hi, i’m here because i don’t really know who else to talk to.

i’m graduating in May 2023, but so many of my batchmates have secured a job from the Big4.

i have applied for alot of roles, mostly Management Associate programmes because i set high goals and have high expectations for myself. And most of them i actually got into the final round of interview but that’s when i failed because of how competitive it is.

My GPA isnt that great though – second class (lower). Not really sure what to do because im really stressed out. Seems as though im the only one who cant secure a job.

Is it that bad to set high expectations for myself?

Here are what netizens think:

• Welcome to life. Always have dreams but life still goes on

• 2nd lower want to be MA? good to have dreams, but yours are fantasies

• Get some experience and boost up your resume. What you lack in GPA you can make up with experience and accolades.

• There is nothing wrong with setting goals for yourself. But don’t be overly obsessed over it and you don’t have to compare with your friends. Everyone has their own timeline. In fact, go do all the stuff you wanted to,because once you start work you won’t have time to do so. Lastly, the fact that you can reach the final round of interview proves you have certain qualities that impressed them beyond your grades. Jiayous!

• High expectations n low grades doesn’t come tgt, pretty sure the company feels the same way

• No, but if that makes you sad, do you want to continue to hold on to it? Or consider finding a different pond and be a different kind of fish from the rest?

• You can work 2 years and apply again? (If im not wrong, they allow freshgrads up to 1-2 years working experience) or take a masters and go for post grad MA programs. You have to be realistic and know cards you have, but it is also not the end.

Affair with my Subordinate Turned Awry

I am writing to get this off my chest.

2 years ago, I hired her to work directly under me. I later developed a crush on her and when we discovered that the feeling was mutual we ended up getting together. Because she reports to me directly, our relationship could not see the day of light. We ended up spending most of our time together at her place or mine. The problem was, I saw what we had as a “relationship” but she saw it as simply an “affair” or “fwb”.

Unbeknownst to me, she started a real relationship with someone else shortly after. I felt cheated on and confronted her about it. I felt like the rug has been pulled under my feet. She explained that she had no clue I was serious about her because: 1. I never made plans for her to work elsewhere; 2. I never told her the words “I love you”; 3. I never formally asked her to be in a relationship with me; 4. we never discussed about the future (i.e. plans of moving in together, setting up a family etc.).

The thing is, I was very happy and comfortable with the state of our relationship. And she never once mentioned she needed more. I genuinely thought she was happy! We spent a lot of time together and we would talk endlessly over the phone (when we couldn’t be physically together, because we live apart).

Not wanting to “lose” to the other guy, I tried to do 1 – 4 above. I started talks with my friends (of my level) to see if they are willing to take her in so we could finally be open about our relationship. But how fast that could happen is not something that is within my control. As for no. 4, we started talking about the future but nothing could materialise until she starts working elsewhere of course. But it was all too little too late for her. Throughout, I felt immensely inadequate. When I finally told her the words “I love you”, her response was “why now?”. Meanwhile, I tried to make her see how the guy she is with, is no where near as good as me. And the truth is, he isn’t. Save for the fact that I am her supervisor and I was comfortable where we were and hence did not take things further, I am better than him in every way. Handsome-er, more established in my career, more eloquent, and not to mention, I make a whole lot more than him. So obviously, the fact that she wanted to be in a relationship with someone far worse than me, was a huge blow to my ego.

Anyway, fast forward, they decided to be together and they will get married soon. The worst of all is how I still needed to work with her. I honestly could not stand the humiliation and to an extent the feeling of betrayal. I tried telling her to leave (I think she owes me at least that), which fell on deaf ears. Now I have resorted to actually doing things to make her leave (like not giving her the opportunities or promotion that she deserves).

Recently, she confronted me and asked if I was reprimanding her because she did not choose me. Honestly, I just wanted her to leave and find another job, because I needed the space to heal (which I have already told her, and which she refused to do). And even if I was reprimanding her, am I all that wrong? After all, no matter how I see it, I am the one who has been thoroughly wronged here and she is not the least apologetic about it.

Wish I could unsee and forget that night.

Guys recently I was forced to see something I do not want to see and now I am not very sure what to do with what I saw.

On one of the Fridays, after drinks past midnight, I realised I left my house keys in the office. So I went back to the office to get my keys –

When I reached the front door, I saw two figures standing by the window. One behind the other and with his arms around that person. It was quite dark and took me a while to identify. My heart sank when I saw it was my colleague (let’s call him Mr A) and my boss (Mr B).

Mr A has been given the most prestigious works and opportunities. Here’s the even trickier part. Mr A’s wife is someone I knew since Uni days. She’s a really nice person.

