I’m relieved I had a miscarriage

I found out I was miscarrying last week and I feel…relieved. I know, you don’t need to say it, I’m a TERRIBLE person. But let me explain, or vent, I guess.

Never have I wanted kids. Never have I liked them- even as a kid I didn’t understand people my own age. They annoyed me. Playing pretend seemed pointless. The idea of playing with dolls (or worse a baby born) was horrifying to little me.

I think where this was solidified was after my parents divorced when I was 10. My mother decided to stop parenting or even coming home and for a multitude of reasons I won’t divulge, my father had to work remotely for 6 out of 7 days and nights of each week.

So I became the parent to my younger sister and mentally ill older sister. I cooked, cleaned, medicated and helped with homework. I made the appointments, sought help to obtain groceries and did everything I could to protect them both from the truth of that time.

They still don’t know much, they have been kept in the dark for 15 years. At this point I don’t want to hurt them with the truth but I am so. damn. resentful.

My husband also does not want kids, probably even more so than I. While we had vastly different issues in our childhoods, we have both witnessed the horrors that bad parenting can inflict.

While we truly feel our lives would be ruined by having children, neither of us can bare the thought of inflicting pain on a child that knew it wasn’t wanted.

We both stated clearly in the beginning of our relationship that if the other ever wanted children, it would be a dealbreaker as we wouldn’t deny that of the other but would never be willing to offer it ourselves.

Over the past three years I have experienced substantial health complications due to reproductive issues. Sorry for the vagueness- I simply don’t believe the diagnosis is exactly accurate but that’s a separate matter.

But regardless, as difficult as it has been to come to terms with and accept what I once saw as my body failing me at the one thing I should be able to just do (no matter whether I wanted a family with children or not), there was always a part of me that appreciated that “the chances of falling pregnant naturally was little to none”.

Now we are adults, that know all too well how babies are made, but that doesn’t mean we are always safe. I don’t always have a cycle and from testing completed I rarely ovulate, so I think I convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal.

But due to all of this i also keep a decent stash of pregnancy tests on hand for when its been a little too long since my last period.

Without rambling too much longer…The pain and cramping became unbearable and the sudden bleed was, well, sudden. So I took a test anyway and low and behold, it read at three-ish weeks.

To say I fainted immediately would not be an exaggeration. Coming to I felt shock, fear and absolutely disgusting. Disgusted at the thing inside of me.

Continued testing showed levels coming down and tests now read negative. I’m not entirely heartless, I feel for the little lost soul, I even had a little cry. Though stronger than any sadness or regret is relief. A spirit lifting, year made relief. I can’t convince myself that this wasn’t the best outcome for all.

Thank you to anyone who has read my ramblings.

All these advice about asking men to go gym, workout, pick up a sport, stay buff, just to increase your chance of getting a girl. You know how it makes fat people who can’t slim down feel?

I’m fat ok. I have a pot belly and I’m not even 30. I try to exercise but I work really long hours, sometimes I just want to go straight to sleep when I get home.

I eat whatever is served to me at work so I cannot afford to be choosy as I don’t want to pack cold lunch boxes. I eat whatever my mother cooks because I am not a picky eater.

I wear glasses and didn’t get contact lenses or want to do lasik. I hang out with a lot of older people due to my job.

So I really have not much chance to meet girls. Sometimes they joke about helping to matchmake me with their daughter or niece. I never took their offer seriously.

I know this girl from another friend. I find her very pretty. She works in the beauty industry so she is always well groomed.

We spent a lot of time messaging before meeting in person. I grew to like her but I was worried because I can tell she is barely half my size. I didn’t want her to meet me out of pity so I didn’t ask her out a second time. We continued to message each other often. I really enjoyed talking to her.

The next time we met with another friend in tow. She asked me why didn’t I ask her out and she wanted me to accompany her to this place after we split with our friend. I guess I didn’t get the hint as I thought she only thought of me as a friend. She held my hand and told me she like me.

Now I’m happily attached for the last 6 months to this gorgeous girl. I’m sure she didn’t fall in love with my pot belly first. I met her parents and they accepted me. She’s not a princess, she is very understanding and kind hearted. My parents approve of her too.

I don’t earn a lot, I’m not good looking, I’m not a smooth talker. But I’m genuine to her. So don’t give up guys. There is always someone out there for someone like you.

I got 3 girls pregnant and then found out my gf is also pregnant

Im a (24M) and my life has been quite dramatic. For starters me and my girlfriend were kind of going downhill and we went on a small “breakup/rest from each other” sort of thing.

During this “ small breakup” I went ham and slept with so many girls I forgot I had a girlfriend. It was an unprecedented freedom that I haven’t had for a while, not needing to ask my girlfriend for permission to go out or talk to other girls, or even people.

