My mom first heard about the National University of Singapore (NUS) and its reputation for producing graduates who could get high-paying jobs.

She was convinced that a degree from NUS would be the perfect way for me to secure a well-paid job in Singapore. She was so sure of this that she encouraged me to apply to the university and even offered to pay for my tuition fees.

I was hesitant at first because although I had always been a good student, I had never been particularly interested in a degree from NUS. But my mom was so passionate about it that I eventually agreed to give it a try.

I applied for a degree in Business Administration, and to my surprise, I was accepted. I was really excited to be part of the NUS community and I was determined to make the most of my experience.

My mom was overjoyed and she quickly started telling everyone she knew that I was studying at NUS. She was sure that having a degree from such a prestigious university would guarantee me a well-paying job.

So when I graduated, I was almost certain that I would get a high-paying job. After all, my mom had said that I would get a job that paid at least $11,000 a month.

Lack of experience

However, reality soon set in after graduation. After months of searching, I was only able to find a job that paid $4,000 a month. I was disappointed and my mom was devastated. She had been so sure that I would get the job she had promised me, and now she felt like she had failed me.

We had a long talk about it, and she eventually realized that the job market had changed since she was my age. She had overestimated the value of a NUS degree and the job opportunities that it could bring. She also realized that the job market was highly competitive and that I had to be willing to work hard and take risks if I wanted to get the job I wanted.

In the end, I was able to find a job that I enjoy and that pays me more than I would have expected. I still remember my mom’s disappointment when I told her that I would only be making $4,000 a month. But now, I think she is proud of me for finding a job that I love and for having the courage to take risks.

I (M) graduated from uni about two years ago and have been using CMB for quite a few months since late last year, hoping to find “the one” to spend the rest of my life with.

To speed up my search because I’m not getting any younger and my friends are mostly all attached already, I got myself a premium subscription (which isn’t quite expensive if you divide it out). To give some context, I’m average looking and have a decent career with above average salary (albeit less than ideal hours).

To date, I’ve went on a few dates (around 4 ladies over the span of 5-6 months), but decided not to take things further with these dates because it just didn’t felt right/suitable. I must say that they were all nice people, of course, but things don’t always work out the way one intends.

I read about people getting married after meeting their significant others with whom they eventually embark on long-term relationships with on dating apps, but my journey with dating apps hasn’t been very eventful, to say the least.

In fact, I’ve started to feel exhausted with using dating apps. The repetitive process of liking someone, matching, starting a conversation, and trying to find similarities is draining.

While I’ve had a decent number of matches (not fake accounts, because my matches do respond and some of them are even friends of friends), not every lady I’ve matched with is equally sincere and genuine.

Some of them take hours to reply, notwithstanding that their average reply time as reflected in CMB is much lesser (benefits of premium – knowledge is power, why waste time with matches who aren’t interested?). Of course I do appreciate that people get busy and have their lives outside of dating apps (because I don’t reply immediately as well), but if one is really interested to take things further, he/she would definitely take time out of his/her schedule to respond to messages – I frequently end work at unearthly hours but still try to respond after work.

There are also other matches who are just… interested to talk about themselves, and don’t reciprocate in terms of asking me questions. Suffice to say that I’m a good texter (i.e. I know how to keep a conversation going, chat about interesting stuff, and I always initiate conversations), but with people who only respond to what I ask without asking me back anything, the conversation becomes very one-way and one-sided in nature, and I really don’t see the point in continuing the conversation any further.

Maybe it’s me being fussy, but I’ve come across matches who are equally interested to know more about me and have great active listening skills, and to that extent, they have set the bar rather high. But, isn’t it ironic that there are ladies who “appreciate when my date is a good listener / can hold a conversation well” when they themselves cannot quite satisfy that criteria themselves?

For obvious reasons, I’m not even going to start on bagels (not matches) with descriptions like: appreciate when my date “lets me pet his doggo” or “brings me on a night ride”.

But before this becomes a rant, I would just like to express how exhausting it is to use dating apps, and ask all you lucky folks who found your S/O whether it is worth the trouble and effort to continue using the apps and conversations, notwithstanding my exhaustion, and how long did it take for you to find your S/O on a dating app? I can really do with some positivity.

Differences in political views and understanding makes it impossible for a relationship?

I have been texting a guy from China (we got know each other by chance; we would see each other around but never talked and recently he talked to me and asked to hang out sometimes as he doesn’t know many people).

Due to cultural differences and also my poor command of chinese, just asking the folks here, was he asking me out?

