How to prevent rumours?

Long story short, I have already started working but will be going back to school for postgrad. To my surprise, my ex gf’s friend will be my new classmate.

Reputation

According to my ex gf herself, her friend is one of the biggest gossip mongers around. I actually broke up with my ex gf because I could not stand her toxicity but I’ve heard from mutual friends that my ex gf has been going around telling people that she “dumped” me because “I am a bad person”. I was surprised because I did not expect her to make such things up.

I also heard that this future classmate has been going around telling people in our friend circle this false thing from my ex gf too.

I do not want this to affect my future social life and reputation in a postgrad program which has not even started yet. What to do?

Here are what netizens think:

• Don’t worry, in all probability nobody will care about your reputation and social life in your postgrad program.

• Use it to your advantage. They say the bad boys are the ones who get the girls

• You can also start gossips about the gossip monger . Even better if it is out on 4K. If it really affects you, you can send her cease and desist lawyer letters for slandering.

• U are there to study right? So ignore the noises. Your action speaks louder than words. Rumours will kill itself over time..

• “Believe what you may. She has been saying things about you too but I am not like her.” Say this to every person who goes “eh i heard you are the one who…”

• Rumours are carried by Haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots. Do nothing, just be yourself. You don’t owned them anything. If people believe in you they believe in you not the rumours around.

I have a friend of sorts whom I have known for a long time. I find that she is sometimes quite selfish in the way she treats others, and she is almost definitely a narcissist.

However, we share similar hobbies and she can be very fun to hang out with, so I’ve stuck around.

Rabbit

About half a year ago, she decided to get a rabbit on impulse. I was surprised as she never really showed a great deal of interest in animals, but then again she is fickle and prone to having such “phases”. It was the cutest little thing ever, all fluff and giant ears with a little waggling bobtail. I played with it only a couple times when I visited, but I loved the little bunny to bits.

Last week, I met her for coffee and I asked her how her rabbit was doing. She casually mentioned that it had died some time ago without even batting an eyelid.

Mortified, I asked what had happened and she said that she had been leaving the bunny out on her bare concrete balcony most days as she didn’t like having fur all over the house, and one evening she came home and it was “just laying there dead”. The poor wretched thing had literally been baked to death in the scorching 35 degree heat!

As distressing as the news was, what I found the most disturbing was her complete lack of guilt -or any kind of emotion at all- that she had basically murdered a helpless living thing out of willful negligence. She brushed right over the subject like it was just some idle gossip, leaving me utterly speechless.

I feel like I can no longer associate myself with someone with such sociopathic tendencies and I have been avoiding her since that day. I also can’t help but think of how much the rabbit must have suffered before it died. I even considered reporting her anonymously to the SPCA for animal cruelty, but it’s too late for that. RIP little sweet angel.. I hope you’re in bunny heaven now, wherever that may be.

How to stop beating myself up for being short?

At 1.6m on the dot for a guy, I feel so miserable almost everyday. Ever since poly, realising I’ve hit way past puberty, I’ve been severely height conscious.

In my grp of poly friends, I was the shortest. In my plt in NS, I was the shortest. In my main grp of friends, I am the shortest.

Every other day, out of habit I’ll stand so straight I swear I could pull my knee joint apart. I’ll lowkey tiptoe to try and be of the same height as my friends.

And everyday I’ll keep comparing myself to the public. Sometimes I feel so bad I had to constantly tell myself to shut the fk up but obviously the thoughts still linger.

What’s worst, I’m single (No, I’m not blaming anybody but myself for my low self-esteem) so I also subconsciously look at girls height (lowkey to see if I even have chance to get married) when I’m out and I swear, sg girls’ median height can’t be ard 1.6. Why all so tall one??

This comparison shit fking hard to stop. I’ve tried for years. Then later, I see ppl taller than me, I berate myself again.

Even tempted to get height surgery one day at this point. For yall shorties that for some reason I’ve rarely seen, how do yall cope?

Netizens’ comments

1. Bro that only means that you are closer to the ground, more “down to earth”.
2. Don’t worry, if got thunderstorm you won’t get struck by lightning.
3. I think the weather down there is cooling for you right? Since hot air rises.
4. Where do you shop for clothes? Gap Kids?
5. How do you greet other people bro? do you… microwave?
6. Somebody give this guy a hug please… Appreciate the little things in life.
7. Are you usually the last person to know when it rains? since the rain water hits other people first before reaching you?
8. You all really cb, it’s easy to make fun of short people because the jokes always go over their heads.
9. When you use an iPad, is it like a giant TV for you?
10. Tell me, do you do pull ups on a staple bullet.
11. I’m not being rude but I feel like when I talk to you, I have to look down on you.

Does a competitor clause in my contract still apply if I am terminated by the company?

