Is it really too much to refuse to date guys who still live at home with their parents?

I get that it’s normal here for people to live at home well into their adult life, but it’s just not for me.

I get so many excuses like:

“Housing is expensive and no one can afford to buy a home / waiting to BTO” Okay? People can rent. I rent. Nearly all of my friends rent. It’s doable. I’m not saying people have to buy a house.

“It’s normal for guys to live at home so you just have to accept it” Why do I need to accept it? I don’t. I can just do what I’m doing now and refuse to date guys who still live at home.

“Why don’t you just go to a hotel room then?” Because I don’t want to feel like a call girl or that I’m sneaking around behind their parent’s back.

“My parents are fine with me bringing girls over” Good for them, but I’m not going to do anything when their parents are RIGHT THERE IN THE SAME HOUSE. It’s wildly uncomfortable.

The worst are the people who call me a gold digger, because to them the only people who can move out are the super rich (not true) and the people who somehow twisted this into a race thing. In their mind the vast majority of guys who don’t live at home are foreigners, so my standard means I’m a self-hating racist because it means I’ll be rejecting all the local guys and mostly dating foreign guys.

To me it’s got nothing to do with money, and nothing to do with race. It’s a sign of independence. My experiences of dating guys who still live at home isn’t good. I’ve had guys try to sneak me into a completely dark house because it’s 2am and of course their parents are asleep. Guys who had to update their parents on their whereabouts, report when they leave, if they’re going to get back late. Guys who still let their parents/maid feed them, do their laundry, do their dishes, do all the house chores. Guys who tried to change a date location because their parents didn’t think it was a good idea. Ever since I’ve started only dating guys who’ve moved out, I don’t run into issues like hthat anymore.

There’s not quite any replacement for living alone. I want to date a guy that’s used to living alone and handling all the things that come with it. Someone who’s completely cut the apron strings.

I don’t think that’s a high standard at all, so I’m tired of getting so much s*it for it

I was earning around 60k to 70k per annum for 10 years before quitting to be a stay at home mom. My husband earns more than me.

My husband and I paid half each during the initial payment for the house with a remaining loan of 200k. We have separate and joint accounts.

He has taken over paying for almost all the expenses for both of us. Including giving me an allowance which I was able to save from it too. We are thrifty, we don’t own a car.

During the course of our marriage, he had asked me twice if we can repay some of the home loan, using both our savings. I’ve obliged as I wanted to ease his burden. I’ve not need to spend from my own pocket as he’s given me a supplementary card for all expenses and he also paylah whenever I pay for things. From kid to house stuff and even my own personal shopping, insurance and other smaller bills he would paylah me sometimes and will do it when I ask too.

Basically he’s paying for almost everything and I’m grateful for that. I’m also a simple person. I used to buy Chanels and Pradas but have since adjusted my spending habits since becoming a mom.

I can live on 500 or less a month if I want to. I don’t scrimp when it comes to food. I can buy things on sale but I also won’t deprive my child of a new book or toy on birthdays or xmas when my child asks for it.

We won a decent amount not long ago and we used that to fully repay our condo. We are debt free since. We didn’t tell anyone about it. Recently his family member asked if we can invest an amount in their business. Promising huge returns. All along I’m not on good terms with them and I don’t trust them either.

They have been changing what they do all along. My husband would like us to contribute to show support. He say I got the spare cash, why not? I have a strong feeling their business will fail again and we won’t get back single cent. My relatives said me and my husband are the only ones staying in condo, we should give others a chance to upgrade from hdbs. I think it’s rubbish talk. I don’t want my husband to help them either. I have plans to work when my child gets older but whatever I have now, it’s my own savings.

I feel very annoyed his relatives act like I ought to help them. I’m not a big investor so I prefer to keep most of my money in banks. I do share and invest in the same stocks as my husband so even though my husband don’t really know the exact amount that I have, he has a rough idea that I have more than 100k.

I know its not a lot. But since I’m not working right now, it’s my lifeline.

I never thought that I would be the type to take a gamble on the stock market, but when my best friend told me that I should purchase some Tesla stocks, I thought I would give it a try. After all, I had some extra money saved up, and a little bit of risk never hurt anyone, right?

Wrong.

I had been told that Tesla was a great company that was sure to continue growing and making money. I thought that investing in Tesla stocks was a no-brainer, but I was wrong.

