How do u find peace with a rs that ended years ago

My first relationship ended more than 10 years ago. It had ended quite badly but we are now each with our separate partners married/engaged.

But I keep having dreams of him and us. Always not together (like back in a relationship) but in a weird kinda situation – like his partner is away, we are interacting together, just the 2 of us… I don’t have these dreams every night but frequent enough for me to remember them and often waking up with a dull ache in my heart.

Obviously, we are not in contact anymore but I can see his socials and know bits of how he’s doing. Would contacting/ meeting up with him be able to break off these chain of dreams? I had a bf after him before my husband, but that break-up didn’t traumatize me as much.

These dreams are kinda sweet but are nightmares when I wake up. They keep bothering me.

Here are what netizens think:

• imho, if you feel that meeting up with him would bring you peace, you may or may not be right. Does he even want to meet you?

• Why are you keep stalking on his social media? Why didn’t you block him and move on? How to get peace if you sub-consciously didn’t want to let him go? You have funny/fantasies dreams because you ask for it, period!

• If ur partner has tbis same situation, what would u like him to do? Then u hav ur and.

• Unfriend and block him. Move on to a happier life doing the things that you love while working towards financial freedom. Good luck

Should I tell her that he has been cheating on her before they even got officially together?

I was in a relationship with A for 2 years before I ended it. I ended the relationship because I felt that we were not compatible with me wanting to be with him all the time and him wanting personal space.

We reconnected about a year later because he was moving to Ang Mo Kio and wanted to invite me over to his house to “say goodbye to the house”. That’s when we both realised we still had feelings for each other.

Despite knowing how we feel towards each other, we still ended up in relationships with other people. However we are still hooking up with each other. He would sneak over to my place late at night, or we would go out to have dinner together. (Would be very easy to trace if she checked his Grab)

It has been about 1 and a half years now of sneaking around. And a few days ago he told me that he applied for BTO with his girlfriend (which failed). But I feel like she needs to know who she is marrying.

I asked him before if he plans to still mess around with me if he was married to her and he said probably. He told me that I am his favourite person and that he loves me the most, but being with her is easier.

So should I tell her?

Here are what netizens think:

• Confessions like this make me think that sometimes it’s really not so bad for a person, man or woman, to be single after all.

• Of course yes!!!! He insulted you by calling you ‘difficult to be in love with’!! Take your revenge!!!

• LOL u just wanna ruin his relationship right. Dont act innocent and righteous la. U said both of you are in relationships with others. Then why not you confess to your bf first leh

Parents with negative mindset

Just a rant. I am a mid 30s year old doctor who is currently overseas. Came from a poorer background and somehow quite lucky to be in my position now.

However I still hold alot of resentment to my parents. When I was training as a specialist few years ago , there was alot of pressure for me to earn more money to support the family because my mother wants to retire.

So I had to quit my specialist training and become a gp. Essentially my dad does nothing for us and is quite lazy when he was young. He has no retirement fund ( less than $1k in bank) at the age of 75 and is constantly manipulating my mother to get money from me and my sis.

And he has never taught me anything as a child and feels like a house mate kind of father. He would still ask my mum for allowance after spending all his salary. My mother is fantastic for being able to provide for me and my sis. However she is constantly negative on the phone whenever I call her. She would either complain about her life or compare her life with other people whom she thinks are doing better.

She would even complain that other people are not nice to her when they actually are but because of their poorer background they are giving fruits or 2nd hand items so doesn’t value it as much. She is constantly also using me to be a conduit to get what she wants from my auntie and sister. Always saying that they disrespect her and scolding her, so as her son I feel that I have to stand up for her and speak to them on her behalf.

So the end result is I am sucked into this endless spiral of arguments whenever I am back from overseas. My work is already stressful enough and when I speak to her I feel even more stressed out and I just become really upset and angry. I really love her as my mother but I can’t help feel that I am in a toxic environment which is not positive for me.