Obviously I left without getting my keys and had to trouble my housemate to let me in.

I have mixed feelings over this. On the one hand I am furious. On the other, I can’t risk losing my job. Finally, I don’t want to destroy somebody’s marriage. Yet a part of me feels an immense inability to tolerate this injustice. Finally company has very poor whistle blowing regime.

Here are what netizens think:

• Blackmail obviously. After watching Luther you’ll get the gist.

• You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to feel guilty or responsible to tell anything to the affected parties. Their problem is multifaceted, it’s best to leave it to unravel on it’s own.

• You are right. Don’t spoil people’s marriage. But should have taken video clips, upload

• Such (power) relationships are, unfortunately, common. What you saw was not an instance, but a series of previous (close) encounters that resulted in what you witnessed.

• Actually, what do hope to achieve by reporting this? The only beef I am able to pick up is that A has been given prestigious jobs; and if A have been meeting expectations with minimum help, why bother. After all, this is part and parcel of corporate world (in the past is usually involve a Ms A and a Mr B). Otherwise, if it does not pose any serious treat to your own job security, the whole team is doesn’t need to bail out A and there is no direct breach of compliance in terms of carrying out the business, sometimes it is good to let sleeping dogs “hug” each other. Job assignment can be a fluffy thing.

So this was a couple days ago. I (f) got super smashed at home while my husband (m) was out and was doing the usual thing by hanging out on games with my best friend(m).

I am a person who always ‘wants it’ and I had told my husband before we got married that it’s something I need. I also told him from the start that my best friend always comes first for me.

My husband was caught cheating and begged me to marry him anyway and that he’d show me I’ll fall back in love with him.

So after 5 years of him continuing with online cheating I got to a point of not caring. It’s online. It’s whatever. It’s not a big deal anymore and not worth my time.

Well anyway I was super drunk when he got home and my friend has gone to bed and I said to my husband that I wish I was having s- with my best friend cause he tries pleasing the girl he’s with and it’s not 2 mins unlike with him.

So tonight he told me to go and enjoy my toys and think about my best friend when I tried to turn him on or maybe think about my ex husband because I once called my current husband my ex husbands name during s- ( both names are too similar and was an honest mistake).

Here are what netizens think

• I’m not sure why people still trust a cheater in a relationship but whatever.
  
  The second part of the story is not very clear. In any case, it feels like you guys need therapy to save your marriage at this point.
  
• Unless this is all consensual kink I may suggest you two split up or seriously reevaluate your relationship. Seems like monogamy may not be your thing.

I am a Singaporean. I got married to my wife, who is from Vietnam, in 2013. We had a good relationship and loved each other deeply.

It was a few months ago when my wife suggested that I sell my HDB flat and buy some land in her hometown in Vietnam. She said that the land was very cheap and that I could make a lot of money from it.

I was skeptical at first as I had no experience in investing in foreign lands. However, she kept insisting that it was a great opportunity and that I should not miss it.

So, I decided to trust her and sold my HDB flat. She said that I could buy the land in her hometown for only a $200,000. I was so excited to make a profit from this investment and sent the money to her.

When I arrived in Vietnam, I was shocked to find out that the land was not cheap at all. My wife had lied to me and had inflated the price of the land by ten times! She had taken my hard-earned money and cheated me out of it.

I was so angry and distraught that I confronted my wife. She simply shrugged and said that she was just trying to help me make some money. I was devastated and felt betrayed.

I had lost my entire savings and had nothing left. I was so desperate that I even begged my wife to return my money, but she refused. I knew then that she had no intention of helping me and had only wanted to take advantage of me.

I had to return to Singapore empty-handed and with a heavy heart. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for trusting my wife. I had been so naive and had made such a huge mistake.

I have since learnt my lesson and will never trust anyone blindly. I now realize that it is important to do my own research and fact-checking before making any investments. I have also learnt to be more careful when it comes to trusting people.

Marry 1 year or marry 10 years no different… still get betrayed.

To this day, I still regret trusting my wife and selling my HDB flat to buy land in her hometown. It was a huge mistake that cost me my entire savings. I will never forget the lessons that I have learnt from this experience and I hope that others can learn from my mistakes too.

How do u cope with feelings of inadequacy at work?

I have been working at a company for close to 6 months after graduation. I had a rocky start when I first started. I was not that sharp enough to pick up details quickly and did things haphazardly that resulted in my co-boss making harshly comments at me in the office. Apparently her voice is so loud that everyone at the same office can hear. There was a colleague who sat at the far end of the office came to look for me to ask what happened, showing that her voice is that loud. I felt embarrassed and hurt but sucked it in.

