How big of an age gap is acceptable for guys? Especially if the girl is older?

Last December, I went on a group tour with my family and there was a very cute guy but he is around 5 years younger than me. He is a junior in the same course as me. I am much older than him as I took an unconventional track to uni.

During the tour, I realized that I can connect quite well with him and he is a decent person. I have been seeing him around the campus this sem and I realize that I may really like him. He is very introverted and I am ok with initiating. He is still single but I am not sure if I am too old for him. In the past, I was quite disgusted by the thought of dating a younger boy.

But as he is mature for his age, I do not feel that he is that much younger.

However, I do not know if I will freak him out and I am very hesitant to approach him or even to text him. In this modern world, it is ok for girls to be older, but I wonder if 5 years is a bit too much?

Here are what netizens think:

• when we are all adults it’s not the physical age anymore. mental age is more important. someone cld be >30 but still a (wo)man child. someone cld be underage but very mature. eh wait, i don mean it that way.

•  in this modern world, even a 20yr age gap does not matter. What matters is maturity.

• Depends, if you’re 21 and he’s 16 maybe he’s too young… If you’re 25 and he’s 20 it’s all good…

• why these days they sounded like tomorrow they are marrying the guys. make friends

Just out of curiosity. Are your children as academically-inclined as you are? How do you recommend raising a kid who is bored with school because they find it too easy and slow?

I ask this because my son is showing signs of being way too advanced for his age. He is 11 and for two years now, he has “hidden” in my husband’s study whenever he has time.

My husband and I both work and I only got to know this through my helper. My husband has an applied math PhD from Michigan. The shelves in his study are filled with his old textbooks from school. After I found out that my son was spending an awfully long amount of time in his study, I ask my husband to check him out to see if he was actually learning anything.

Turns out, according to my husband anyway, he already knows enough to ace college-level linear algebra and differential equations. My husband is now getting him started on number theory.

I should’ve been more attentive to the signs because his teachers have always told me that he was disruptive in class and never pays attention. He doesn’t do homework, he doodles on his notes, he cracks jokes etc. But he has been among top 5-10 in his cohort despite not keeping up with his schoolwork. I’m afraid the lack of challenge will cause behavioral problems if this carries on.

Unfortunately neither my husband nor I make a lot of money.

We don’t know many options apart from hoping that he’d be streamed into a more competitive school at 13. My husband, who went to Hwa Chong, said that he’d be bored there too. I’m at my wit’s end.

Here are what netizens think:

• I was bored to tears most of my school life. But seriously, research has shown that boredom is actually good, so I won’t stress out over that. I got scolded by my teachers often for talking in class and distracting my classmates, but it was ok. If your son is truly gifted, then what’s likely more important is to help him grow up socially well-adjusted.

• Sounds like you guys have a young Sheldon. Get a mentor for your son on the topics that interests him. Send him to GEP or discuss with the school to arrange for more advanced instruction. Let him participate in olympiads and/or research projects. Ask him what he truly wants. The last thing we need is to extinguish a promising talent.

• Studies have shown having academically inclined parents does not affect their next generation genetically. In fact it’s the parent habits that they learn from 80% of the time.

Alright before I rant it out, I’d like to be clear to everyone that I have no offence against any jobs or occupations or careers here, as I’m just voicing out my personal opinions.

Having graduated from local uni for 3 years since the pandemic, I’ve worked for 2 companies, and I’d say they’re both pretty fulfilling, as I get to learn a lot of new skills, how to deal with clients especially problematic ones, liaise with customers, having courage to argue with my bosses whenever necessary, pretty much equipped myself with a lot of skills to upgrade myself.

However, some of my insurance agent acquaintances and friends who became these so called wealth planners or financial agents have been approaching me to persuade me to join them, telling me things like oh with your skills, you can definitely make it, you have the potential to become very successful, you can easily achieve MDRT within 1-2 year’s time based on your strong selling skills, blab la bla, so on and so forth.

Honestly I’ve met quite a number of insurance agents, be it from uni, from gym, from dating apps, from friends/acquaintances, and 90% of them graduated from private uni, are uni dropouts, or didn’t even complete go to poly/JC, and that is the main reason why I stay away from this industry. They can be ah lian, girls who dress up as if they’re on catwalk, guys with tattoos that are easily noticeable. No offence guys, to me, there are plenty of other jobs that make a good living as well, and these jobs do require uni degrees such as lawyer, doctor, pharmacist, scientist, engineer, lecturer, teacher, merger and acquisition, corporate banker, etc. I really don’t wish to waste my degree on a job that doesn’t need a degree AT ALL. Yes, if I do well, if I can sell, if I can maintain good relationship with client, if I can expand my network, I can make a ton of money from selling wealth plans and my degree is no longer important. I get it, I’m totally aware of it. But from my stand point, I just don’t understand why people keep thinking that we must or more like we should join insurance to make money, I seriously don’t get it. It’s just like prostitution, yes, it’s legal, you can make a living out of it, but I don’t enjoy the job so I don’t do it. In fact, I got so mad at one of them and told him straight to his face “eh any tom dick and harry can go join your prudential as long as they put on suit and tie, and can sell, stop trying to pull me in”.