Slight background: I got fired for missing work often because my son (4 mths old) keeps falling sick. Requested to work from home so that I can take care of my boy (I’m a graphic designer so wfh should’ve been perfectly fine) but got rejected as they said “we don’t do that here”, even though we did wfh during pandemic period and things were fine.

There is also 1 other guy in the company who works from home permanently, so I asked my boss how come he can do it but not me, and his reply was “because he handles the server so he kind of slips off the radar).

Anyways in the contract, it says that if I resign, I cannot go to a competitor company within a year, but since I got terminated, does that still apply?

Netizens’ comments

1. Non-compete contracts with such broad definitions are most likely unenforceable. If you sign a non-compete which specifies: a reasonable duration e.g 6 months specifc named competitors geography of next working environment..
   Also, don’t have to tell them about which company you are joining next.
   Them: “Which company are you going to?” You: “I am not disclosing that” Them: “We have a right to know” You: “No”
2. Based on what you say, it probably won’t apply and in your context it’s likely that such a clause will be thrown out by the court in the first place.
3. Enforcing a non-compete clause can be particularly challenging if your expertise lies in graphic designing and your job options are limited to a specific market.
   i would advise your company to go fly kite
4. Non compete clauses in SG is not enforceable, even if you sign it. It’s ‘sign already your boss happy, you happy, everyone happy’ but no use de.
5. This is not legal advice but based on what you said if the employment contract explicitly states “resign” and not “termination of contract” then I think it’s okay. Many contracts use the latter so that it catches both situations. In any event, non-competes are rarely enforceable in court unless it is reasonable (and the threshold for it is quite high) which is a whole legal test I won’t go into. I would suggest you get a lawyer to peruse your contract and give you a professional legal opinion. If money is an issue there are various free legal clinics around SG you can seek a pro bono lawyer’s opinion on that clause and your circumstances.

Is it ok if I have no ambitions for my career and just want to do the bare minimum ?

Hi guys, so just a bit of background, I’m earning a base rate of 2.4k in an SME with overseas subsidary. My job is very chill. White collar kind.

But recently like nothing much to do cos no project. So it got me thinking as to what I want to do in the future but honestly, I don’t want anything else. What I say next might be quite controversial but…

My job actually quite chill one. Sit down, do abit of AutoCAD, watch youtube, play phone game, then go home. Of course, there are periods of high stress such as a potential customer request certain drawing then I have to rush, but currently don’t have.

I have no spouse, no children nor am I intending to get into a relationship or have kids. I don’t intend to buy a house either, staying with my parents but giving them allowance of course.

I have depression and other mental health problems. So I honestly see no future.

Is it ok for me to “tang ping” ? A more common but controversial term is “quiet quitting”. I never say I lepak, just chill and farm at the bottom level. My expenses not much, I no social life, so I also don’t spend much.

Some may tell me I should be afraid I get laid off as I become redundant and yes while I am worried about it, boss is still quite satisfied with my work from my reviews with him.

Thanks !

Netizens’ comments

1. At least you are still earning 2.4k doing the bare minimum, I slog my guts out and clock in so many OTs only to take home less than 1.3k a month.
2. As long you are happy with future wages and employability (your boss can be happy with you but company can reorg, close etc.)
3. Don’t limit your future just because of what you are feeling now.
   Nothing wrong with what you’re doing but at the same time don’t be surprised if your boss decides to pass you over for a more hardworking/motivated colleague.
4. Focus on your mental health at the moment, in the future when you get past that hurdle, you might find yourself with different goals in mind. Until then, try to find some meaning in life, whatevery that may be. Rather overused but, life is short, you should at least find some joy in it, again, whatever kind of joy you define.
5. No issue now, the hurdle is just personally dealing with how friends/family/society views you, which I feel is the easy part.
   The hard part is the fear you wake up 10 years in the future and it’s NOT enough for you. Might not be able to catch up so easily.

Guy was totally overcome by us making out – what happened?!

Second date (me F30s, him 40s), we make out hard core, for like 20 minutes, in the middle of a meadow while hiking.

He made the first move. It escalated into heavy petting make-out, and was pretty hot. And was our first kiss, too.

And…He was SO overwhelmed after, like he was shaking, couldn’t really calm down, was totally weak-knees for a while after, he had to stop and like take deep breaths to try and calm down.

he was laughing about it and telling me everything that was going on for him, haha. He was like, “is it just me? did you feel it too?”

And I was like yeah, my legs are a little jello-y. But I wasn’t having that reaction, lol. I felt a little bad.

(Even for the walk back, he just was making jokes about not being able to think straight and what not, and I was over here doing perfectly fine!)

I mean, I know guys go into a bit of a tizzy and have to gain their composure or snap out of it to move along. But this was something else entirely!

