Hi, need some advise.

Graduated from NUS, landed a job in an investment bank in Singapore as entry level. After working for a year, managed to seize an opportunity to do internal transfer to UK for the same job.

But i am facing some discrimination from my manager , and team dynamics is not going well. I am still doing well for my own assigned things, and received positive feedback. However I am having issue with my current manager, who frequently says that she do not understand my accent.

I work harder than the rest and usually overtime without extra pay to bear more responsibilities.

However, the discrimination is getting to me to the point that I want to do another internal transfer. However, i am currently stuck on 5 year contract with my current team due to visa related issues.

Can I seek your advise on whether I should consider an internal transfer, to maintain better work life balance and career progression. Or continue sticking to current team to fulfill 5 year obligations.

Thank you

Here are what netizens think:

• I’m surprised. The UK usually has strict diversity and inclusion workplace practices as in Australia. Further the Equality Act 2010 covers work places to protect people against discrimination or harassment. I wouldn’t know her end of the story, but someone having difficulties understanding your accent might not be a sign of discrimination. You are working in another country, and perhaps you could attempt to articulate yourself better or speak slower. It’s not easy to understand Singlish if one has never encountered it. If they are an investment bank, they would have diversity and inclusion work place policies and procedures in place. Which means there is someone you could speak to about this matter. I will play devil’s advocate: when people move overseas, be it for work, life or study, the tendency is to not assimilate into the culture. It makes it difficult for the locals as well to get to know you, learn from you and get used to your accent. If you are in the UK, you would be well aware that in the work place, they have people who come from European countries who have heavy accented English as well. Anyway, use the policies and procedures your organisation has in place to assist you. If not, wherever you go, you might have the impression that there is discrimination. All the best.

• Just based off the information you shared, I think it’s in your best interests to stay. Firstly, you’re still doing well despite your adverse working conditions. I know it’s hard to bear, but it’s really during the tough times that we grow the fastest.

• Maybe you can speak slowly and articulate clearly. Try watching the news and hearing local podcasts.… next time ask if she need subtitles too

I had always been a career-oriented person, focused on achieving success in my professional life.

Growing up in Singapore, I had been surrounded by friends who shared the same values. That is why, when I fell in love with a girl from Penang, I was taken aback by the strong emotions I felt.

It all started during a business trip to Penang.

I was there to attend a conference and had some free time. I decided to explore the city. As I was roaming around, I stumbled upon a cozy cafe and decided to grab a bite. I was about to leave when I saw a girl, about my age, sitting in a corner and reading a book. I remember my heart skipping a beat when our eyes met!

We started talking, and I was immediately drawn to her. She had a warm and welcoming personality. After a few hours of talking and getting to know each other, I asked her out for dinner. During our date, I realized that it was more than just a physical attraction; I had fallen in love with her.

The next morning, it was time for me to return to Singapore and I was overwhelmed by the thought of leaving her. We exchanged numbers and promised to stay in touch. As days went by, I found myself missing her more and more. We talked on the phone and exchanged texts, but it was not the same as being together.

The long-distance relationship was hard, but I was determined to make it work. We both knew that it was not easy, but we decided to give it a try. We made an effort to keep in touch, even if it was just to say hello. I travelled to Penang as often as I could, and we made sure to set aside time for each other.

We had been together for over a year now, and I was sure that this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had never felt so strongly for someone and was determined to make it work, no matter what.

Our relationship was tested a few times, but we found a way to make it work. We both realized that it was not easy, but we believed in our love. We faced our struggles and overcame them together.

We had a long journey ahead of us, but I was certain that we could make it through. I was blessed to have someone like her in my life, and I looked forward to our future together.

We hang out once a week on sat & he eats at home on other days with his mom, which I don’t really mind because we can call and text.

BUT sometimes on sat he will at times ditch me 30 minutes before our scheduled time because his mom wants to have lunch together.

