Struggle talking to girls

24 year old guy who consistently finds it challenging to approach girls I’m interested in. I’m an introvert and tend not to socialize with anyone especially in my work office & church.

On the flip side, when I’m with my friends, I’ve been told I can be the life of the party, and some people have rated me as a 7/10 or 8/10 in terms of looks & body shape (not caifan auntie).

However, I’ve had an ongoing issue since secondary school where I struggle to communicate with girls I’m attracted to.

Currently, I’m interested in one of my colleagues at work (i am in a contract position and have plans to leave) who i really like a lot.

She often starts conversations by saying hi and asking questions, but my responses are usually limited to one-word replies and unrelated comments, which tends to kill the conversation and make me nervous. I WFH most of the time so our last convo was like a month+ ago.

This has been a persistent problem for nearly a decade, and I’m worried it might negatively impact my love life. I’m a date to marry person where I have numerous ideas about how to cherish and treat my future girlfriend.

However, I struggle with taking the initial step to express my interest as my anxiety skyrockets & blushed when I’m around a girl I particularly like which would make the girl think i am disinterested lol.

Wondering what steps i can take to remove this mental block? 🙁

Netizens’ comments

1. What you need is a conversation starter, a kick and an exit plan.
   Find some reason to do something out of the blue for her and from there you can gauge her response. Whether she reciprocate or not, and if all else fail you have an exit plan that doesn’t make the situation anymore awkward.
   To illustrate: The starter: Buy a cup of bubble tea for her. The kick: she help you in a previous scenario. Exit plan: it’s just a cup of bubble tea. It’s no big deal.
   Rinse and repeat. With a post-it-note. A lunch meal. A dinner. A movie etc
2. When making small talk, I read somewhere to use OCAP,
   Observation – Notice something about the person. Hair style change? Sent out a certain email? Saw their work?
   Comment – Make a comment about your observation. Can be a compliment. Can be a question.
   Assumption – Make a small assumption about your observation.
   Projection – Based on your assumption, suggest something, ask something. Make sure it’s open ended.
   Actual example I use: Met Colleague at pantry, she wore sneakers instead of heels.
   Me: Hey. Nice shoes. Very white sia. (Observe)
   Her: Oh, ya. Thanks.
   Me: How’d you keep them so white? My white sneakers less than 1 week brown liao. (Comment)
   Her: Oh no la. I seldom wear. That’s why can maintain haha
   Me: Nice. You wear them today, going somewhere later after work? (Assume)
   Her: Oh ya. I trying out this Pilates class my friend intro me. At Bugis area. You try Pilates before?
   Me: Nope. What’s it about. Is it something like yoga or what, stretch stretch type. I did yoga a few times , quite shaggg. Pose here, pose there. What makes you like Pilates? (Projection)
   Her: ya ya. Something like Yoga. That’s why I don’t mind going. Actually difference between Yoga and Pilates [she goes on and on about her hobbies]
   Me : (nods along and continue prompting her for her to talk more)
   Me (when times up): Wa sounds interesting. When got chance I don’t mind try. Anyways have fun later! Let me know how it goes.
   Of course the next time you see her, you ask about how was it. Then ask why she like. Why she don’t like etc. Don’t have to follow exact OCAP. Trick is to ask open ended questions, and let them talk about 70% of the time. So you don’t have to talk much.

So my wife and I have been each other’s only partners, so our experiences in the bedroom is only limited to each other.

We’ve also only started to get intimate in the last 2 years, and I can recall that recently she feels a bit different down there than earlier.

These days, it feels like there’s something inside her V that is grabbing my D, like the muscles feel tighter, compared to earlier when it was just putting it in a relaxed muscle bag, that’s the best way that i can explain it.

It’s like when you flex your biceps or other muscles and it becomes tighter.

It feels really amazing, like I can feel the texture much better, and we both are able to feel more pleasure out of this, but I am just wondering why it is happening now after a couple of years of us doing it, and what’s the science behind it.

I can also recall this happening once very long ago when we initially started to get physical.

I am wondering if this is some new angle that we’ve discovered just now (it happens during missionary, not in other positions, for now at least), or if some muscle inside is actually getting tighter.

Netizens’ comments

1. Has she increased her exercise regime/Kegels?
   Could be her muscles have tightened due to exercise or she is less relaxed/turned on than before, thus feeling tighter. Are you guys doing less foreplay these days? Is she less turned on?
2. There are these things called Kegel exercises that would strengthen the muscles down there.
3. Your wife is mutating, there is an alien inside. Call the X-Men for help. This is attack of the worlds all over again.
4. As a woman you can definitely tighten your genitals on purpose, maybe she’s doing that without realizing

My kid broke our expensive tv and I want to cry of anger

I loved that tv. It cost a lot. It was a great tv. I had just been playing some games on it. I hadn’t even turned of my ps4. I had just put it on sleeping mode so I could put the kids to bed.

She got hold of a heavy toy. Smashed it on the tv. The screen is now broken. I am so angry. I want to scream but I can’t. She is just 2 years old. Doesn’t know better. I feel so sad.

I know it’s silly for other people. It’s just a tv. But that tv was comfort for me. I have no friends. I have no hobbies aside from the gym but with how the fitness world works today the gym mostly feels like a mental torment and a constant reminder that I don’t look good enough and reminder that if I enjoy food too much I will just gain weight so I don’t enjoy it that much. I do it because I have to.

That tv was my peace of mind when the kids finally went to bed. It was my friend in the evening when I didn’t have anyone to talk to. It meant something to me.

And now it’s gone and we don’t have the money to get a new one. I hate this so much but I can’t get angry. I can just feel sad.

Netizens’ comments

1. Hey, check with your those 2nd hand donation groups on Facebook. You can post that you’re looking for a tv, and someone might have one for you
2. Do cry of anger. Scream into a pillow. Stomp with your feet. It’s OKAY to feel the way you’re feeling right now.
   You did a great job not projecting this anger onto your kid! Now allow yourself to feel it all. Do not suppress it. You lost something you loved. It’s okay to grief!
   Be super kind and gentle with yourself while you’re going through this. Be patient and compassionate. You will get through this and you will find a solution.
   For now take care of your feelings, once your mind is calmer you will find a way.
   Sending much love your way!

My fiance has lost money on TerraLuna.

We have been saving up since secondary school. We have plans to BTO, raise beautiful kids and go on dream vacations. All these have come to a naught within a span of just a few days.

The idea of investing in cryptocurrency was first introduced to him by his circle of close friends. He was made to believe that he can make a quick buck and retire early. He took his friends words for it and dabbled into crypto trading.

There were occasions where he would boast to me that he had made a killing which would enable us to realize our dream quicker. Given the volatility of such investment, he assured me that he is well aware of the risk and persuaded me to join as well. Considering that his decision meant well for both of us, I decided to follow suit and entrust my life savings to him in hope that he will not disappoint me.

I should have known better not to do it when he began distancing himself from me and stayed silent on Whatsapp over the past few weeks. Being a concerned partner, I reached out to him to find out how he is doing and to check on our investment. When the topic of investment is raised, he would flare up for no reason and would shout at me over the phone.

A few days ago, a crypto-coin known as TerraLuna (or whatever they call it) made headlines for losing all of its value with allegations made against the founder for fraud.

Worried that it would impact our investment, I phoned my fiance but failed to reach him. I tried to dial his friend only to find out that he had put all his money in this so-called coin only to lose everything. Upon hearing the news, my heart sunk knowing that our hard-earned money were gone and our dreams destroyed. The last I heard about him was from his friend who told me that he had to resort to borrowing from loan sharks in hope to recover his losses only to end up losing more.

We have plans to hold our wedding in Dec which was made known to everyone early this year. Now we have to call it off because of his silly mistake. I can no longer see a future with him and I certainly do not see myself helping with his debt. Heck, I am even contemplating doing OnlyFans to re-build my wealth.

I am v lost as to what to do and how to break the news to everyone about our wedding dismissal should they question about it due to this incident.

I earn $2.1k under one of the ministries with a diploma cert

I gradated one year ago and they offered me this salary stating that it is the job market and is reasonable.

I find it very sad how diploma certs are no longer enough to sustain a lifestyle. Gamen has always said that diploma cert is enough but after getting my after my take home pay is $1.6k per month, I find it hard to support my elderly parents and to start a family of my own.

$1.6k – food – transport – bills = there is barely any money left and to support elderly parents as it is viewed that we must support our parents, “The Maintenance of Parents Act provides for Singapore residents aged 60 years old and above who are unable to subsist on their own, to claim maintenance from their children.”

Of course, I love my parents but with such little amount of money left, how do you start a family?

Degree is necessary to ensure a higher pay to live in Singapore.

Here are what netizens think:

• There are private courses you can take to prepare yourself for the future. Don’t take a degree to realise that you’re learning outdated stuff.

• Quite sure there is something wrong about your work. You are getting the salary roughly similar to a full time cleaner.

• Upgrade and hunt for better jobs while you continue to work. The worst thing you can do is to stay there for 5 to 10 years if you’re already unhappy now.

• We are just waiting for education inflation to worsen.

• Now a days cert are just for upgrading yourself. Work experience and upgrading yourself Is the way to help u get better pay

• You are paid lower than Malaysians holding a spm cert, which is lower than our local o levels cert. If your salary is not paying you a liveable wage, find a job that will or upskill yourself.

My 23M bf has a close female friend (Girl A) that is like a confidant of his. They would meet up a few times a year to chitchat about life and occasionally text one another.

Previously  i asked what they were chatting about during their meetups as it often takes 3-4 hrs for each meeting. He mentioned they were just gossiping about their ex classmates and some boring life talks which is normal and understandable on why they had never invited me to join for dinner.

Last week, i made a new friend which happens to be Girl A’s good friend and my bf’s acquaintance. She mentioned that Girl A had occasionally shared their conversation topics from those meet up sessions with her and its usually comprises of one of them asking advice for their relationship, and also frequently involve discussions of a more explicit nature e.g how to self pleasure and how to get better in bed etc.

After hearing it, i just dont feel comfortable knowing that such personal stuff about our relationship and intimacy are made known to someone outside our relationship. Furthermore knowing that he may be twisting the facts about the conversations they had during their catchups. As my bf and Girl A has been friends for a decade, he probably had been discussing all these issues with her prior to getting attached with me and I want to respect that privacy of his.

But how can i go about asking him respectfully refrain from discussing such intimate and personal issues with Girl A in the future?