I basically just slept around and planting my seed everywhere, basically during the 7 months we were separated, I slept with more than 60 to 70 women, from Singapore to Malaysia to Thailand.

Me and my girlfriend eventually went back together and everything was fine, and of course I didn’t tell her about what I did during our short break up.

But it wasn’t, I received a text from one of the flings I hooked up and she was pregnant and she was 100% sure it was mine.

I held off on telling my gf the news coz I needed time to process it. A girl who I was normal friends with (and I remembered finishing in her and the other fling) claimed to be pregnant with my kid and now I had 2 kids.

Im like omg so like a few weeks I get another from a girl with her pregnancy test and somehow I also finished in her aswell.

So I have 3 kids and during this time my girlfriend was holding off on and she surprised me with her pregnancy test. Yes, now my girlfriend is also pregnant.

I came clean and told her about the other pregnant girls but promised to stay with her. She got really mad about how I had 4 girls including her carrying my kids.

So now I have potentially 4 children and I don’t know how to move forward or what to do from here on out.

I’m in a pretty bad situation. My pay barely covers monthly utilities, transport for all my family members, HDB rent, medication for my parents, groceries & and my little brother’s school fees & costs.

I’m working on a contract basis for a IT company as well as a Grab delivery rider on the weekends. 7 days a week.

Total monthly I’m able to bring back combined $3k. I’m the sole breadwinner for my family.

Once I get into NS in a couple of months, 80% of my pay will be taken away. I have no interest in serving NS at all, because pay is completely messed up.

Like even I heard financial assistance max is $500. Even then it’ll be $1130. Nowhere close to what I need to run my household.

If the army is willing to pay for all my house bills, medications & other bills, I’ll accept $630 with my mouth shut.

Who do I approach before NS? My principal focus is on my parents medicines, HDB rent & school fees. Food & transport I’ll manage. I need someone to cover the full costs of those.

I dont care abt the SAF, NS or anyone at all. My family comes first. I’ve no intention in NS life other than caring for my family & till my little brother is able to find a job after his poly studies.

I need some solutions, becos idw AWOL or go to prison for putting my family first.

Netizens’ comments

• hi i’m a clerk who handles financial assistance for my unit. it does not cap out at $500 and i’ve seen it go up to $2k+ in certain situations.
  Go to your S1 or relevant commander and explain to him your financial situation. They will help kickstart the FAS procedure.
  I will say it is a rather slow process so do provide the necessary documents ASAP. They will ask for copy of all IC’s, CPF statements of all family members, divorce letters and alimony details(if applicable) and a commander may conduct a house visit.
  More documents may be required in more obscure scenarios. DM me if you need more information regarding this.

• There are SAF financial assistance schemes that can help to alleviate your financial burden if your household income is sufficiently low.
  Alternatively, if you seek proper approval for your superiors you may be granted permission to work elsewhere to earn additional income, on a case-by-case basis.
  Stay strong bro!

I called a woman “mommy” during intimacy on Wednesday night and I don’t think she liked it. She hasn’t talked to me since.

honestly I’m pretty embarrassed. I’m a 27yo man for context. We aren’t officially in a relationship, Wednesday was our 4th date and we went to my place after dinner for drinks and a movie.

She is in her early forties and I am into older women, like my favourite “videos” category are older women, cougar and younger dude, type of content.

Well we ended up sleeping together and it was incredible. Honestly it might have been the best I’ve ever had because she was so hot.

She was in control the whole time and trying to get me to do what she wanted, like putting my hands on her neck or making me spank her.

I was on edge the whole time and desperately trying to hold back because I’m usually pretty quick and I didn’t want to disappoint.

Well eventually she got on top and started riding me and was talking dirty while pressing her chest into my face, and I was slobbering all over her chest.

I think she knew I didn’t have much more left and I was humping very fast and furiously and she said “Are you gonna come for me?” That pushed me over the edge and opened the floodgates.

I accidentally moaned “mommy” right before I came, the word just came out of my mouth because the whole time I was thinking of Lisa Ann and one of her videos, and she gave me a weird look.

I’ve never called a woman mommy during moments like this before so I don’t know where it came from but I could tell by the look on her face I don’t think she liked it.

I was super embarrassed and she didn’t stay long after that and hasn’t responded to my texts since…

Landlord increased the rent within the minimum occupancy period

Hi guys,

I am asking this for a close friend. My friend got a room in an HDB flat with the owner living in it. She is a Malaysian working professional on Employment Pass.

They signed an agreement that clearly states the rent amount to be set for the next 12 months. It also has a minimum occupancy clause which states that if she leaves before 6 months her deposit of 1 month’s rent will not be returned.