Is it wrong for enjoying a career that requires a uni degree that I enjoy every single day? Frankly speaking, my preference to stay away from a career that is pursued by most less-educated people and unwilling to associate myself with similar people especially those who didn’t go to uni is really just a preference. I don’t enforce anyone to follow my actions, I don’t discriminate them when I’m doing my job, and I certainly never think that it is wrong to pursue a career catered mostly to those less-educated. In fact, in my previous job, I had to deal with any type of customers, and I had a great time talking to them for hours and meeting them for contract discussion outside office.

So guys, if any of your friends DO NOT want to join insurance, just stop forcing them to join. Just take it as we don’t fancy flexing our BMW and Rolex on the Gram can bruh???

I am a graduate, and currently evergreen I didn’t find love during my university days as I was focusing on my studies.

I was never into the idea of using a dating app but my friends had always been encouraging me to. I find it intimidating to meet and talk to a stranger whom I have never met. Upon my friends’ influence, I tried using it and I had a match with someone whom I thought we could have something more.

I finally mustered the courage to meet him in real life after talking for a month or so and guess what. He brought me to fast food restaurant on the first date and we went dutch. &

He then ghosted me after a few weeks. I am so done with dating app after this experience and simply do not know if I can ever find love. Please advice…

It is so so difficult for me to find love.

Here are what netizens think:

• Love isn’t something you can “find”. It will happen when it’s meant to happen. Of course, you can take steps to improve your odds of finding a suitable partner. Take care of yourself on all aspects, external grooming, shaping up a personality that people will find appealing and etc. And maybe most importantly, your attitude toward others. Nobody wants to hang around a person who gives off negative vibes.

• first of all, the venue wasn’t all that bad. What were you expecting, fine dining and free treat? these can come later when you have earning power no need to wait for a guy to provide. Be patient and open to dating different kinds of guys to broaden your mind and fine tune your expectations too.

• This is exactly how dating works. You’ll be rejected/ghosted time and time again until you find a partner that is compatible, in the meantime, you’ll be forced to become the best version of yourself, and not for anyone else. It’s better than not trying at all. Just beware of the tons of crap you’ll find on online apps

• It’s a dating app.. Not marriage app.. You match doesn’t mean you get married.. Things goes both ways..

25M looking for a significant other, hopefully within this year, and married next.

A pet lover, humorous, and earns a decent salary. I have been called a pretty boy my whole life and hopefully, my potential significant other be pretty as well. If my significant other can do about 80% as well, we can easily afford a 3br condo.

A hopeless romantic all my life, surrounded by couples all the time. I guess I should take it as a sign. I’m feeling lonely. Oh, I wish I’d find a lover that could hold me.

Oops, side track, back to the topic, the dating scene has been horrific, so I gotta expand my chances here. Erm my criteria aren’t high. As long as she is kind, treats her family well (and mine in the future), presentable (hopefully pretty), well educated (like myself), independent, able to take care of house chores, be a good mother to my future child, faithful and honors me, will add on to the list when I can think of more.

If you are interested in signing up for this role, please drop a message in the comment section and I will hit you up! Thanks and looking forward.

Here are what netizens think:

• Where is the man who won’t look for a wife that needs to do hsewk n cooking? I simply can’t stand that selfish mindset. These responsibilities should belong to both. Or else, why get married? Why only when comes to $$, men need the “teamwork?”

• If criteria not high and want fast, there’s always foreign brides.
• – Try 冥婚 better, ur wife can make u more Huat 

• “I have been called a pretty boy my whole life and hopefully, my potential significant other be pretty as well.” keep dreaming your Cinderella appears.

• You’re badly missing the main reason to get married… that you fall in love with her & want to keep her happy with you forever. From the expectations you’ve mentioned above means that you’re completely blind about the whole idea of getting married. You don’t have to get married just because your friends are getting married. Honestly!

I have been reading stories about toxic parents, and parents who demand too much allowance. So I’m here to share my story. Just want to get this out of my chest.