His mom accompanies him to EVERY doctor & dental appointment. Guess what? It’s always on sat (I don’t know whether it’s coincidental or what). I don’t even know what time I’m meeting him and he always have his meals with her so I’m always eating alone

i felt uncomfortable deep down but I try very hard to be understanding … I mean, logically speaking, we are just his girlfriend (not his wife right?) and as compared to his mom who has brought him up for so long we should learn how to respect and give in. Also I don’t want to make things difficult for my bf.

Not too sure about your case though, my advice is that you need to think through , is he the only son? Is his mom a single mom? Etc. in my case I don’t know why his mom is so clingy because he has 4 other siblings (3 guy 1 girl) and he’s the 3rd in line. I wonder if his mom treats the rest the same as well? Or maybe because I’m from a single family (no mom) so I don’t understand that feeling? Haha

For the time being, I am trying to adopt a positive mindset. I feel that instead of being angry that your bf does this, why not be filial to his mother together? (Unless his mom really hates you la..then can’t be helped) if you are going to marry him in the long run then you have to try to get used to his family culture. From there, I think (hope) that he will appreciate your actions, and from there you can try to talk to him about how you actually feel and work things out together, instead of just telling him that “please accommodate to my needs”. Sometimes we really need to see from both sides of the story.

Nothing wrong with being a mommy boy and loving you at the same time

All the best to you!

Here are what netizens think:

• If you do not feel comfortable dating a mummy’s boy, leave him. Some women would love it since they wouldn’t have to spend so much time attending to the man so that they have free time to do their own stuff.

• I guess his mom is working and only available on sat, so arrange appt only sat. I have a Malay friend she will accompany his son for his medical, dental appt, etc. even though he is 29, maybe is the close knitted family culture. If you feel that you cannot adapt to this kind of culture better quit now, because it is very powerful and you will feel uncomfortable and lonely.

• Imagine if u are the mommy, what u think? If u love him and he has not been bad to u, why u want calculate all these? U should appreciate that he is a filial son. Unless u are the new era sg girl, must have privacy, cannot go to in law house… dislike mom in law etc.. then u find those who are not filial or no family

I came from a humble background and I am so grateful for the life I have built for myself. I am a self-made man and I make a good living. I make $9800 a month and I am quite content with my life.

I live in a nice home and I have all the basic necessities taken care of. I even have enough money left over to treat myself to a little luxury every now and then.

But there is something that I have not been able to get no matter how hard I try. No matter how much money I make, I can’t seem to get a girlfriend. I am a single man and I have been for a long time. I have tried the traditional methods – bars, clubs, dating apps – but nothing seems to work. I was starting to think that maybe I wasn’t good enough for anyone, but then I realized that it might not be about me at all.

I started to think about my situation objectively and realized that there might be a few things that I’m doing wrong. For one, I am too focused on money. I know that money can’t buy love, but it is hard for me to separate the two. I have a tendency to think that if I have a lot of money, then I will be attractive to women. That is simply not the case. Women are looking for someone who can provide emotional support and stability, not a big bank account.

I also tend to be too picky when it comes to dating. I have a certain image of what my ideal partner should be and I have a hard time deviating from that. I have been so focused on finding someone with a certain look or background that I have overlooked many potential partners. I have to learn to be more flexible when it comes to dating and be willing to give people a chance even if they don’t meet all of my criteria.

I also need to be more open-minded when it comes to dating. I have a tendency to stick to what I am comfortable with, which means that I often overlook potential partners who may not fit my definition of “perfect”. I have to be willing to take risks and explore different types of relationships if I want to find someone to share my life with.

Finally, I need to focus more on my own self-improvement. I need to take the time to really get to know myself and figure out what I am looking for in a partner. This means taking the time to think about my values, my interests, and my goals in life. When I have a better understanding of who I am, I will be better equipped to find someone who is compatible with me.

As a man in his early twenties, I never expected to be talking about my three ex-girlfriends and their “fishy smell” down there. But here I am, after having my heart and self-esteem shattered by three women, I am done with relationships and done with women.

I was always a hopeless romantic, believing in finding love and the fairytale ending. I wanted nothing more than to have a great relationship, with a woman I could trust, love and grow old with. But I guess I was too naive for my own good.