3 months in the landlord increase the rent by 10%. There is no clause in the agreement that allows the landlord to do so.

My friend was really upset considering she was already fed up with the crazy rules of the house (no cooking, curfew after 11 pm, no boiling water, no eating in the room, no hanging of clothes, etc).

She found a new place and wants to leave. The landlord refuses to give her the deposit.

Is this legal? How can she pursue this? Great if someone can provide actionable advice.

Netizens’ comments

If there is a signed contract, just go to small claims court.

Check the contract for clauses that allow rent increase, check for clauses around house rules etc.

The contract as you describe is strange. If there is a 1 year contract and the tenant leaves before month 12, they are liable for the remaining contract term. In this case the landlord saying 1 month as compensation is reasonable.

A landlord can not increase rent during the contract term unless there is an article stated in the contract. The landlord can not limit the use of the rented property unless stated in the contract.

Her court case would be, rent has to be back to contract level, house rules cant be enforced. The compromise would be the landlord lets her go and gives back the deposit.

Unfortunately if she has already left the property and with that broke the contract, there is very limited recourse.

First step, talk to the landlord. “Sir, You have illegally increased my rent and enforced rules that are not in the contract. To make it easy I like to leave and you pay pack my deposit. If not I will take you to small claims court and you will lose.”

My husband (33M) told me he’s no longer attracted to me (27F), I’m currently pregnant with twins.

I don’t know what to do or if theres even anything I can do. This is basically my last resort before considering divorce. We have been together 7 years, and married for 3. This is my first (very planned.. very on purpose) pregnancy.

I’ve never been with anyone besides my husband. He was my first kiss and everything else. He on the other hand.. not so much. I have a pretty high libido, and so does he, so going 2-5 times a day if we have time is pretty normal for us.

After I hit around the 12 week mark of my pregnancy, he stopped initiating or responding to my advances. It hurt, but he said he was stressed due to things at work so I stopped making any comments for a few weeks because I didn’t want to add any extra pressure to his life. A few weeks passed and I mentioned that this is the longest we’ve ever gone without intercourse, just trying to see where his mind was at, and he said “Why does it matter? Are you cheating on me?” which took me for a loop. I dont take cheating accusations lightly and feel like if you say that, you should be ready to stand on it.

Its insulting to my character, demeaning, and honestly down right disgusting. I told him those and how it made me felt and he just got quiet. I told him I would never cheat, I’m not pathetic enough to do that. If I wasn’t happy with him I would just leave him. I have every ability to do so. He got emotional and said he was stressed out about money, and some petty debts around ~5k.

So after we finished talking, I was thinking of a way to help him be less stressed so I sent him 7.5k from my savings. I’ve been working full time for over 10 and something years at this point and started investing a few years ago, so my savings account is comfortable. I told him I sent it to him and he asked why, and I said “the debts” and he said “what debts?” and I just stared at him like uhm… the ones you just cried in my lap about?

He says something like oh yeah sorry, I’m just so off today and goes to sit down. The whole thing felt so weird so I went out and asked him details about the debts. After 20 minutes of back and forth, he finally admitted he isn’t stressed about debt and isnt having any money problems, he just isn’t attracted to me anymore.

I asked him what about me has changed since the last time he was attracted to me, because I’m pretty sensitive about my body image my entire life however I have NEVER shared those insecurities with anyone. Not even him. Its something I always kept to myself, but even with my current body I honestly dont think I look that bad.

So far I’ve literally only gained 11-13kg and I’m still working out and working full time. So now I’m almost mad, because I didn’t get pregnant on my own and last time I checked I wasnt the one begging for a kid for the past two years. I’m giving him two and now he’s saying I’m ugly because of my belly?

Pregnancy hormones and what not I started crying a little but wiping them away as fast as I could because I was more mad than sad. He said its not me its the pregnancy, and he’s concerned about the long term effects to my body after seeing videos of post partum bodies and C-section scars. Then told me it wasn’t fair that I was upset because he’s having a “natural male reaction” and I’m manipulating his feelings. He’s never said anything like this before, either. I asked him to explain what a natural male reaction is and he said what makes a guy hard and what makes a guy not hard.

I asked him to go stay with a friend for a night or two so I can have some space and he’s staying at his sisters, who called me and asked what happened because we never really fight. I don’t know what to do, really. I’m exhausted from everything already and this on top of it is just making me feel even worse. I’ve been crying all day and dont have anyone to really talk to this about, so any advice would be very helpful. Thank you.

My husband (42M) wants to be a SAHD. I (38F) now want a divorce.

I 38F have been married to husband 42M for 8 years. We have two kids. We are a dual income household and need to be because our expenses are going up due to inflation, although I outearn my husband by quite a bit. I’m the primary parent and household manager as well.

