A guy shared how he wishes he had appreciated and cherished his late girlfriend much better when she was still alive.

Here is the story

I should’ve treated my girlfriend better when she was alive.

She passed away early 2021. We were together for only two years, but they were the best two years of my life, yet I never acted that way.

I was unappreciative. Never realized how much effort she put into us when I did the bare minimum.

Christmas of 2020 money was tight for obvious reasons. I cleaned out my closet awhile beforehand to bring in new things, getting rid of a lot of old things.

When she saw the garbage bags of clothes and I said I was donating them, she asked if she could have them. She sewed, I figured it was just going to be scrap fabric to her so of course I let her.

She made me a quilt for christmas out of my clothes. She was new to quilting (which apparently is different than just sewing) so it wasn’t anything crazy, but it still incorporated so much of my style into it.

I acted grateful but was disappointed. It felt like getting socks for christmas as a kid at the time. I know I acted grateful and like I loved it even though at the time I didn’t. I was an immature manchild and I feel terrible in her last days she didn’t get to feel appreciated.

After she passed away a little over a year ago, the quilt began to mean so much more. It’s become a symbol of how I feel about my girlfriend, I didn’t appreciate them when it mattered.

I took her for granted when she took care of me. She paid attention to the little details about me. She knew me inside and out.

She was funny and beautiful and I miss her and I feel terribly guilty about not being grateful for the quilt at the time, especially because now I know theyre so much work to do.

She didn’t have to do that. I got her a phone case that christmas. If I would’ve known it was her last I would’ve done everything I could’ve to make it special.

Lauren, I’m sorry. I miss you.

I could only wish that I had you

I think I am in love with my talent manager. This feeling is inexplicable. We were purely professional at the beginning and I did not expect myself falling for my manager. I am still in disbelief because I don’t think we are the ideal type for each other. I think feelings were developed over time though I am not sure how my manager feels about me. Sometimes there were small moments where I could feel the sparks between us. And we vibe well.

We got into arguments occasionally and I tend to overthink when the unwanted emotions get to me. So many things were going through my head. I tried to let go of this feeling and told myself to keep things normal. My manager handles a few other talents but I could tell more attention was given to me somehow and I enjoy the disagreement as it makes me feel that my manager cares for me. I can’t go without a day thinking about my manager. Weekends are a torture for me as I know I wouldn’t be getting any work texts.

I have the urge to confess and despite all the possibilities, I know none of it will turn out well. I wouldn’t want to risk both of our careers. Ideally, if this is mutual, the only way to start is by keeping it discretely. Yes, an underground relationship with many potential issues that might backfired.

There are many uncertainties at this point. It’s never about “love wins it all”. I wish it could be as simple as how it would be for others but we can’t afford to make one wrong move due to the nature of our jobs. I really don’t know how to advance. I don’t want to live my life with regrets but nothing seems possible for as long as we are still in this industry.

And to my manager who happens to read this someday, I just want you to know that all these fluctuating feelings on top of knowing how our working relationship tend to complicate things far worse than what already is. Then again, I think of the present moment and feel blessed that I’m with you – though in a different context but still, in that moment if you get what I mean. I’ve even dreamt of you sometimes. We were holding hands, going on dates and doing things that I could only imagine. I would wish for that dream to continue the following night. When I meet you in person, I can’t say it all on your face because the moment I see you, everything goes out of focus, I feel like I’m in a mess and can’t say even half the things I want to say. I flustered and stumbled over the words.

I know I am way more flawed than the perfect individual you are looking for. Nonetheless, I am still holding onto a little glimmer of hope that one day we might be together but at the same time, it’s probably better for me to move on. It’s true, we can have everything in this world, but never all at once. Thank you for caring for me in a different way. I see you being an important part of my career, sharing a few good moments, thoughts and success. I know I am getting those signals wrong. You probably make everyone around you feel the way you make me feel, and you care deeply for everyone around you.

If you are really reading this, please give me a hint. I wish we can give each other a chance and try to make this works. You’re already managing my career, so why not manage my life as well? :’)

Prisoner in my own home

I am facing a similar situation as you (29M if it matters). Since young, I’ve never gotten anything that I wanted to do. Wanted to study something else better than Engineering (Law included), but forced to take Engineering. Can you imagine having parents rather you study Engineering than Law? I was younger so I thought maybe Law had a catch so my parents didn’t want me to. Wanted to learn the piano, sent to learn the guitar (Gave up music eventually). Wanted to do volunteer work, but my whole family didn’t allow me, including my elder brother. Forced to study Japanese too, but to be fair, I ended up liking it. Obviously, Overseas exchange, is not allowed too. I’d also rather study something else more interesting in Engineering (but not offered in Singapore), and obviously the same thing, parents don’t allow. Ended up with Simple plain ol’ NTU EEE. And, I wasn’t allowed to stay in the NTU dormitory. So, no hostel story for you guys.