I had invested half of my savings in the Tesla stocks, and within a week, I was already starting to see a drop in their value. I thought that maybe I had just been unlucky and that it was a temporary dip in the market, but the stock kept falling.

It wasn’t long before I had lost half of my savings. I was devastated. I had trusted my friend’s advice and I had paid the price.

I was so angry with myself for being so naive and trusting my friend. I should have done my own research and not taken such a big risk with my hard-earned money.

I had been so sure that I was making a smart decision and that the stock would only rise in value. But I had been wrong, and I had to face the consequences of my mistake.

After that experience, I vowed never to take such a big risk with my money again. I learned that I had to be more careful when investing my money and not be so trusting of my friends’ advice.

I still believe that Tesla is a great company and that it has a lot of potential, but I know now that I should never invest more than I can afford to lose. I also know that I should always do my own research and make sure that I understand the risks before investing.

I still keep a close eye on the Tesla stock, but I am no longer tempted to invest in it. I learned my lesson the hard way, and I won’t be making that mistake again anytime soon.

I hate how much looks matter in this world, speaking as an ugly woman

I hate how someone who has a horrible personality will get treated much better than me because they have a prettier face.

I hate how a lot of people are willing to overlook, sometimes even TOXIC flaws of someone just because they’re conventionally attractive. Meanwhile I have a decent personality but people don’t even give me a chance. Some people are just rude.

I hate the phrase “Looks don’t matter, everyone is beautiful” when that’s NOT true at all. Just toxic positivity to invalidate those who aren’t attractive and are struggling because of it.

This world is trash.

Netizens’ comments

1. That is unfortunately true. If anything, I’d tell you to make peace with yourself and be comfortable with who you are. If people are only caring about your looks, then they’re not worth your time, provided you believe things other than looks are important (which is what I understood from your post).
2. I’m so sorry but yes, I agree. I heard a remark made about me when I was 13 or so and I’ve never gotten over it and , I hate to say this, but I’m 68 now. Words can really hurt. It really hurts to know that you’re not pretty .
3. I wish there was truth to “looks don’t matter” but you’re right that the world we live in absolutely assigns pretty privilege.
   People who are marked as “other than” are not treated the same in the workplace, school environments, or even at the doctor. Ask any overweight person out there how they get treated by their doctors.
   I’m sorry that this world is crap, but I hope that you’re able to make peace with yourself. Everyone has something beautiful about them. I hope you find something about yourself that you think is beautiful and that you celebrate it.
4. When I was in my early 20s, there was this really good looking guy in my friend group. He was a sweetie and we all had a bit of a crush on him.
   He ended up dating and marrying a very unattractive woman.
   When someone said he could have his pick of anyone and asked why he chose her, he said because she listened to him, supported him and made him feel good about himself.

Are salary deductions for lateness/leaving early allowed?

Currently working in a junior role at a MNC. Recently found out that my salary has been deducted because of late-coming and leaving early. I was not aware of this as I was not informed by HR nor was it stated anywhere in the contract.

Turned to my manager for help but they said that it is normal for OT entitled employees to have salaries deducted for the 2 reasons stated above. They also gave off this notion that I should have known this and it was a normal thing. That’s when I found out that only junior staff are entitled to OT and this rule only applying to us.

Would anyone be able to advise me here?

Netizens’ comments

1. First thoughts was MNC, should not have such thing, but when you mentioned junior role and entitled to OT, yes I have heard of that before and it is fairly common. Do you need/have to clock in and out? Because this is the most common way for companies to count your OT pay. Otherwise there may be somebody checking.
   Eg, say you OT 1 hr but leave 30mins early, they will either pro rate to 30mins OT or no OT at all.
2. Yes, can deduct. What’s the reason for your lateness/leaving early?
3. (OP) Coming in late is on me and there is no excuse for it. I left early for work related purposes, either for training or team related matters.
   Checked my employee handbook, it seems like there are no mentions of the deduction policy.

MOM’s guidelines

Can my employer deduct my pay for coming late to work?

Employers should find out why an employee is late and should not unfairly penalise the employee if there is a valid reason. On their part, employees should be responsible in coming to work on time and inform their employer as early as possible if they are unable to do so.

Your employer may deduct your salary for being absent from work. However, the amount of deduction cannot exceed the period of absence. The authorised salary deductions are listed in the Employment Act.

If you were 30 minutes late, only 30 minute’s salary can be deducted.

The company’s policy for deductions should be clearly communicated to all employees and any deductions made should be well documented.