And somehow it is constantly weighing on me that I am a failed doctor because I didn’t complete my specialist training because of them. I can’t help but compare myself with colleagues that come from richer backgrounds and are able to do what they are passionate in medicine.

Sometimes I have the feeling of not speaking to them anymore but still provide them with a monthly allowance. It sucks because I feel like I am not a filial son.

Hi guys, I’m almost 2 years into my first job and wanted to create this thread to both share my experiences to new people in the job market as well as get experiences from more seasoned veterans of the workforce. Unfortunately… most of the stuff I have to say is on the bad side but still hoping people can share opinions

Your colleagues are not your friends. Those that are, could turn into strangers or even enemies the next day.

When I first entered the workforce, I desired a harmonious environment where I would make lifelong friends and be able to talk with them to my heart’s content. I was so wrong. I made the mistake of not standing up for myself when a colleague got too friendly and he got told off by management. To this day, he refuses to speak to me or interact with me. I felt really affected by it when it happened, but looking back, no friend no friend lor.

Listening is the most powerful weapon you have in your arsenal for office politics

Its almost impossible to steer yourself away from office politics. You either pick a side or remain neutral. Those that remain neutral will also eventually be targetted for their perceived naievity and offend a few sides, making them eventually pick a side. Try to stay as neutral as possible. I know, its very tempting to talk about other people but please try not to make that mistake. Go to work every day with the mindset that everything you say, moreso if its via messaging app, can be used against you. I have found that staying neutral is still the best way to play this game. Listen to both parties, more often than not, they will tell you some information without expecting you to provide any back. When asked about a certain person, say you don’t have much interaction with them or have no comment. You can learn alot from listening

Your ambition may not match the company’s ambition

When I first got out into the working world, I wanted to “make my mark in the company”, to see it succeed and prosper. Granted, I joined an SME so I had those dreams. But as I worked, I realised that I had a very self centered mindset. I thought I could do it by myself. Steer the troubled ship through tough waters and into new lands. Oh how wrong I was. The sooner you accept that you are just a cog in a system, the better. For the company to succeed, the entire system has to succeed and each cog must work in sync with other cogs. Just one malfunctioning cog can turn the whole thing upside down. When I first started, I set standards very high not only for myself but for others. I was demanding work of a certain quality and openly airing my feedback. This made me become disliked by many in the company and I offended many people this way. The last thing you want to do in your new company is offend the people you will be working with… Sometimes, it is better to just tone down and ride the storm out and if the ship starts sinking, be prepared to jump. Granted, this is something I’m still working on as jumping is a scary thing, for me at least..

Always leave a paper trail. Anything not in black and white = not true

Whatever you do, always leave a black and white. Send emails after meetings etc. Always make sure that when shit goes down, you have the evidence to prove that you did your part. For me, there was a particular co-worker who did not provide what he promised, despite me asking for over 2 months. I gathered all the chats and emails and presented it to my boss, who got me the information I wanted. That colleague claimed that I didn’t send out the emails but I was well prepared and came with all the information I needed, hence I got what I wanted.

Well that’s probably it. Would love to hear your opinions, thanks !

Telling The Previous Homeowners I Won’t Keep Saving Their Packages?

My wife and I bought our house about 7 months ago. Since then, mail and packages of theirs have not stopped being delivered.

I asked them what to do with it and they told me to “hold it until their friend comes for it” about every other week, after this big pile has accumulated.

I politely requested that they change the delivery addresses for their orders and mail at least half a dozen times as this is becoming rather an inconvenience. They keep saying “they will when they get a chance”‘.

Yesterday after their friend came, at 9 pm, to pick up their stuff I told them starting next week I will not save their packages for them anymore and they should assume anything that gets delivered with their name will be thrown out.

I will also throw out there that these people were extremely difficult to deal with during the home buying process and I don’t feel that we owe them extensive favors like this.

