of your life with her? Think, evaluate, action.

• So if you didn’t catch her she would still be doing it? When she’s with you she’s on her phone instead of doing unimaginable stuff with you? Bro, she’s not into you anymore. See this as a blessing that she probably won’t make a faithful wife if you get married and now you have a good excuse (if you really needed one) to break it off. Is it really so hard to see that you deserve better?

• The apology was just a reflex action. Nature always wins. Sooner or later she will cheat again. At least if you decide to breakup, you will walk tall. So dont go there. Dont be like the other guys who dont have a backbone enough and end up miserable. A guy should have a clear head and peace of mind and most importantly his conviction.

• If you can support her financially when married, give her the ultimatum to resesign immediately. If she does not submit her resignation letter tdy or tmr, move on.

Little bit about me: M, 26 this year, stable job, single with supportive family.

I have always loved travelling and wanted to live/work overseas one day.

Due to this ‘dream’ of mine, i have stayed away from dating locals these few years as i feel ‘guilty’ that if I develop a relationship with someone local, I am sorta wasting their time since many locals I have talked to always have this idea of ‘settling down soon before 30 with a BTO’ that sort of thing.

Obviously i have no prejudice against my own people, just that I am always thinking about this ‘dream’ to move to somewhere and experience overseas life a while.

Anyone have the same opinion as me or am i just having a wishful thinking? No hate please. Haha

Netizen’s comments

• Dating preferences are yours to decide. No justification needed.

That being said, do consider that there may be locals that want to live abroad too. It’s fine if your dating preference is to date a non-local but if your preference really is to find someone open to living outside SG – no need to narrow your dating pool unnecessarily.

• Nah, you’re free to do what you want. As long as your decisions aren’t coming from a place of hate, why not, right?

That said, if you’re avoiding locals for relationships, what makes you think you’ll be “prepared” once you meet a foreigner? Might just be an assumption but not all relationships have to be “the one to last a lifetime” – it could be a learning moment for you and the other person and even if it doesn’t lead to “settling down soon before 30 with a BTO”, you’ve still progressed in life by having had a relationship.

n incident that irks me till today

About 1.5 years ago, I was asked to go for Reservists training. On the day I reported, the captain of my platoon decided to brief everyone in Chinese. As a non Chinese personnel who has been constantly been put in this position, it came natural to me to stay quiet whilst the entire briefing was in progress and to later ask ard on what was discussed. However halfway through his briefing, he suddenly noted my presence and said “Wah, now I need to repeat everything in English; why is it you never study Chinese? Then easier to understand right?”

Number one: Common language spoken in Singapore is English

Number two: We are from the Singapore Armed Forces; his logic would have been fair if we were representing the Chinese, Taiwanese or any other armed Forces that spoke Chinese

Sadly, oppressed me decided to giggle on that statement whilst the rest laughed out (to note, I was the only non Chinese in the room and potentially the only one in the brigade I was attached to).

Till today it still bugs me; why didn’t I say something back? Yes common answers from someone like the Captain would have been something along the lines of “Why so sensitive?” or “Just joking what?”. But racist behaviour is racist behaviour! And that statement was indeed a racist one to make.

Well he had something to ask me a few days later; but that’s a story for another day.

Here are what netizens think:

• He didn’t notice your presence mah.. I believe he would spoken English had you made your presence known.

• Next time you are the boss of him, you can do the same thing.

• Encik are known to be excused brain.

• When i was in bmt, when the sergent speaks in chinese, the non chinese recruits will say, ” channel 5 hor/leh/laa.”

It’s ok if you don’t want to date a girl that’s been banged by 30 dudes

I heard about it real life. Guy finds out his gf has been with 30 plus guys, got gang banged in uni, etc.

Commentators call him shallow, insecure, women shaming. Having a preference doesn’t make you insecure…

I’m not judging anyone, people are free to do as they please. But the fact that guys get called insecure because they don’t want to be another number is nonsense.

Women can have preferences, so can men. Stop saying a guy is insecure because he doesn’t wanna be where 30 other guys have been

Netizens’ comments

• I don’t really see an issue with this as long as you apply the same restrictions on promiscuity to yourself.

• I see an issue w it either way. If one thinks it’s ok for men to bang several girls but not for girls to do the same, they’re and hypocrites.

But if they think neither is ok then they’re judgmental a-holes. I know judging is part of living in a society and we do need it in order for it to function properly but there are certain behaviors that are simply no one’s business and this is one of them. Especially since it’s literally natural to wanna get intimate with someone else.

• It’s a bit subjective really, it’s high for some and not for others depending on their own perspective.
  The main issue is only that it might indicate to some people that you have a different perspective or value for it than they do, so it might put some people off or others may not care at all, again, it’s about different attitudes and perspectives.
• Depends on who you ask. Some girls will be turned off and some girls won’t. You just gotta find the ones that don’t care.
• I’m 29F, and as long as my boyfriend is STD free and capable of being 100% faithful to me, I couldnt care less about the life he had before he met me.
• Flip the table, would you consider it high from whoever you slept with if they told you that was their number?

Career crossroads

Hi, in my mid 30s. Been working for a small company the past 4 years and paid decent ($135k pa). Working hours are great and don’t have much stress or pressure.

Bosses are ok, no need work on weekends and pretty much chill for all holidays (get to take leave for long leave etc). In an ideal world, this sounds like a perfect job. But tbh I really have no challenge at work, everyday is just BAU and mundane tasks.

Also, I don’t think can get promotion/salary raise anytime soon. Don’t exactly dread coming to work because things and task are easy to complete.

Should I jump ship and take a paycut for a new role (not much experience) or just stay being comfortable at where I am at the moment till…. Don’t know when?

Here are what netizens think:

• Before you leave, please pm me. I go apply.

• Everyone want your job but here you kpkb want change job. Must be kuku ah u

• Do state ur conpany and position. And also recommend your boss ur replacement, me

• Sounds to me like you are not looking to build yourself up more on the financial front. So other than money, you might want to think about what motivates you and what are you passionate about? Your need for a challenge could be found in a hobby, a side business, volunteering for a social cause or just simply trying to achieve something on your bucket list. Not everything meaningful in life have to be found at work and work shouldn’t be your whole life either.

• grass always greener on other side… depends you wanna learn new skills and gets hands on experience to upgrade or not.. for your next 20 years till retirement . but if boredom doesn’t kill you, your salary’s cover current & future expenses and you got other hobbies, i’ll stay on till retirement