If your employer has made excessive deductions from your salary, you can file a claim for mediation at TADM.

For the record, I do not like Hawaiian Pizza. I prefer Margarita and I order it when the restaurant have it and I feel like eating pizza

So I was eating out with a few friends. I decided to order pizza for myself. I don’t intend to share it, so I only order pizza. The others ordered their own mains.

So my pizza arrived and I went ahead to dig in. Someone in the group complaint that I did not order a pizza that most people will like, which is a Hawaiian. I asked why does it matter, cos it’s my own lunch and I have the rights to order what I like.

Then he called me an AH for not sharing. He said pizza is for sharing by default. So I’m an AH for refusing to share my pizza. And I’m a double AH for not ordering Hawaiian so other’s can’t have pizza. For the record, nobody is sharing each other’s pasta, baked rice etc. So why is my pizza so special?

So, internet people, AITA for ordered pizza for myself only?

EDIT: nobody said yes when we asked if we sharing any sides.

Netizens’ comments

1. something wrong with your friend if they think Hawaiian is the default, it’s literally one of the most polarizing foods.
2. Might be time to find some better friends though
3. U tell them your lanjiao is also sharing by default so that means he has to share his girlfriend with you
4. Dude haven’t heard the term personal pan pizza
5. Your friend’s mindset makes no sense at all. They all have their own main courses but expect you to order a pizza that you don’t eat so that they can eat it, and it’s supposed to be your main course? What are you supposed to eat then?

Girlfriend[f23] wants me[m26] to get fat

So my gf and I met 3 months ago, she is a bit chubby and I’m a muscular guy who’s been lifting 3-4 days a week for 2 years and started boxing since a month.

I have a good physique, wide shoulders and big chest etc. I’m around 15% bodyfat and planning to cut to the 12% range to remove the excess fat for boxing.

It’s good to note that I’m not fitness obsessed and I rarely mention nutrition and fitness during our conversations, I also always tell her that I’m happy about her body and that I like her as she is.

However, since the last week she is telling me to drop the muscles and gain fat, she says she likes me but she would like me to have a bigger belly, after I told her I’m planning to cut more she joked that if I do she will leave me.

For the first time I feel insecure about my body that I been working on for a long time. I already told her I’m not going to change myself and thats who I am.

Any advice of what should I do? I love her so much but this topic is bothering me a lot

Netizens’ comments

1. 3 months in and she is already trying to dictate what you should do about your body? She is probably insecure herself, but it is no excuse to threaten you with leaving if you don’t do what she wants. Call her bluff, leave her and find yourself someone better
2. Dude love yourself better.
   She’s already told you the conditions of her love for you.
   Sometimes people are incompatible. She gets no say regarding your body.
3. Hold firm and continue your fitness routines. There could be multiple reasons why she feels the way she does about your body and none of them are any of your concern.
4. Her insecurities don’t get to dictate your body. If you wanna be a buff ripped lad, you do you. If she wanted to be a little chubby, she can do that without you.

My Wife’s (32F) sister (28F) won’t stop having babies…

Ill try and keep this as concise as possible. My wife (32) has a younger sister with 4 daughters by the age of 28. We just found out she is pregnant with a 5th child. This will be her 5th child in 7 years.

Normally I wouldn’t care as long as the kids are taken care of, but the sister works at a petrol station, has a baby daddy who cant keep a job. That and they are living with Grandma and Grandpa (Both in their early 60s) and as basically living off of the grandparents this whole time.

My mother and father in-laws are great people. Perhaps too forgiving and have taken the approach that if we don’t talk about it, it will go away.

That has helped them have a house full of 4 babies and 2 “adults” living off them. Well baby #5 is on the way and we seem to be in this same cycle of not talking to the sister about the pregnancy.

The sister has refused to admit that she is pregnant, despite the clear signs being there (bulge, and some reported morning sickness, that and just the pattern of behavior over the years).

At this point it seems inevitable that there will be a blow up, but apparently every time that they have ever tried to discuss this with the sister, she has thrown a screaming tantrum like a 5 year old.

She seems to be a child giving birth to more children. They got her to move out of the grandparents house a few years ago but the house they lived in quickly became completely unsuitable for children to live in.

Disgustingly unclean and not an environment to raise kids in.

We don’t want the kids to be taken away. But something needs to be done. I worry about my wife, because it clearly distresses her and I feel very bad for her and the grandparents who clearly were just doing the right thing but seem to be completely stuck in this situation.