Husband is a good person and a great parent but he has a lot of issues with keeping stable employment. He says it’s “unlucky” but he has had a hard time keeping a job over the last 8 years and it’s never, ever his fault. He blames the economy, his supervisors, and various other things. It frustrates me constantly but we get by because I have an advanced degree and a decent-paying long term job.

Last Friday, I came home from a very long day of work and then shuttling our older kids around and he told me he had a surprise for me. The surprise was takeout and the news that he quit his job (without telling me first) and he’s going to be a stay at home dad when the twins get here.

I was/am livid and gave him 10 minutes to explain why he thought it was remotely appropriate to do this and what TF he was thinking. He said that he’s “not cut out to work” and that this decision saves us a boatload of money on daycare. He genuinely thought I’d be pleased.

When I asked him what we were supposed to do for my upcoming unpaid maternity leave if he isn’t working, he suggested I negotiate working remotely for a while so I could “have a break” and he would watch the babies.

I lost it and told him if he wanted to quit his job and quit making decisions as a partnership, then I quit this relationship. I spent the weekend crying it out alone.

When I got home, he had my SIL and MIL there to hold an “intervention” and explain why it’s cruel of me to place a monetary sum on his value in our relationship and that kids should be raised by parents not daycare. They also heavily implied that hormones are to blame for my being so upset and that I’m being a bad feminist for wanting to “force” my husband to “provide in a traditional role.”

I told him to wait for notice from my lawyer and locked myself in my office.

Maybe I am being hormonal and emotional. They aren’t wrong that my husband would probably be a great SAHD. And it is possible that we could maybe make it work with him only working part time. But this whole thing feels so manipulative and disrespectful that I can’t get behind it.

What do I do next? I’m so lost.

I (19f) am struggling to respond to people who walk up and comment about my acne. I recently blew up at my friends (21f) husband (35m) because he told me I was hot “despite the obvious acne”

Title is self explanatory. I blew up at him, told him I never asked for his opinion, and walked away. In general I’ve had people come up to me and tell me about their “niece using acv to clear her skin” or “just rub lemon and salt on it”

Like ok Karen are you a doctor? Because my REAL doctor has given me medication. I don’t need your stupid advice or your salty lemons.

Anyways I feel bad for blowing up at him about the acne comment and I’m wondering how I should/could respond to these kind of comment in the future. Am I allowed to blow up? Or should I just thank them and walk away?

Edit: thank you to all the people who DMd me with unsolicited advice about acne after reading my post about how I don’t like unsolicited advice

Edit 2: f everyone telling me to just wash my face. I was asking for advice on the situation, not the acne. The only person who’s valid is the one dude who sent me unsolicited cat pics. be like him 🙂

Edit 3: thank you all for the lifetime supply of cat pics. I can’t possible respond to them all but I love them and thank you. To the one guy who told me jizz will clear acne, f you.

A final note: not all age gap relationships are something to bash. I’m currently in an age gap relationship. The problem lies with the fact that he is SO MUCH older than my friend and she is still young. She and I are both not fully developed mentally, whereas he has been for a long time. This creates a difference in power and that is worrisome. He totally controlled her and I know he wants to do the same to me. Luckily I’m not falling for it. Be carful but remember to be respectful of other age gap relationships if you don’t know the full story. <3

Boyfriend (30m) told me (26f) he doesn’t see a future because of condoms.

Boyfriend of 4 months told me that he doesn’t see a future with me because I told him I’m not ready to have unprotected intercourse.

When he said this, I was stunned into silence. I was so hurt that he was so ready to drop me because I’m trying to be safe.

He later apologized saying that he had a death in the family which is making him freak out and want a family of his own.

This conversation led to another argument where he said I need to commit to having a child with him within a year, which then led to him saying that condoms are too expensive and he’s never been in a committed relationship where the woman made him use them….

I’m still in school and he lives with his family so in my head, I would never even think of children unless we’ve at least lived together for awhile, have a strong foundation, and have the funds to support a kid.

I let him know this and he told me that I’m being immature and selfish. I’m a bit confused because he’s been so perfect these last few months and this is our first fight.

This isn’t a normal reaction to a death in the family right?

Edit: The more I read this post back to myself, the more I shake my head. I think I’m still a little shocked and I’ve romanticized this relationship too much but I already know that this is sooooo wrong.

Netizens’ comments

• Well people do react to deaths in different ways, but wanting to have a child within a year when he is complaining about not even being able to afford condoms is not a good look. Someone is being selfish and it is not you.
• Did he explain what was immature and selfish? He’s too poor to afford condoms or his own place to live but he wants kids? If he doesn’t see a future with you don’t waste your time.
• RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN