How do I proceed …

Lengthy read, please bear with me…

Background:

>only child, parents had me in their early 40s

>Mom has always been verbally and physically tormenting, she left when I was 10-11 years old as she wanted to go overseas and only came back when I was in my 20s

>Mom went overseas for 10+ years , she NEVER sent any support at all to me or my Dad, despite demanding my Dad to pay a lot of money for her to go overseas every time and she would only quickly call maybe 1x every 2-3 weeks and if she does come home it will only be for approx 1-2 months every 2-3 years and she’s out with “friends” on a daily basis

>Mom have her boyfriend/s wherein she spends $$$, all her overseas earnings and other sources (relatives)

>I started working full time when I was 21 to help my Dad with the living expenses, thus didn’t get to graduate

>I left to work overseas to better support my parents since mid 20s, as my Dad retired and finances were very tight

>Dad passed away prematurely about 10 years ago due to Mom’s shady actions to try to get $$$

>No formal investigation was done for my Dad’s passing as my Mom’s side relatives told me to just let it go since she’s quite old and old people have such years more to live plus she is still my mother and I only have one parent left

Current:

>Mom’s is playing the victim and her narrative to everyone is that I have abandoned her and never spoke or visit or send support especially since my Dad passing which is untrue

>Relatives/Friends/Acquaintances would always confront me and scold me on how I “abandoned” my mother

>I would show evidences such as bank remittances, pictures, call logs and etc. which will make people quiet down their anger but never apologize to me on how they treated me based on my mother’s false narratives

>It’s tiring on my part to explain and defend myself against my own mother’s lies

>Mom demands for me to apply for credit cards and get her the supplementary cards for her usage when my salary doesn’t even qualify

>Mom also pushing for me to have a child… according to her so that in case something happens to me my child can take care of her

>Mom still has boyfriend/s until now who she spends my hard earned money on

>Unable to even consider marriage as Mom will surely wreck my marriage , my relationship with my in laws and extort money from them too and exploit them for her means

How I Feel:

> I feel so depressed, sometimes I wonder why God took my Dad instead of the other one and where’s the justice for his death

> I feel regret and should’ve pushed for my Dad’s death investigation and let the law punish my Mom

> I feel my mother just bore me as just to be her retirement plan and to secure $$$ from my Dad

> I feel so drained in all aspects and having the need to deal with Mom’s demands, drama, verbal abuse and antics

> As the only child, I have made life insurance arrangements so if anything happens to me, my mother will have well enough funds to live off for her remaining years but she is unaware of these life insurances as I very much fear for my life.

> I’m already in my 40s, I do my best to do my duties and obligations as an only child but I pray to be free of her, how many more years of my life should I suffer , when can I finally start living my own life….is it even possible?

> My heart feels very heavy ….its been 10+years now ….how does one try to deal with one tormenting toxic selfish parent especially when you know she caused your own father’s untimely death…

How do I proceed …

I am in my early 30s. Went for a career switch programme 5 years ago.

Graduated 2 years later. Got married, got a house, gave birth to a lovable daughter. Wanted to further my studies for a degree a year after my diploma but I got pregnant instead.

So waited until she was 2(now), so basically, my cert is 3 years old already.

I told my husband I wanted to study again. He was hesitant at first but he agreed. I told him I was accepted in NUS and my classes are in the evening, studying part time while working full time. After a month of school, he expressed that he cannot handle the stress of being with our daughter alone.

He needs me around and he’d rather I stopped schooling until she’s older. I have 3 years of school. Only went through 1 freaking semester.

I told him I can’t quit, I just started and it’s not as if I have not been helping out. During the days I have zoom classes, I will do it while my daughter is on my lap. The only days he has to handle her alone is when I am on campus and it’s 3 hours of school. Husband is easily stressed as a person. He has anxiety attacks whenever I am not around, super introvert person while I am a total opposite.

I am upset that he is not fully on board with me schooling again. He told me if we do not have a daughter, he will be happy for me but now, he can’t and I can’t be mad at him for expressing himself cause that is what he feels and he wants to share it with me.

I am conflicted ???

Here are what netizens think:

• Let’s imagine a woman said – “I have diagnosed anxiety disorder, I work 9-5, when I come home, I’m left with working, household maintenance and taking care of the baby alone because my husband decided he was going for evening classes. I can’t handle it & I feel alone in this”. Would you say mother up? Woman up? Double standards. They both are hurting, they need help. Yes, her dream is to get her NUS cert. Doesn’t he have things he wants too? Both their feelings are valid. It might take creative solutions but I believe this is workable, OP. Find a compromise with your husband, but don’t give in either. Hang in there.

• Helpers, Neighbours, family or friends? U are not alone. Dun force hubby if he can’t do it, adding strain to your marriage. I assume it’s nite classes since u didn’t mention. U can get him to pick her up later if using nanny so tat they still have some short bonding time together but dun come with so much stress and maybe danger. Cheaper too, since it’s just for a few hours for a few days every week.