My first girlfriend was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and I thought I had won the lottery. She was everything I had dreamed and more. But after a few months of dating, I noticed a strange smell coming from her and it was getting stronger. I thought it was just her perfume but it was not. It was a fishy smell that I could not ignore. I tried to ignore it but it was getting worse and I could not take it anymore. I had to break up with her.

My second girlfriend was a bit older than me but she was still attractive and I thought she was the one for me. We dated for a few months and the relationship was going great until I noticed the same fishy smell again. I tried to ignore it but I could not, so I broke up with her too.

My third girlfriend was even older than my second one and again, I thought she was the one for me. We were together for a few months and I was starting to fall in love with her. But then I noticed the same fishy smell again and I just could not ignore it anymore. I had to break up with her too.

I can’t “stand” if i smell the fish

At this point, I was done with relationships and done with women. I felt like all of my ex-girlfriends had betrayed me had hygience problem or I probably like dirty woman.

I had given up on relationships and given up on women. I was not going to put myself through this kind of pain and heartache again. I was done with relationships and wanted to be done with women and give up until my fourth girlfriend.

My current gf, although she is not as pretty she does not have the fishy smell and I knew that she was the one for me. We have been together for a few months now and I am happy to say that I have found love again.

I am so glad that I did not give up on relationships and that I did not give up on women. I know now that not all women have a fishy smell down there and that there are some out there who are worth the effort and the risk.

Living with my girlfriend has been the most amazing experience of my life, but one thing I’ve learned is that it’s impossible to save money when you’re living with someone who loves high-class food.

My girlfriend is a foodie and she loves to dine out at the fanciest restaurants in town. She always looks for the best places to eat and is always searching for new and exciting dishes to try. She loves to taste the different flavors and spices that she can’t find anywhere else.

Budget

When I moved in with my girlfriend, I knew that I was in for a treat. I love to try new things and I was looking forward to some fancy dinners. However, I quickly realized that my budget was not going to allow for this kind of lifestyle.

The first few weeks were a bit of a struggle. We tried to save money by eating out less, but the temptation was always there. We would go out and then come home to find our pantry empty and our refrigerator full of take-out containers.

My girlfriend’s insistence on trying new dishes and eating out all the time made it impossible for me to save money. We would go out for dinner and she would order the most expensive dishes on the menu. On top of that, she would always order additional sides and appetizers that would push the bill higher.

I kept trying to find ways to save money, but it seemed like no matter what I did, we were always overspending. We would try to make our own meals, but my girlfriend would insist on buying high-end ingredients to make them. We would try to shop the sales in the grocery store, but my girlfriend would always find a way to buy something more expensive.

I finally realized that it was impossible to save money when living with someone who loves high-class food. I had to accept that I was going to have to spend more money on food than I had anticipated when I moved in with my girlfriend.

I tried several times telling her to try hawker food but she immediately shuts me out and goes cold.

I am avoiding confrontation as I do not like to quarrel. What should I do?

Contrary to what other young people think, I feel it’s fine to give allowance and help with house chores at home as much as possible. Hear me out.

My family is a typical Asian household. Mum left workforce early to take care of us at home. Only Dad works. To me it’s logical to support Mum and sometimes Dad because of what they did for us since young.

Especially Mum, but sometimes, have to act a bit filial piety. Up the allowance by 10 or 20, even 50 sometimes to show you care. Act a bit. Then in the future if you need to reduce, they won’t have much to say, and remember to let them know you up their allowances. Do alrdy need to show. Cos you filial piety before, or did even more, so when it’s time to reduce filial piety, they will understand.

Next, housework. Since young, Mum has been the one doing it. Now it’s my turn. I do it for a few reasons. First being I don’t want to incur medical costs when they injure themselves. Wipe the ceiling fan? Come I do. Mop floor, I do. Wash toilet I do. I’m still young I do. The chances of me injuring myself is way lower than when they do them. When you do for them, you are helping yourself too. Second being you can train to do things yourself to prepare yourself when it’s time to live alone. Learn progressively. This week learn mop floor. Next week learn toilet. Following week learn ironing. I know many of us still ask our mothers to iron our clothes. Some don’t even know how to use washing machine. Now it’s the time to learn. For parents and underneath this, really it’s for yourself.