Recently we kind of touched on the subject of certain areas in China and there was a clash in opinions (mainly because of the different media that we are exposed to; he only accesses chinese media while I only access western-centred media).

I think he was kind of unhappy and we kind of stopped texting. I am also not sure if he is interested in me or just trying to make friends. If he is interested in being more than friends, would this ever work out? I think language barriers, cultural differences can be worked through, but what about political differences?

In this case where one party has and will only consider one media outlet as a source of information. Should I just give up? Students from China, or anyone who has dated someone from China, please weigh in!

One thing to note is that he is about (30+ 40) and not good in English. Thanks!

Here are what netizens think:

• The language barrier is already a barrier, as things can get lost in translation very easily. And with either of you being unable to express yourselves in a more efficient manner, you might as well just end it. You also have to take into account beliefs, nationalism, education, personality, indoctrination, peers, etc. How are you going to communicate all these if you struggle to even speak in one common language?

• Differences in opinion can be discussed, pondered, shared only if both parties are patient and can communicate clearly with each other.

• Due to my work nature I interacted and went out with many Chinese colleagues (from China) and usually by the age of 25+, friends and family will start to hint or introduce people to singles. In rural areas arranged marriage still exists. Alas China is huge and culture varies greatly depending on where this guy come from. Most of the ones that came to SG marry quite young. The most common reason for coming to SG is for a less competitive environment for their children. Majority of them are not good in English (totally normal).

A good friend of mine is studying in Australia as a physio, hard working dude with a clear goal in mind. He used to have a local gf (let’s call her W), together in a LDR who he promised that he will return and ask for her hand once he is done with his studies and financially stable.

However, he was met with some setbacks, extended his studies. Few years down the road, a female friend of W (let’s call her MO) who was cheated on by her then bf, began putting thoughts into W’s head that guys studying overseas always cheat on their girlfriends in Sg blah blah blah, and why should W waste time on my poor friend when there are so many other guys in Sg with money and career etc that can satisfy her needs.

In the end, W cheated on him by going on Tinder, meeting guys on the pretext that she is looking for friends but actually, options. In the end she settled for one engineering guy, very shortly after BTOed and recently got married, posting everything on social media, while my poor friend in Australia was left heartbroken on his own during COVID lockdown period back then away from everything, helpless.

Just because of such toxicity, one poor chap had his relationship ended while he is working towards his dream.

I am going on an exchange soon, and I’m really worried, what if someone toxic and blonde like MO, decides to plant thoughts into my girlfriend, and I experience the same outcome. What should I do? I have a good and healthy relationship with my gf, just like my friend and W back then, but things well down south really quickly for them. How can I put it to my gf, that such a topic actually do bothered me? Advices please.

Here are what netizens think:

• When u are going, shoot inside loh.

• If you can lose a gf so easily, then she wasn’t the one to begin with.

• If they stay, you know you’ve found a good one. If they leave, you know you’ve dodged a bullet.

• If they wanna leave, they will one luh. You build a moat with crocodiles also no use.

• Cheating is a matter of individual accountability. Can’t attribute to friend X made Y statement, can’t attribute to Z was so attractive that had to cheat.

Does anyone else feel that the term “mommy’s boy” is being overly used as a cover for toxic feminism?

I don’t deny that there are really some guys that are overly focused on their parents, and I’m not referring to them.

However, lately, it seems that any time a guy has any sort of consideration for their mother at all, it gets called out for being a mommy’s boy, and it’s a “red flag” worthy of being dumped right away.

It’s funny how it is totally fine for women to want, and even have expectations to their partners, to be filial to their own parents. Everything men do must take her parents into consideration, at times even having to provide for them, yet having any consideration for the mens’ parents at all seem to make him the worst person in the universe.

It seems to point more towards a certain amount of self-centredness where women must be the the centre of the universe in a relationship and everything should revolve around their whims and fancy, whereas the man purely exists to serve her and must drop all his other familial responsibilities while upholding hers.

Here are what netizens think:

• Toxic feminism has not been highlighted enough in our society. It is real and spreading.

• Many other fishes in the ocean. Move on. Mother is the least likely woman in the world to hurt you.

• Mommy’s boys are great guys. Whatchu talking about

• Women can afford to be entitled because they know they are in demand I guess….

• But to be fair, if you are married, your wife and immediate family comes first. Your closest relative is your wife and kids and not your mom/dad.

• Many other fishes in the ocean. Move on. Mother is the least likely woman in the world to hurt you.