• Totally feel you. Same experience and similar character spouse with outgoinig personality wife. Hi five!

• I studied part time 3 times over the course of my career. The last 2 was done with either one or two kids. In between, my wife changed jobs which requires her to travel a couple of times, each time 2 weeks or more. So we both have our share of ‘alone time’ with babies.

To BF “think need to break up with gf”

i may or may not be your gf.

i just want you to focus on building yourself instead of keep meeting your friends for some lame reason. See his new gf for what? its not a zoo.

i stop contact with you because you are so needy and sticky. A real man focus on himself. I am willing to go on this journey with you but i do not want to be the one leading the journey. Neither do i want this journey to be about stupid stuff like your friend’s new gf or supper with the underachievers.

do you know the number of men that dm me on FB? my iphone will overheat if i open a tinder account. but i ignore them because i am faithful. but do not test my judgment.

*so sorry if you are not my bf, i am giving him the silent treatment and coincidentally last quarrel was about his friend’s new gf (all of his gf are like 4/10 standard, really waste time as we all know he just using them for free use)

Here are what netizens think:

• See. Confirm gaslighting gf lol dude faster run. Faithful shouldn’t have tinder account even .

• So lousy ur phone easily gets heat up

• … you’re disturbing. You know that, right? You are one of the reasons why there’s this stereotype about attractive girls in this very superficial “all guys want me but I’m faithful so be grateful” bimbotic sphere. Girl, being faithful is not an entitlement. The boy SHOULD break up with you. Jesus, who raised you? I’m seriously asking.

• Show us how pretty you are ? Cheap things always long Q ? Confidence is good but don’t too high . Drop down from high heights can’t handle big blow .

Need help to ask anyone who’s married.

So about next year earliest I’m gonna get married to my fiancé. And honestly, it scares me. I’m just overthinking like what if I couldn’t take care of her and all. Like to any married people here, what do you usually prepare beforehand? What to expect?

I’m a guy btw. Any help will be appreciated!

Here are what netizens think:

It’s not getting married that you have to think of but living together! Put 2 person living in 2 different world together is not easy. Just remember no married couple celebrating Silver or Gold anniversary come easy. They have gone through many rounds of misunderstanding, conflicts and still living together needs alot of patience and understanding. Communication is the most important factor and both need to work out your marriages with a pair of listening ears and please practice to clear any misunderstanding on that very day before going to bed because it will create a time-bomb if you don’t.

You learn as you go. Any positive couples that you know of, talk to them. No one is born ready. Most important is to have open communication. One thing I find a trait that is very necessary in a marriage is that you have to learn to forgive and forget a lot. And sometimes it’s ok to let her take care of you too. Don’t try to shoulder it all when you are struggling as it may cause stress and resentment in the long run…

It’s good to worry about that. That means you are a responsible person. Just take a chill pill. She’s an adult she can tc of herself too

No one is truly prepared but just remember communication and compromise is key. Talk out anything that you’re unhappy about and trust each other. It takes time to build a happy marriage

I don’t think you can really prepare to be ‘married’. Try to be a good person and develop positive traits like patience, empathy and compromise.

Hi guys, what’s your definition of fat?

I’m a curvy girl myself but I don’t find myself being extremely fat to be fat-shamed.

Recently people around me kept telling me that i have the looks but i need to slim down. Tbh I’m quite happy with who i am now. I got both woman’s “assets” that i’m satisfied with as well.

Guys around me told me they like “curvy” woman but I’m considered “fat” for them.

Been feeling so demoralised lately due to the name shaming that I’m thinking to lose weight to fit into “society norm”. Background i’m 169cm and 65kg.

Here are what netizens think:

• You’d probably be considered skinny in some European countries. As long as you are healthy, eat well and love yourself, don’t care what others think. After all, you not eating their food, drinking their bubble tea, spending their money.

• Nahz don’t believe guys when they said they like curvy ladies. They usually meant 32E/25/30. Anyway, you happy can liao lor, why care about others when your weight is still within healthy range without medical conditions. Oh well, but if you wanna feel more confident and lighter, just shed a 5kg

• U can never meet the satisfaction for everyone, u do it only if you feel happy to do it, not for others

• You can lose weight, but you will find it harder to lose your insecurity. There are endless societal shortcomings so just come to terms with yourself and be happy.

• What? U are 169cm and only 69kg??!! I am 165cm and 75kg. Dropped from 82kg. Girl, u are so much better than me. Be confident in your skin, F care about what others say. The right one will come around because of the confidence u exude and not just exterior.

This happened when I was 6 (I’m a guy).

I have an uncle, who is an all rounder f- up person. He’d always try to take advantage of my mom and when she fought back he started going after those who couldn’t fight back.

Loved to come after me because I was always crying

His favorite was me because I was a crybaby. One day, he gave a food and I stupidly ate it. I got diarrhoea and my mom went ape on him, but couldn’t do any more as she had to look after me.

I was feeling so unwell and had to have my most hated porridge for every meal.

