I’ve been with this woman for over 15 years. We’ve been married for 2+. 2 kids, one teenager and one toddler.

In April ’22, I went to the hospital, which eventually led to me being hospitalized for a rare form of blood cancer. I was hospitalized for three weeks. Those three weeks sucked being away from my 2 kids and my wife.

Especially hard on her since I took care of mostly everything around the house and now she was being forced to be a single parent while I was being treated.

On the day of my discharge, my wife admitted to me that she had been talking to her ex-fiance for support. She claimed I stopped talking to her and he’s the only one she can easily open up to. If this was as far as it went, I would have been fine with it..

Past

For some history, we had some fights six or seven years ago, where for a few weeks, we ‘took a break’ (this was prior to marriage). She told me she was leaving to go see him. For those few weeks, I didn’t really care. I was kind of done. So to my surprise a few weeks later, we have ‘the talk’ and asks what I want. I told her that I figured we were over and that’s what she wanted. Turns out that she decided to stop seeing him and said that we need to work on our relationship.

This felt like a complete 180 from what I was expecting. So when she didn’t expect it, I snooped.

This is the man of her dreams, soulmates, whatever. Even at this point where I’m at now, these two are made for each other. So why did she suddenly want to fix our relationship?

Through my snooping, I found out they were hooking up on the regular. Also read that she would choose him over me any day of the week without question. (I only found out within the last few months that she stopped seeing him because he was getting married)

I naively thought things would be better, so I stayed. I had my son to worry about at the time too….

After hospital release

Once I was home, it just didn’t sit right with me. During the night, I snooped again. I didn’t trust her this time. Especially when it involved him.

It started off innocently enough, with talking about my condition and how hard life was for her doing single parent duties while I was in the hospital.

Then it broke into how she missed him and their relationship, and he went all in on all the things that he missed about her. She sent him dirty messages. Talked about how much they missed f-ing each other. After reading for a while, I just couldn’t anymore. But the thing that hurt the most was reading… that she didn’t even miss me, just the fact that I wasn’t around to help in the house.

This broke me. For the next few nights, I made excuses to not sleep in the same bed as her. Told her I was too used to sleeping alone or the rigidness of the hospital bed.

After the first week home, she asked if she could go see him. She reassured me that it was all friendly. To not look like the possessive husband, I agreed. She could tell I was growing resentment.

So the next night, after some arguing, I finally told her that I knew and she was cheating. Of course she denied any wrongdoing. Until I told her I knew that she was sending him nudes.

Now

Here I am almost a year to the anniversary of my diagnosis. She leaves every other night after our youngest is asleep to see this man (who is going through a divorce now). I stay home and spend time with my eldest son and game.

I don’t love her anymore, but I care about her wellbeing. She has a chronic illness where if she doesn’t get her meds, she’ll die. So I can’t just get rid of her.

Truth is, I know I’ve just been a doormat the last year. But I know that going through a divorce is going to fuck me in the court system.

I seriously don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk to, as she essentially didn’t let me have many friends in the years we’ve been together because it was always ‘what about me while you’re out?’

There’s definite gaps I didn’t fill in here, and I apologize for that.

Some project managers are just too much!

Got one IT project manager, always like to nickpick on the details, explained to him liao he also don’t understand, then when we face difficulties in executing some of the minute tasks, he will keep nagging why we are unable to resolve them/why we didn’t foresee them.

Then hold 6-8 meetings throughout the week to catch up on the status and every meeting stretch over an hour. Really time consuming and we can’t get any work done.

I put my foot down and told him that I only need to give him the overview pointers, the rest of the details is up to me to decide, and he shouldn’t be bothered with them.

Do you have such ngiao chee ngiao lan PM at your work place?