This might sound selfish, but what you are doing is actually to prepare yourself, to master the skills needed. To help yourself. So it’s ok to give your parents allowance. It’s fine because they might not be working, or they earn little. Show that you care. Because all these will be your arsenals in the future. Reasons to siam things. Take it as opportunity cost. Cost that you should be willing to incur for a better future.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s good to be a cheerful giver to parents for their allowance monthly. Learning to do chores at home is very important.

• Why can’t just do because you are their child and you are one of the member in the family? Why need to list out so many things? The actions are correct but the thoughts are not.

• However, you said you feel it is fine to give allowance? Why it is fine? I thought it should be compulsory? That means initially you also think it is ok not to give, and probably after listening out some reasonings from some mature people, then you start to think it is fine to give and you started to do it from there. Weird.

My boyfriend doesn’t want me to be better

We have been together for coming to 6 years. He is 34, I am 32.

I have always been on the plum side as I hate exercising but recently I realised that my metabolism and overall health is really going downhill. I also realised that I am 10kg away from my ideal, healthy weight. I decided to start exercising by walking home (about 20 minutes) instead of taking shuttle bus. It honestly made me feel better and much more healthier.

I lost some weight but there’s no visible physical changes, still plum. But I am surprised when I told my boyfriend that I planned to up my exercise ‘level’ to walking 30 minutes daily and cutdown my meat intake, he was full of bullshit.

He said and I quote, “remember you fell sick last week? It’s because you work out too much and didn’t eat enough meat! Also you look bad when you’re slim! You should stop exercising so much!”

It’s ridiculous because he is the one who goes to gym weekly and pumping hard every session! Stating that exercise is important for health. When I finally decided to pickup exercise for my health sake, he say such bullshit! For the meat part, I cutdown on meat. I am a meat lover and I hardly have enough fruits and vegetables. I am just adjusting that ratio now, not like I totally gave meat up. That’s impossible btw!

I continued with my exercise plan anyways and he kind of gave me the silent treatment or when we meet, he will kept trying to convince me to eat to my heart’s content and cutdown on exercise. If I ever sneeze or cough during our date, he will blame it on over exercising or bad diet choice.

Why can’t he be happy and support me on my choice?

I would be lying if I said I married my wife for her looks. She is not pretty in the traditional sense, but in her own unique way, she is beautiful. When I met her, I immediately felt a connection. We started talking, and I quickly realized that she was different.

She was funny, interesting, and most importantly, she was fun to be with.

That was a few years ago, and I can honestly say that she is still the same. We have been married for over a year now, and she is still the same; always making me laugh and keeping things interesting. I have a few friends who are also married, and it’s always so different when I meet up with them. I feel like they are constantly nagging their wives or their wives kpkb them non-stop, and the atmosphere is always so tense.

When I am with my wife, it’s totally different. We laugh, joke, and talk about all sorts of things.

She never complains about anything, and she always looks for the brighter side of things. She is always so positive and upbeat, and it’s so refreshing to be around someone like that.

I know that some people might think it’s strange that I married someone who is not traditionally attractive, but that’s just how it happened. I fell in love with her personality and her sense of humour. She is the type of person who can make you laugh even when you don’t feel like it. I don’t think that I have ever laughed so much in my life.

She is also so supportive and understanding.

She is always there for me when I need her, and she never judges me. She always listens to me and takes my opinion into consideration. I can talk to her about anything, and she never gets angry or frustrated.

I am so lucky to have such an amazing wife. She is not pretty in the conventional sense, but she is definitely the most beautiful person I have ever known.

She is the kind of person that I can always count on, and I know she will always be there for me. She is definitely better than any of my friends with wives who nag all day long.