Fast forward to a few more months later, I thought I am doing slightly better with more workload and assignment. I am also assigned to a project team. I was not that smart, but whatever administrative or tedious things to do like meeting minutes or collating information I would always produce these results fast. I was also assigned by the main boss to cover work for a colleague who left the company.

One fine day, I returned back to my office desk and I overheard my colleagues gossiping about me. My co-boss actually commented that “all I did was printing and scanning” that makes me feel hurtful. The other colleagues didn’t bother to help out. Apparently I wasn’t just doing that work and in fact, I was assigned other tasks by my main boss also. I felt inferior. I was actually disgusted because my co-boss is actually my lunch buddy as well who we can talk about lifestyle etc. for her to say something like that, I felt very shocked and uncomfortable.

what would you do if you were me?

Here are what netizens think:

• welcome to the working world. Your incident was what used to happen in my ex company, my Snr mgr has been a famous one doing all the screaming, got to a point that another BU VP told her off, yet, my ex boss responded. I am who I am..lol..if u cannot bring yourself to keep focus on other stuff and is mentally torturing you, start seeking something else

• Learning to document your efforts and raise them during meetings to “table” them and ask for help is an important skill to learn. Visibility is very important.

• I know it’s hard to hear these nasty comments. Perhaps, have a chat with your main boss and co-boss on what he/she feels about your work directly and position it as wanting to learn from them. It strokes the ego and also helps you collect more information. Just remember to protect yourself and practice critical thinking as you do this and use what helps you and discard what doesn’t. Asking for help in a thought out way is a powerful way to grow and build relationships. You can read more about this online – plenty of resources on how this works. You can also hint about the heavy workload you carry in tedious tasks and broach if they are important or not and what you can focus on to make it helpful to these key people.

• This is misinterpreted in a negative light and people tend to assume “playing politics” is bad. I think reframing everything is a critical life skill. Playing politics is not a negative thing if you use it to defensively take care of yourself and help those you work with. I’d recommend watching Korean drama Under the Queens Umbrella to understand how playing politics and understanding the game being played can be used for positive outcomes.

• Eh, u r the unlucky one that your colleague finds pleasure in bullying. This always happens to new and slow staff. Stay long enough and u will.be doing that to new staff too when you are older.

(24F) (28M)

My crush finally admits his feelings. I slept with him, next day he tells me he misses her and that we should go back to being friends.

Days later, I’m out drinking and I send a text of my cleavage. He said it was all good, and I’m still young and should live me life.

Here is the story

I’m actually pathetic. I have never in my life done this before. I’m usually kept to myself, when I like a guy I like him from afar. I never even attempt talk to them.

He finally admits his feelings for me, after months. We go out, and I go to his place after. One thing led to another.

He was my first. I know, weird that I waited this long for someone.

I felt a connection with him, and he said the same. We talked for like 2 hours, about everything. He told me how beautiful and hot I was.

Next day, he tells me he wants to go back to being friends. He said he loved every second of it, but there was another person on his mind. Someone from his past he misses.

I felt humiliated.

A few days later, im out drinking with my girls. And I did a very dumb thing.

I texted him a photo of my cleavage and told him I wanted to do it again.

He texted me the next morning and said it was all good, then proceeds to tell me that I’m still young and I should be living my life, and what not. He then also tells me about a dream he had about the girl he misses.

It was all good on his end, he didn’t find it awkward or embarrassing but idk if he’s lying to keep me from feeling embarrassed.

My boyfriend and I had been dating for a few months and he invited me over for a special night at his place.

We had a delicious dinner, followed by a glass of wine and then we decided to move to the bedroom.

Things got heated, we forgot to lock the door and our mum saw us acting like ‘dogs’

We started getting intimate and things were heating up quickly. We were both lost in the moment and forgot to close the door.

We were so passionate that we ended up in the position where we were doing it like ‘dogs’.

Little did we know, my boyfriend’s mum was just outside the door and witnessed the entire scene.

I was too embarrassed to even move. I was so scared that she would be angry with us.

My boyfriend was the first to react. He quickly stood up and tried to cover himself with the sheet.

His mum started yelling at us for being so careless and irresponsible.

She told us that we should have been more aware of the situation and should have locked the door.

Both of us sibei paiseh

We both apologized and tried to explain that it was an accident. We were both embarrassed and humiliated by the situation. We had no idea what to say or do.

We both realized that it was a huge mistake on our part and we should have been more responsible. We learned our lesson and will never forget to lock the door again.

The embarrassment that we felt was unbearable. We were so embarrassed that we weren’t able to look at each other for a few days.

We were both ashamed of what had happened and were worried about what his mum thought of us.

We eventually moved on from the incident and after a few days, things were back to normal.

We were able to laugh about it and even joke about the situation.