Netizens’ comments

• You don’t have to accept all the meetings. I skip some meetings in my current job because either I don’t have anything to contribute or I don’t see any value in the agenda.
  • (OP) i skipped once and he grumble to my management and whine about my lack of participation.
• That’s their job, to look busy. You cannot tell them not to look busy when their rice bowl depends on it.
  They are always the first to go in any layoffs, exactly because it really doesn’t make a difference whether they are there or not.
• Take it up with your boss, if the excessive meetings are hurting your productivity, it needs to stop. Can’t let some incompetent pm screw the ones doing the actual work and cause everything to be delayed.
• Sad you didn’t get a hands on project manager. There are project managers out there who row the boat with their down line. This guy sounds like he just applied for the role on those generic job websites.
• If PM is just task master without adding value, that sucks and most PM’s are like that. If one wants to grow in PM area, got to understand industry and be hands on more than just making few slides for status, risks, and challenges. Edit: i am a program manager and oversee Project Managers.
• Their favorite way to make everyone busy and himself look busy: daily updates meeting

A netizen shared a photo of a notice that he took at his company, announcing that they had banned employees from bringing their own lunch because they are trying to “cut costs”.

Here is what the notice said

Employee Notice

As discussed in our company meeting on 15th March,
Personal Lunches are no longer permitted on the premises.

This is due to:

1. Our Air Conditioning system being unable to filter out the smells from hot food. causing an uncomfortable environment for other employees.
2. Pests entering the property at night and causing damage.
3. Rising energy costs affecting our ability to run and maintain nonessential company equipment. We could invest these funds into considerations of higher importance.
4. Budget Imitations affecting our ability to contract in a cleaner.
5. Other contributing factors

We understand the concerns shared during the meeting. We understand that times are tough with the cost of living crisis, but this also works both ways with both the employer and the employee.

You may store personal kindles In your car and consume them outside of the premises. Alternatively, there is a local supermarket nearby to socialise with other employees on your lunch break

We apologise for any distress this may have caused. I’m sure you understand.

Netizens’ comments

1. That sign is a warning to everyone they are about to go out of business, so start looking for other jobs.
2. Too broke to run a fridge and a microwave? If that were true the company is on it’s way to going under anyway.
   Insist employees leave the property for lunch? Sounds like lunches just got a half hour longer.
3. If paying for cleaning and running a fridge and microwave are too much for your company to handle, your company probably needs to close up shop.
4. If your boss is telling you that the cost of running a fridge and microwave is going to cause the business to go under, then you need to start looking for a new job now. Before the paychecks start bouncing.
5. “I’ll stop bringing meals once you start providing them”
6. Do not hesitate to get in touch via email: leaves email space blank
7. You’re telling me to leave the premises to consume nutrition? I’ll just keep on walking, thanks.

Not wanting to be around my MIL after she had a wardrobe malfunction. Its kind of minor I guess but I just feel like I am insane or something after this argument with my wife.

This is how it all started:

My MIL (42F) was over and it was just me and her at the pool. I (31M) was sitting with her and she started stretching and her swimsuit top came untied. She didn’t exactly rush to cover up and I saw much more than I wanted to see.

She apologized but it was still really weird for me. Anyways I tell my wife about it and she just laughs it off. I mention I don’t want her coming over any time soon and or at least I don’t want to be around her she flips out and it starts a huge fight.

Edit for info and clarity:

She was a single mom, but my wife was really raised by her grandmother. My MIL and wife interact more like siblings/friends and less like mother and daughter.

Additionally, my MIL does not treat me like a son in law even though I always try to treat her like a MIL and give her the respect that comes with it.

I believe she treats me more like a friend rather than any type of maternal figure. I have known her only a couple years but she has been around a lot more to clean up the house every other week.

We didn’t ask her to do this she offered and my wife enjoys having her around more. I personally didn’t mind and appreciated the extra help, until now.

So to be clear this is the first time she has never exposed herself to me. However in the past there have been other weird stuff like her brushing her chest against me in the kitchen when reaching for things, she will wear low cut shirts when she is coming over to the house with just me there.

She is very touchy, but my wife says that’s how she’s always been. There has been no verbal flirting whatsoever, as far as I can tell, but until now I haven’t been really paying attention.

I am now second-guessing previous encounters with her, but I may just be paranoid. I don’t want to cut my MIL forever or anything, I just need time to reset away from her.

My GF (F23) gave me (M21) $5,000 and idk what to feel

My gf has a very good job and makes far more than I do. While I wouldn’t say I struggle, I live frugally and manage to save a small amount of money each month.

Recently she got a good bonus from her job and gave me $5,000.

While I am absolutely touched that she thought of me when she got the bonus and I’m grateful for the money, part of me is also sort of uncomfortable with receiving such a large amount of money and idk why.

It doesn’t make me feel poor and I don’t think it’s her being condescending, it just feels like something I can’t just casually accept.

Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Should I refuse the gift or not spend it? What should I do?

Netizens’ comments

1. You can give it to me.
2. Well, I obviously don’t know every detail of your relationship. But, if you don’t really see a future with her, then you should politely decline the offer. If you think the two of you might have a real future together, then put that money into a new, interest-bearing account, and don’t touch it. You can always offer it back to her, later, if she needs it or if things just don’t work out between you. And if you stay together, you can tell her that you put the money away for your honeymoon or your first house or whatever, and spend it on that, when the time comes.
3. It’s a normal feeling. Tell her how wonderful she is and how much you love her. And then don’t spend it. Invest it or stack it away either for when she has a rainy day or you want to surprise her and spend it on doing something fabulous for her .
4. I have learned it is important to accept gifts given in a gracious manner – unless there are cultural norms like rejecting first before accepting.
   For some people – maybe your girlfriend giving is their love language. I would suggest finding out what your girlfriend’s love languages are and reply in kind. And maybe you already are and she’s looking for her way to reciprocate.
   I think the previously mentioned save and earn interest for a future couple’s experience makes a lot of sense too.
5. I know what you’re talking about 100%- take the money anyway. She loves you and is willing to help you… Life is insanely hard. If you have someone close to you who loves you and knows your struggling and it’s really no skin off her back, just do it.
6. She gifted you the money when she didn’t even have to tell you about her bonus. There is no need to feel guilty. Take the money she gave you, she wanted to! Simple as that

What approaches do I have for nuisances at night?

Almost every single night around 2300, there will be a group of three males on their motorbikes/e-bikes making a ruckus downstairs in the nearby carpark.

I have called the police on them multiple times, and each time it is merely a stop gap measure. I have explained to the police multiple times that this is a recurring issue.

I am this close to committing a crime by going downstairs with a metal bar and smashing their heads in.

Is there anything I can do?

Netizens’ comments

1. I think you have no choice but to start a rival motorcycle gang
2. you can try lodging a report on oneservice application, they will refer the case to the relevant agency. noise complaints are usually handled by town council or HDB, not by the police, which is probably why it seems like a stop gap measure. the appropriate agency (town council/HDB) will probably do something about it. lastly, don’t do anything stupid and take matters into your own hands because it’s probably not gonna end well and not worth it
3. Go complain to your MP at the Meet the People session, or go find them when they are present for a community event in your area & make the complain to them directly.
   Not sure if it might help, but suggest because I did that by raising a concern to my MP directly (politely) when I saw during a community event, & the issue was immediately being work on a few days soon after.
4. I stay in Bukit Panjang and there used to be such people at my area years ago, like from 2010 to the mid 2010s. I stay on the second storey so it was very loud and noisy. They would gather at the void deck and make a lot of noise. Called police many times as well but sometimes they took damn long to show up.
   Unfortunately a few of them stay in the units on the same level and they purposely make noise outside my bedroom along the corridor after that. Shrieking and screaming every time they passed by my unit.
   Horrible people and police didn’t do much about it so I just gave up reporting anything anymore. Now it’s not as noisy here, I think many of them got married and moved away, only hear them making noise at the corridor on weekends occasionally.
5. Have you tried using the One service app? I complained about renovations on weekends and they actually came down and assessed the situation, told off the contractor and gave me a follow up call to my personal number. I’d say it works for me
6. Have you tried speaking with them? Be confident, calm, assertive but also empathetic, saying you understand they are having a good time with friends bla bla. Suggest alternative places they could go. Try to build a rapport with them if possible. In my experience, most people will understand.

Helper issues. Need some advice

Our Helpers mum passed away 2 weeks ago. She requested to go back home for 2 weeks and we approved it. Paid everything and sent her back.

Today her dad went into hospital and she is requesting another week. She has sent prove etc and she isn’t the kind to lie about this so we believe her.

My wife and I are running out of leave (inclusive of childcare leave) as we have a new born at home and no other support to help

Wondering if we should let her deal with her family first and find another helper or just wait and hope everything is fine after a week.

Our main concern is that if things get worse for the dad and she comes back, it’s inhuman to prevent her to go back for the funeral which would leave us in a awkward situation. The money is not the issue, it’s the support that we need.

