Freeloading uncle want us to be his free babysitter
Context
1) maternal Grandma is very traditional
2) Uncle is 50 and his Vietnamese wife is 28. They have a 7 yo daughter and a 5 yo son.
3) uncle married and have kids to “carry on the family name”. He said it’s because my grandma “forced” him to.
4) Uncle has been living with grandma and doing odd job all his life so, not much savings and now driving grabcar. He doesn’t seems to want to work harder for his family.
5) Grandma gave uncle a huge amount of money when his wife got pregnant with their first child and gave him almost all her savings when the son was born.
Grandma became bed ridden, uncle refuse to chip in for the maid
Fast forward 3 years later, my grandma’s health deteriorated and was bed ridden. Uncle and his wife didn’t want to take care of her (and have no knowledge to) so we suggest to hire a caretaker.
Uncle is the one who holds grandma’s ATM card and he refused to chip in for the maid. So me, my mother and my brother paid for the maid. We stopped giving monthly allowance to grandma since we’re paying for the maid.
Uncle got into small incident, refuse to work at all and live on grandma’s savings
Last March, my uncle got into a minor accident while on his job and he stopped driving grab altogether. He survived on grandma’s savings which is already almost used up by him since none of us give her allowance anymore.
June, my grandma was hospitalized and on her deathbed, she requested us (my mother, brother and I) to help out my uncle as much as we can, especially to provide for our little boy cousin. We honestly have enough of my uncle already especially after he stopped working.
Grandma willed everything to my uncle, but he refused to pay a cent for her funeral
My uncle inherited everything from my grandma but refused to pay a single cent for her funeral.
Fine, again, we paid for a simple funeral and then gave him a sum of 3K (20% was from the jewelries grandma left for her. she only kept a cheap jade bangle as momento. The rest, we unwillingly top it up together with her.) and told him never to look for us for money again.
Called and said he got no money, ask us help him take care of his children
Not surprising, he called my mother a few months later, claiming he has no money and have to take care of his 2 kids. He wish we can help him.
Mother turned him down but hesitated. My brother have stated he will not chip in anymore as he have his own family, and will be welcoming his 2nd child soon. I know in the end my mother gave my uncle money and during CNY, she gave a lot of angbao money to the kids.
Useless uncle refused to work, only depend on wife’s hawker assistant salary
The problem is, my uncle is reluctant to work hard for his kids. He just work part time on and off, depending on his wife who worked in a hawker stall. He had asked for money thrice already after CNY. My mother just kept giving him.
Recently I think the wife gave up on him already and left with the daughter. If I were the mother, I also will just bring the daughter.
The son is so spoilt by my uncle that he has no respect for his mother and will hit his sister whenever she made him unhappy.
The daughter’s needs is also always sacrificed for the son. But I really wonder how she can get the daughter a Vietnamese citizenship but that’s beside the point.
Wants to throw his son for us to care, on pretext that he needs to find a FT job
Now, now, my uncle is hinting us to help babysit his son while he “look for a full time job”. He will work hard blah blah blah but that’s what he always say! Like forever promise to work hard but always end up asking for money.
My mother turned him down because she is not ready to quit her job just to babysit his child. But my mother hesitated when my uncle go all pity and guilt tripping her. I have to step in and tell my uncle to apply for subsidies and send his son to childcare or go to social welfare.
I did say something nasty like don’t be a beggar and kept trying to guilt trip us. If he is so desperate, he can sell his flat and downgrade or rent a room out.
And he stomp off angry when some neighbors looked out of the units. I guess my mother was shocked I said those things. But at the same time she agree with what I said.
Came back to ask for help again and gave a lot of excuses
Uncle didn’t come to us for a whole week but then he started coming back again, stating nobody wants to rent his room and the economy is bad blah blah.
He cannot work because he must take care of his son etc. I offer to help him look for tenant as I have friends who work as property agent but he is wishy washy about that.
Tbh, the location of his flat is good and many people will be willing to rent or buy if he is not picky. I also recommended him a job as PT cleaner which he only need to work a few hours a day (flexible) and pay is reasonable.
But he just came up with many excuses like what if he ended work late and misses his son’s pickup time. Work a few hours enough to cover transport fees or not!? Blah.
I honestly feel he is just trying to get us to babysit free for him! or worst, he might just run away leaving us with his kid. I really think he is capable of that!
I am really afraid my mother might go soft again if he continues. I know he has been calling and texting her daily. I WFH 2-3 days a week, he waited at the void deck for my mum to go home so I won’t be there to chase him off.
I know in the end it’s my mum’s choice but it will be my brother and I who will have to “foot the bill”. Since we’re the ones giving the money (allowance) once she stop working. (I don’t think my uncle will ever pay us, we have to be grateful if he doesn’t even run away!)
We definitely want to support our mother BUT not some freeloader’s kid.