For non-school life, if I really want to go out, I have to say where I’m going and the time I’ll be back. If I sleep before my parents come home, they’ll question me the next morning why I sleep early. If I sleep after my parents come home, they’ll question me why I am not yet sleeping. At home, since young, my mother and elder brother (already married and living in another place) always liked to enter my room to see me, I said “Yes?”, but then neither of them would say anything and close the door (Obviously to spot-check on me). Among my siblings, I was always the one who got to go together where to eat or travel but not to decide. Except for me, my siblings eventually studied for a degree that they wanted. Middle Child Syndrome is real.

But, we were young. At NTU, I took a Politics course as an elective. I remember my professor saying this “99% of your life is decided by your parents.” Which is very true. So at the very least, I could close one eye and say to myself: “Oh, we are still studying, we have yet to work. Better to still listen to parents. After all, we are living off them.” But, we were young. So likewise, up to graduation was the limit I could only have accepted.

I’ve already tried to keep the above part as brief as possible.

Then, came working life as an adult. My elder brother is already married, and my father already doesn’t interfere much in my life anymore. Except my mother. Remember the room spot-check thing? You know, it’d be good to have some privacy. So I decided to ask her directly, “Why do you always come into my room and not say anything?” She got angry and said “Why cannot?” amongst many other things. Up to today, the same thing occurs with no privacy. Whenever I still wanted to go out, she always questioned me about where I was going, including the time. If I didn’t need dinner, she’d also question me where I was going. The scary part is when I go to the pool to relax and swim, she knows even without me saying and goes to spot-check on me. I’d tell you, it’s creepy AF. Another creepy thing is that whenever I settled my own dinner, she always knew what I made or bought. The third creepy thing is she looks in the trash because she always questions me about the things I throw.

My mother also keeps questioning me about marriage. But my answer is the same: “Until I achieve something that I want to do in my life, I will never think about marriage.” And for me now, it’s working overseas. Engineering in Singapore is pathetic. So if I work overseas, I improve in both personal and job fulfillment.

By the way, I’ve heard of someone else’s mother following her to job interviews. Not mine. That’d be super embarrassing.

First job, my mother forced me to change to another job because of the lower salary. I really didn’t want to because I was comfortable there. So I decided to change. Remember that I had knowledge of the Japanese language? I wanted to work in Japan for my second job (A good opportunity to have some overseas exposure). Obviously, due to my mother’s controlling nature, it’s not allowed. Got the whole maternal side to “convince” me not to go. Got another job in Singapore. The second job, my mother also wanted me to change to another job because I always had to do OT.

But at this point in time, we found out my mother’s cheating on my father. That guy, my sister and I will meet him occasionally. The whole family’s still living under one roof but the mood’s always cold. Since we knew about this affair, I realised, there was no point in listening to my mother anymore. So I stayed on my second job until today. Furthermore, the long working hours are a good reason to not meet that guy. But I kid you not, my mother’s still very controlling. “Red packet from that guy.” “Whether I needed dinner?” and weekend room spot-checks etc.

My father has plans to move out coming this January / February period. I’ll be moving with him. Even though whenever I’m with my father, I still don’t have full control over my own life. Because he didn’t deserve to be cheated on, I decided to stay with my father for a while more. I decided to migrate to Japan for good by the latest 2025. Maybe volunteer at a political party, and finally get to enjoy my personal life traveling around. My father doesn’t like the idea of me migrating, but he’s not one to disapprove and get angry now that I’m an adult. Due to my unique circumstances, I finally will have freedom after so long.

Because your parents are still together, your situation is slightly different from mine. Obviously, like me, you wouldn’t want to just move out unilaterally and strain ties with your family. Or else, HDB at 35 or renting a room would be so much easier. Wouldn’t it?

The way I see it, the solution is the same. Find a job overseas. If you said you are offered a good-paying job overseas and that you have already resigned from your current job, they’d probably have no choice but to let you go. Better to work overseas than being a NEET. Preferably a job in Europe or the Americas, because of the different time zones.

The most important part is how you’d package it. If they see it as you trying to avoid them, obviously there’d be complications in them agreeing to it. For example, mention that they are free to visit you whenever they are free. Even if they are free, the air tickets aren’t. Monthly flights to and fro Europe and North America aren’t gonna be cheap. Rather than migrating, there may be other solutions, like marriage. You’d have to explore other options on your own.

All in all, it’s impossible to have your mother stop controlling you at once. It has to be gradual. Something like reducing the amount of cigarettes for smokers. Cold turkey will have negative consequences.