We are already hiring part time helpers for cleaning but will be challenging since we have a new born.

Just trying to find the best situation for all parties here. Appreciate any advice from the community

Netizens’ comments

1. Technically, do you really need a maid while shes gone? You can try to find a Nanny to take take care while you guys are working since it’s temp. Nannies may be quite exp tho.
2. I believed a temp nanny, and PT cleaner will solve your problem, at least until your helper’s family issues have been dealt with or she has to quit, It sounds like you like her work, and would like to continue to extend employment to her after, Good luck
3. Good on you for not letting her go. As someone else said in the thread, can consider getting a Nanny. Ignore those who said to fire her. She probably needs the money at the moment, so it’s the honorable thing to keep her employed for now during this trying time.
4. Ironically my family has been in this exact same situation recently, but instead of a newborn, it was my 2 critically ill grandmothers my maid had to take care of.
   Our maid has been with us since i was a young child. Im in my early 20s now, and she’s considered family. My familys stance on this issue was to just tough it out when she had to go back to visit her sick dad, and eventually also go back for her dads funeral.
   Finding a person you can truly trust to watch over the household is not easy. And once you find someone like that, IMO it’s priceless.
   Dont really have any advice to share but hopefully my story might provide another POV. Good luck!

Not allowing my girlfriend to go clubbing with her friends until she finished the dishes?

My (F25) girlfriend has stopped doing the dishes on days that are her turn over the past two weeks. When I asked her to do them and why she wasn’t doing them, she would just tell me to stop nagging her and that she’ll get to it later.

For context, we’ve lived together for five months and this has never been an issue before.

This has left me to do the dishes every damn day and it’s starting to piss me off. Tonight, there was a large stack of dishes yet my girlfriend refused to do them again.

I refused to let her use my car until she finished doing the dishes. She screamed at me for being a “controlling a-hole” and didn’t even end up going out with her friends.

Netizens’ comments

1. You didn’t ‘not allow her to go clubbing” – you denied her the use of your car after you’ve been picking up her share of the chores for the last 2 weeks. NTA
2. She’s not a roommate, she’s your PARTNER and relationships are supposed to be about give and take. But she’s not pulling her weight and then still wants to use your car? You didn’t stop her from going clubbing (she could have gotten a friend to pick her up (they could have left the club to pick her up) or taxied or something), you just put forward a boundary and she didn’t take it well.
3. There will be moments in your life (sickness, emergencies, pregnancy, kids, etc.) when sticking to the schedule will be impossible, and this means you’ll have to work together instead of against each other. If the only problem is the dishes, try finding another compromise. Maybe she can do other chores you hate instead. Maybe you can invest in a dishwasher. If the problem is her not being responsible enough in general, that’s another story.
4. It’s not unrealistic to expect your partner to follow through on agreements you’ve made regarding how you will live together. If it were a one-time situation where she just was done for the day and needed to get out and blow off some steam, fine, but this has been ongoing and it is a change in behavior from previous months when she would do the task. I know some people feel that your response was paternal, but one aspect of a partnership is mutual respect and communication which she has clearly discarded.

Playing football and golf has been my favorite pastimes since I was a child. It’s great to get some exercise and have fun with my friends.

However, after playing either one of these sports, my body would usually ache a lot. It would take me some time to recover and I needed a proper massage to help me relax and get rid of the aches.

I cannot afford proper massage because they are usually too expensive, but the prices in the cheaper parlours are a trap for ‘specials’

Unfortunately, proper massage parlours were too expensive for me. I wanted to get a massage but I couldn’t afford it. So, I decided to look around for cheaper parlours, which turned out to be a huge mistake.

The parlours that I found were charging a much lower price, but they were only interested in earning money from special services.

When I went in, I was immediately greeted by a friendly lady. She offered me a massage for a very low price but I sensed something was off.

She kept hinting at special services, and when I declined, she became increasingly insistent. I had no choice but to leave the parlour, feeling embarrassed and violated.

I soon realised that I should have done my research before going to such parlours. I should have read reviews or asked around for recommendations.

Going to such places might have saved me some money, but it would have been a huge risk.

I ended up not getting a proper massage and the aches from playing football and golf were more prolonged.

There was no one I could turn to for help and I didn’t want to risk getting into any more trouble. I eventually had to resort to self-massage, which only helped a little.