Netizens’ comments

1. I could just about understand letters still coming – but not packages. Not updating your address on your mobile/cell phone that you’re paying is almost forgivable for a few months (not 7) but who orders stuff to be sent to them or puts people to that inconvenience?
2. You’ve been doing them a favor you don’t have to do, you’ve asked them to resolve the problem, and they simply haven’t. If this was 1 month I would give grace, but 7!? That’s wild.
3. It takes like two seconds to change their address while they’re checking out. They’re just being lazy. If it doesn’t matter that much to them, why should it matter to you?
4. Imagine not knowing a person at all, Not owning the property at all, And still expecting to have packages delivered there. Just think about how delusional that is.

Sorry this is gonna be quite long. I need some advice and needed some ranting.

So i have this bf, we met on dating apps and we’re together for 2 years now. I have been staying with him at his place ever since.

We have been breaking up and patching multiple of times, and his problem is that he got trust issue with me, so everywhere i go i have to take photo for him.(with who, where i am at), live location, He will also have my whatsapp web on his phone. Mainly because when we “break up” i would download dating apps and use it thinking that we “break” and could never patch back again every single time.

I did meet new people from the datings apps here n there. But JUST MAINLY to eat, nothing else i swear on my life. But my bf he don’t believe, therefore he thinks that I cheated on him etc etc. In between those “break n patch” i’ve move back to my own place.

But now is that i’ve given birth to a baby with him. Things still happen.

Firstly, his house is like a zoo. There’s BIRDS, FISH and DOGS.

The hygiene isn’t there at the first place. Well when you think thats maybe ok. His dogs (2 dogs) are not properly trained. They pee and shit everywhere in the living room. The birds take over the balcony and kitchen.

Could you imagine cooking with the birds? Everything in the kitchen is covered with cling wrap all etc. And cmon how worst could it be right? THE ONLY WINDOW IS AT THE BALCONY. Can you imagine the smell?

Before i even give birth i’m staying in his room all day like IMH patient. Now my baby do basically the same things as me. WAIT before yall say what why didn’t i talk to him all. I SPOKE TO HIM BEFORE.

His dogs very smelly, train his dogs all wait baby come out already whr to learn to crawl walk all. I told him i wanna move away or at least get a rental or sm shit.

He told me. “Now i don’t have the money. I also going enlist already. Cnnt wait meh?” Ya enlist. He’s 23. Say he don’t have the time to shower his dogs all come back take care baby. Guess what. Dogs belongs to him his but his mom  taking care for him buying food for the dogs all.

Wow. Nvm i told him i’ll go find jobs, there’s people willing to help me take care baby. He say he don’t trust me therefore i’m still here in his house. Waiting for him to bring back money when he didn’t even have the responsibility, he work as delivery and only 4hr a day.

I tried moved away, but he ended up threatening me. He going suicide all, baby is his everything (his family rs not good), I don’t want my baby not being able to see his father. At that point of time, i still do have feelings for him and i don’t wanna lose him so i went back. but when i’m preg he kept claiming that baby not his all. FORCED me to abort, didn’t really contributed when i’m preg. But wants everything.

Secondly, his mom has the very traditional thinking. So everything that i do is WRONG TO HER. I’m now a shm. I gave my baby pacifier, his mom started nagging “why give pacifier, now baby so hard to take care. Last time i could just hug her and she’ll sleep.”

Cmon, your THIS SON DIDN’T YOU FEED HIM PACIFIER TOO? YOU’RE THE ONE TAKING CARE OR ME. Also she say don’t speak things about baby infront of baby. Like for example “baby very cute, she very guai, her hand very small.” HIS MOM ownself say those infront of my BABY.

I mean this is my baby, i know my baby best and his mom would wants baby to sleep with her sometimes, then when baby gets fussy, she’ll starts to indirectly says me.

“Why give pacifier, see drop cry drop cry. This baby very hard to take care, keep crying. Baby dw sleep i wan to sleep.”

All nvm, i hand washed my clothes and baby’s. Washing machine spoilt. When i see she’s not drying any clothes. I went to soak my clothes going wash the next day, but instead. She wash her bedsheet and dry it. Till now my clothes has been soaking there for 4 days. I have been re-wearing my clothes for past 3 days.