I’m a proud father of another beautiful baby daughter born yesterday, I’m amazed at how many people subtlety express ‘disappointment’ that I didn’t have a son.

This is our third daughter. My wife and I are 3 for 3. We are beyond happy. We left this one as a surprise so we didn’t find out the gender until she was born.

Our two other daughters talked all the time about wanting a sister. From the start, I said I hoped and wanted another daughter. So many people would say “no I think you’re having a boy” and I would say, nope, I’m almost certain it’s going to be a girl.

Thing is. I love being a girl dad. It’s been the crowning achievement of my life to be blessed with now 4 amazing females in my life.

But man I can’t stand the whole “are you going to try for a boy?” from my parents Or “are you okay you didn’t have a son?” And every other derivation of a similar theme.

Now granted it’s not everyone. It’s mostly people who still have cultural patriarchal mindsets. But still, I honestly don’t get it.

Anyways, just wanted to vent.

Here are what netizens think:

• Congrats, they are very lucky to have a father like you. My father never let myself and my two sisters forget how disappointed he was that he didn’t have a son.

• My dad had always made it known that he dreamed of having a son with a very specific name, who he’d hunt, and who he could bestow all of his manly wisdoms on. Somehow, my oldest brother wound up with a different name and he’s not really a “man’s man” anyway; he’s very quiet and meek, sweet, and an accomplished chef.

• Sounds like your dad wanted an exact copy of himself and not a child. Should have gotten a dog.

My girlfriend keeps pictures of her exes in her Face account. I know it is not clearly visible from the public and she said she has to scroll way from the past to delete all (she has many pics) and it’s too much work (??) but her point is, it is not big of a deal and she just keeps them just because I don’t know? memories?

That’s just her excuse, she can just click on photos and all of it will be out.

I know she’s over her exes but I can’t help to feel jealous inside. We’ve been together for 2 months now. Any advice?

is it normal for s/o to keep pictures of exes in social media?

Here are what netizens think:

• I wouldn’t worry – sometimes people like to keep the pictures for the memory. It doesn’t mean they’re not over the person, it just means sometimes that the time the picture was taken/the status they wrote is something they want to remember. If you have to scroll back a long way as well I don’t think it’s a huge deal.

• This is something you need to work on letting go because the jealousy won’t help your relationship. I have pictures of my exes on my socials somewhere for the same reason I’ve listed above. Not many, but there are some. Look forward into the future, not back at the past.

• I still have photos of my ex on my Facebook page and just as the things I’ve posted some time ago, those pictures and people are in the past. Yes, I could delete them, but no one cares about them anyways and they’re very old, so I personally don’t see a point in deleting them I’m not sure whether it’s normal or not, I guess it depends on the people that are in the actual relationship. Some people would be OK with it and others not. It’s also how you bring it.

• I have pictures of my ex on my phone as well. My current boyfriend is aware of this. The reason behind this is because, back then, I was incredibly insecure to take pictures of myself / let others take pictures of me. Unfortunate the pictures with my ex are pretty much the only pictures I have from the age of 15-19. I rarely look at them, but the thought of simply having something to look back on later in life is somehow… reassuring.

• I think your GF’s excuse that “it’s not a big deal” and “too much work” are, well, BS. She can have a good reason of why she doesn’t want to delete them, but she should at least tell you.

• Playfully ask her to delete it yourself. Regardless if people say that you are overthinking — which you are. I think, sharing the idea with your gf has to be settled on both your ends. She will allow that if none of it makes sense to her anymore. Then it becomes settled on both parties.

To men, from a woman.

On behalf of women, I’m sorry.

• I’m sorry that we don’t appreciate you enough.
• I’m sorry that we expect only to receive and barely give anything back.
• I’m sorry that women nowadays are extremely toxic to you.
• I’m sorry that women nowadays has nothing to bring to the table.
• I’m sorry that women nowadays are so entitled and delusional that it makes it harder to find genuine good ones.
• I’m sorry that we hurt you so much that you turned from a good gentleman, to a jerk.
• I’m sorry that you have to keep providing in order for women to see any sort of value in you.
• I’m sorry that we never try to communicate and understand your struggle.

As a woman, I’ve been attack by my own kind for going againts the toxic “sisterhood”. Long ago, I posted something againts modern feminism, and in the comments, 90% of the comments assume that I’m “a man claiming to be woman”, and “A typical self-proclaimed nice guy who is not very nice at all that pretends to be a woman”. Women just have no sense of accountability and hate being called out, especially by other woman.

No one wants to talk about toxic feminism. No one cares if a woman does anything wrong with anything when society will blame men instantly. Nowadays, woman are so obsessed with hating men, and categorized every single men to be evil. Some even celebrated and laugh whenever they read news about how men end their lives every 1 minute. It disgust me.