So – I know he’s new to dating after a 20 year marriage. He joined a dating app like 1.5 months ago? I know he’s been on dates, but he was also traveling and really busy for like 3 weeks of all that.

While he wasn’t dating or having intercourse for a year during the divorce, he seems to be sleeping with his ex frequently leading up to the divorce. So he’s not super deprived.

Anyway – it’s possible I was his first kiss after the divorce? If not, then I was obviously the best one

Is this within the normal possibility of reactions to a first kiss after a divorce? Just a lot of new feelings and sensations? or am I just that amazing, lol?

This is not urgent or terribly serious – I’m just totally curious what was happening!

Migrating out of Singapore

Due to the rising costs of everything and maddening pace of life, I figured that to live an average life in Singapore, I need to be quite rich. I got a feeling that I am being pushed out of Singapore.

Just look at the foreigners turning PRs or citizens, they are mostly rich and ultra rich people. I reckon that I may not have a place here. How many of you share the same sentiment?

I am in the early stage of planning for migration Any advice from Singapore who have friends/relatives who have migrated and living happily in another country?

Netizens’ comments

1. Not much difference if you looking to migrate. Most countries don’t readily give you visas as you might expect. The most common paths are:
   • You are talented so you get work visa. Which usually means you will get compensated well be it in that country or in Singapore
   • You are rich and bring investments over.
   • You have family over there, and back to the above two.
   • You study there, then you compete with the locals there and if you get the job, usually cause you are talented. Hence go back to point 1.
2. To actually migrate and live a comfortable life, you need to be successful here first. No country wants to take people who won’t be useful to the economy, so unless you are sure you can contribute, work harder first.
3. Not going to comment on sentiments since it’s gonna be different for everyone since it’s a personal thing.
   In order to have a successful migration, you may want to consider the following:
   • Do your research on which countries you want to live in
   • What are the requirements for the visas to allow you to migrate over. Some will require certifications, exams, etc – you need to start working on it at the earliest
   • Research research research in detail into the local culture, the living standards, etc. You want to integrate well into the local culture as soon as you migrate so that you don’t experience culture shock. You also need to be self sufficient in navigating local bureaucracy and getting things done.
   • Start making friends in the new country. Loneliness, homesickness will make you depressed easily.
   • Visit the country throughout different times of the year and live like a local if you can before migration. Life as a tourist is very different than as a local.

I grew up in a less than privileged background. I worked super hard, because my mother told me to. She told me that if I didnt work hard, she wouldn’t pay for school. That it.

I slogged hard: raffles, then nus medicine. I just worked hard, listened to advice from my peers, and worked. I remember failing multiple times during this process, failing, and getting up, no tuition nothing.

and before you think I am bragging, I am not, I am bitter. I am bitter because I had no help during those struggles, those struggles where I saw my friends going for tuition after their fun ccas so they could get someone to catch up with them, and then off for nice holidays after each tiring semester.

meanwhile I went home to a crowded home with not much.

in university, my parents didnt even understand the course I was in. They said oh wow good ah doctor. But they didnt understand the stresses I was under, how my peers looked down on me for not being able to get that starbucks every week, or eat the same meal every day (“why you always eat the same thing lol”)

no one said anything explicitly, but just people started hanging out with me less… and less.

Now I have a family, small but its mine. dont really have friends from school, just a few work ones who we get teh (coffee shop) together and its surprisingly the highlight of my week. I dont want to have kids because I dont want them to go through what I had gone through.

my mum, she was probably the driving force behind why i cant quit. I now acknowledge its my trying to live up to her expectations and make her proud that I did all of this.

I never once dared to show her my failures, or my struggles, or my isolation. Because I was the son she was proud of, I was important in her eyes. and so I kept the path, never once considered seriously dropping out even though I had minimal interest in this medical path.

its 2am and I have just finished a shift. I hope that someone out there reads this and learns something from it. you wil inevitably be influenced by your parents/peers/society.

this is something ive learnt that cannot be avoided. but what you can do is to be conscious of it, and to try bit by bit, to integrate a part of yourself in a sustainable way, a part of happiness in your life so that one day you can find peace in the struggle that is your job/career/course.

Have empathy for the peers who seem isolated and struggling, or even acted out in school. Dont write them off as introverts or whatever. They likely just have more to deal on their plates than you do, or you have more social/economic support than them to get through your shared circumstance.

Maybe say hi, share notes, or reach out to them if you havent heard from them for a while and say hey, I see you, I know youre struggling, Im going through this with you (not in those exact words but like sometimes just company helps)

one last thing, I would also like to say thank you to that one senior in school who stood by me when things were tough and that it was very meaningful and prob was the reason for finishing the course.

I try to do that now with my juniors in the hospital. Anyway goodnight