Thirdly, my bf, me and baby went out to buy clothes, cause he going ns right. Guess what, he got me a shirt, i just take one from the shelves cause he were bout to pay for the clothes. If i didn’t take any, he wouldn’t probably rmb getting for me. He spents HOURS LOOKING at his clothes and baby’s but mine?

P.s. he didn’t give me any money, i’ve talk to him before MANY times.

The money that i’ve earned when i’m preg is all used up. Buying baby’s crib all, diaper all. I tried getting from other’s but his mom said very ‘pangtan’ but them taking it from his relative?!?? So? I really don’t get it, but i couldn’t say anything. At least baby could still have it.

I’m slowly getting really exhausted, mentally tired, i really don’t know what to do. For your information, i’ve been disowned by my own mom because of him. He’s been sending message to my mom like “How do you teach your daughter to become a slut.”

And messages to me always “No wonder your father deserve to die because of you.” My father passed way before i met him. I couldn’t complete my studies and my dreams, i’ve got no one left. Friends all drifted because of him ya.

For my baby, i really need some help i guess? I really don’t know what to do anymore…

Thanks for listening to my story

Some years ago one of my best friends introduced me to one of her own best friends. I don’t want to say I fell in love with this girl because that feels creepy on my end (only interacted with her for like an hour before going to a concert with my friend) but I did develop this massive crush out of nowhere.

She is smart, she is kind, she is cool, she is funny and she is absolutely gorgeous. Then covid hit and I haven’t seen her (or my own bestie) since then.

BUT IN MY DREAMS?

This had never happened to me and it’s honestly embarrassing. “We” (as in: me and the image of her my brain created for its own delusions) have developed a beautiful relationship in dreamland.

We’ve been to the beach. We’ve gone skiing. We’ve had dinner and gone dancing after. We’ve been roommates. We’ve been neighbors. We’ve been colleagues. We’ve driven on long road trips and rode planes to the other side of the world.

I’m positive I, at some point, dreamt of our wedding’s reception and even our life as elders caring for each other. I don’t know this way of life.

I feel like it’s a tad creepy, but my dumb damn mind refuses to let go of it. And that’s the sweetest pain (and cringe) I’ve ever put myself through, lol.

It’s very strange because I often feel like I miss her when I’m awake. Only thing is I don’t really know her. I wish I did, but now I’m to embarrassed to try.

My friend gave her my number after I (innocently) shared this bs with her for some laughs and she’s been trying to make us a thing, but can you imagine?

You talked to this creep for like an hour two years ago and turns out he got low-key obsessed. I’d block me, haha.

do SG employers still discriminate against job applicants with private degrees?

In the past when I applied for jobs, majority of the employers, especially the govt linked companies, would reject me due to my privately obtain degrees.

I remembered one interviewer said to me that they would only pay me diploma level salary instead of degree level at one of the glc. Is this still being practised in SG?

Why are private degrees seen as “lesser”

The first and most obvious reason why employers may be discriminating against degrees from private universities is the perceived lack of prestige associated with these institutions. Many employers view private universities as being ‘lesser’ than their public counterparts, and as such, they are less likely to consider candidates with degrees from these institutions. This can be especially damaging to those who have spent a considerable amount of time and money on their education, only to find out that their hard work may not be valued by employers.

Another reason why employers may be discriminating against degrees from private universities is the perception that the quality of education offered by these institutions is lower than that offered by public universities. This is an issue that is difficult to address, as the perception that private universities are not as good as their public counterparts is deeply entrenched in Singapore society. Furthermore, employers may also view the lower fees associated with private universities as a sign of inferiority, as they may assume that the level of teaching and resources offered at these institutions is inferior.

Employers may be discriminating against degrees from private universities due to a lack of familiarity with the institution. Many employers may not be aware of the quality of education offered by the institution, or the reputation of the institution within Singapore society. As such, they may be less likely to consider applicants who have obtained their degrees from private universities.