To men, there’s woman like me who loves you. You matter. You are important. You are great. You are amazing. And we appreciate you more than you know. We need you more than you need us. Please continue to be awesome. Please don’t stop being good men.

Again, I’m sorry that women made your lives miserable more than any men. Those entitled feminist don’t deserve to be with anyone like you. They won’t wake up from their delusional world, so ignore them.

Don’t doubt yourself. You are great. So keep going, King

Divorce home ordeal

I will share my 6 year ordeal about my divorce, court order and board with you. Below is a timeline of the events:

2017

1) Marriage was dissolved in 2017.

2) Court granted an order for Ex-husband to take over the matrimonial flat bearing all costs and expenses within 6 months of marriage dissolution

3) My children and I were allowed to reside in the above property until then.

4) Meanwhile, I purchased and fully paid for another board flat.

Board allowed me to purchase the resale flat even though ex-husband had not taken any steps to transfer matrimonial property to his name.

During this transaction, as I needed my CPF, I asked my solicitor to write to ex-husband and his solicitor, and board on the overdue of transfer of property which was already 7 months.

There was no response or action by the board or ex-husband’s solicitor.

2018 – 2021

6) For the next 7 years I visited the board Branch office to speak to the officer to send reminders to ex-husband to carry out the transfer. The board officer informed me that ex-husband had requested for more time. I asked if there was anything I could do, but the officer told me that the house is under bank mortgage paid by him and there was nothing I could do. They asked me to wait.

7) Meanwhile, I called the bank mortgage manager to enquire if the loan can be discharged from my name or transferred and again, I was told that ex-husband was paying monthly mortgage payments and there was nothing I could do.

I approached the family court for advice and was told to engage a solicitor to reopen the case.

9) When I approached a solicitor, I was quoted a legal fee of $20,000 to reopen the case. Being a single mother of school-going children I could not afford the fee.

Since 2017, every few months I have been emailing board to pursue the transfer for the past 6 years. Every time I was replied that they had spoken to him and he needed more time. The court order of 6 months was extended and has become 6 years due to board allowing him to delay his action for transfer and yet not finalized.

2022 – 2023

10) On Oct 2022, I received a ‘repossession’ notice from the board for the matrimonial flat.

11) I enquired with the board on what I had to do and they asked me to speak to him to settle this issue. However, he refused to speak to me.

12) Ex-husband once again requested the board for more time and the request was acceded.

13) When I asked the board officer what I could do to speed up the process, she asked me to send an enforcement letter through a solicitor in October 2022 for which I paid $1000.

14) On receiving the notice, ex-husband once again requested for more time and was once again granted by the board.

Finally in June 2023, ex-husband engaged a solicitor to start the process, but had within a few days asked the board to cancel it.

Once again, ex-husband started the process in July 2023. The board officer wrote to me saying that since I delayed the transfer, I did not qualify for the board solicitor. She mentioned that he had his own solicitor and I had to get my own.

On enquiring, I was told that a conveyance lawyer could cost between $1500- $3000. I was asked to pay for the delay of transfer which was not my fault as I did my best and was on my toes with the transfer while he was the delaying party with board for the last 6 years.

I pointed out to board and ex-husband’s lawyer that the court ordered him to bear all costs of the transfer, including paying for the solicitor acting on my behalf for this transfer. When the board officer reminded ex-husband on this clause, ex-husband has once again asked for more time, which has been granted without a deadline by board. I am wondering why the board office has not put her foot down to say that he has been given enough time and not delay further.

This whole issue has caused me undue stress and I have decided to get a solicitor to represent me at my own cost to end it. But surprising after my solicitor wrote in representing me the board officer wrote to me to chase my ex husband to get the loan for the transfer. I wonder why did they ask to engage a lawyer when has not even got a loan. I also wonder why HDB is asking me to chase him when we are divorced and obviously he does not listen to me. But it looks like it is not going to end soon as board has granted ex-spouse more time. I am surprised that court orders can be ignored by a board.

This whole ordeal has now directly impacted me. My son and I have been planning for and been offered higher education overseas. We have made all arrangements to leave in August 2023.

I had intended to rent out my whole personal flat to finance our stay and expenses overseas. However, to my dismay my application to rent out my flat was declined by the board because of this issue. When enquired, the board officer informed me that I have to appeal to rent my flat out because of my matrimonial flat.

Why am I treated like a

Criminal,

Debtor,

Political detainee,

When I have not done anything wrong. My cpf money is stuck in the matrimonial house.

My ex can sit in a board house that is still under loan and be given all the time.

But I have to appeal for my flat to be rented out which is fully paid by me.

And the board allowed me to buy the house.

I am running out time and options. I need help to resolve this before I leave. This whole ordeal made me lose faith in the system.