When my mom had to buy more medicine for me, my cousins looked after me. The oldest of them had a good idea.

Asked me to defecate on my uncle’s belongings

Defecate on my uncle’s belongings.

This was to happen at night when we all went to his house, which was right beside mine.

Somehow or rather, my cousin got the keys to enter and I let go on his bed, favorite chair, and toilet cover.

The masterpiece was on his main door, right on his welcome mat. I let it all go and it flowed out like a waterfall. When we finished we went home and they cleaned me up and we watched TV.

About 4 in the morning, we hear screaming and cussing. We go see what it was and it was my uncle rolling around in my faeces on his front door, he also drunk.

His mother (my grandma) was yelling at him and everyone who saw it were jeering at my uncle.

That was not the last time I defecated on his main entrance.

To this day he still insists it wasn’t him who defecated on his front door but everyone knows him as the drunk defecator.

Not your Cinderella kind of story

I’ve been working here in Singapore as a house hold helper for a decade now.

I am an unwed single mom with a teenage son. In my first five years here working I’ve met a local Singaporean guy and we became a couple for a year. It ended so quick because I found out that he’ll marry the one that his parents want him to spend with for the rest of his life.

Yes, it’s an arranged marriage. Why? Because I am a maid and she works and earns more than my ex, i am a single mom and she’s single without baggage, i am financially unstable and she came from a well off family both here in Singapore and her home country.

T’was devastating actually because my ex and his family thought I will just use him as an atm. Knowing in all our dates i didn’t ask him to spend money for me. We both shares or split the bill consistently. Raised my son on my own without asking anyone to help me. I am not hypocrite that we don’t money, we do! But it doesn’t mean we will not work and leeching others.

I still remain in my composure. And chose to understand what he had done.

We still ended up being friends despite everything happened. But our communication has cut short to respect each other’s decision. Fast forward two years. He contacted me again and ranted what kind of married life he ended up for. Though his wife earns more they still don’t have savings.

Reasons are… She live her life like she wasn’t married at all. Girl’s night out, drinking, buying expensive clothes and bags and doesn’t want to have a child because she’s afraid that if she’ll give birth she’ll be stuck at home and it’ll ruin her hourglass body figure.

My answer to his rant? Nothing.. i kept quiet and listened. I don’t know how to answer him by the way. I am still in love with my ex and yet at the back of my mind it’s telling no. It’s wrong. He’s already tied and i need to move on.

Thought this only happen in the movie. And yeah it happened to me.

I am no expert whom you’ll marrying one day. But mindset. Check the mindset.

After a few rounds of drinks at a KTV and some good conversation, I decided it was time for me to call it a night. I gathered up my things and called for the bill.

As I was settling up my bill, I looked at the hostess who I had flirted with and got something out of her in the room. She was very friendly and had made sure we had everything we needed.

Decided to tip her $10

I thought to myself that I should tip her for her and so I asked my friend if I could give her a tip. My friend said it was up to me, but he strongly recommended that I give her at least 10 dollars.

So I gave her 10 dollars and thanked her.

I was surprised when, a few minutes later, the mamasan approached me and said that she was very unhappy with the amount I had tipped the hostess.

She said it was too low and that she expected more.

Defended my choice

I was taken aback by her reaction and tried to explain that I had thought 10 dollars was a fair and generous tip for the amount of service I had received and the amount of time the hostess had spent with us.

The supervisor didn’t seem to be listening to me and kept insisting that I should have tipped more. I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed and so I just agreed and said that I would leave her a bigger tip next time.

I felt like they were trying to take advantage of me and that my generosity was being taken for granted. I understand the importance of tipping and that it is expected in certain situations, but I also believe that there should be some respect for people’s personal judgments and decisions.

I still stand by my decision to tip the hostess 10 dollars. I thought it was a fair and generous tip and I don’t think I should be made to feel bad for it.

I have been in a very difficult situation for the past few months. My boss has been delaying my salary payment and I have been struggling to meet my loan repayment.

To make matters worse, my paycheck also got significantly reduced due to the current economic situation.

Unable to pay up my loans on time

This has put me in an even more difficult spot as I am now unable to make my loan repayments in a timely manner.

I am afraid that I might default on my loan if things don’t change soon.

At first, I tried to talk to my boss about the issue but he refused to listen to me. He said that he had to make cuts due to the current financial crisis and that I should understand.

I had no choice but to accept his decision as I did not have any other source of income.

I started to panic and look for other ways to make some money so that I could make my loan repayments. I started to look for freelance jobs online and found some that paid decently.

I worked hard and managed to make some extra money to help me make my loan repayments.

Problem keeps on continuing

However, I still had to deal with the issue of my boss delaying my salary payment. I tried to talk to him again but he refused to budge. I even asked for some advance salary but he refused.

I was at my wit’s end and I was afraid that I would default on my loan.

However, there was nothing really much that I could do, I could only hope that my boss has a heart or even take out money from his own pocket to fill in all these gaps.