Netizens’ comments

1. Yes. The don’t recognise/acknowledge private degrees from universities that don’t have a name for themselves. One example is P&G. (I know because I’ve worked there)
   At the same time, there are also employers that recognise them.
2. Yeah the gov sector is very strict on certificates and your class of honour.
3. For the most part if you’re at mid-senior level and not trying for the best places (FAANG, IB etc) and unless your degree is some REALLY weird and crap one from the Cayman Islands or Malaysia (hehe) etc, no. Work experience and your performance in the interview matter more. SMEs don’t really filter down as hard.
   For big MNCs or the better places? You’re out of luck. I work in a ‘better’ MNC in STEM and we basically exclude any CVs that aren’t from recognised unis from even round zero. There’s just too many applicants.
4. in my field degrees from local u earn about 4.5k ish starting pay. private u about 3k plus.
   i mention starting pay because i guess to me private u degree is ‘less recognised’, but still able to do certain entry tier graduate jobs
5. You’d better find a MNC. No one ever questioned my 3rd-world-university degree. Interviewers only cared about my skill set and experience. It may be different for entry level job though. When all candidates are fresh out of school there is almost nothing to evaluate, aside from … degree.
6. Well, consider the fact that for many roles there are dozens if not hundreds of applicants. We filter people off at each stage of life – PSLE into NT/NA/Express, O Levels into Poly/JC and it’s various courses and schools, and A Levels into various degree courses and schools.
   Does that mean that everyone that makes it to local uni is better than others? Of course not. I’ve met idiot groupmates in uni that have made me wonder how they clicked enough braincells together to make it here. But it is a good enough filter for most, and instead of trying to find out which private grads are actually good enough or even better than local grads, it’s much easier to just filter them out from the start.
   Hard truth, but it is what it is.
7. I used to do recruitment and some jobs have specific instructions not to hire from private. There was even once I was requested from the hiring manager to only send resumes from NUS/NTU.
8. You expect employers to accept people with Uptron and Kaplan degrees then?
9. I got a private degree (from Curtin University), applied for a MNC entertainment company with no issue. The HR and hiring manager did not seem to care where the degree came from. Once you have your foot in the door, do absolutely everything to impress your hiring manager and you will be okay. All the best!

I’m 28, never had a girlfriend, and worry I might be running out of time.

I’m very shy and spent my teenage and college years focused on my work. I’m a virgin, I’ve never been kissed, never been seriously in love, the whole enchilada.

Right now, I’m working from home, but I’m still not financially stable enough to move out of my parents’ house.

So, I don’t really have any lot of opportunities to get out to meet anyone for something meaningful. I’ve been on a couple dating apps, but every match I get either doesn’t respond, or the conversation just dies after a while.

I have two younger brothers. Both of them have been in happy relationships. I really used to not mind my lack of a love life, but it’s just been so long, and I’m realizing I’m getting too old to have never been with anyone.

I’m just starting to feel like there’s something wrong with me, or that I’ve just been wasting my life and can’t stop.

Netizens’ comments

1. With online dating you might talk to 100s before you click with one. When the time is right it will come. My friends brother was still a virgin at 30 and now he’s married with a baby. Being single is probably the best years of your life anyway. Speaking as a 40 year old with many relationships, partners and a failed marriage.
2. It sounds like you need some manly activities in your life. I would take up a hobby that focuses on your masculinity and let the grunt of emotions of whatever that hobby is, guide your romantic interests.
3. Men don’t have a dateability timer, don’t worry.
4. You are only 28 plus there’s no such thing as running out of time.
   Keep working on yourself, increase your friend circle, try new things, figure out what really interests you. Explore the free events in your city. Join a meet up group. Not having a partner shouldn’t stop you from having a fulfilling life.
   If you come from a place of desperation, you might be tempted into toxic situations just to say you have someone. Take your time and choose wisely.