Mother was divorced shortly after I was born. She then cohabited with a gambler who frequently molested my elder sister and me. We told her a few times that we were being molested, but the most she did was to tell the gambler that he must be careful in the way he touched us so that we won’t call it molest. Had to live in fear everyday for more than 10 years until they spilt. Then she got together with another guy and they got married, so legally he is my stepfather. But I am totally not close to him.

My relationship with my mother wasn’t good to begin with. Since young, I blamed her for not protecting me when I was molested for so many times. She was also very biased. She treated my sister much better than me. My elder sister always had new clothes and toys whereas I could only have hand-me-downs. I had to put up with her daily insults and she laid her hands on me even when I was in JC. She never scolded my sister before, no matter what my sister did. I had to do housework while my sister could slack at home the whole day. I could go on and on about the disparity in treatment.

Her attitude towards me slightly improved when I entered the workforce because I started to give her allowance. At first, I thought that I can finally have a loving mother and experience some family warmth. But I was wrong. After I got married and had kids, I told her that I could not give her as much allowance as before. Her attitude changed immediately. When I brought my kids over to visit her, she liked to criticise them just like how she insulted me when I was young. She has never bought any gifts for my kids. I dreaded bringing my kids over to her place because the vibe was always so negative and my kids were puzzled why their grandmother hated them so much. Then one day we had a big argument over money (she obviously wanted more money from me) and I decided that enough is enough. She is just seeing me as a money tree. Given how badly she treated me when I was young and how nasty she was to my kids, I felt that she does not deserve to receive another cent from me and I want to protect my kids from their toxic grandmother. So I cut off all contact with her.

In case you all are wondering whether she is acting this way because she didn’t have enough allowance, I can tell you no. She has stopped working for the past 20 years and her monthly allowance from my stepfather, my sister and me was $3000. She is just a housewife who cooks dinner 3 times a week, spends most of her time sleeping at home (or flirting with other men outside, behind my stepfather’s back). Yet she is getting $3000, more than the hawker centre cleaners who toil their back from morning till night. And she had the audacity to ask more money from me? It didn’t occur to her that she had been mentally and physically abusing me since I was young?

It was that big argument that made me realised that I really hated her to the core all these years. After I cut off contact with her, I dreamt of her occasionally (I never dreamt of her before). And in all my dreams, I was venting my anger on her. I was scolding her all the things I wanted to say to her face in real life. I even slapped her in my dreams. I would wake up feeling angry because the dreams felt so realistic, but also quite satisfied that I ‘got my revenge’.

I do feel that I am in a better place now. I don’t need such a toxic mother to ruin my life and my kids’ lives. I can have my own loving family, with me modeling what a good parent is to my kids.

Here are what netizens think:

• Relieved to know I’m not the only one with such dreams. Wishing all who exp similar things to be able to leave the bad things behind and move forward with better things

• Good for you , do what is right for yourself and your kids and your family! Keep it going look towards a better future. Good luck!

• If I were you, sever ties with her legally. She don’t treasure you. What a mother.

Was possibly molested, need some advice.

I think I was just molested. There were plenty of seats available on the bus when both of them boarded. All the priority seats were empty.

His friend occupied one of those seats and asked him, in Tamil, to sit with him. But this guy ignored him and stood super close to me. Like…uncomfortably close.

I could/should have moved sensing something wasn’t right, but I didn’t. He was holding the handgrip with one hand and with the other, on the rail. I was basically sandwiched between this guy and the yellow padded board thing.

I felt his hand brush against my back side. I assumed he touched me accidentally and gave him the benefit of the doubt. It happened a second time and I realised that this guy was trying to get fresh with me.

So I closed my hand, under my back side and over the railing and angled my elbow in a way so that it forced him to move back (he only moved a little). But he stopped touching me after that and got off a stop before mine.

I honestly was too tired to do anything about this. Also at the same time, I didn’t want to have a freakout over nothing and be “that” woman. Should I do something about this? Is it too late?

Now I can’t stop thinking about this guy being out there and trying this same shit on someone else. I’m feeling so stupid for not speaking out. Any thoughts or advice?

Netizens’ comments

1. Make a police report ASAP while your memory of the incident is still fresh.
2. Please ask someone accompany you, like your friend/sibling or parent.Do write down somewhere if u can recall details such timeline, bus, ezlink card record, bus stop get off, ezlink card has records of bus & time tap in/out,it will help you put facts for making the report at the police station.
   You can request a female police official if you feel more comfortable.
   Take care!
3. I’m so sorry this happened to you. A few weeks ago, a similar situation happened to me but it was on the train. A man was pressing up against my backside repeatedly even if there was space inside the carriage during rush hour. Like you, I was too tired to report it but it bothered me a lot. Maybe you can try to report it to the police? Maybe the bus had camera/s installed?
   • (OP) Thanks for your kind words. And I’m sorry you had to go through that. Yeah, I will be making a police report.
4. In general… Perhaps it’s because I’m an old woman now at a ripe old age of 45… I’m thinking that every girl should be prepared to channel their inner dragon or tigress energy to growl ferociously at any male that comes too close. I mean, in Singapore we are certainly empowered to speak up and stand up for ourselves at any time. Don’t let it progress till you are traumatised and then have to struggle about whether you should report it. It’s not like we will be in danger if we take an aggressive stance to defend ourselves in public. So if any male STARTS to do anything weird just glare him down and growl at him to keep his distance… you’d have averted a police situation for yourself and that fella. He might also realise that Singaporean ladies are not to be trifled with. The worst case scenario will be that guy claiming that you are crazy and quickly move away. Objective achieved.

My 28 m bf lost his job and wants me 23 f to move in with him

Okay, to start off, here is some background information. Me 23 F and my bf 28 M have been together for 9 months. In the beginning, everything was amazing. we had similar goals as we both decided we didn’t want children, similar hobbies, and the overall chemistry was amazing. He’s very sweet and attentive.

When we first started dating, he had a job but he got fired about 2 months ago. He has been looking for a job ever since he got fired but has had no luck. He is struggling to figure out what job he wants to do now temporarily. He does want to become a tattoo artist eventually and has built up his portfolio but has not gone any further with the process. He is currently jobless, and his parents are helping him pay for his rent.

He hasn’t applied for any jobs in a few weeks and seems to be less motivated to find work. He is suffering from low self-esteem. When I go over to his house, it’s dirty, and he always talks about how he is a bum. I want to help him, but I’m not sure how. Anytime I try to help with his resume or with job searches, he gets upset, and it turns into an argument.

I am currently enrolled in school, and I live at home with my family. Me and my father constantly have fights, and it is getting to the point where living at home is affecting me mentally.

Anyways my boyfriend knows that my home life isn’t so great, and I told him I was going to look for roommates and save up money to move out this next semester. He suggested I move in with him and split the bills and help with groceries every now and then.

I’m struggling with this decision as he currently does not have a job and hasn’t applied to jobs in a few weeks, and he is relying on his parents. I’m scared when I move in I would have to pay for everything.

I told him I’d think about it but it’s a big decision to make. I’m questioning things. I know finding a job right now isn’t exactly easy, but I really don’t wanna move in with him without having some kind of stability.

I am also struggling to picture a future with him as he still does not know what he wants to do in life. I have had my life planned out. I really care about him, and I’m not sure if this means we just aren’t compatible or if this is a small hiccup I should try to work through.

If he does find a job before August I’m not sure if I would still want to continue this relationship as the job is a temporary fix and he’s still figuring out what he wants in life.

Mum kept asking me to find a partner and have baby. How?

My mum, aunt and grandma wants me to start looking for a boyfriend (hopefully can be a lifelong partner). They are worried that I’m going to be alone without a child and husband after they all passed away in the future…

I wonder how people find their partner. I have male friends for more than 10 years, but we are like just normal friends. Hmmm… Also very weird to imagine the friendship to develop into romantic relationship as we know each other for very long

Other than this, I feel that guys generally are not interested to get married (as in they will lose their freedom and social life once the first kid is out etc). My female friends are on dating app, but the guys there mostly are looking for physical relationship only

Netizens’ comments

1. Firstly regarding nagging learn to either tune out or establish boundaries. The nagging will never stop so don’t even try to live your life according to the nagging or feel stress out by it.
   Second don’t go looking at your 10+ year male friends just because your want a boyfriend because your mum wants you to. Don’t jeopardise your friendships. These long friendships are hard to come by. Of course if it happens that you like them and they like you sure but not like try to get together with them just because mum says you need a boyfriend.
   Yes dating app alot of horror stories but there’s also plenty of good people. I met my husband on there!
   Also, please all parents lose their freedom when they have kids. It’s not an exclusive to men thing. Don’t talk like all women want marriage and men don’t. It’s 2023. Women are not trying to tie unwilling men down . You can choose to remain single if you want!
   I would say focus on yourself. Your goals your dreams your hobbies. Expand your social circle, make friends. Don’t need to shun dating apps and one day love will come and even if it doesn’t it’s fine.
2. People find theirs in JC or Uni. You’re too late. Now u can only find in ur company, dating app, or friends recommend